Bullying over Weight in DCPS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Thanks for all the actual, helpful comments.

I know he isn't a skinny kid, I am not, and neither is his father. We try to eat healthy (most of the time maybe once in a while we stop at McDonalds on the way to a vacation or have some other fast food joint), we encourage exorcise (he plays on a recreation soccer team and has fun playing basketball with his friends and kids in the neighborhood), all all the rest. I am an avid back packer and hope to start taking him on short trips in high school, and my husband played football all the way through college (DS never took to it though, I think DH is a bit miffed about that), so we know the importance of a healthy lifestyle, and try to provide one for him. That excess weight is not just fat, but he is actually pretty strong for his age and does have a layer of muscle. Yeah, he is a big kid and could probably lose a couple pounds of fat, but unless he actually wants to do that I don't feel like it is our (or his classmate's) job to tell him to.

Anyway, thanks for all the helpful advice. It is just kind of disheartening to come back here and see 4+ responses essentially telling me that my kids is fat and I should be doing something about it. He is a twelve year old kid, yeah he might go out and have a couple slices of pizza with some friends once and a while, he looks exactly like his dad did at that age, and his dad turned out to be fine.

Is he really being bullied or just teased sometimes? It sucks for him either way, but at least this is hopefully moving his mom closer to accepting the fact that she has raised a beefy son and needs to do something to fix it. I wish my parents had modeled better eating habits. Time for you to start.

[Anonymous]

Junior high is hell. Does your son have another friend group outside of school? I went through the Mean Girls gauntlet in 7th grade, and what helped me was knowing that I had close friends from church and my neighborhood. Perhaps encouraging time and socialization with others outside of the school will help. And by all means, pursue the school as a resource.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Bullying needs an audience and 9 times out of 10 the bullying is done in the ear-shot of an adult. As this is February and just being revealed only shows he suffered in silence much too long.

To be named the biggest child in a grade level is not hard at all at this rate of obesity but there's a need to squash the teasing.

Just recently, my child was trying out for a dance team and was told that she was too big for the size 4 uniform. My DD wears a size 5/6 but to be told by the adult sponsor that she was too big, hit a sore spot.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, he is a big kid and could probably lose a couple pounds of fat, but unless he actually wants to do that I don't feel like it is our (or his classmate's) job to tell him to.

You are absolutely right that it is not his classmates' job to tell him to lose weight. I would definitely suggest following up with the school and letting them know so that they can help to address this. I would also consider working with your son at home on some strategies to respond to the bullying.

I disagree that it is not your place to encourage or tell your son to loose weight in a constructive way if he is overweight. You are his parent.

[Anonymous]

Not trying to minimize the pain her son is experiencing but I am wondering what the difference is between teasing and bullying. I was teased a lot at school though it was never super mean-spirited. My kindergartener reports this year that certain classmates (boys) tease her and that one of her (former?) friends calls her mean. It hurt me a lot to hear her say this and I did wonder briefly if it was teasing or more. When I was growing up, never even heard the word or concept of bullying... have things become that much worse or are we that much more sensitive? As I said, not trying to denigrate or minimize but have asked these same questions of myself.

[Anonymous]

Bullying or teasing a 12-year-old about weight is NEVER okay. His size is nobody's business but the family and their pediatrician. Have we learned nothing about the damage that "teasing" can do to children??

I find this thread appalling. It's no surprise that the kids at the school are judgmental and bullying, if they're being raised by the parents on this list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bullying or teasing a 12-year-old about weight is NEVER okay. His size is nobody's business but the family and their pediatrician. Have we learned nothing about the damage that "teasing" can do to children??

I find this thread appalling. It's no surprise that the kids at the school are judgmental and bullying, if they're being raised by the parents on this list.

+1000. I can't believe how many people are giving advice on how to make the kid lose weight. 140 lbs is not "fat", it may be overweight on the BMI chart, but I have major issues with that chart anyhow. My kid is 95% percentile in height and 90% in weight, there is nothing fat about him. However, even if he were carrying a few extra lbs I would be devistated if any kid teased or bullied my kid. I have no advice OP, just sypmathy. Just work on increasing his self-worth as much as possible.

[Anonymous]

What does the bullying look like?

I am always skeptical without details as everything gets called bullying on here.

what differentiates normal conflict form bullying are 3 components:

1) the intent to harm;
2) an imbalance of power;
3) repeated aggression and/or the threat of further aggression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Anyway, thanks for all the helpful advice. It is just kind of disheartening to come back here and see 4+ responses essentially telling me that my kids is fat and I should be doing something about it. He is a twelve year old kid, yeah he might go out and have a couple slices of pizza with some friends once and a while, he looks exactly like his dad did at that age, and his dad turned out to be fine.

Given the tone of some of the "recommendations", you can see where the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. There is absolutely never a justification for bullying. Skinny kids get bullied too. It's irrlevant and a total non-sequiter. You may have invited that reponse with the subject line, but don't let idiotic anonymous posters make you somehow feel culpable for the abhorant behavior of your child's peers.

I don't have the answers, but I know damned well you should ignore some of the ones offered here. You are right to take a proactive approach and consider every available option. There are support networks for kids dealing with this which may be worth pursuing as well.

[Anonymous]

Oh stop. No one is saying that it is ok to bully/tease any child about any reason. In fact, most of the posters have been thoughtful in their responses. That said, you have a mother with an overweight (by any calculation) 12 year old who is making excuses for his size. That is unhealthy for anyone but especially for a child. That actually is the bigger issue. 99.99% of children will be teased-- especially in middle school. That too will pass. Being overweight at 12 actually has lifelong consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:99.99% of children will be teased-- especially in middle school. That too will pass. Being overweight at 12 actually has lifelong consequences.

No, you stop. Do 99.99% of children request to switch schools because they are being teased? The OP didn't ask for your opinion about her child's weight. She asked about bullying.

[Anonymous]

The bullying is absolutely wrong and has to stop. No question about it. However, I do find OP's attitude that it is "not her job" to tell her son to loose weight disturbing. As a parent it is her responsibility to BOTH (1) help him address the bullying issue, and (2) help him to maintain a healthy weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The bullying is absolutely wrong and has to stop. No question about it. However, I do find OP's attitude that it is "not her job" to tell her son to loose weight disturbing. As a parent it is her responsibility to BOTH (1) help him address the bullying issue, and (2) help him to maintain a healthy weight.

The DCUM bullies here are treating the weight thing as a straw man. If the OP just said "my kid is being bullied" -- would it matter what the reason was? You sound like you're rationalizing the abhorrant behavior because there's a possible weight issues. Maybe a victim is transgender. Somewhere on the autism scale -- at what point is it not ok to blame the victim or the victim's concerned parent.

Whatever a "healthy weight" for this child may be is none of your business. You seriously need to STFU

[Anonymous]

The DCUM bullies here are treating the weight thing as a straw man. If the OP just said "my kid is being bullied" -- would it matter what the reason was? You sound like you're rationalizing the abhorrant behavior because there's a possible weight issues. Maybe a victim is transgender. Somewhere on the autism scale -- at what point is it not ok to blame the victim or the victim's concerned parent.

Whatever a "healthy weight" for this child may be is none of your business. You seriously need to STFU

With the exception of one person, no one is rationalizing the behavior of the students. People are suggesting that in addition to addressing the bullying, the mom address the child's weight issue, which is a separate issue of health, regardless of whether he is bullied about it. BTW, really nice and classy, telling someone you disagree with to STFU. You are a complete hypocrite and definitely not one to preach to anyone about bullying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:99.99% of children will be teased-- especially in middle school. That too will pass. Being overweight at 12 actually has lifelong consequences.

No, you stop. Do 99.99% of children request to switch schools because they are being teased? The OP didn't ask for your opinion about her child's weight. She asked about bullying.

Yes, I do thin 99.99% of 7th graders want to be in a different school. I know mine does he he doesn't complain about bullying. The age is horrible, he also would like a new family and just declares the other day he doesn't believe in God. Seriously, they are all over the place. That said OP needs to:

1.) transfer her kid to Deal.
2.) help him maintain a healthy weight.

The two aren't tied together. She offered up the info, we get to comment. Don't want comments, don't offer up the info!