Bullying over Weight in DCPS

[Anonymous]

Okay, so my 12 year old son is in 7th grade at a certain charter school and has recently started to get teased over his weight. I would not say he is overweight, but he certainly isn't skinny either, he has always been a big kid (as his father is before him). He is around 5'5 and 140 lbs, just as a reference. It has gotten to the point where he asked if he could transfer out next year and go to Deal (our in-boundary school).

I was just wondering whether there is a culture of bullying in the public school system, middle schools in particular. He is a friendly, nice kid, and has never had any trouble with this before, it is kind of stressful right now for me.

[Anonymous]

Well if it's stressful for you imagine how stressful it is for him!

It doesn't matter if the school he's at has a culture of bullying or not. What matters is what the school is doing about it. What I have done when parents contact me about bullying is first hang out in the halls and watch the child in question to see what's really happening. If he is being teased I go to the teachers and ask if they see it happening in class. Gym, worst (grades) class, best (grades) class. Ask the teachers to pair him with someone very popular for a team project, and to pick a kid who is popular because of how sweet they are, rather than how dominating they are. This helps the kid get a couple of popular kids in his corner who will defend him against bullying, plus having new friends builds self-esteem.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing Washington Latin and yes, it has a bullying culture. The administration refuses to acknowledge that it happens and there are plenty of parents who pretend it isn't happening at well.

"My child loooooves riding the bus. It's so much fun." (Yes, your child is a sadistic little twit and enjoys torturing other kids, so it is true, the bus is a joy for him.)

However, it doesn't have to be the norm in middle school. Just get him out of Latin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, so my 12 year old son is in 7th grade at a certain charter school and has recently started to get teased over his weight. I would not say he is overweight, but he certainly isn't skinny either, he has always been a big kid (as his father is before him). He is around 5'5 and 140 lbs, just as a reference. It has gotten to the point where he asked if he could transfer out next year and go to Deal (our in-boundary school).

I was just wondering whether there is a culture of bullying in the public school system, middle schools in particular. He is a friendly, nice kid, and has never had any trouble with this before, it is kind of stressful right now for me.

Ugh - you are the parent that all the articles talk about. You know the ones who can't acknowledge their kid is fat. Yes, your kid is fat. He has the same height as me and I weigh the same and I am fat and I am older. Stop making excuses for his weight. Get help to live a healthier lifestyle. Switching schools is not going to the solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, so my 12 year old son is in 7th grade at a certain charter school and has recently started to get teased over his weight. I would not say he is overweight, but he certainly isn't skinny either, he has always been a big kid (as his father is before him). He is around 5'5 and 140 lbs, just as a reference. It has gotten to the point where he asked if he could transfer out next year and go to Deal (our in-boundary school).

I was just wondering whether there is a culture of bullying in the public school system, middle schools in particular. He is a friendly, nice kid, and has never had any trouble with this before, it is kind of stressful right now for me.

Ugh - you are the parent that all the articles talk about. You know the ones who can't acknowledge their kid is fat. Yes, your kid is fat. He has the same height as me and I weigh the same and I am fat and I am older. Stop making excuses for his weight. Get help to live a healthier lifestyle. Switching schools is not going to the solution.

How is this helpful?? I am not the OP, but seriously, if you don't have something constructive to say, zip it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, so my 12 year old son is in 7th grade at a certain charter school and has recently started to get teased over his weight. I would not say he is overweight, but he certainly isn't skinny either, he has always been a big kid (as his father is before him). He is around 5'5 and 140 lbs, just as a reference. It has gotten to the point where he asked if he could transfer out next year and go to Deal (our in-boundary school).

I was just wondering whether there is a culture of bullying in the public school system, middle schools in particular. He is a friendly, nice kid, and has never had any trouble with this before, it is kind of stressful right now for me.

Look at the online CDC BMI calculator for kids. Your child is overweight. Not that he should be bullied for it but you should realize it. Middle school is the worst for bullying everywhere.

[Anonymous]

He is slightly overweight on the kids' BMI calculator. The OP can start pushing broccoli but the kid doesn't deserve to be treated like shit at school because of this.

[Anonymous]

7th grade=7th ring of hell. I don't think it gets much worse than this particular grade/age. So yeah, kids are the meanest they will ever be at this age. It gets better...

I do not excuse the mean comments and bullying, and that is a separate issue that needs to be dealt with (bring it to the teacher and the principal), but the best thing you can is teach your son some coping skills to get by.

Get him exercising and losing weight, accentuate what he excels at and encourage him to seek his self worth from there. Remind him 7th grade doesn't last forever. Encourage him to find refuge in his friends and really form a tight group there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:7th grade=7th ring of hell. I don't think it gets much worse than this particular grade/age. So yeah, kids are the meanest they will ever be at this age. It gets better...

I do not excuse the mean comments and bullying, and that is a separate issue that needs to be dealt with (bring it to the teacher and the principal), but the best thing you can is teach your son some coping skills to get by.

Get him exercising and losing weight, accentuate what he excels at and encourage him to seek his self worth from there. Remind him 7th grade doesn't last forever. Encourage him to find refuge in his friends and really form a tight group there.

+1

[Anonymous]

Maybe that's what he is trying to say: Mom, I don't feel like I fit in. Maybe it's more than about the weight. I have a child in upper elementary who has to watch what he eats and one thing that I'm seeing is that DCPS has a very strong focus on nutrition and health, including sending reports home about BMI and fitness indicators. Now, that has upsides and downsides. They become conscious of their and everybody else's weight, which can lead to added stigma I'm thinking. But at the same time, they're also very hands-on about what a healthy lifestyle looks like and are very specific about what foods to eat and draft work-out achievement charts and the like.
Another thing that I'm thinking you may want to fit into your reflection on this issue is how you can help him turn what seems to be a weakness into a strength and how that may related to school choice: The strength to tackle his weight challenge (which a certain touchy PP obviously hasn't mustered). It's a very hard challenge, I can say from experience, but one that can make him stronger and may also be an opportunity to bond with his father, who obviously grapples with the same issue. Sheltering him from that tough tackle isn't helpful. How does that relate to school choice? Well, if Deal is your IB school and he is at a charter school, my vague guess is you're driving him there, maybe even picking him up. The advantage of a neighborhood school is its walkabilty or bikability, which directly correlates with weight loss. He may also have more opportunities to participate in not so competitive sports or in self-guided afterschool swimming at the nearby DPR Wilson pool. (Swimming definitely helped me in my weight struggle during middle school.)
In the larger scheme of things, a relative of mine who is a private middle school teacher, tells me that middle school is to get them safely from here to there, from 6th grade to 8th grade that is, academics not being the sole important factor. I'd listen to him and try to get the whole picture of what is bothering him and how you can be helpful, not accusatory, nor dismissive, but helpful. You should also consider enlisting his pediatrician in this endeavor if he/she is the type who has a cool and middle-school compatible approach about it.

[Anonymous]

I would totally put him in Deal. I assume he already has friends from the neighborhood who attend. Plus there are literally 10,000 after school clubs so he could find his own little niche (highly recommend the Mind Craft Club and the basketball shooting club) of kids to hang with pretty quickly. Plus this may be a case where a larger sized school may work.

Like the PP said- 7th grade is hell. There is a reason all these awkward beasts are housed together for 8 hrs a day. No guarantee that he won't be bullied at Deal (admit it, he could use some help losing weight instead of you saying he is big like his Dad) but I can assure you with a school of that size he will mix right in with all the other kids.

[Anonymous]

Since when does a kid being overweight excuse another kid's bullying behavior?

Thread hijack through misdirection. The primary problem is still bullying. If it's not an overweight kid, they will find someone to pick on for zits, for being a ginger, for whatever moronic reason and it will continue and continue and continue until it's appropriately dealt with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe that's what he is trying to say: Mom, I don't feel like I fit in. Maybe it's more than about the weight. I have a child in upper elementary who has to watch what he eats and one thing that I'm seeing is that DCPS has a very strong focus on nutrition and health, including sending reports home about BMI and fitness indicators. Now, that has upsides and downsides. They become conscious of their and everybody else's weight, which can lead to added stigma I'm thinking. But at the same time, they're also very hands-on about what a healthy lifestyle looks like and are very specific about what foods to eat and draft work-out achievement charts and the like.
Another thing that I'm thinking you may want to fit into your reflection on this issue is how you can help him turn what seems to be a weakness into a strength and how that may related to school choice: The strength to tackle his weight challenge (which a certain touchy PP obviously hasn't mustered). It's a very hard challenge, I can say from experience, but one that can make him stronger and may also be an opportunity to bond with his father, who obviously grapples with the same issue. Sheltering him from that tough tackle isn't helpful. How does that relate to school choice? Well, if Deal is your IB school and he is at a charter school, my vague guess is you're driving him there, maybe even picking him up. The advantage of a neighborhood school is its walkabilty or bikability, which directly correlates with weight loss. He may also have more opportunities to participate in not so competitive sports or in self-guided afterschool swimming at the nearby DPR Wilson pool. (Swimming definitely helped me in my weight struggle during middle school.)
In the larger scheme of things, a relative of mine who is a private middle school teacher, tells me that middle school is to get them safely from here to there, from 6th grade to 8th grade that is, academics not being the sole important factor. I'd listen to him and try to get the whole picture of what is bothering him and how you can be helpful, not accusatory, nor dismissive, but helpful. You should also consider enlisting his pediatrician in this endeavor if he/she is the type who has a cool and middle-school compatible approach about it.

Of course he didn't fit in....

Eyyyyyyyyyyyyyhhh yoooooooooo

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Thanks for all the actual, helpful comments.

I know he isn't a skinny kid, I am not, and neither is his father. We try to eat healthy (most of the time maybe once in a while we stop at McDonalds on the way to a vacation or have some other fast food joint), we encourage exorcise (he plays on a recreation soccer team and has fun playing basketball with his friends and kids in the neighborhood), all all the rest. I am an avid back packer and hope to start taking him on short trips in high school, and my husband played football all the way through college (DS never took to it though, I think DH is a bit miffed about that), so we know the importance of a healthy lifestyle, and try to provide one for him. That excess weight is not just fat, but he is actually pretty strong for his age and does have a layer of muscle. Yeah, he is a big kid and could probably lose a couple pounds of fat, but unless he actually wants to do that I don't feel like it is our (or his classmate's) job to tell him to.

Anyway, thanks for all the helpful advice. It is just kind of disheartening to come back here and see 4+ responses essentially telling me that my kids is fat and I should be doing something about it. He is a twelve year old kid, yeah he might go out and have a couple slices of pizza with some friends once and a while, he looks exactly like his dad did at that age, and his dad turned out to be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Thanks for all the actual, helpful comments.

I know he isn't a skinny kid, I am not, and neither is his father. We try to eat healthy (most of the time maybe once in a while we stop at McDonalds on the way to a vacation or have some other fast food joint), we encourage exorcise (he plays on a recreation soccer team and has fun playing basketball with his friends and kids in the neighborhood), all all the rest. I am an avid back packer and hope to start taking him on short trips in high school, and my husband played football all the way through college (DS never took to it though, I think DH is a bit miffed about that), so we know the importance of a healthy lifestyle, and try to provide one for him. That excess weight is not just fat, but he is actually pretty strong for his age and does have a layer of muscle. Yeah, he is a big kid and could probably lose a couple pounds of fat, but unless he actually wants to do that I don't feel like it is our (or his classmate's) job to tell him to.

Anyway, thanks for all the helpful advice. It is just kind of disheartening to come back here and see 4+ responses essentially telling me that my kids is fat and I should be doing something about it. He is a twelve year old kid, yeah he might go out and have a couple slices of pizza with some friends once and a while, he looks exactly like his dad did at that age, and his dad turned out to be fine.

He absolutely shouldn't be bullied and the bully kids are wrong to do it. Separate issue is his weight. The reality is, for some kids, they could eat McD's every week and not gain, and other kids can't eat it even once a month. It sucks and isn't fair but some people have to work harder at maintaining a healthy weight than others, and it sounds like your son is one of those.