MIL: Always trying to separate me and the baby?

[Anonymous]

We see my inlaws once or twice a week. The minute we're through the door it's a barrage of "Where's my baby? Let me see my baby!! I want to hold him!! I need my baby fix NOW!!! Oh, get him out of that thing (Ergo)!!!" - *yank* grabs baby from me, sometimes ripping him right out of the carrier.

Then, when she is holding him, it's all "let's go upstairs, just you and me, you've had enough mommy time, we can have so much more fun without her, I'm going to let you break all mommy's rules, and when you're older I'm going to take you to the museums and the zoo and we're going to have so much fun without mommy, mommy's so boring, you see her all the time..." ad infinitum.

It drives me mental, and believe me, I'm really a pretty laid back person. I recognize she thinks this is fun, but how can I make it stop? She literally snatches him out of my arms with a "mommy holds you too much, time for GRANDMA!!" every time I see her. So far I've just reacted with a curt smile and haven't said anything, but I'm really thinking I need to draw the line.

Ideas?

[Anonymous]

The first part -- grabbing the baby and being excited to hold baby -- not a big deal, let that go.

The second part, the "conspiring" and the "negative talk" about rule breaking -- that's weird and it's manipulative.

You don't say how old your baby is or how long it's been going on. If it's gone on more than 2 or 3 times, I would say to her "Linda, you've done that a few times now and it's starting to bother me. It's time to stop."

[Anonymous]

Honestly I would probably love that EXCEPT for the "mommy's so boring" comments. I had twins to start and then a third. When you have more than one child you crave family members to give them attention and I like - no LOVE - having people hold my baby when they are around so that I don't have to. It is my brake.

Sadly once you have more than one you want other hands to help you out and you seem to get less of that.

I would probalby have DH say something to her about the commentary but I personally would not say anything about her snatching the baby.

[Anonymous]

Get over it and let Grandma be with her baby you're being to sensitive....That's what Grandmas do they spoil...

[Anonymous]

She's probably trying to give you a complete break by going in another part of the house. My guess is she remembers not getting much of that as a young mother.

I think it's weird you think she's trying to separate you. I'd say she trying to bond with the baby. That part either isn't about you at all or is about giving you a break.

[Anonymous]

I get this from MIL and SILs. They have calmed down now that there are many more grandbabies to go around but it really pissed me off at the time. The theme was that I was only to watch their grandson/nephew when they were not available to do so. One SIL actually summoned the other SIL to the room to watch my son because she had to go do something. I told her that I thought I could manage watching my son while she was gone. She mumbled something and left. I tried to bite my tongue as much as possible but also tried to get my husband to recognize that his sisters would not accept it if their in-laws grabbed their babies from them or treated them like the hired help. Still a struggle but has improved over time.

[Anonymous]

Since you see them 1-2x/wk I can see how this gets pretty annoying. Otherwise I would probably let it go

[Anonymous]

The digs at me would annoy me...the rest not at all. Had Easter at my parents house along with the in laws. I can count on one hand the number of times DH and I actually held our own baby. All 4 grandparents wanted their baby fix, and it was honestly a very welcome break for us.

[Anonymous]

The holding the baby is great. The downtalking you, and conspiring already with the baby to break your rules (in front of you no less) is very worrisome. Tell her you don't feel comfortable with her talking negative about you to your child, though you realize that she is "only joking", little kids don't understand such things until they are much older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We see my inlaws once or twice a week. The minute we're through the door it's a barrage of "Where's my baby? Let me see my baby!! I want to hold him!! I need my baby fix NOW!!! Oh, get him out of that thing (Ergo)!!!" - *yank* grabs baby from me, sometimes ripping him right out of the carrier.

Then, when she is holding him, it's all "let's go upstairs, just you and me, you've had enough mommy time, we can have so much more fun without her, I'm going to let you break all mommy's rules, and when you're older I'm going to take you to the museums and the zoo and we're going to have so much fun without mommy, mommy's so boring, you see her all the time..." ad infinitum.

It drives me mental, and believe me, I'm really a pretty laid back person. I recognize she thinks this is fun, but how can I make it stop? She literally snatches him out of my arms with a "mommy holds you too much, time for GRANDMA!!" every time I see her. So far I've just reacted with a curt smile and haven't said anything, but I'm really thinking I need to draw the line.

Ideas?

Not that you are but are you one of those mothers that is always holding your baby? I love it when people take my baby away so that I can relax. A lot of us recognize that if the baby were still in the room you keep watching and might try to interfere if the baby is fussing up or not approve of the hold on the baby, etc. So by taking the baby away you can actually rest. It sounds awesome that you have someone that will do that and I would take every minute of it. Why don't you schedule with your MIL time where she takes the baby and you get a pedi or go shopping? Win win for both of you.

[Anonymous]

Wow-my MIL was a total baby hog, but never went that far. Is this the first grand? (Our situation got much better when there were more grandkids so she got lots of baby time with more than just our first)
Is she saying it in fun? Then someone (DH, hopefully) should tell her it's not funny.
Does she really mean all that "I'm better than mommy" stuff? Does she have boundary issues in general about other life choices? Then you need to make it clear whose child it is and who is in charge of making decisions about baby's upbringing. Get DH in your corner and make things clear--probably by being firm over time so she really gets it. And if she won't stop saying it when she knows it's bothering you, maybe you need to visit less often until she catches on.
Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I feel for you, OP. My MIL thinks that my breastfeeding my 5 month old is selfish because then only I get to feed him. When she visits, she wants me to go pump so that I can give her a bottle to feed him.

She also desparately wants us to leave him alone with her for a weekend. She brings it up all the time. DH and I work so we love getting to spend our weekends together and my DS is still EBF. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Just say, "Judy, I'm sure you don't intend anything bad and my guess is you are sort of joking, but could you please refrain from talking about me to [baby] in a negative way? Giving [baby] the impression that mommy is boring or restrictive or smothering will just be confusing to [baby] and honestly it's confusing and a bit hurtful to me."

[Anonymous]

You visit your in-laws once or twice a week? Seriously? You all need to get busy and find some other activities.

DH needs to call mom out on the "mummy's so boring" comments. Not okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's probably trying to give you a complete break by going in another part of the house. My guess is she remembers not getting much of that as a young mother.

I think it's weird you think she's trying to separate you. I'd say she trying to bond with the baby. That part either isn't about you at all or is about giving you a break.

This is so wrong. This is MIL trying to relive her mothering years. Completely inappropriate for MIL to completely throw her manners out the door -- the polite and correct thing to do is ASK if she can hold the baby, ASK if mama needs a break and SUPPORT mama by supporting mama's relationship with the baby. MIL is a b*tch and way overstepping her boundaries.