"friend" came clean
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Anonymous
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My ex and I have been officially broken up for about 10 months now. He broke up with me when i told him I had cancer, but that's a totally different story.
Since then, we have not stopped having sex and talking every day, all day long (The talking, not the sex). I live three hours away so we see each other about once to twice a month. I have told him about every single guy i have talked to since we broke up. Neither of us have dated anyone else (or so I thought). I have been upfront and honest about the men in my life, who are basically just guys who flirt with me. The reason we broke up was because he didn't want kids and I was jealous. I don't think men and women can just be friends as long as both are single. I agree, I was jealous when we were together. It was a problem. Now, today, he has told me that 4 months ago, he met a girl that rides his bus and works in his building. He said they talk every day and recently exchanged numbers. He said he doesn't like her like that and that she is only a friend. I have given him several opportunities to tell me if he was talking to anyone else and he's denied it every time. I feel completely lied to. yes, we were basically FWB, but today he told me I was his best friend. I don't consider anyone who would lie to me every day for 4 months, a best friend. He has said he's not attracted to her, however, there have been a few odd things that he's brought up to me the past few months. He asked me once if women liked confident men and that if the best thing to do was just to ask out a girl and go on a limb. He told me she had a date last weekend. He told me he didnt tell me because he thought I would be jealous. I would have rather have been jealous for the day or two, then got over it, instead of having him lie. Should I break off my friendship with him? I did consider him one of my best friends, but lying to me for months on end because Im jealous, just doesnt seem right. |
Anonymous
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This sounds all wrong but you are too caught up in it to notice. If you all broke up like that, you are obviously not meant for each other and eventually, either you or him will meet somebody else and get into a committed relationship. In other words, this has been over.
So, the real question is, what to do in the meantime - i.e., until you meet Mr. Right. Well, I think you should let your ex fade out. No point in making a definitive clean break like "It's over - we are done" - because you never know when you might really want the FWB for a nite here and there. But let it fade out for now. Don't talk everyday. It's all wasted energy and focus taking your mind off being open and available for Mr. Right. Too distracting. |
Anonymous
| Oh, how I hope this is a troll. How anyone could be so stupid and get so used by a guy is beyond me. |
Anonymous
| Sadly, I am not a troll. |
Anonymous
| Im not wanting to be with him. My question is, how do I get over the fact that he lied for months? Do I cut off the friendship? I guess now as I write this, I realize he wasn't a friend at all. |
Anonymous
You are acting like you were in a committed relationship, but you weren't. You are F buddies, so it's not really a big "lie" or whatever that he is meeting other women. I'm sorry, I know you sound hurt and it appears that you have strong feelings for this guy soon, but again (I'm a PP), it's been over. Just be glad that you had some good sex lately and that's all it can ever be. You need to move on. He does too. |
Anonymous
| We have been friends for three years. I am not in love with him. I considered him one of my best friends. I don't want to date him and he doesn't want to date me. however, I do want honesty and that is something I would require from any friend, fuck buddy or not. |
Anonymous
He can't be honest with you 100% because you obviously aren't over it and you are having sex with him. In a way, it makes him a better "friend" because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. You cannot have a 100% open/honest dialogue with a guy about who he is dating when you are sleeping with him and you just broke up recently. HELLOOOOO!!!!! |
Anonymous
| But I am over it. I dont want to date him. I have been honest about all the guys ive talked to. And if that is the case, why tell me at all? Its been 4 months that he has kept her a secret, why not keep it going? |
Anonymous
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He kept her a secret so you'd keep fucking him, DUH.
Good lord. Get some self-respect and stop seeing this guy. If you want to keep getting used as a cheap booty call by someone who dumped you when you got cancer (!), then at least own up to it. If you can look in the mirror and say "I think I'm worthless and I deserve to get used like an unpaid prostitute by a guy who will never commit to me and will lie to me to manipulate me," then stay friends with him. |
Anonymous
Because they are now dating and he no longer is going to sleep with you. The whole nonsense about how he doesn't like her like that is just that - nonsense And if you we're over it, you wouldn't even think twice about whether they met 4 months ago, or 4 weeks go or 4 hours ago. |
Anonymous
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You expect him to tell you he's been talking to a girl on the bus? That's incredibly controlling. Is he supposed to tell you that the same cashier tends to be at the checkout in the grocery store every week? That the woman at the dry cleaners recognizes him? That he saw a cute girl walk past on the sidewalk?
Get some perspective. He DID you they recently exchanged phone numbers. Why would you break off being friends over that? You SHOULD break off sleeping with him and thinking of him as your man, though. If you can't do that, then yes, stop talking to him for awhile. |
Anonymous
| You are only "hurt that he 'lied'" because you have feelings for him. Deny it all you want, it doesn't make it any less true |
Anonymous
| Oh brother. Yes, you two were FWB. But you didn't really set up any rules, per se, did you? You are over-thinking things. He didn't tell you because he simply didn't want to hurt your feelings. At the very end, you said jealousy broke you two up, and, you are still jealous. Why? Because he met someone first? And why have you so often asked him if he is seeing or speaking with anyone else? What the deuce?! Grow up. Ultimately your question should be, should I stop being friends with this guy because I am an idiot? |
Anonymous
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Yes, he lied to you. No, he is not your best friend. Yes, you need to cut off contact.
Ok, was that clear enough? Seriously, DO NOT LET ANYONE TREAT YOU LIKE THIS. |