Son had meltdown on phone with ex
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Anonymous
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My son (7) was in hysterics tonight at bedtime. Called me all kinds of names and said that I treat him like trash.
Then he wanted to call his father. So after calling him he goes off telling ex how bad I treat him and how I'm so mean to him, etc....definitely not painting a good picture of me to ex. After he calms down and explains that I'm not nice because I boss him around to do his teeth and normal bedtime activities. That he needs to do. I feel that he's portraying a false image of me and I'm concerned what the ex is going to do about it. Take his word about it or my contradicting one. I feel I'm very accommodating and nice to my son and while I am a bit bossy in the sense I need stiff to get done, I say it a nice way ... I really wish that he hadn't called and spilled everything. I know I can't take the convo back. But should I explain to ex the context of the upset ness. I wish I had just handled it. Now I look like a hurtful incapable careless bitch,... |
Anonymous
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First of all, your ex should not take this seriously unless your kid can cite specific examples of mistreatment.
Secondly, the courts won't do anything unless the kid and ex can cite specific examples of mistreatment. If your son is working toward wanting to live with your ex, they might consider his feelings and let him unless there is other evidence that your ex is an unfit parent. You will just have to deal with that, I guess. Third, I know kids can be ridiculous, but maybe you should examine your behavior and ask yourself if there is ANY truth in what the kid is saying. NOT that I am saying you are mean to him...but why does he think that? Because you took away his iPad or something as punishment? If so, you need to have another talk with him about actions/consequences, and why it's your job to discipline him. Maybe you need to consider another type of discipline with him, because the one you are using doesn't work. Is there something going on in his life that makes him resentful of or angry with you? Is there a behavioral problem that makes him lie or exaggerate the truth? Talk to him, find some answers. At the very least, plan an outing with him. Do something you know he will enjoy. Not as a reward for bad behavior but because you love him and want to connect with him. Show him that you do. Good luck OP. |
Anonymous
| definitely shouldn't have called the ex to appease a defiant 7 year old. you screwed the pooch there and look like an ass no matter what. Be a parent and deal with the situation. Also, your ex is grown up enough to know about 7 year old outbursts? You sound lame OP |
Anonymous
| PS: From this post, you do seem more upset about what your ex will think than why your kid is angry with you in the first place. Think about that for a while. The latter should matter more than the former. |
Anonymous
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OP,
Children do this when parents live under the same roof, try to play one parent off the other. I hope your ex understands that dynamic, and that your son is upset because mommy makes him brush his teeth and go to bed -- which is part of your job. I'm divorced, and sometimes my son will challenge one of my rules with, "But Dad lets me ... " My son has also complained about his dad but I take his banter with a grain of salt. Hang in there! It sounds like your son was super tired. Give him hugs. And give him words. Maybe he was missing his dad, and this was how he expressed his upset. |
Anonymous
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I'm assuming your ex has had or will have a similar experience, so he'll probably understand.
I would have a conversation with your son about why he was upset and mad the night before. Listen to him. Then talk to him about how it is your job to make sure that he brushes his teeth (so his teeth won't rot) and get enough sleep (so that he can grow). |
Anonymous
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I think this is actually a pretty typical dynamic - a kid trying to play one parent off the other - but complicated by the divorce. Ideally, your ex would have backed you up that your son needs to do these things. Of course that doesn't always happen even when you're married.
If your ex is going to try to advantage of something like this or can't understand the conversation's roots (That's horrible! How dare she make you brush your teeth!) that's another matter, and probably means you should document the conversation. As a child of a divorce like that, I hope that isn't the case. Hang in there, OP. |
Anonymous
| OP, why are you more concerned about what your ex thinks about you, than the situation at hand? It sounds like your son is dealing with a lot of pain and anger, possibly as a result of your divorce? I think you need to get some professional parenting guidance on how to handle this and future situations; I agree with the PPs who said you sound weak. That is the last thing your son needs now. |
Anonymous
This is wrong and ridiculous. OP, your child SHOULD be able to call you ex whenever he wants to call, so you did the right thing. Yet I completely understand your fear. I get it - I've been there. Just keep doing the best parenting you can do. I'm sure you've read parenting books and gotten advice from professionals as you've moved through the divorce. Keep reaching out for help and advice if you need it. Stay firm, calm, and consistent. Your child is acting out, testing you, and basically acting like a child. Even if you weren't divorcing, your child would still try to manipulate the situation because you are the disciplinarian in your home. My friends who are SAHMs have this same situation - the kids lash out at them to their dads since the moms do everything for the kids - including enforcing the rules. Good luck stay strong. Seven is a tough age. |
Anonymous
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Actually a child shouldn't be able to call another parent whenever he/she wants. The parent might be working on deadline or traveling or at a meeting/business dinner or sleeping off jet lag. I do agree in principle -- open communication is essential -- but practically speaking a child has to learn there are good times to call (anyone, not just a parent) and not.
In this case, OP was right to let her son call his dad. I hope this sorts itself out, OP! |
Anonymous
Totally disagree. If I had a 7 year old, whose life I had shaken up because I couldn't keep my marriage together for whatever reason, you'd better be damn sure that s/he could reach me anytime that s/he wanted to. "Working on a deadline" or "sleeping off jet lag" are not excuses for a parent to ignore a child who needs him. |
Anonymous
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21:11, so if OP's ex was a serial adulterer ... it was OP's fault for not being able to keep the marriage together?
I'm sensing a fair bit of "rawr stay married no matter what, bitch" here. |
Anonymous
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21:11 Are you divorced? (I think I know the answer.) I am. My child's father worked late on deadline several nights a week. I would never allow my child to call him at that time unless it was an absolute emergency. His father would have been furious with me! Children need to learn that there is a time and place. This includes children of divorce. If my child's father was sleeping off jet lag, I would tell my child that we had to wait until he was up. I wouldn't let my child call him in the middle of an important business dinner either.
Would you let your child/children bother their father during meetings, presentations, deadlines? I bet not. There shouldn't be two sets of standards here. I hope you don't wake up one morning to have your husband tell you he's leaving you. It happens! |