Scared of what the Developmental Pediatrician is going to say

[Anonymous]

We are in the middle of a series of evaluations with the developmental pediatrician for DS 3. I am so scared what he is going to come up with. DS didn't talk till 2, and now doesn't stop talking at home but is still very reticent to speak at school. He has trouble with transitions. how did you keep yourself calm and keep going during and after the diagnosis?

[Anonymous]

Like Tom Petty said, 'The waiting is the hardest part.". Cyber hugs and serentiy vibes to you and yours.

I still get nervous when we are waiting for testing results, but I would say that walking 3-4 miles a day helps me keep it contained. I am then tired enough to fall asleep, but I still wake up early.

Make time for yourself, call a friends for coffee or lunch or dinner or a walk or just to talk about everythings else.

[Anonymous]

Just remember it will be ok, whatever happens. Yes its very stressful but whatever happens it will be ok -- getting at it early allows you to address it and help your child. Everyone on this board goes through what you are going through -- you are not alone.

[Anonymous]

OP, we just got a diagnosis of Aspergers/high functioning autism for 3 yo DS in Nov, so we're still coming to terms with it. I can tell you that knowing, and having a plan of action is much better than the unknown. Once we had a diagnosis we learned what classes and therapies would be most effective for his needs, and he's getting help. Hang in there, and good luck. Once you find out what is going on it will be easier to deal with and you can more forward getting the help you need.

[Anonymous]

Thanks. I'm somewhere between blaming myself since I took Tamiflu when I was pregnant, and we gave him all the vaccines to just asking why my beautiful precious son has to have such a hard life.
I really appreciate the support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. I'm somewhere between blaming myself since I took Tamiflu when I was pregnant, and we gave him all the vaccines to just asking why my beautiful precious son has to have such a hard life.
I really appreciate the support.

Don't blame yourself. Wile the jury's still out on Tamiflu, vaccines are generally very safe (you don't mention DS's SN, but they are not linked to autism or any SN other than rare mitochondrial diseases).

Relax, it's not your fault. Your beautiful child probably loves his life and doesn't want you to agonize this way.

[Anonymous]

It sounds very corny and Hallmarky, but I find it helpful to remind myself that not having a SN diagnosis is no guarantee of an easy life, and having a diagnosis doesn't mean that life will always be hard (though the diagnosing part can be a real b**ch, I know). We have a 3-year-old who is on the spectrum, and while life isn't always a bowl of cherries, I appreciate all sorts of things because of his perspective on life and his place in it. The services that he gets, through school and private therapy, have reaffirmed my belief in the goodness of human nature--we've met the kindest, smartest, and funniest people--and made me incredibly positive about the progress that time and effort can bring. He sounds like a neat kid. You're all going to be fine.

[Anonymous]

I should go into more detail. While he talks non-stop, he doesn't always answer our questions and tends to talk in the negative. He will not join in group activities at school unless prompted numerous times. I guess I just need to reframe what we had planned for his and our lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds very corny and Hallmarky, but I find it helpful to remind myself that not having a SN diagnosis is no guarantee of an easy life, and having a diagnosis doesn't mean that life will always be hard (though the diagnosing part can be a real b**ch, I know). We have a 3-year-old who is on the spectrum, and while life isn't always a bowl of cherries, I appreciate all sorts of things because of his perspective on life and his place in it. The services that he gets, through school and private therapy, have reaffirmed my belief in the goodness of human nature--we've met the kindest, smartest, and funniest people--and made me incredibly positive about the progress that time and effort can bring. He sounds like a neat kid. You're all going to be fine.

+1 - what a great outlook. Totally true!

[Anonymous]

What helped me was to remember that I had exactly the same child -- with the same strengths and challenges -- as I had pre-diagnosis, but now I had a name and a strategy and people on our team to help (and an explanation to give to family members when DC did things "unexpected). I actually found the diagnosis a big relief after feeling like all of his issues were my imagination and bad parenting.

[Anonymous]

Agree with 19:17 -- remind yourself that nothing the DP can say that will change who your kid is. You will walk in and out with the same child -- just a little more information about what might be going on and hopefully a few tools that might help you make him feel better and cope better with life.

[Anonymous]

As others have said, the diagnosis changes nothing about your child, it only helps you understand him better. You may be telling yourself you wish you had a child who didn't have these issues. I felt the same way about my DS with AS. And then I realized that I was wishing away my DS. I don't want that other child, I want him.

[Anonymous]

You guys are giving such great advice. Thanks once again. I love my DS more than anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I should go into more detail. While he talks non-stop, he doesn't always answer our questions and tends to talk in the negative. He will not join in group activities at school unless prompted numerous times. I guess I just need to reframe what we had planned for his and our lives.

OP, remember that he is only 3. Even with an autism diagnosis, how he interacts with others won't be static and neither will your knowledge as a parent. Both you and he will continue to grow and make progress. The future isn't set in stone although it can be a rocky path.

[Anonymous]

Same, your child doesn't change one bit with the diagnosis. It just gives you a fuller picture of him and a better, more specific direction for improving his future.