Facebook for a 13-year-old that makes poor choices.
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Anonymous
| DD has been begging for a Facebook since she was about 9. We told her that the rules for the site are that you must be 13 (although I know many people do not follow the rules). She took that as permission to get a Facebook once she was 13, and made an account at a friends without permission. I don't want her to have a Facebook because I just don't think she is mature enough. We already have very strict internet rules for various reasons, including her thinking she can "talk" to strangers online, so a Facebook is just horrifying to me. What should be the guidelines? This is new territory for me. Anyone with young teens? How do you do online socialnetworking sites? |
Anonymous
| One option you don't seem to be considering is deleting the account she created. |
Anonymous
Exactly! She's THIRTEEN and not ready. Delete the account. You are her parents! |
Anonymous
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Facebook is safer than a lot of online spaces. As a condition of maintaining the account, you have her password and can interrupt at any time and read her chats. She should agree not to friend *anyone* she does not know personally.
Install a keylogger, too. She has to learn to handle it well and you have maybe a year until she's sneaky enough to get around anything you come up with. |
Anonymous
I suppose I wasn't clear. The account stop existing as soon as we found out about it. My question is now WHEN should she get the account. |
Anonymous
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Is she truthful? If she is, maybe she can have an account when she has understood and remembered all the rules pertaining to it.
I have a quirky son who also often makes "interesting" choices, for the most incongruous reasons. He is 100% truthful, which helps a lot when monitoring his behavior! I'm wondering if he will ever get sneaky, like his little sister has been practically from birth... |
Anonymous
| I'd let her start with Facebook. It's really the most tame of her options out there. At that age I insisted that the computer be used in around our kitchen, where I was. Also I know all passwords and will check occasionally. My DD was always pushing the limits but we wanted to let her push a little while she was still in our control. If you allow her nothing, she'll be that girl in college that really really doesn't understand the consequences of her actions. And if you tell a kid she can get something when she's 13, she'll usually take you at your word. |
Anonymous
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You get the password"and" you friend her.if you don't have facebook,you should get it and use it. I find actual use to bethe easiest way for me to keep up on all the privacy changes.
Have a talk (repeatedly) about how she shouldn't post, text, take pics or otherwise use technology for anything she wouldn't be comfortable with her parents, police, principal, and pedophiles seeing/knowing. The 4 Ps. |
Anonymous
| Let her on -- most 13 year-olds are -- and monitor her. This is probably teh best lab for you to keep an eye on her on-line activity. |
Anonymous
| OP, to answer your question she should be allowed to get a FB account WHEN she proves she is responsible enough to keep herself safe. As I always tell my daughter, it's not about physical age but about mental maturity. |
Anonymous
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By setting up the account without permission (yes, I know it's now deleted) she proved that she could not be trusted regarding Facebook. I would tell her so and make her earn an account with some serious chores or other duties that really matter, including certain grade goals or whatever else you feel she needs to work on. Be specific about the goals and write up a contract between you that is very clear about what she must do. If she shows responsibility in those things for a certain length of time, then you can consider letting her have an account.
Like many kids her age, she seems to assume FB is right. It's not. It's a privilege over which you as the parent have control. And just because "all other 13-year-olds have it" does not mean she has to have it. Ever. If she makes poor choices in other ways, she should prove to you first that she can consistently make good ones before she gets a privilege like FB. Poor choices on FB can result in a lot of very real and serious issues (bullying, contact with total strangers, etc.). So you need to know that she's mature enough to handle it, and the very fact of setting up an account behind your back shows she isn't. |
Anonymous
| The parents told her she could get fb when she was 13. So at 13 she opened an account. Have you never viewed life from the eyes of a 13 yr old? |
Anonymous
That's neither true, nor a good reason . Are you 13? |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
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I think it is imperative that parents have access to their middle schooler's accounts. OP, do you have Facebook? If not, get an account. Then have your daughter's account and log into it weekly and observe what's going on among her friends. Tell her you will be doing it. Tell her Facebook is a space, and this access is akin to your entering that space to chaperone as it were. Have strict rules: She must remove anything you deem questionable. You will delete the account if she does anything to thwart your access (like change the password). You will monitor her Facebook time, and if it's excessive, delete the account.
And so on. Been there, done that! I was stunned at some of DC's classmates posts and photos. I had to ask DC to remove a photo of DC with a group, they looked like partying zombies. Explain to her how Facebook works, and that anything that she posts can be shared infinitely. (I swear, kids just don't seem to get this basic point!) |