Suicidal sibling

[Anonymous]

In recent years, it's become apparent that something is wrong with my sibling. It seemed like coming-of-age moodiness at first, but it has worsened over time. Over the past six or so months, our family has come to realize it's a mental illness.

He's having delusional and suicidal thoughts that indicate he's a danger to himself and possibly others, but we don't know how to get him help. He has now pushed everyone close to him away. He doesn't want therapy. When a family member recently tried to get him emergency help because of his suicidal thoughts, he instead only talked to the counselor about every day stress that we all experience instead of admitting his suicidal thoughts, so he wasn't admitted because he wasn't seen as a danger to himself.

We don't know what to do. The thought of my brother being so unhappy hurts, and the thought of him taking his life scares me.

Any thoughts/insight on what to do?

[Anonymous]

Did you or another family member talk to the therapist also?

Is he married? does he have kids?

[Anonymous]

The family member who took him talked to the therapist, but my brother didn't tell the therapist what he'd really been feeling.

No spouse, no kids. He's young.

[Anonymous]

I hope he doesn't has access to guns.

[Anonymous]

Call 1-800-273-TALK or 703-527-4077 a crisis and suicide prevention hotline. They can give you advice and information on options. They can also call your brother if you request it.

Best things....talk to him about it, remove any means, do not judge or downplay his feelings, and get help. Suicide is the 3rd cause of death in youth.

You are doing the right thing...good luck to you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call 1-800-273-TALK or 703-527-4077 a crisis and suicide prevention hotline. They can give you advice and information on options. They can also call your brother if you request it.

Best things....talk to him about it, remove any means, do not judge or downplay his feelings, and get help. Suicide is the 3rd cause of death in youth.

You are doing the right thing...good luck to you and your family.

Thank you for this post. I'll call the number tonight.

[Anonymous]

Contact the state or county where he lives to find out what community mental health services are available. Usually you can find a number on the website. Alternatively, if he is in school or recently graduated, you can contact the student health clinic for referral.

[Anonymous]

Not sure if this will help - but you might suggest he check outhttp://www.postsecret.com/" target="_new" rel="nofollow"> http://www.postsecret.com/ - lots of folks on there dealing with these issues and quite a few inspirational ones who have overcome it. It might help him to hear that there are others like him. Wishing you and him the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In recent years, it's become apparent that something is wrong with my sibling. It seemed like coming-of-age moodiness at first, but it has worsened over time. Over the past six or so months, our family has come to realize it's a mental illness.

He's having delusional and suicidal thoughts that indicate he's a danger to himself and possibly others, but we don't know how to get him help. He has now pushed everyone close to him away. He doesn't want therapy. When a family member recently tried to get him emergency help because of his suicidal thoughts, he instead only talked to the counselor about every day stress that we all experience instead of admitting his suicidal thoughts, so he wasn't admitted because he wasn't seen as a danger to himself.

We don't know what to do. The thought of my brother being so unhappy hurts, and the thought of him taking his life scares me.

Any thoughts/insight on what to do?

My heart goes out to you. My dear brother (who was the best man I knew and my best and oldest friend) died by suicide 4 years ago. Not a waking hour goes by without regret about what I did NOT do to save him, even four years later. I'm so sorry for what you are going through, and I'll I can say is trust your instincts and do not hesitate to intervene, even if he hates you for it in the short term. Almost anything but death can be fixed.

If you think he is an immediate danger to himself or others -- if he is delusional, acting impulsively or irrationally, or if he has expressed suicidal ideation - call 911. He can be held involuntarily for up to 72 hours in most states if ER docs deem him an immediate danger to himself.

My brother had what I would consider very mild bipolar disorder. He lived with it until he died from it at age 38, mostly without medication, and mostly well-controlled. He had one very bad manic episode in his early 20's that made us realize that his moodiness (depressions and rages) were more than moods; they were mental illness. After about 4 months of increasingly erratic behavior, my parents called 911 and had him involuntarily committed, successfully, for 3 days. It was the best thing they ever did for him, although my brother was bitter about it forever. Thankfully, our local hospital was pretty good, and docs there convinced my brother to voluntarily go to a psychiatric hospital for 3 weeks, where he was stabilized with lithium. He checked out AMA after 3 weeks and discontinued meds a few months afterward, but thankfully he never had such a complete break with reality again for another 16 years. He was successful, well-respected, and learned to manage his symptoms, being particularly vigilant about adhering to a strict sleep schedule, because lack of sleep would trigger hypomania.

Unfortunately, 4 years ago, he had another catastrophic manic break after a few sleepless weeks with a new baby and a wife who suffered from PPD, BPD, and was bipolar. This time, though, my brother was better able to sound rational to doctors, so when my mother called 911, he convinced ER docs that he was not an immediate danger to himself. He survived another 3 months, erratically, voluntarily seeing a therapist but refusing medication, and he never stabilized. He knew he was unwell, but his unwell brain convinced him that prayer, exercise, and a diet would help. He lost 60 pounds, which earned him lots of compliments but no mental stability. He was rational enough to convince me not to call 911 on him again - he was afraid his even more unstable wife would use it against him should they divorce and he file for custody - which was also his halfway rational reason that he was hesitant to be back on meds. (Ironically and sadly, he was the more stable of the 2 in his marriage.) After about a week of mania, he sunk into a deep depression, but during that time he was still able to care for his kids and go to work every day, so I didn't think he was that bad. And then just a week before his death he seemed to have a lot more energy, but not irrational mania, so I erroneously thought he was getting better. In fact, he had entered a "mixed manic" state, featuring the darkest despair of a deep depression, but the impulsivity and energy of mania, but I didn't know that such a state existed, nor did I know that it was the mood in which most people with bipolar disorder die by suicide.

I know he didn't intend to die on the morning he died. He never expressed a desire to die, not to me or his therapist. He had a to-do list on his desk, and he was a compulsive planner. If he planned to die, there would have been notes and a will and directions for all of us for what he wanted us to do. But he was in this very erratic "mixed manic" state, and extremely impulsive. He had a fight with his wife - worst of all - he owned a gun. So in a moment of irrational impulsivity and despair, BOOM, he was dead.

I live 6 hours away. I could have done more. I did not. I will regret it forever.

I tell you the details only to warn you that if your brother is bipolar, learn more about the mixed manic state and how you can recognize the signs of this very, very lethal state of mind. If you do call 911 and he is hospitalized on an emergency basis, be sure someone from your family rides along or shows up in the ER in order to fully describe his behavior and symptoms to the doc, especially if he's adept at sounding competent even when he is not. If your brother is seeing a therapist now, make sure that you get this information to him/her, either through email or voicemail or however you have to do it.

Good luck and best wishes. It's a tough road you are on and your brother is lucky to have you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My heart goes out to you. My dear brother (who was the best man I knew and my best and oldest friend) died by suicide 4 years ago. Not a waking hour goes by without regret about what I did NOT do to save him, even four years later. I'm so sorry for what you are going through, and I'll I can say is trust your instincts and do not hesitate to intervene, even if he hates you for it in the short term. Almost anything but death can be fixed.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother. Thank you for sharing your detailed story with me. I'll share it with my family today so we can decide how to proceed.

Thank you to both posters at 13:10, also.

My brother doesn't own a gun (that we know of). Our family is spread out geographically, but we'll be in the same area shortly. I'm wondering if sitting down as a family to speak with him and encourage him to seek help would be useful. We've all spoken to him separately, but it never progresses.

[Anonymous]

My BIL put his sister in the car and drove her to the ER. Their brother went with so he could also attest to her behavior and suicidal tendencies. She was put on a 72 hour hold initially but I think she wound up staying two weeks. This was 15 years ago and while she still has her issues she's much better off having faced her demons.

[Anonymous]

I live 6 hours away. I could have done more. I did not. I will regret it forever.

Oh, honey. Please let go of your regret. Two of my brothers committed suicide (at different times) about 20 years ago. You can't be there for every single crisis and when they're like your brother, there's always another crisis. Mental illness like your brother's - like my brothers - get stronger the longer it's untreated. Medication is the only answer for some and your brother made a conscious decision NOT to take medication. That's his fault, not yours. You could not control him. You might have done more but it would never, never have been enough.

[Anonymous]

15:40, thank you for telling us your story. I'm sure it was very painful for you but for those of us who have a mentally-disabled relative who has threatened suicide, it was valuable information. I am sorry for your loss and hope you can find peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My BIL put his sister in the car and drove her to the ER. Their brother went with so he could also attest to her behavior and suicidal tendencies. She was put on a 72 hour hold initially but I think she wound up staying two weeks. This was 15 years ago and while she still has her issues she's much better off having faced her demons.

OP, the strategy above may work better for your family if an intervention in which you try to persuade him to "seek help" does not. But if you do convince him that voluntarily seeking help is the thing to do, I suggest that you all have a particular place for him to go THAT DAY, such as an inpatient treatment facility, since seeking "help" from a counselor isn't all that helpful for him and since it would be easy for him to change his mind and mood if another day passes. If he doesn't have insurance, your local government may have some tips for how you can seek low-cost emergency psychiatric care - a plan that you could have ready beforehand if you're going to try an "intervention" first.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My BIL put his sister in the car and drove her to the ER. Their brother went with so he could also attest to her behavior and suicidal tendencies. She was put on a 72 hour hold initially but I think she wound up staying two weeks. This was 15 years ago and while she still has her issues she's much better off having faced her demons.

OP, the strategy above may work better for your family if an intervention in which you try to persuade him to "seek help" does not. But if you do convince him that voluntarily seeking help is the thing to do, I suggest that you all have a particular place for him to go THAT DAY, such as an inpatient treatment facility, since seeking "help" from a counselor isn't all that helpful for him and since it would be easy for him to change his mind and mood if another day passes. If he doesn't have insurance, your local government may have some tips for how you can seek low-cost emergency psychiatric care - a plan that you could have ready beforehand if you're going to try an "intervention" first.

Good luck.

Thanks, that's a great idea.