Having a second child so children have siblings

[Anonymous]

I know people say you shouldn't have a second child just because you want the first to have a sibling, but I really feel that is the reason I want a second. I can't imagine not having a sibling and I think FOR ME it would feel wrong to not try to give my child a brother or sister to grow up with. Do other people feel that way as well? I'm mainly wondering if most people here who have or want a second child really want one because they want another baby, or because they feel their kid should have a sibling. And also, if you have a second kid so that the first will have a sibling, did it work out? Are you happy about it? Do you regret it??

[Anonymous]

DD wanted a baby sister so badly while she was 4-6 yo.
Now she is 10, she asked me how to have only one child. LOL. She wants to make sure to have only 1 child in her future family. She feels she is loved so much, and gets all the attention and resources as the only child. She is so grateful that she doesn't have to deal with sibling(s) like her friends.

[Anonymous]

There are lots of threads asking this question, and as you may imagine, 1/3 of people say "of course kids need siblings. there's nothing wrong with it!", 1/3 of people say "that's a silly, reason with no guarantee. have a child because you and your DH want to have a child and for no other reason. one is fine." and the other 1/3 get mad at you because they can't have 1 or 2 or 3 and you should be happy with what you got.

You know the answer. It works out for some. Not for others. My advice: do what *you* want.

[Anonymous]

OP, have another child because you want one, because you feel it's what you and your spouse see as making your lives complete, whatever, but DON'T have another child so your DC can have a sibling. Some siblings are close, some end up hating each other. There are millions of reasons to have more than one and millions of reasons to stop at one. Don't make "because DC needs a sibling" enter the discussion. It's a huge mistake. Really.

[Anonymous]

You can't imagine not having a sibling relationship like the one you have, correct? What if they don't get along? What if they hate each other?

The tipping point on deciding to have my sibling was the fact that my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer and my father (an only child) decided he never wanted me to have to go through that by myself, like he did.

My sibling and I get along and really love each other and I can't imagine being an only child, but I also wouldn't have another kid solely for that reason. Your kid's life is never going to be a recreation of your own experiences. But I think it's just one factor to take into account in the decision to have another kid.

[Anonymous]

I always thought that reasoning for having a second kid, while I understand it, is problematic. I just think you should have another child, only because you want that other child to exist as a human being, an individual. You shouldn't create a human being just for the possible benefit of an already existing person. And, I'm not saying you would do this, but what if that second child grows up somehow sensing that they were created simply for the benefit of their older sibling?

[Anonymous]

Here is a slightly different take on this situation. I was an only child growing up. It was awesome when I was little but around the time I went away for college and then onto grad school and then moved completely out of state for a job, Guilt over leaving my parents took over. This was a problem of mine internally so not to say every only child will get it. But when my parents had/have health problems and other issues and I have no one to lean on for advise and help with them I really wish I had siblings to share all of the guilt, anxiety, frustrations with. Making important decisions all by myself with no guidance or input is really hard. It is a lot to be on your own with ailing parents especially when you don't live close to them. There were times when I was little as well that I wished I had siblings to play with and go on trips with.

[Anonymous]

For me, that's like saying "having a second child so that children have a short-tempered over-worked mother with little time and less money for either one's needs."

No thanks. I would have LOVED to be an only child. And I know I'd be a lousy mother to more than one.

[Anonymous]

To give our first a sibling was probably the major reason we had a second. It was the best decision we ever made- for all of us. No. 2 totally stole our hearts as much as No. 1 did and they totally love (and hate) each other. Sure, there's plenty of fighting between the two. But there also is a lot of laughter and playing. I can't imagine my life without my sister and I wouldn't want my child to grow up alone. Only children seem to struggle as their parents get older and the burden to help them is theirs alone.

[Anonymous]

Having a child to give your child a sibling is a great second reason to have kids. The first should be because you want another child.

[Anonymous]

All of these anecdotes about how it's hard to be an only or it's great to have a sibling are great, but they're anecdotes.

For every one of them, there's someone else with a story about their drug addict brother, fighting over the parents' estate, or a conflicted or distant sibling relationship. For ever only who wished they had a sibling growing up, there's a sibling who wished they didn't have to share their room or toys or parents.

Likewise, for the onlies who feel as if they can't leave their parents, younger children or only daughters or one of many children often feel that, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is a slightly different take on this situation. I was an only child growing up. It was awesome when I was little but around the time I went away for college and then onto grad school and then moved completely out of state for a job, Guilt over leaving my parents took over. This was a problem of mine internally so not to say every only child will get it. But when my parents had/have health problems and other issues and I have no one to lean on for advise and help with them I really wish I had siblings to share all of the guilt, anxiety, frustrations with. Making important decisions all by myself with no guidance or input is really hard. It is a lot to be on your own with ailing parents especially when you don't live close to them. There were times when I was little as well that I wished I had siblings to play with and go on trips with.

What if you had siblings that refused to help with ailing parents? wouldn't still have been on your own anyway? Point is there are no guarantees of these things.

[Anonymous]

I do. It's not the only reason, but it's a very important one to us. And I really don't care if others disagree with us.

[Anonymous]

It was not my primary reason for having a 2nd child but I think it is a very valid reason to have a 2nd child.

[Anonymous]

I think its a great reason because nature will ensure that you adore the kid anyway. So even if the siblings dont end up getting along, YOU gain another person you love.