Did you redshirt your August girl? Why or why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's always going to be SOME cutoff date because our society has arbitrary rules like that. Everyone is eligible to drink at 21 despite significantly varying levels of maturity at that age. Everyone has to obey the same speed limits despite dramatically different levels of driving skill and reaction time. On and on.

So yes, in theory if cutoff date is 9/30 there are going to be a handful of kids in September or August who should ideally wait and go with following cohort because they are developmentally not ready. And vice-versa there's going to be some October and November kids who probably would have been best served to have enrolled a year earlier rather because they WERE developmentally ready, rather than waiting just because they missed some semi-arbitrary cutoff by a few weeks. But that's not how our society operates, by and large, we have one-size-fits-all rules and just deal with it.

No matter the cutoff date, there's always going to be kids on either side of the cusp... and the vast majority of those kids would be perfectly fine with EITHER cohort. So unless there's a strong, compelling reason to redshirt (or enroll early), it seems to me just stick with the program. FWIW, I've got a September 2yo DD and at this stage have seen no developmental shortcomings that would compel us to redshirt, so plan is to enroll on time but continue to monitor in case anything changes dramatically in her development (seems unlikely, but you never know).

Here is my experience. I also had a two year old DD with tan end of August birthday who was meeting all milestones. She spoke earlier than most, had lots of friends, etc. She was not speaking English much/at all, but was speaking two other languages very well. We enrolled her into DCPS PK3 and she started school a few days before turning 3. She was in a mixed age class (PK3 and PK4). Obviously she was the youngest (by 3 months), the most immature and the one with the worst English. She hated it. We spent 1 year trying to have her like school and tried everything and failed. She was doing fine “academically” and picked up English quickly, but the problem was that the 4 and older 3 year old girls did not want to play with her and excluded her. She just wasn’t able to keep up and was said and crying a lot. The teacher was a good guy, but he had to take care of 16 other kids some of which were getting into “fights” and had other issues. As a result, nobody paid attention to my little girl who was just quietly crying in the corner. It broke my heart and decided never more. She started not sleeping at night, wetting her bed (she was fully pottyvtranined by 2), biting her nails, etc.
The following year she was in a private part time o reschool where the oldest kid was 4 months older than her and the youngest was 2 months younger than her. She blossomed there. She was again happy and loving school. Stopped peeing at night, stopped waking up Witt nightmares, stopped biting her nails, etc. after a great year at this preschool I was faced with the decision of pulling her out to start K somewhere else or keep her there with all her friends (all redshirted except for the September and October birthdays). I chose to keep her in preschool another year and start K when she was about to turn 6. She still is sensitive, too nice and does not stand up for her self. She is slowly getting better, but why (given that I have the choice) would I want to put her in a class where everyone else is older and where she may not be happy again? What horrible mother would I be?
No, she will be a little older instead of younger. If when in middle school she asks why I did not send her when I was supposed to, I will tell her the truth and that for kids with birthdays around the cutoff parents can chose and we chose to have her be the oldest instead of the youngest

[Anonymous]

We did not. I don’t think it’s a good idea unless there are developmental issues or a recommendation of a teacher. FWIW I was youngest in my grade all the way up and the smallest and it did not negatively impact me, so that also informs my decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg, another epic post where people weigh in with vehement opinions on other people’s lives.
So pathetic!

It's really only the anti-redshirt posters who fall into that bucket. Though they do tend to pitch a fit when their hypocrisy is observed and commented on.

“I didn’t redshirt, though.”

It’s so odd for anyone in general to be rabidly pro redshirting. One of my BFFs has a child who is the literal youngest in an insanely competitive school. And they didn’t opt for it. There are other ways to go about life.

People aren't rabidly pro-redshirting. What they are want, at most, is a proocess where there aren't rigid cutoffs and there is greater parental discretion. It's the anti-redshirts that are rabid on DCUM, all without any real evidence to back their positions.

I didn't redshirt. But I find the topic interesting, and follow the discussions, such as they are.

There are no rabid pro redshirters bc the red-shirting parents don’t want everyone to redshirt. Then they’d be in the same boat as if they didn’t redshirt their kid.

+1

Despite what they claim, this is all absolutely about having their child be one of the strongest (or at least not the weakest), relatively speaking. They cheat to try to ensure that there will always be kids below their own. It’s disgusting.

No one is "cheating" by sending an August birthday at age 6 instead of 5.
It's not our fault you don't understand rules or never learned how to comprehend the written word.

In Virginia, the rule is that children must start school (1st grade) by 6. The rule wasn't designed to allow redshirting, it has just been used to do so.

Send your 5 year old to kindergarten. Send your 6 year old to 1st grade.

This is not true - it explicitly says that 5 year olds can also go to pre-K, not just K.

"Further, in the case of any five-year-old child who is subject to the provisions of this subsection, the requirements of this section may be alternatively satisfied by causing the child to attend any public educational pre-kindergarten program, including a Head Start program, or in a private, denominational, or parochial educational pre-kindergarten program."

https://law.lis.virginia.gov/vacode/title22.1/chapter14/section22.1-254/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's always going to be SOME cutoff date because our society has arbitrary rules like that. Everyone is eligible to drink at 21 despite significantly varying levels of maturity at that age. Everyone has to obey the same speed limits despite dramatically different levels of driving skill and reaction time. On and on.

So yes, in theory if cutoff date is 9/30 there are going to be a handful of kids in September or August who should ideally wait and go with following cohort because they are developmentally not ready. And vice-versa there's going to be some October and November kids who probably would have been best served to have enrolled a year earlier rather because they WERE developmentally ready, rather than waiting just because they missed some semi-arbitrary cutoff by a few weeks. But that's not how our society operates, by and large, we have one-size-fits-all rules and just deal with it.

No matter the cutoff date, there's always going to be kids on either side of the cusp... and the vast majority of those kids would be perfectly fine with EITHER cohort. So unless there's a strong, compelling reason to redshirt (or enroll early), it seems to me just stick with the program. FWIW, I've got a September 2yo DD and at this stage have seen no developmental shortcomings that would compel us to redshirt, so plan is to enroll on time but continue to monitor in case anything changes dramatically in her development (seems unlikely, but you never know).

Here is my experience. I also had a two year old DD with tan end of August birthday who was meeting all milestones. She spoke earlier than most, had lots of friends, etc. She was not speaking English much/at all, but was speaking two other languages very well. We enrolled her into DCPS PK3 and she started school a few days before turning 3. She was in a mixed age class (PK3 and PK4). Obviously she was the youngest (by 3 months), the most immature and the one with the worst English. She hated it. We spent 1 year trying to have her like school and tried everything and failed. She was doing fine “academically” and picked up English quickly, but the problem was that the 4 and older 3 year old girls did not want to play with her and excluded her. She just wasn’t able to keep up and was said and crying a lot. The teacher was a good guy, but he had to take care of 16 other kids some of which were getting into “fights” and had other issues. As a result, nobody paid attention to my little girl who was just quietly crying in the corner. It broke my heart and decided never more. She started not sleeping at night, wetting her bed (she was fully pottyvtranined by 2), biting her nails, etc.
The following year she was in a private part time o reschool where the oldest kid was 4 months older than her and the youngest was 2 months younger than her. She blossomed there. She was again happy and loving school. Stopped peeing at night, stopped waking up Witt nightmares, stopped biting her nails, etc. after a great year at this preschool I was faced with the decision of pulling her out to start K somewhere else or keep her there with all her friends (all redshirted except for the September and October birthdays). I chose to keep her in preschool another year and start K when she was about to turn 6. She still is sensitive, too nice and does not stand up for her self. She is slowly getting better, but why (given that I have the choice) would I want to put her in a class where everyone else is older and where she may not be happy again? What horrible mother would I be?
No, she will be a little older instead of younger. If when in middle school she asks why I did not send her when I was supposed to, I will tell her the truth and that for kids with birthdays around the cutoff parents can chose and we chose to have her be the oldest instead of the youngest

This is an issue of school choice and the school not working for the child vs. the child. Its also an issue if child was not speaking English.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's always going to be SOME cutoff date because our society has arbitrary rules like that. Everyone is eligible to drink at 21 despite significantly varying levels of maturity at that age. Everyone has to obey the same speed limits despite dramatically different levels of driving skill and reaction time. On and on.

So yes, in theory if cutoff date is 9/30 there are going to be a handful of kids in September or August who should ideally wait and go with following cohort because they are developmentally not ready. And vice-versa there's going to be some October and November kids who probably would have been best served to have enrolled a year earlier rather because they WERE developmentally ready, rather than waiting just because they missed some semi-arbitrary cutoff by a few weeks. But that's not how our society operates, by and large, we have one-size-fits-all rules and just deal with it.

No matter the cutoff date, there's always going to be kids on either side of the cusp... and the vast majority of those kids would be perfectly fine with EITHER cohort. So unless there's a strong, compelling reason to redshirt (or enroll early), it seems to me just stick with the program. FWIW, I've got a September 2yo DD and at this stage have seen no developmental shortcomings that would compel us to redshirt, so plan is to enroll on time but continue to monitor in case anything changes dramatically in her development (seems unlikely, but you never know).

Here is my experience. I also had a two year old DD with tan end of August birthday who was meeting all milestones. She spoke earlier than most, had lots of friends, etc. She was not speaking English much/at all, but was speaking two other languages very well. We enrolled her into DCPS PK3 and she started school a few days before turning 3. She was in a mixed age class (PK3 and PK4). Obviously she was the youngest (by 3 months), the most immature and the one with the worst English. She hated it. We spent 1 year trying to have her like school and tried everything and failed. She was doing fine “academically” and picked up English quickly, but the problem was that the 4 and older 3 year old girls did not want to play with her and excluded her. She just wasn’t able to keep up and was said and crying a lot. The teacher was a good guy, but he had to take care of 16 other kids some of which were getting into “fights” and had other issues. As a result, nobody paid attention to my little girl who was just quietly crying in the corner. It broke my heart and decided never more. She started not sleeping at night, wetting her bed (she was fully pottyvtranined by 2), biting her nails, etc.
The following year she was in a private part time o reschool where the oldest kid was 4 months older than her and the youngest was 2 months younger than her. She blossomed there. She was again happy and loving school. Stopped peeing at night, stopped waking up Witt nightmares, stopped biting her nails, etc. after a great year at this preschool I was faced with the decision of pulling her out to start K somewhere else or keep her there with all her friends (all redshirted except for the September and October birthdays). I chose to keep her in preschool another year and start K when she was about to turn 6. She still is sensitive, too nice and does not stand up for her self. She is slowly getting better, but why (given that I have the choice) would I want to put her in a class where everyone else is older and where she may not be happy again? What horrible mother would I be?
No, she will be a little older instead of younger. If when in middle school she asks why I did not send her when I was supposed to, I will tell her the truth and that for kids with birthdays around the cutoff parents can chose and we chose to have her be the oldest instead of the youngest

This is an issue of school choice and the school not working for the child vs. the child. Its also an issue if child was not speaking English.

I don't know-- my little sister, who spoke fine English in K, had a similar experience. My parents were worried about making the social isolation worse by holding her back in the same school (and having that stigma), but we couldn't afford private school, so she stayed on grade level. She never blossomed socially and while she's academically capable, her anxiety makes it hard for her to perform at high levels. It took her 6.5 years to earn a 4yr degree (full time student) and now works in a job that doesn't even require a degree. I know she had different aspirations for herself, and it's hard watching her struggle as an adult.

Maybe if you can afford tons of out of school tutoring, a coach for executive functioning skills, other after school activities to help your child find a place to find confidence and excel, redshirting isn't needed. But if either of my kids had August birthdays and didn't seem ready for K, I would hold them back in a heartbeat. It's correlation not necessarily causation, I know, but of 4 siblings the only one who struggled is the one that should have been held back.

[Anonymous]

Haven’t read all the responses. My bday is very end of July. I was one of the youngest. I enjoyed this. I would NOT have wanted to be older than everyone. My son has a July bday & also went to K on time. No issues at all. It’s silly to hold a kid back just because of age. Someone has to be the youngest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haven’t read all the responses. My bday is very end of July. I was one of the youngest. I enjoyed this. I would NOT have wanted to be older than everyone. My son has a July bday & also went to K on time. No issues at all. It’s silly to hold a kid back just because of age. Someone has to be the youngest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven’t read all the responses. My bday is very end of July. I was one of the youngest. I enjoyed this. I would NOT have wanted to be older than everyone. My son has a July bday & also went to K on time. No issues at all. It’s silly to hold a kid back just because of age. Someone has to be the youngest.

Examples of younger kids doing well are encouraging. Curious, why would you have not wanted to be the oldest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's always going to be SOME cutoff date because our society has arbitrary rules like that. Everyone is eligible to drink at 21 despite significantly varying levels of maturity at that age. Everyone has to obey the same speed limits despite dramatically different levels of driving skill and reaction time. On and on.

So yes, in theory if cutoff date is 9/30 there are going to be a handful of kids in September or August who should ideally wait and go with following cohort because they are developmentally not ready. And vice-versa there's going to be some October and November kids who probably would have been best served to have enrolled a year earlier rather because they WERE developmentally ready, rather than waiting just because they missed some semi-arbitrary cutoff by a few weeks. But that's not how our society operates, by and large, we have one-size-fits-all rules and just deal with it.

No matter the cutoff date, there's always going to be kids on either side of the cusp... and the vast majority of those kids would be perfectly fine with EITHER cohort. So unless there's a strong, compelling reason to redshirt (or enroll early), it seems to me just stick with the program. FWIW, I've got a September 2yo DD and at this stage have seen no developmental shortcomings that would compel us to redshirt, so plan is to enroll on time but continue to monitor in case anything changes dramatically in her development (seems unlikely, but you never know).

Here is my experience. I also had a two year old DD with tan end of August birthday who was meeting all milestones. She spoke earlier than most, had lots of friends, etc. She was not speaking English much/at all, but was speaking two other languages very well. We enrolled her into DCPS PK3 and she started school a few days before turning 3. She was in a mixed age class (PK3 and PK4). Obviously she was the youngest (by 3 months), the most immature and the one with the worst English. She hated it. We spent 1 year trying to have her like school and tried everything and failed. She was doing fine “academically” and picked up English quickly, but the problem was that the 4 and older 3 year old girls did not want to play with her and excluded her. She just wasn’t able to keep up and was said and crying a lot. The teacher was a good guy, but he had to take care of 16 other kids some of which were getting into “fights” and had other issues. As a result, nobody paid attention to my little girl who was just quietly crying in the corner. It broke my heart and decided never more. She started not sleeping at night, wetting her bed (she was fully pottyvtranined by 2), biting her nails, etc.
The following year she was in a private part time o reschool where the oldest kid was 4 months older than her and the youngest was 2 months younger than her. She blossomed there. She was again happy and loving school. Stopped peeing at night, stopped waking up Witt nightmares, stopped biting her nails, etc. after a great year at this preschool I was faced with the decision of pulling her out to start K somewhere else or keep her there with all her friends (all redshirted except for the September and October birthdays). I chose to keep her in preschool another year and start K when she was about to turn 6. She still is sensitive, too nice and does not stand up for her self. She is slowly getting better, but why (given that I have the choice) would I want to put her in a class where everyone else is older and where she may not be happy again? What horrible mother would I be?
No, she will be a little older instead of younger. If when in middle school she asks why I did not send her when I was supposed to, I will tell her the truth and that for kids with birthdays around the cutoff parents can chose and we chose to have her be the oldest instead of the youngest

This is an issue of school choice and the school not working for the child vs. the child. Its also an issue if child was not speaking English.

I don't know-- my little sister, who spoke fine English in K, had a similar experience. My parents were worried about making the social isolation worse by holding her back in the same school (and having that stigma), but we couldn't afford private school, so she stayed on grade level. She never blossomed socially and while she's academically capable, her anxiety makes it hard for her to perform at high levels. It took her 6.5 years to earn a 4yr degree (full time student) and now works in a job that doesn't even require a degree. I know she had different aspirations for herself, and it's hard watching her struggle as an adult.

Maybe if you can afford tons of out of school tutoring, a coach for executive functioning skills, other after school activities to help your child find a place to find confidence and excel, redshirting isn't needed. But if either of my kids had August birthdays and didn't seem ready for K, I would hold them back in a heartbeat. It's correlation not necessarily causation, I know, but of 4 siblings the only one who struggled is the one that should have been held back.

I’ve never read a story until this one, of entering school on time generating anxiety that led to these possible consequences. It’s a real outlier.

[Anonymous]

We sure did -- and her August and July brothers too. All three kids were academically ready for K at age 4, but in the long run (they're now 18, 21 and 24) we can see that they all benefited tremendously from the additional time to mature emotionally. They are/were leaders in HS -- steady kids who handled the freedom and responsibility of their teen years quite well. The older two had smooth transitions to college (and the oldest to grad school). No regrets about "red shirting" -- AKA -- recognizing that the demands of school have changed considerably since were were children.

[Anonymous]

Anyone have experience with starting an August child on time to give it a shot, then repeating K?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven’t read all the responses. My bday is very end of July. I was one of the youngest. I enjoyed this. I would NOT have wanted to be older than everyone. My son has a July bday & also went to K on time. No issues at all. It’s silly to hold a kid back just because of age. Someone has to be the youngest.

Examples of younger kids doing well are encouraging. Curious, why would you have not wanted to be the oldest?

For me personally, I liked the idea that I could do the same work as and keep up with kids who were older. I was a competitive kid by nature. It varies by kid, obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone have experience with starting an August child on time to give it a shot, then repeating K?

If you know you are going to repeat, don't do this. A big part of the benefit is not stressing out the 5 yo with a K progream where they can't meet expectations. Starting K is also a big transition and it would be a big loss to have to start over with new friends the next year. Not impossible to do, but hold back sooner rather than later if you know you are going to hold back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's always going to be SOME cutoff date because our society has arbitrary rules like that. Everyone is eligible to drink at 21 despite significantly varying levels of maturity at that age. Everyone has to obey the same speed limits despite dramatically different levels of driving skill and reaction time. On and on.

So yes, in theory if cutoff date is 9/30 there are going to be a handful of kids in September or August who should ideally wait and go with following cohort because they are developmentally not ready. And vice-versa there's going to be some October and November kids who probably would have been best served to have enrolled a year earlier rather because they WERE developmentally ready, rather than waiting just because they missed some semi-arbitrary cutoff by a few weeks. But that's not how our society operates, by and large, we have one-size-fits-all rules and just deal with it.

No matter the cutoff date, there's always going to be kids on either side of the cusp... and the vast majority of those kids would be perfectly fine with EITHER cohort. So unless there's a strong, compelling reason to redshirt (or enroll early), it seems to me just stick with the program. FWIW, I've got a September 2yo DD and at this stage have seen no developmental shortcomings that would compel us to redshirt, so plan is to enroll on time but continue to monitor in case anything changes dramatically in her development (seems unlikely, but you never know).

Here is my experience. I also had a two year old DD with tan end of August birthday who was meeting all milestones. She spoke earlier than most, had lots of friends, etc. She was not speaking English much/at all, but was speaking two other languages very well. We enrolled her into DCPS PK3 and she started school a few days before turning 3. She was in a mixed age class (PK3 and PK4). Obviously she was the youngest (by 3 months), the most immature and the one with the worst English. She hated it. We spent 1 year trying to have her like school and tried everything and failed. She was doing fine “academically” and picked up English quickly, but the problem was that the 4 and older 3 year old girls did not want to play with her and excluded her. She just wasn’t able to keep up and was said and crying a lot. The teacher was a good guy, but he had to take care of 16 other kids some of which were getting into “fights” and had other issues. As a result, nobody paid attention to my little girl who was just quietly crying in the corner. It broke my heart and decided never more. She started not sleeping at night, wetting her bed (she was fully pottyvtranined by 2), biting her nails, etc.
The following year she was in a private part time o reschool where the oldest kid was 4 months older than her and the youngest was 2 months younger than her. She blossomed there. She was again happy and loving school. Stopped peeing at night, stopped waking up Witt nightmares, stopped biting her nails, etc. after a great year at this preschool I was faced with the decision of pulling her out to start K somewhere else or keep her there with all her friends (all redshirted except for the September and October birthdays). I chose to keep her in preschool another year and start K when she was about to turn 6. She still is sensitive, too nice and does not stand up for her self. She is slowly getting better, but why (given that I have the choice) would I want to put her in a class where everyone else is older and where she may not be happy again? What horrible mother would I be?
No, she will be a little older instead of younger. If when in middle school she asks why I did not send her when I was supposed to, I will tell her the truth and that for kids with birthdays around the cutoff parents can chose and we chose to have her be the oldest instead of the youngest

This is an issue of school choice and the school not working for the child vs. the child. Its also an issue if child was not speaking English.

I'm not so sure it's just those things. My DD only spoke English and was in a well regarded kindergarten program and had many of these same symptoms. Her birthday was 3 days before the cutoff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone have experience with starting an August child on time to give it a shot, then repeating K?

I posted earlier in the thread that we did this. The extra year helped a lot with social/emotional development and some mild anxiety. DD is doing great and I have no regrets.