Using your husband as your personal secretary....

[Anonymous]

So, I recently moved into a new neighborhood, and there's a lady who lives a few houses down with a son about the same age as mine. She stopped by and left a card with her phone # on it, which I thought was really nice. In an effort to be friendly, I called her up about a week later and said I had a toddler bed that I wasn't using anymore, so if she'd like to have it for her son, she was welcome to it... She wasn't home, so I left a message on her answering machine, hoping she'd get back to me in the next day or two. She did get back to me, bu instead of making the phone call herself, she had her HUSBAND do it! Both my husband and I thought this was really strange... I mean, how hard is it to make a simple ten-minute phone call? I'd be interested to know what others make of this?

[Anonymous]

I would say no biggie. Perhaps she has been really busy and she asked her husband to help out with it.

[Anonymous]

Hmm. I don't see the big deal. My husband and I deal with each other's messages all the time, which is probably the only sympathetic thing we do when the other is busy, not going to be home at a decent phoning hour that day, has laryngitis, etc. The problems happen when we don't communicate the details to each other!

[Anonymous]

Maybe mom and dad are co-parenting completely. My should just mom have to be the one to deal with kid-related hand-me-down offers?

[Anonymous]

I agree, not strange at all. You were making an offer involving their child, who is, after all, a 50-50 venture. No reason why you should expect a specific shareholder to return your call when they're equal partners.

[Anonymous]

My husband stays home with the children so it's not odd for him to call other parents when it comes to children issues.

I think it's odd that you have such a polarized view of what people should or shouldn't do (and that you felt the need to post about it). Is there some underlining insecurity?

[Anonymous]

i don't think it is strange, but i can see why you might. she left her card, which indicates that she was interested in some sort of relationship. on the other hand, i think my SIL requires her husband (my husband's brother) to be "responsible" for the planning, communication, etc with us (unless, of course, she wants us to give or lean her something) so i also get why it seems manipulated. maybe she was just trying to be responsive and didn't have time?

[Anonymous]

OP here -- I think people are missing the point here. The phone call wasn't simply a "business transaction." It was an effort on my part to establish some sort of connection with my neighbor in the hopes of getting on a friendler basis with her.... I felt that when she didn't return my phone call herself, she was shutting me down. And by the way, I left the message for HER, not her husband. "Hi, Carol, this is >>> etc. etc. " I mean, couples may be co-parenting partners ( my husband and I are), but I don't think that means we're so much a unit that I would go into his email account and return his emails, for example.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the tone of your message. He may have interpreted it as a call to the household with an offer of furniture. That's probably how my husband and I would have interpreted it. And if he had waited until I got home to give me the message and expected me to call back I would have been annoyed.

But if you made it clear in your phone message that it was part of your friendship with her, I see your point. Perhaps they misunderstood your intent.

[Anonymous]

I think you are being a bit judgmental. Because her husband returned your call about a piece of furniture does not make him her personal secretary.

Nor does the fact that she had her husband call you indicate that she doesn't want a "relationship" with you. It could be that...

1) She assumes her husband will go pick it up (and it may be heavy), so she thought it made sense for HIM to call you back, or
2) That she's hoping you will also enjoy meeting her husband, or
3) That she wanted to get back to you and really was having a VERY BUSY time. God knows I have days where I cannot get back to people until 9:30 - 10:00 at night, and then its too late to call.

[Anonymous]

The PP (7:55) has some excellent points. Still, I'd have the same reaction as the OP. Just because a husband and wife are co-parents doesn't make them interchangeable.

[Anonymous]

I think you are way over analyzing this. Maybe since she it is big she thought it would be best if her husband scheduled the time since the responsibility for picking it up would fall to him?

[Anonymous]

When I read this initially, I knew ppl would jump on you. Saw it coming.

Anyways, I understand that you were reaching out. As the recipient, I would understand that too and take it as an opportunity. I would NOT have my DH return a phone call explicitly directed at me-ever-for any reason. I don't think this has anything to do with how egaltarian their relationship is-now that is over analyzing!

However, don't worry about it. If she is truly not interested in meeting her new neighbors and is unaware of the world around her, you just need to move on and meet a few other neighbors. I really would not spend much time on this. Next!

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP. I think what the other mom did was perfectly reasonable and normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with PP. I think what the other mom did was perfectly reasonable and normal.

With 10:07, I meant.

I think the other mom saw it as an offer to her family and assumed that you used her name only in the message because she's the only one you had met. You could see the dad's returning you call as an opportunity to get to know the whole family.