Telling coworkers?

[jindc]

Did any of you not tell your coworkers you were pregnant and just let them figure it out on their own?

I've told my boss, who is very supportive (because I needed flexibility during IVF). However, I work with all men - and not just men, mostly obnoxious and misogynistic men who call female colleagues "gal" and make comments about how women look all the time. My boss works in her own office so never hears any of this stuff. They're a gool ol' boys club.

I know I don't have to tell them, but for those who didn't tell them, how did your time at work go? Do you wish you had told them?

I have a couple of weeks before it'll be more obvious so I am trying to psych myself up if it is better to tell them.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't tell anyone unless they need to know for some reason. It will become obvious eventually.

[Anonymous]

I told my supervisors and the co-workers I work directly with. Other people just figured it out or heard it through the grapevine. There's no need to make an announcement to everyone you work with.

[Anonymous]

I told my immediate work group, because I was comfortable telling them. For all the others... if it doesn't affect them I haven't told them. I'm obviously showing now (24wks). Nobody has treated me any differently and I am happy with how things are going. I think not outright telling them is best, because if I had told them, they might feel open to come up to me and talk about it or comment on my bump, which I don't want.

[jindc]

Do you PPs work in large or small offices? I work with 10 people.
Did you get any "attitude" for not saying anything?

I realize most people (thankfully!) do not work in the type of environment I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told my supervisors and the co-workers I work directly with. Other people just figured it out or heard it through the grapevine. There's no need to make an announcement to everyone you work with.

This. I insist on it, I don't care how small the office is. Chances are, if you are the type that is going to be offended that I didn't stop by to announce my personal news, I probably don't like you that much anyway and prefer to keep it professional.

[Anonymous]

13:10 here - I have a pretty large office, but my division is only 10 people. I only told 3 of them directly (my boss and 2 in my work group). I've gotten no attitude about it. Two people who heard through office chatter came up to me and congratulated me. Nobody has expressed negative feelings to me.

I do work with opinionated older men who aren't really that PC, which is part of the reason I decided not to tell them. So I know where you are coming from.

[Anonymous]

Hmm. I work in a place with many immigrants and other nationalities where it seems culturally acceptable to comment on someone's appearance, weight, and butt size, ask if they are pregnant, tell you they know it must be a girl because you look exhausted, etc. They are all well-meaning, but my skin is getting thicker by the minute. This does not have much to do with your situation, but I understand the reluctance of telling a group of people who are going to have a lot to say about your "condition". GL!

[jindc]

yeah, these folks do not come from a culture like 13:19. In fact, one coworker this morning said nothing is wrong with Congressman Young using the word "wetback". So yeah, I work with a bunch of d-bags.

But thanks, all - I was wondering if me not wanting to tell anyone was super anti-social (I couldn't think of a better term), but if it's common then I'm comfortable doing that. They'll just make comments behind my back instead of to my face

[Anonymous]

If you want to tell, tell. If not, don't. Simple. If there is a reason to tell, then guess you should. I really wouldn't worry about it too much either way. Men don't really care about pregnancies and it sounds like they will talk about you either way.

[jindc]

I didn't know if it was common practice to not tell. There are no other women here beyond my boss, no one has had a baby (people's wives have, but an overwhelming majority do not have working wives) so I didn't know if me thinking "I really don't want to deal with telling my office" was an OK thing to do.

Looks like it is commonplace, so I appreciate the insight from PPs.

[Anonymous]

Pumpkin here!

I told my boss early because I had to run out of a meeting to throw up (he was also at the meeting, so were a bunch of my board members). Honestly, it has been annoying even though he has been really supportive. Last time around, he told a ton of coworkers before I was ready, etc, so I was determined not to tell early this time, until I threw up. I hear you on the misogynistic stuff. Any time I voice even the slightest bit of impatience with him, he chalks it up to the pregnancy hormones. I had to tell him to stop saying it, that it was offending me and he was out of bounds. He seriously didn't get it until I spelled it out. BTW, boss is kind of clueless, not misogynistic in a malevolent way in any way. If I had the choice not to tell in your shoes, I would not. AND, then once it became obvious, I'd go ice queen about it. LIke, yes, I'm pregnant, and no, I'm not entertaining questions or comments about it. You could say this with humor if you think it will work, but if they're truly jerky, I'm not sure I'd waste a ton of time on them.

Do what you can to nip the jokes and comments in the bud. Have you ever considered documenting exactly who says what and when, and going to your boss with your concerns? If she's supportive, perhaps you can have a really open conversation about it? If you don't tell her what goes on, she may not know. I have several direct reports and I can tell you that if someone comes to me with a concern like that, I am obligated to investigate it as a matter of corporate policy. Not sure if military has different rules, but you shouldn't have to endure comments like that - pregnant or not.

good luck!

[Anonymous]

I work in a small office of 10 employees and I do think it is a bit weird not to tell. I told my boss early on, then the rest of the group when I was about 20 weeks (I work from home so it was not obvious). I told at our monthly staff meeting where we all discuss what we are doing. There is a way to do it very professionally (I am doing projects A, B, and C, and by the way I am pregnant so I anticipate I will be out starting around X date for 6 weeks, we can discuss any particular workarounds on projects needed while I am on leave as this date approaches, but wanted to give you a heads-up now so you can plan accordingly, etc.). I had a similar conversation around the same time with the Board of Directors. Now that I am a few weeks out we have worked out all the details, sent around a memo work plan, etc. so everyone is prepared for what to do while I'm gone. The more proactive you can be about addressing any potential issues the better in a small office.

[Anonymous]

Last time around I told my boss and my teammate. there are only 20 people in my office. I happened to be in a meeting where I was sharing my screen in a conference room when I told my boss, so I showed her the US picture, and another coworker walked in at that time so he knew. I also pinned my US picture to my cube wall so mostly people saw it and figured it out and it worked its way around the office. I work in a really friendly place though. In your situation, I would have no problem not telling anyone who wasn't directly affected.

[Anonymous]

PP here -- by the way, if you handle everything professionally the misogynists never come out of the woodwork. Because I took it upon myself to make sure the office was prepared for work to continue without me, the aged, male Board has been totally happy with me and the staff has been as well. If I was just like "see ya in 6 weeks!" it would not have gone so well.