My abortion story

[Anonymous]

I am thankful I am done having kids and have 0% chance of getting pregnant again.

I'm terrified for my daughters, though, because we have a history of miscarriages in my family.

My aunt almost died from an ectopic pregnancy and prior to that she had 2 miscarraiges, both incomplete. My mom had several incomplete miscarriages as well. I, thankfully, did not have any, but my sister has had one.

I will 100% encourage my kids to move and establish their lives in states where abortion is legal and likely to remain legal. I don't want them in a state where they could die because someone part of an ancient book club doesn't want medically life-threatening conditions treated with the appropriate course of treatment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:See, here's the thing. An "abortion story" that goes something like "I didn't want to have a baby so I had an abortion" is every bit as valid as all of these stories about fetal abnormalities and everything else because MY BODY MY CHOICE. Nothing else matters.

Why end the life of a tiny human being who no longer needs you? Allow her to continue her life without you. What’s the payoff in being violent?

Why are you lying? People don't get abortions on healthy pregnancies willy-nilly after the point of viability. They might end a pregnancy after 27 weeks for tragic reasons, but at that point the baby is delivered. Even in few weeks before viability, most pregnancies that are deliberately ended are tragic situations like this one. Read this woman's story. Even at 19.5 weeks it was a delivery, by c-section, not a D&E.

Oh good, yet another story just like the OP's with absolutely zero evidence or indication that mother's life was remotely in jeopardy. Pregnancies end spontaneously at many points in pregnancy and end naturally without danger to the mother--sorry, pregnant person--all the time. And by the way, if the fetus is just a sack of cells and only a "potential for life" as most posters on here keep claiming, why all the worry about the "baby" "suffering, suffocating?" You can't have it both ways. You can't say it's only a "potentail for life" and then claim it's to prevent their suffering in the uterus if it's not really a person. I speak from experience very much like this story. I was never in danger, the pregnancy ended on its own. My twins lived and breathed in my arms for a short time on earth. My healthcare takers knew better than to sedate me, knowing that it was important for me to be in the moment and remember my children. I don't have the PTSD that the storyteller here does--and I didn't even have a child to go home to. Just an empty sad house. But hard things happen to us, and if you're a normal person, you grieve and move on. This story is BS.

Most people who live through a tragedy come through it with more empathy for and clarity about the sorrow and difficulties others experience. For me it was the only saving grace of having suffered through loss and other misfortune, becoming much more understanding of the lived reality of fellow humans. I'm sorry your terrible loss did not affect you in that way but left you judgmental and without compassion for others going through similar experiences. Your way of handling your grief is not the same as others, nor should it be the only acceptable way.

But I think another PP has it right that therapy would do you some good. Your reaction suggests a LOT of unfinished business in your journey through trauma. So sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you OP.

My abortion story is this:

I was 37. Married with two kids, age 11 and 8, using birth control. Got pregnant, decided I didn’t want to be pregnant, terminated the pregnancy.

My family is perfect as-is, and another one was not right for us. And I had kids young so that my middle aged years wouldn’t be spent caring for littles.

I personally do not believe a fetus (or an embryo) is a human being. I have a human right to make those choices for my life.

And this is why we can't have nice things.

Stories likes these hurt the cause and are exactly why conservatives push for restrictions. I feel so badly for the women who are at risk because of reasons like the above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you OP.

My abortion story is this:

I was 37. Married with two kids, age 11 and 8, using birth control. Got pregnant, decided I didn’t want to be pregnant, terminated the pregnancy.

My family is perfect as-is, and another one was not right for us. And I had kids young so that my middle aged years wouldn’t be spent caring for littles.

I personally do not believe a fetus (or an embryo) is a human being. I have a human right to make those choices for my life.

And this is why we can't have nice things.

Stories likes these hurt the cause and are exactly why conservatives push for restrictions. I feel so badly for the women who are at risk because of reasons like the above.

What? This is perfectly reasonable as long as it’s done in the first trimester.

Sounds like you only support abortion under extreme conditions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you OP.

My abortion story is this:

I was 37. Married with two kids, age 11 and 8, using birth control. Got pregnant, decided I didn’t want to be pregnant, terminated the pregnancy.

My family is perfect as-is, and another one was not right for us. And I had kids young so that my middle aged years wouldn’t be spent caring for littles.

I personally do not believe a fetus (or an embryo) is a human being. I have a human right to make those choices for my life.

And this is why we can't have nice things.

Stories likes these hurt the cause and are exactly why conservatives push for restrictions. I feel so badly for the women who are at risk because of reasons like the above.

No. The fact that this story seems in any way shameful or bad is the problem. Abortion is normal. Lots of people have had them and lots of people will continue to have them for all kinds of reasons. The more we support the idea that anybody but the one who is pregnant should be the arbiter of whether or not she gives birth, the easier it's going to be to restrict abortion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you OP.

My abortion story is this:

I was 37. Married with two kids, age 11 and 8, using birth control. Got pregnant, decided I didn’t want to be pregnant, terminated the pregnancy.

My family is perfect as-is, and another one was not right for us. And I had kids young so that my middle aged years wouldn’t be spent caring for littles.

I personally do not believe a fetus (or an embryo) is a human being. I have a human right to make those choices for my life.

And this is why we can't have nice things.

Stories likes these hurt the cause and are exactly why conservatives push for restrictions. I feel so badly for the women who are at risk because of reasons like the above.

Oh shut up. Either you think a non-viable fetus/embryo is a human being or you don't. If you don't, then any abortion of a non-viable fetus/embryo is fair game. If you do, then any abortion is wrong -- the only rational exception being the life of the mother. There's no room for the "moral police."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate that this thread was taken over by the anti-abortion nuts.

It's important, IMO, for women to share their stories. My own mother, who is very conservative, was very anti-abortion until she was with me when I was faced with the reality of my life versus the life of the fetus.

#1 - I was 27 & the baby was very much wanted. We'd been married 3 years and TTC for about 18 months. I started spotting & then it quickly turned to heavy bleeding. Rushed to my OB who confirmed what I knew, I was miscarrying. I was only 9 weeks so the OB wasn't worried about me continuing at home on my own, so I was discharged. I had to get rushed back to the ER later in severe pain and got a D&C.

#2 - I was just shy of turning 29 the next time. I made it to 18 weeks that time. No heartbeat was detected during my scan. a D&C was done.

After #2, I found a specialist who diagnosed me with what several other OBs had missed: bicornuate uterus. Mine isn't as "split" or well-defined as a traditional bicornuate uterus, mine is more of a heart shape of sorts but there is separation.

I had one more miscarriage with D&C at age 32 and then my husband got a vasectomy. I couldn't go through it anymore.

D&C's are terrible and painful. No one is using abortions as a means of birth control.

2-3 people in the posts prior to yours admitted they'd done just that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you OP.

My abortion story is this:

I was 37. Married with two kids, age 11 and 8, using birth control. Got pregnant, decided I didn’t want to be pregnant, terminated the pregnancy.

My family is perfect as-is, and another one was not right for us. And I had kids young so that my middle aged years wouldn’t be spent caring for littles.

I personally do not believe a fetus (or an embryo) is a human being. I have a human right to make those choices for my life.

And this is why we can't have nice things.

Stories likes these hurt the cause and are exactly why conservatives push for restrictions. I feel so badly for the women who are at risk because of reasons like the above.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:See, here's the thing. An "abortion story" that goes something like "I didn't want to have a baby so I had an abortion" is every bit as valid as all of these stories about fetal abnormalities and everything else because MY BODY MY CHOICE. Nothing else matters.

Why end the life of a tiny human being who no longer needs you? Allow her to continue her life without you. What’s the payoff in being violent?

Why are you lying? People don't get abortions on healthy pregnancies willy-nilly after the point of viability. They might end a pregnancy after 27 weeks for tragic reasons, but at that point the baby is delivered. Even in few weeks before viability, most pregnancies that are deliberately ended are tragic situations like this one. Read this woman's story. Even at 19.5 weeks it was a delivery, by c-section, not a D&E.

Oh good, yet another story just like the OP's with absolutely zero evidence or indication that mother's life was remotely in jeopardy. Pregnancies end spontaneously at many points in pregnancy and end naturally without danger to the mother--sorry, pregnant person--all the time. And by the way, if the fetus is just a sack of cells and only a "potential for life" as most posters on here keep claiming, why all the worry about the "baby" "suffering, suffocating?" You can't have it both ways. You can't say it's only a "potentail for life" and then claim it's to prevent their suffering in the uterus if it's not really a person. I speak from experience very much like this story. I was never in danger, the pregnancy ended on its own. My twins lived and breathed in my arms for a short time on earth. My healthcare takers knew better than to sedate me, knowing that it was important for me to be in the moment and remember my children. I don't have the PTSD that the storyteller here does--and I didn't even have a child to go home to. Just an empty sad house. But hard things happen to us, and if you're a normal person, you grieve and move on. This story is BS.

Medical intervention sometimes requires risk assessment of what may happen even if it isn't happening yet. That is why an ectopic pregnancy should be removed upon identification rather than waiting it out - or maybe you would choose to for yourself, but that's you.

That is why high risk folks are advised to get vaccinated for COVID. Or why some women with high familial risk if breast cancer choose to undergo mastectomy. There are millions of ways people make medical decisions in consultation with their doctor and may take initiative to do something preemptively rather than ride it out.

When it comes to an unviable and potentially unsafe pregnancy, waiting it out may be ok or it may not. But a woman should be able to choose and just because you may choose differently for yourself what to do based on your beliefs or risk perception depending on the scenario does not give you the right to make that choice for another woman. You are also not a doctor - the only group who should be advising on the real risk to the woman.

But people who get prophylactic mastectomies don't say that it saved their lives. It potentially saved their lives and gave them peace of mind. They cannot say definitively it saved their lives and neither can that person in the Twitter story. It's disingenuous and specious and not a good argument for choice. Either you believe in choice or you don't. The need to claim it saved your life (when there's no proof it did) certainly devalues the women who make that choice for other reasons. It seems like there are a few camps in the pro-abortion movement. Those who think it should be allowed only when it is needed to save or--in the OP's case, maybe possibly, in some universe, saves--the mother's life and those who think the choice should be a woman's no matter the circumstance. For the record, I am in the second camp and just over hearing from dramatic women whose arguments are specious.

What are you even talking about. If you have the BCRA gene, you will get an aggressive breast cancer that will kill you. Not a probability, a guarantee. A mastectomy before that cancer inevitably grows and spreads absolutely saves your life.

[Anonymous]

For all the talk about why women have abortions, we haven’t talked about why women have babies. Let me share a family story. My grandma had 12 children, her siblings and friends also had tons. It’s a story that played out all over the “pro life” 1950s and continues in fringe Catholic and evangelical circles today.

Their children were brought into the world because their husband came home drunk or high on his one supply, rolled on top of them for 45 seconds, and knocked them up. The children from these pathetic liaisons aren’t particularly wanted, aren’t really loved, and are barely cared for by the older siblings and anyone who might take an interest, such as a pervert priest. Their children aren’t a blessing but a thing to be endured while on this earth in the hope that something better follows.

These women were and are miserable and suffering, and their kids were and are miserable and neglected - a misery that often gets passed own through generations. This is who is voting to end your choice- miserable people who made miserable decisions and want you to be miserable too.

[MayaJ]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a medical abortion. The embryo heart stopped but because of other issues my body would not miscarry. I’m ever thankful that my doctor was kind and performed it before sepsis set in. People posting here know very little about the dangers of pregnancy.
I have had 3 friends with later MC who nearly bled to death. MC can be fatal.
Up until recently the main cause of death among women under 50 was childbirth or pregnancy complications of which there are many.
But nothing will change the pro choice attitude.

Yes this. It broke my heart to see abortion listed on my medical paperwork for a much wanted and desired pregnancy. But nothing was right with the pregnancy from the very first scans. I waited an agonizing 5 weeks for the heartbeat to stop. We all knew it would, it was just a matter of when. I was 11 weeks. Then my body would not give up the fetal tissue. I waited another two weeks to miscarry naturally and it would not happen. So I had a D&C. Traumatizing and the nurses didn’t help. I’d never had a general in my life and I woke up sobbing, to hear a nurse say “we’ve got a a weeper.”

What would have happened if I couldn’t get that D&C, even with a no longer viable pregnancy that had already lingered for weeks?

I
I am unaware of any state law that outlaws abortion for a non-viable pregnancy or one that is to protect the health of the mother.

Well, until Friday it was unconstitutional for such a law to exist.

Texas, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Kentucky, Arkansas, and Louisiana have no exceptions for health of the mother, for rape or incest, or for a fetus with conditions incompatible with life. I am not sure what you mean by non-viable pregnancy - doesn't matter in the above states unless the mother's life is in danger.

So now you are aware.

https://www.politico.com/news/2022/06/24/abortion-laws-by-state-roe-v-wade-00037695

You appear to be contradicting yourself—see bolded above.

Exceptions for the life of the mother mean nothing when there is no doctor in your state who will perform the abortion .

Life of the mother exceptions also do not cover those fetuses who are incompatible with life (t-18 or heart defects, for example) because technically the mothers life isn’t in danger. The impact on NICUs and the trauma that will place on families who have to deliver a baby just to watch it die will be significant. Also, what happens to prenatal care like NIPT tests, amnio, or CVS if you don’t have a choice to terminate for medical reasons?

In many cases, NO ONE, even the doctor knows for sure that the baby isn’t compatible with life. Not every condition, or diagnosis made is automatically a death sentence. Down’s syndrome isn’t incompatible with life. Think of all the babies born with special needs and no one knows until they are born.

Yes, having a baby with special needs takes a lot of selflessness and so parents might choose to abort instead.

Even if a baby is likely to only live hours, many people choose to carry to term out of dignity for the baby because they do believe that baby is a life. And maybe they can hold that baby for a few hours or even a few days. But that’s a very courageous that not many can make.

I'm going to take issue with the bolded. Choosing not to carry a pregnancy to term because the child has special needs isn't selfish. It's all about knowing you and your family. I have a close friend whose second child has spina bifida. They chose to have that child. They even tried to get into a clinical trial where he would be operated on while still in utero to try to help him. They are lucky that they have great healthcare and are financially able to provide him with everything he needs and then some. He's a smart kid, but has learning disabilities and is on the autism spectrum, and has depression. He also can't walk, use the bathroom, etc. He has had to have major surgeries almost every summer he has been alive and spends weeks recovering. He is wheelchair bound.

She got pregnant with a third child and it turned out that baby had an even worse case of spina bifida. They chose to terminate, not because they weren't "selfless" enough, but because they could not see themselves knowingly bringing another child into the world with the challenges he would face, likely more than his brother, and they were also worried about the effect that would have on the two older children since they understood the time, attention, and care this child would need. Her husband's parents are no help with the kids in general (her MIL told her she should terminate the second pregnancy) and her own mother has the beginnings of dementia.

There's really a full spectrum of disability out there and the current trotting out of happy, functional children with Down Syndrome doesn't reflect reality for many, many families.

Such an important point. I work with children with severe disabilities. Some really suffer daily even with the best medical help and social support. Sometimes, only complex medical intervention made their survival possible. Families live in fear of how their loved one will be cared for after they pass away. Some students have severe autism which isn’t diagnosable in pre-natal tests. All parents take the risk of having a special needs child. It’s a profound privilege and joy to work with students who need so much care. But knowingly brining a child into the world with severe lifelong needs and poor quality of life isn’t something I would choose.

+1 It's so easy to sit back and wax poetic about SN kids when you don't have any experience raising one, especially one with really serious needs that require 24/7 care. I find it to be the most disingenuous part of the anti-abortion movement, especially because most people who are anti-abortion are also against increasing state funding to help parents and caretakers with SN kids

Um I have a special needs kid and am friends with many sn parents and this is completely untrue. Many of us chose to have a baby

Good for you. You had a choice. Don’t take that choice away from the rest of us!

[MayaJ]

Anonymous wrote:For all the talk about why women have abortions, we haven’t talked about why women have babies. Let me share a family story. My grandma had 12 children, her siblings and friends also had tons. It’s a story that played out all over the “pro life” 1950s and continues in fringe Catholic and evangelical circles today.

Their children were brought into the world because their husband came home drunk or high on his one supply, rolled on top of them for 45 seconds, and knocked them up. The children from these pathetic liaisons aren’t particularly wanted, aren’t really loved, and are barely cared for by the older siblings and anyone who might take an interest, such as a pervert priest. Their children aren’t a blessing but a thing to be endured while on this earth in the hope that something better follows.

These women were and are miserable and suffering, and their kids were and are miserable and neglected - a misery that often gets passed own through generations. This is who is voting to end your choice- miserable people who made miserable decisions and want you to be miserable too.

+1. Smart, educated people don’t multiply like rabbits. They have better things to do with their lives than raising babies in perpetuity.

[MayaJ]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you OP.

My abortion story is this:

I was 37. Married with two kids, age 11 and 8, using birth control. Got pregnant, decided I didn’t want to be pregnant, terminated the pregnancy.

My family is perfect as-is, and another one was not right for us. And I had kids young so that my middle aged years wouldn’t be spent caring for littles.

I personally do not believe a fetus (or an embryo) is a human being. I have a human right to make those choices for my life.

And this is why we can't have nice things.

Stories likes these hurt the cause and are exactly why conservatives push for restrictions. I feel so badly for the women who are at risk because of reasons like the above.

-1. You either believe in choice, or you don’t. We can’t have “things” because the Republicans are shameless, unethical POSs who wouldn’t allow Garland on the bench with zero legitimate reasons. And because of Trump. Not because a woman decided she didn’t want more kids. Raising a child, esp raising a child well is a huge commitment. No one should ever be forced into that decision.
To me, and embryo and an unfertilized egg are almost the same.

[Anonymous]

MayaJ wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a medical abortion. The embryo heart stopped but because of other issues my body would not miscarry. I’m ever thankful that my doctor was kind and performed it before sepsis set in. People posting here know very little about the dangers of pregnancy.
I have had 3 friends with later MC who nearly bled to death. MC can be fatal.
Up until recently the main cause of death among women under 50 was childbirth or pregnancy complications of which there are many.
But nothing will change the pro choice attitude.

Yes this. It broke my heart to see abortion listed on my medical paperwork for a much wanted and desired pregnancy. But nothing was right with the pregnancy from the very first scans. I waited an agonizing 5 weeks for the heartbeat to stop. We all knew it would, it was just a matter of when. I was 11 weeks. Then my body would not give up the fetal tissue. I waited another two weeks to miscarry naturally and it would not happen. So I had a D&C. Traumatizing and the nurses didn’t help. I’d never had a general in my life and I woke up sobbing, to hear a nurse say “we’ve got a a weeper.”

What would have happened if I couldn’t get that D&C, even with a no longer viable pregnancy that had already lingered for weeks?

I
I am unaware of any state law that outlaws abortion for a non-viable pregnancy or one that is to protect the health of the mother.

Well, until Friday it was unconstitutional for such a law to exist.

Texas, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Kentucky, Arkansas, and Louisiana have no exceptions for health of the mother, for rape or incest, or for a fetus with conditions incompatible with life. I am not sure what you mean by non-viable pregnancy - doesn't matter in the above states unless the mother's life is in danger.

So now you are aware.

https://www.politico.com/news/2022/06/24/abortion-laws-by-state-roe-v-wade-00037695

You appear to be contradicting yourself—see bolded above.

Exceptions for the life of the mother mean nothing when there is no doctor in your state who will perform the abortion .

Life of the mother exceptions also do not cover those fetuses who are incompatible with life (t-18 or heart defects, for example) because technically the mothers life isn’t in danger. The impact on NICUs and the trauma that will place on families who have to deliver a baby just to watch it die will be significant. Also, what happens to prenatal care like NIPT tests, amnio, or CVS if you don’t have a choice to terminate for medical reasons?

In many cases, NO ONE, even the doctor knows for sure that the baby isn’t compatible with life. Not every condition, or diagnosis made is automatically a death sentence. Down’s syndrome isn’t incompatible with life. Think of all the babies born with special needs and no one knows until they are born.

Yes, having a baby with special needs takes a lot of selflessness and so parents might choose to abort instead.

Even if a baby is likely to only live hours, many people choose to carry to term out of dignity for the baby because they do believe that baby is a life. And maybe they can hold that baby for a few hours or even a few days. But that’s a very courageous that not many can make.

I'm going to take issue with the bolded. Choosing not to carry a pregnancy to term because the child has special needs isn't selfish. It's all about knowing you and your family. I have a close friend whose second child has spina bifida. They chose to have that child. They even tried to get into a clinical trial where he would be operated on while still in utero to try to help him. They are lucky that they have great healthcare and are financially able to provide him with everything he needs and then some. He's a smart kid, but has learning disabilities and is on the autism spectrum, and has depression. He also can't walk, use the bathroom, etc. He has had to have major surgeries almost every summer he has been alive and spends weeks recovering. He is wheelchair bound.

She got pregnant with a third child and it turned out that baby had an even worse case of spina bifida. They chose to terminate, not because they weren't "selfless" enough, but because they could not see themselves knowingly bringing another child into the world with the challenges he would face, likely more than his brother, and they were also worried about the effect that would have on the two older children since they understood the time, attention, and care this child would need. Her husband's parents are no help with the kids in general (her MIL told her she should terminate the second pregnancy) and her own mother has the beginnings of dementia.

There's really a full spectrum of disability out there and the current trotting out of happy, functional children with Down Syndrome doesn't reflect reality for many, many families.

Such an important point. I work with children with severe disabilities. Some really suffer daily even with the best medical help and social support. Sometimes, only complex medical intervention made their survival possible. Families live in fear of how their loved one will be cared for after they pass away. Some students have severe autism which isn’t diagnosable in pre-natal tests. All parents take the risk of having a special needs child. It’s a profound privilege and joy to work with students who need so much care. But knowingly brining a child into the world with severe lifelong needs and poor quality of life isn’t something I would choose.

+1 It's so easy to sit back and wax poetic about SN kids when you don't have any experience raising one, especially one with really serious needs that require 24/7 care. I find it to be the most disingenuous part of the anti-abortion movement, especially because most people who are anti-abortion are also against increasing state funding to help parents and caretakers with SN kids

Um I have a special needs kid and am friends with many sn parents and this is completely untrue. Many of us chose to have a baby

Good for you. You had a choice. Don’t take that choice away from the rest of us!

I'm responding to the generalization that all special needs kids are unwanted.
I would say moa SN parents of my acquaintance are opposed to abortion and strongly support increasing State funding to help with special needs kids
"""
+1 It's so easy to sit back and wax poetic about SN kids when you don't have any experience raising one, especially one with really serious needs that require 24/7 care. I find it to be the most disingenuous part of the anti-abortion movement, especially because most people who are anti-abortion are also against increasing state funding to help parents and caretakers with SN kids"""

[Anonymous]

Here is my abortion story. Actually one mine and one not mine. As a young student, I was doing a rotation in the ICU. There was a mother of 2 there, who was pregnant with her 3rd. The baby died mid pregnancy and she did not know. Very quickly she developed and infection which turned into a disseminated intravascular coagulapathy and her organs were shutting down. No idea if she survived but that pregnancy was literally killing her. My own story, I had a boyfriend in college and got pregnant while on a pill. I had no plans to start a family at 19 and had an abortion. My mom took me. I have absolutely no regrets. I feel no guilt or actually have any feelings over it. I read all the time that women are plaques by feelings of remorse and grief. I had a positive pregnancy test and had my abortion 3 days later. I have a beautiful family which happened when I wanted it to happen.