Were you ever a childless supervisor of someone else who had kids?

[Anonymous]

I hear it all the time that these career minded superivors (may be married but no kids yet) bascially shread their subordinates come review time with stupid issues such as taking too much time to pump, taking too much time off for sick kids, coming in a few mins late and leaving early, etc.... I am wondering if any of you were once upon a time in such a position where you felt this way about employees who has kids. Then only now when you have kids of you own do you realize what a di#k/biatch you were at that time. Anyone? Anyone? Superior (at work) who have no kids typically have no idea what it's like to have kids.

[Anonymous]

These aren't really stupid issues, OP. You're not entitled to more time off simply because you have kids. Hopefully most people find workplaces that are flexible, but if you're frequently leaving early and coming in late, you need to some how compensate for that if you want to pull your load.

[Anonymous]

ALL posters, please also add if you DO/DO NOT have kids. I understand that one is not special just because they have kids. If I take my company entitled sick leave to take care of kids (which the company allows), no supervisor should be able to bitch about that. I'm borderline on the few mins early/late issue. I think if you get the work done, it shouldn't matter.

An HR clarified that the pumping time is not considered part of your lunch break time, which the supervisor told the subordinate it was.

[Anonymous]

You have a job to do and if you can't be there when you are supposed to then you need to rethink your place in the work place. The other option is to find another job that is flexible enough to accommodate you or start your own business.

Yes, kids get sick, they have emergencies, but it shouldn't be one event after another.

[Anonymous]

What is the point of your post, OP? What do you want to hear?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the point of your post, OP? What do you want to hear?

I want to know whether or not you feel differently now that you have kids.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP. There are many reasons which might cause someone to take sick leave or be late or not complete their job duties, and frankly none of them make much difference. It's your job to handle your out-of-work responsibilities in such a way as to make sure you are still able to get your job done. If you're talking about discriminating against someone who is late or takes time off for child-related issues vs. someone who is late the exact same amount or takes the exact same amount of time off for non-child-related illness or vacation, I don't think that's excusable.

Frankly, OP, it sounds like you are in a particular situation with a particular supervisor that is treating you in a way you feel is unfair. If that's the case, you will get much more meaningful responses here if you actually explain the situation rather than asking for generalized responses.

[Anonymous]

I was a DINK when I was a supervisor and tried to be lenient where possible, but there were times that I had to be strict with people who were abusing the situation. Now that I am a parent and have gone back to technical work, I have a manager who has adult children who is about the same as I was. And, you know what? I still think the same way. Yes, my leave balance is counted in hours now, not days, because I'm frequently using my time. My spouse and I have to juggle both of our leave to cover as much as possible without jeopardizing either of our jobs. Yes, it's very difficult to manage and very stressful. And I still think it's fair. My partner also has young kids and we have to juggle the responsibilities between us as best we can. Our boss tries her best to be lenient, but has had to call me on the carpet a few times when I was not showing up early enough. And I understand. It's not her problem that I have kids. It's mine and I have to find a way to care for them and still meet my professional obligations.

No, I don't feel differently now vs then and I still think the moderately strict position, which is a pain for me now, is the fair and right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with PP. There are many reasons which might cause someone to take sick leave or be late or not complete their job duties, and frankly none of them make much difference. It's your job to handle your out-of-work responsibilities in such a way as to make sure you are still able to get your job done. If you're talking about discriminating against someone who is late or takes time off for child-related issues vs. someone who is late the exact same amount or takes the exact same amount of time off for non-child-related illness or vacation, I don't think that's excusable.

Frankly, OP, it sounds like you are in a particular situation with a particular supervisor that is treating you in a way you feel is unfair. If that's the case, you will get much more meaningful responses here if you actually explain the situation rather than asking for generalized responses.

Actually, those general situations are exactly the situations that were cited on a co-workers review. I am posting about my co-workers review. My company is quite large and MY boss has kids so he understands all the issues that come with it. My co-worker's boss is single with no kids. Clearly, she has already told my co-worker wrong info (about the pumping thing). I have heard other stories about how single bosses nitpick at these "kid issues" while other bosses with kids give a lot of leeway to their subs. In my co-workers case, I believe that she is getting the work done but her boss chose to focus on these kid issues instead on the review.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids and, honestly, I think it is pretty rare for someone to get bad reviews based on anything child-related, particularly in DC because parental status is protected so there are liability issues. I see a whole lot more bad behavior from parents acting entitled to be graded on a curve than bad supervisors unfairly criticizing parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a job to do and if you can't be there when you are supposed to then you need to rethink your place in the work place. The other option is to find another job that is flexible enough to accommodate you or start your own business.

Yes, kids get sick, they have emergencies, but it shouldn't be one event after another.

Tell this to both me and my boss. We both have kids under 5 and have had illness run rampant in our families since the fall, nanny issues, preschool closures, other family issues like sick parents, etc etc etc. I think that ALL employees should be entitled to flexibility provided they can get the job done, regardless of their marital or parental status. Everyone has issues in their lives they have to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids and, honestly, I think it is pretty rare for someone to get bad reviews based on anything child-related, particularly in DC because parental status is protected so there are liability issues. I see a whole lot more bad behavior from parents acting entitled to be graded on a curve than bad supervisors unfairly criticizing parents.

I'm the PP and I agree with this, too. Maybe this happens elsewhere, but I've been here 10 years and find DC to be a very flexible town, especially compared to many others.

[Anonymous]

I was once a childless supervisor and I have to admit I have wanted to go back and apologize to some of my employees. Having kids definitely changed a lot of my views. With kids sometimes things happen beyond your control and there is nothing you can do. My main issues were having employees show up late from work. While I do believe it's imporant to be on time, I do believe flexibility is a must. A stressed out employee is not a happy or efficient employee.

[Anonymous]

As a supervisor I had to address tardiness /absenteeism issues with many employees. Yes, I understand about kid/family emergencies however it's not ok to have a kid emergency every other day kwim...

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you have a bone to pick with someone, OP, with your judgmental name calling and all.

But, pretending you are actually interested in the issue...there really is no difference between kid emergencies and any other kind of emergencies. You should do your best to minimize the impact of your personal life on your work, and your work should be as flexible as possible for you. As long as neither of you takes advantage of the other, all good.

Frankly, I don't excuse poor planning or drama to a greater degree just because it involves children. Call me names. I don't care. Trying to emotionally manipulate me because of your children is pretty low and not worthy of any extra sympathy from anyone.