Facebook for a 13-year-old that makes poor choices.

[Anonymous]

Its not clear to me that OP forbid her DD to open an account. She did say she could only do it when she was 13 and she might not have realized she had to go through the additional step of asking permission. This may be a miscommunication. Frankly, OP should not come down to hard on that aspect of it because her DD can always open an account (and an email and twitter account, etc . . .) without telling her and OP shouldn't drive her underground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The parents told her she could get fb when she was 13. So at 13 she opened an account. Have you never viewed life from the eyes of a 13 yr old?

Reread the original post. Her parents told her that FB's rules said you have to be 13. If that's all they said, then they never told her she could have an account at 13.

Like any kid her age, she interpreted it the way she wanted. Time for her to learn to ask first and not act first.

The OP said up front that the girl makes poor choices. That's why she should have to earn her FB by proving she can make better choices than she did by setting up an account on an assumption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The parents told her she could get fb when she was 13. So at 13 she opened an account. Have you never viewed life from the eyes of a 13 yr old?

Reread the original post. Her parents told her that FB's rules said you have to be 13. If that's all they said, then they never told her she could have an account at 13.

Like any kid her age, she interpreted it the way she wanted. Time for her to learn to ask first and not act first.

The OP said up front that the girl makes poor choices. That's why she should have to earn her FB by proving she can make better choices than she did by setting up an account on an assumption.

I can read and I disagree with you. This is a perfect time to set up house rules and safeguards regarding all Internet and social media use.

[Anonymous]

OP, as you have recently learned, parent have no actual control over what their children do or create on the internet.

Unless you keep your child in your home at all times, never let her out of your sight, and never allow to have any friends with internet access (smartphones, wii, laptops, etc.) who may allow her to access the internet with their devices... she will have some access.

So rather than punishing and keeping her away from something you ultimately can't control anyhow, it is time to use the next 6 years to help your child become responsible in all areas of her life, and keep a watchful eye on her online communication as well.

I would allow her to have a Facebook account, as well as one other account or game that many of her friends are on. But as a condition of being allowed this privilege she needs to show you developing responsibility in other ways. For example, she needs to be involved in an after school or weekend club that encourages service to others and leadership (Girl Scouts, 4H, a church group, environmental club, whatever); she needs to do something to earn some money (babysit, serious chores around the house, odd jobs for neighbors); and she needs to either play a sport or musical instrument. The middle school years are a time to stay busy and really learn to manage your time and think about others before yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Facebook is safer than a lot of online spaces. As a condition of maintaining the account, you have her password and can interrupt at any time and read her chats. She should agree not to friend *anyone* she does not know personally.

Install a keylogger, too.
She has to learn to handle it well and you have maybe a year until she's sneaky enough to get around anything you come up with.

+1

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The parents told her she could get fb when she was 13. So at 13 she opened an account. Have you never viewed life from the eyes of a 13 yr old?

Reread the original post. Her parents told her that FB's rules said you have to be 13. If that's all they said, then they never told her she could have an account at 13.

Like any kid her age, she interpreted it the way she wanted. Time for her to learn to ask first and not act first.

The OP said up front that the girl makes poor choices. That's why she should have to earn her FB by proving she can make better choices than she did by setting up an account on an assumption.

I can read and I disagree with you. This is a perfect time to set up house rules and safeguards regarding all Internet and social media use.

I never said above that the parents should not ever allow Facebook. I said: Have the girl prove she is responsible enough to be online before giving her an account. Yes, giving, because it's a gift her parents can choose or not -- it's not a right, but a privilege. Of course the family can set up rules and safeguards and let her online; but why shouldn't she have to earn the privilege of a Facebook account first? Many people posting on here seem to be operating on the assumption that she should have it, period, because she's 13 and other kids her age have accounts. Why not earn it as first suggested -- by showing she can handle other responsibilities first? Nothing wrong -- in fact, a lot right -- with having to earn privileges.

[Anonymous]

Well I think PP's point was not that she should or shouldn't earn it but that there was a miscommunication. She thought her parents said she could go on when she was 13. It sounds like they never said anything about earning it, just that she had to meet the required age. So she assumed that when she met the required age it was OK. I can completely see her thinking that way. remember kids don't bring the same baggage to the internet that we do, we didn't grow up with it To us social networking is a biggish deal but to them its what everybody does.