when to tell people

[Anonymous]

First time pregnancy here. I have read that if you see a heart beat on the u.s., the chances of miscarrage have greatly reduced--something like you have a 97% chance of carrying to term. If that is the case, why do people typically wait until the first trimester is over?

I am 7 weeks and just saw the heart beat. DH and I are bad at keeping secrets and are dying to tell people but we do have 5 weeks to go until the first trimester is over.

Just wondering what you all have done.....

[Anonymous]

I think you could tell immediate family - basically anyone you'd want to tell about a potential miscarriage later on. I wouldn't tell co-workers or friends until 12 weeks. With our first we didn't tell anyone until 12 weeks, it was our little secret and exciting for us only to know.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure you will be fine, but I second PP's rec to only tell people that you would want to tell about a miscarriage. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 10 weeks (after we'd seen the healthy heart beat at 7 weeks). Again, I'm sure you will be fine, but I just thought you may want to think about it. FYI - we now have 2 healthy kids and #3 on the way, so all is well.

[Anonymous]

I don't know how to gauge these stats with respect to seeing/hearing the heartbeat and prospects of a subsequent m/c, but you'll find far too many of us on these boards who have had a m/c long after that important milestone. You can still tell people whenever it suits you - just recognize that this remains unfortunately a possible outcome until at least 12w. With my second pregnancy, I hadn't told too many people, but ended up sharing the m/c news at 10w to far more people because it was so devastating for me to deal with. This time I waited until 16w. I'll also note that people sometimes react a little funny to hearing the news super early. With my first pregnancy, even my mom seemed a little freaked out about hearing at 6w that she was going to get her first grandchild (I told her that early b/c she was starting chemo the next day)... she was worried about jinxing it...

[Anonymous]

First Preg. - 12 weeks with family and close friends, 20 weeks with work
Second - M/C at 5 weeks
Third - Family at 12 weeks; Friends and work at 20 weeks

[Anonymous]

Wow, I guess I'm the outlier. I am only 6 weeks and have told my parents and sister. I mean, why not? If I do miscarry I would want them to know.

[Anonymous]

I waited until I had genetic testing before telling anyone. If I had been younger, I would've been more comfortable telling people about my pregnancy. I was in my mid 40s, and had many m/cs before having my son.

[Anonymous]

With first - my mom was actually the first to know, before my DH even. He was out of town and I wouldn't be able to reach him until later that day but I wanted to tell someone so I called mom. Started telling very close friends a week or two later, but waited till about 12 weeks for most family and friends and my boss. I had to tell my boss at the same time as most of our friends because we were in a small university community so he'd find out through the grapevine.

With current (9 weeks now) - we've told our parents, siblings, and a few close friends. Waiting till 12 weeks or so to tell others. I'll probably wait even longer for most co-workers, although that will somewhat depend on how quickly I start to show.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I enjoyed keep the first trimester secret to ourselves even though there were times we thought we would explode with excitement and all the "perfect" times (it was during the holidays) that we could've revealed the news.

Sure, the stats. are in your favor at the 8 week mark when you see the heartbeat, but it's best to err on the side of caution.

There are still lots of cell divisions going on and it is still a vulnerable time. In fact, the yolk sac doesn't give way to the placenta until week 11 (if I remember correctly).

It's up to you though and if you have not had any infertility, chemical pregnancy problems, etc. in the past than you might feel comfortable saying something to immediate family.

[Anonymous]

We waited until 12 weeks with both pregnancies, just to be sure. We liked having such a big, exciting secret all to ourselves. We didn't want everyone to know in case of a m/c, and we thought our parents would be so excited to find out that they wouldn't keep it a secret very long. Also, we found that our parents were much more relieved to hear the news once the first trimester was over, so that there were fewer reasons to worry.

But I think the general thought behind telling people is that you should only tell people before 12 weeks if you'd tell those people if you had a m/c.

[Anonymous]

I thought that the risk significantly decreased when they could hear the heartbeat with an external doppler (usually no earlier than 9 weeks). I also had a miscarriage after seeing the heartbeat at 7 weeks (miscarried the next day).

I personally am waiting this time (6 and a half weeks) until after hearing the heartbeat and probably 12 weeks.

[Anonymous]

We told immediate family (parents) right away and very close friends at 10 weeks and the rest at about 3 months. The best piece of advice someone gave me about telling people was "to tell the people you would feel comfortable discussing a miscarriage with" (god forbid that happened). Hope that helps....

[Anonymous]

I'm only 5 weeks along w/ #2, but have told our parents and siblings, the people we would need to lean on for support if we had a miscarriage. We it the did the same way with #1. We waited until 12 weeks to tell close friends. I was closer to 16 weeks when I told co-workers, and since I just started a new job in August, I will probably wait til after the holidays to spill the beans there! Congratulations!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you all so much. I learned the importance of remembering that statistics are just statistics and am very sorry for those of you who had mc. I really appreciate you all sharing your stories with me.

[Anonymous]

I told my parents at about 6/7 weeks and waiting until 11/12 to tell more folks...

One lesson learned, however -- my parents were not happy at having to keep a secret. They kept bugging me to tell my sibling and grandparents, etc. So if your parents are like that, you may want to wait until you're ready to share the news with extended family.

it sort of drove me crazy...can you tell?