Curious what others think
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Anonymous
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My husband and I make just over $200K. My salary is about twice his, $135K vs $70K. We share a joint account that we pay all the household bills out of. Our fixed living expenses total roughly $3,000 monthly. We are very lucky and live very comfortably. He contributes $1400 per month to the $3k of expenses.
I am pregnant, due in July and plan on taking 3-4 months of time off. About half this time will be paid and half unpaid. On my own, I will have been able to save three months salary ($18-$20K) since I found out I'm pregnant. DH hasn't saved anything during this time. He plans on quitting his job after I go back to work to look after the baby. He's been at the same job for a while with no real advancement and would ultimately like to start his own business which I'm very supportive of. We have grandparents nearby and part time child care is available if/when he needs to make appts for his business so while it will be difficult, I have faith it will work out. Worst case scenario he goes back to work and we put her in day care. He has about $9K in credit card debt which has increased from $3k only a couple years ago. I have asked him to get that paid off as quickly as possible so we don't have any credit card debt once the baby is born. We will tap into the savings I've accumulated during the time I'm not being paid, but I also want to have a decent amount in savings once the baby arrives so I've told him not to assume he will get to use that to pay off the credit card debt. My question is this: we have fights somewhat regularly about his playing golf. (I know, this sound hopelessly bourgeois) He wants to play every weekend which costs roughly $40-$70 depending on where and what time he plays. I have asked him to play every other weekend instead in hopes he will pay more toward the credit card debt, but he thinks this is unreasonable. He does work hard, but I find it frustrating that I'm saving every penny I can and he doesn't seem to think that's very important. Am I asking to much to make it every other weekend? |
Anonymous
| Why in the world are you carrying (or letting your dh carry) 9k of credit card debt? And what does that have to do with golf, which is his hobby and is not really a big deal? I am super frugal and I would not consider 40-70 every week bad enough to keep my dh from doing something he enjoys, especially if we made 200k! It sounds, actually, like you want to penalize him for having debt, even though as a household you have enough money to pay it off right now. It sounds like there are some control issues involved here or something else toxic going on. Why do you keep your finances separate in this weird way? Something else is going on. |
Anonymous
| You should each get some amount of money for fun each month. If he wants to use it for golf, great. |
Anonymous
| Is this a post from Octotroll? |
Anonymous
| Wow, people are super judgmental. I guess I'd ask why he went from 3k to 9K in credit card debt so fast? It sounds like you have two different views of how to spend and save money that you should talk through. |
Anonymous
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OP here. I don't know what "octotroll" is, but no.
My DH is also spending money on dinner/beers out with his friends a few times a week too. Golf isn't his only hobby. I'm asking for some short term sacrifice, that's all. |
Anonymous
If you've separated your finances in this way, and he's contributing his fair share every month, why should you dictate what activities he does or doesn't do? You can't suddenly force him to pay off his debt and save when he has been doing things a certain way this whole time. |
Anonymous
| Yeah, the I/me him/he routine is a bit off kilter in a marriage. But hey, I'll be constructive - there are plenty of less expensive golf courses - send him to those. |
Anonymous
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If you make 2x as much as him, why is he paying almost half of your fixed expenses?
I don't really get couples who do their finances separately like this, but realize they work for some. That said, clearly the budget you guys have worked out is not working for you. With $200k in income and low fixed expenses, you shouldn't have any credit card debt. How is this all going to work when your income drops by 1/3? It sounds like you both need to sit down and come up with a financial plan together. |
Anonymous
| The amount of allocation into "his" pay and "his" credit card debt and all separation of finances is really, really weird. You are a married couple. Your finances are now joint. There's no "his" and "hers." That $9,000 in cc debt is yours now, too. |
Anonymous
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I think it is very troubling that he keeps any credit card balance. This is just really stupid (I'm not trying to sound mean- Sometimes smart people do dumb things.) Its not especially troubling that he won't cut down on golf to pay it off. Its just troubling that paying off credit card isn't important to him. This does not bode well for his financial future.
But you can't tell your spouse what to do. It seems like you guys need to have a long discussion about financial goals and try to make a plan that makes you both happy. My husband and I share all accounts and I'm really biased towards this scenario. Please forgive me, but how can you have separate accounts when he quits his job? Will you pay him a salary? Or evict him for not paying his share of the rent? I don't see how this could work. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| It makes no sense that a couple making $200k per year with very little fixed expenses and $18k in savings are carrying $9k in credit card debt. |
Anonymous
This. If he lacks the discipline to pay off the cards no way he's going to make it running his own business. |
Anonymous
| What kind of business is it? Can he start now part-time? See how it goes? |
Anonymous
| Once the baby arrives, will he really have time to play golf every weekend? |