Grrr...MIL set up FB account for my 7 year old

[Anonymous]

So 7 year old DD spent Saturday at MIL's house and we met up with them for Easter Sunday morning. Saturday night, DH and I both received a friend request from our daughter and after opening up facebook, DH saw that his mom posted a status update along the lines of "Love spoiling Larla whenever she's here. Pizza, ice cream, and a new facebook page!!". DH and I had discussed not allowing her to have a page, even though some of her friends do. It never ocurred to me that we'd have to tell our parents not to set up a page. I didn't want to make a scene at Easter yesterday, but DH and I spoke to DD this afternoon when she got home from school (DH is a consultant with flex hours and I work 6-3). Of course DD flipped out on us when we reminded her about the no fb page rule. Of course she flipped out, said we were mean, worst parents in the world, ruining her life, etc. etc. etc. Now DH thinks that maybe she can keep her page and he can set up some monitoring devices on her computer. He is an IT consultant so could def. figure out how to put in some key logging software or something.

DH kind of wants to let it go with his mom since we didn't tell her that DD couldn't have a FB page. I know i'm overreacting a bit, but I am PISSED that she set this up (put up a picture and taught her how to find people and friend them) without asking us first.

Just needed to vent. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I am with you---MIL way overstepped her boundaries.

[Anonymous]

No way on earth would I let that go. Just explain that right now the min. age is 13 for FB. Who care if she's mad at you for a bit.

[Anonymous]

No way, no how. Shut the page down now. Explain to little Larla that grandma didn't realize Facebook's rule of no one under age 13. You and dh need to be united on this one. Yes, in the future you can set one up with her and dh can use his IT skills to put some monitoring devices on it. But right now, 7 is WAY too young and so unsafe.

--mom of an 11 and 7 year old

[Anonymous]

That is messed up. No one should make that choice for a parent without checking.

[Anonymous]

I think the worst thing you can do is go back on your rule now. You made it and you need to stick to it. I would call your MIL tonight and tell her that this is NOT ok (she should have known better). Your DD will be just fine. What are you going to do when she wants a tattoo at 10? Tell her no until she tantrums and then give in again?

[Anonymous]

One of the few legit MIL horror stories I've read on here. You have every right to be pissed!

[Anonymous]

OP here - OK sounds like I am justified in my annoyance. I'll revisit the issue with DH after dinner tonight. I didn't even want to let DD get one until at least high school because I grew up as a teenager with the internet and remember being approached by some pervs when I sneaked going into some chatrooms related to my interests on AOL.

[Anonymous]

That is stepping over a boundary and grandma should have known better. Absolutely. I have to assume though that grandma did this at the behest of daughter. Now if you learn that this was grandma's idea then that makes it even worse. Anyway, I imagine daughter asked grandma, explaining that "all my friends" have a FB page. Grandma wants to make granddaughter happy and grandma wants to seem modern and up on the times, so I can see how this happened. So I think you should definitely talk to grandma about this but go easy on the old girl.

[Anonymous]

If your DH isn't willing to talk to his mom about this, you need to. It's completely inappropriate for her to post pictures of a minor on the internet without your permission - being a grandparent doesn't make it ok. Google stalking due to FB and find some horrifying articles to share with her about how bad and dangerous this is.

Regarding your daughter's reaction, it's understandable that she's disappointed but Facebook has a minimum age requirement for membership and it is *not* 7. Either she or your MIL must have lied about her age to set up that account - maybe try to explain that even the creators of FB don't think it's appropriate for a 7 year old? Also, this is a good opportunity to re-enforce the message that lying is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Obviously, MIL didn't think it was a big deal (unless this is typical behavior for her) and I would take a step back before being angry at her over it. But no 7-year-old should have a Facebook page. If nothing else, it violates the terms of service. Just call her up (or have DH do it) and say that it's a cute idea, but you two have discussed it and decided that she is just too young for a Facebook page right now, so you're going to delete it, and Larla had so much fun spending the night with her grandparents.

If Larla flips out, well, that's what 7-year-olds do. You make the rules, and just because she's angry and upset, she doesn't get to have something you've already decided is inappropriate. Deal with that separately from the MIL/Facebook issue.

[Anonymous]

Assume the best, not the worst.

My parents are a bit internet clueless in some respects (like, my parents didn't know you could get porn on the computer just by typing in the word "porn" or even less obvious terms). In other cases, they're overly paranoid (e.g., can someone sneak in a camera to watch you over the internet?). They're just not as savvy, even though they use the computer all the time. For silly stuff, you know... like FB.

Anyway, I got things like a cat (from my grandparents) and pierced ears (from my aunt) that my parents didn't allow for me. The cat I couldn't keep, but the pierced ears, eh.

Just explain your rules to your ILs (or better yet, have your husband explain it) and if you like, explain why. You have good reasons for not getting your child involved in un-monitored (and for-profit) social media. Stick to your guns. And if your kid won't hate you for that, she'll find some other reason.

[Anonymous]

Are you EFFING kidding me? Let this go? NO WAY! I would be LIVID. That page would get shut down and MIL would be told in no uncertain terms, she has NO right and NO say in whether or not or how your children engage in social media -- at all or ever. She would also be told that as she apparently has ZERO judgment that she has lost unsupervised access to the grandchildren for the forseeable future.

I love social media. I am on FB, have a twitter account, Pinterest, you name it. My kid does not and will not until she of appropriate age. I would end my MIL if she did something like that. And my own mother would get the same response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way on earth would I let that go. Just explain that right now the min. age is 13 for FB. Who care if she's mad at you for a bit.

+1
Also a good lesson for DD- she has to close the FB page until she's 13, it's against the rules - not just your rules, but FB's rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the worst thing you can do is go back on your rule now. You made it and you need to stick to it. I would call your MIL tonight and tell her that this is NOT ok (she should have known better). Your DD will be just fine. What are you going to do when she wants a tattoo at 10? Tell her no until she tantrums and then give in again?

I think because DH is in IT and installs this stuff on many different companies' computers all the time, he just would rather do that than deal with the tantrum and issue with his mom calling us overbearing and paranoid. Regardless, my friend just texted me asking me if I knew DD was on FB because she just got a friend request from her. She knew my stance (she has an 11 year old and has already been through the whole FB debate with him) and asked if I wanted her to "report" my DD to FB since she is not 13 and they will remove her profile since it violates their terms. so that should solve the profile problem. Now on to do battle with DD and MIL