DH is making me feel bad because he says we're too old to TTC

[Anonymous]

DH is making me feel bad because he keeps saying that we're too old to TTC or have a baby. We're both mid-30s. He resents me because I wanted to wait until I felt ready to TTC. This is starting to get me down, because I don't feel "old" and I had a battery of medical tests to prepare for TTC and I am healthy. Low blood pressure, great bloodwork, complete cardiac and pulmonary workup, all normal. I am also still having regular periods and seem to ovulate regularly.

[Anonymous]

He may not be referring to your physical capabilities. Did you ever think of that?

[Anonymous]

I hate to say it OP but it sounds like your husband (I won't say DH b/c he doesn't exactly sound like a "dear") doesn't really want children. You need to get this sorted out before you create another human with this person.

[Anonymous]

Mid-thirties is not too old (although it also may not be easy). Not sure what else is going on in your relationship that he is pulling that out to complain about, unless as you suggest it's just unresolved resentment that he didn't want to wait but the two of you will have to find a way past that.

[Anonymous]

He must not be from around here. Mid 30s is prime time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say it OP but it sounds like your husband (I won't say DH b/c he doesn't exactly sound like a "dear") doesn't really want children. You need to get this sorted out before you create another human with this person.

+1000.

[Anonymous]

Oh give me a break. Has he looked around?? In DC so many women get pregnant for the first time in their late thirties and early 40's. I had my first at 36 and I'm now pregnant with my second at 40. I'll be solidy in the middle of my 41st year when this child is born. Both conceived without intervention. Something else is going on with him. Otherwise he would be totally on board with doing everything he can to conceive. Sounds like he might have some other issue going on.

[Anonymous]

No one "makes" you feel bad or glad. Sounds like his excuses for not wanting to move forward with having a child is causing you some stress and anxiety. Sounds like he's changed his mind or clarifying what he may not have had the guts to say earlier. Sounds like he's not the guy you want to have kids with.

I know this is harsh, but cut your losses and move on.

[Anonymous]

Many men are ambivalent about fatherhood. Don't read too much into casual snide comments, snark, or jokes. Unless your DH is dead set against having kids, ambivalence is normal. My DH was pretty ambivalent, and is a wonderful father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many men are ambivalent about fatherhood. Don't read too much into casual snide comments, snark, or jokes. Unless your DH is dead set against having kids, ambivalence is normal. My DH was pretty ambivalent, and is a wonderful father.

This can go both ways, btw. I was kind of ambivalent and love motherhood.

[Anonymous]

This is weird. If he was so concerned about age, why didn't you discuss this a few years earlier? Why is he bitching about it now?

You'll probably be just fine. But IMO, if you have the choice, you really should start TTC in your late 20s/ early 30s. Waiting until later has a lot of disadvantages - more things to worry about wrt the baby & mother's health, less energy, less energetic grandparents to help out. And also important, waiting until your mid-30s means you have less time to figure out if you want a second. It also means taking time out of work mid-career, which should be prime-time for advancement.

HOWEVER, if you're really not emotionally ready for whatever reason (or your don't have a partner yet), then it's fine to wait, as long as you do it knowing the potential consequences.

[Anonymous]

Check out the FIFTY AND OVER forum. There' s a thread there about older parents and there are many parents who had kids in their 40's or close.

We are 47 and 51 with 17 mo twins. And we couldn't be happier.

[Anonymous]

Check out the FIFTY AND OVER forum. There' s a thread there about older parents with young kids and there are many parents who had kids in their 40's or close.

We are 47 and 51 with 17 mo twins. And we couldn't be happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Check out the FIFTY AND OVER forum. There' s a thread there about older parents with young kids and there are many parents who had kids in their 40's or close.

We are 47 and 51 with 17 mo twins. And we couldn't be happier.

Again, I suspect the husban's commentary isn't about the physical ability. He may NOT want to be in his late 40s with a small child. It's great that you couldn't be happier, but for some people, that's really a horrifying idea.

[Anonymous]

I was 37 when I had my first and 39 when I had my second. Lots of people do it. Why is your husband concerned? Maybe he could come with you to talk to your doctor? Or maybe he doesn't really want kids? I think you need to have a long discussion with him.