Having a second child so children have siblings

[Anonymous]

For me it was both, I wanted a second child and I wanted by son to have a sibling. No regrets. Watching the way they interact with each other is priceless.

[Anonymous]

I felt as you and our second is beyond a joy! I did not feel the maternal bond w our first ad strongly as my 2nd even though we love each other lots. I'm much closer to our second whether or not she and her brother are close! So it worked for me at least

[Anonymous]

For those of you who have siblings that you hate, how much of that is due to the sibling, and how much do you think it has to do with your parents? Barring giving birth to a child with a mental illness, personality disorder, etc., are sibling relationships really a total crapshoot?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who have siblings that you hate, how much of that is due to the sibling, and how much do you think it has to do with your parents? Barring giving birth to a child with a mental illness, personality disorder, etc., are sibling relationships really a total crapshoot?

Well, a "total crapshoot" has a negative connotation. LOL! But, you cannot predict how sibling relationships will play out over time. There are so many variables with one being the personality of the kids themselves. I have 4 kids (all teens) and they get along fine - but there have been issues (especially with the middle two) and who knows whether they will be close as adults. They have had to split financial resources and parental attention 4 ways. But they have also had 3 other people who know them better than anyone. We did not have them because we wanted the other kid(s) to have a sibling. We felt that we had a lot of love (and the resources) for other children. We had them for the family as a whole.

No of course, I am the middle child in my family and I have not seen my older sister in 5 years and I talk to my younger one sporadically (although both have kids that are close to my kids). We were tight as kids but fell out as adults over elder parent care issues.

[Anonymous]

You can't force the kids to have a relationship as children OR as adults.

Personally, I am an only child and have an only child. I hate kids and only like mine, plus feel it's easier to fold one child into our lifestyle than two. Plus I think I'd be a worse mother to two than I am to one.

My kid will just have to learn to make friends.

[Anonymous]

My wife wanted to have another for that reason. So far, no luck. My personal feeling is that the clock winds down around 3-4. After that it stops being a playmate and turns into an apprentice. After about 6-7, I figure it's just like having a training-kid. I begged for a sibling for years and my mother didn't have my sister until I was 9. She felt like my daughter than my sibling.

[Anonymous]

my primary reason for DC2 was to give DC1 a sibling and I don't regret it at all. I love DC2 so much and love seeing how the kids interact. Yes, they fight over toys and for my attention, but they also really love each other. That said, the baby stage seemed a lot harder with DC#2 - but that was probably bc I had a toddler at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know people say you shouldn't have a second child just because you want the first to have a sibling, but I really feel that is the reason I want a second. I can't imagine not having a sibling and I think FOR ME it would feel wrong to not try to give my child a brother or sister to grow up with. Do other people feel that way as well? I'm mainly wondering if most people here who have or want a second child really want one because they want another baby, or because they feel their kid should have a sibling. And also, if you have a second kid so that the first will have a sibling, did it work out? Are you happy about it? Do you regret it??

I think that having a second child so that your first child has a sibling is the perfect reason to have another child. I had a second child and don't regret it for a minute. I would have regreted not having that second child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't imagine not having a sibling relationship like the one you have, correct? What if they don't get along? What if they hate each other?

The tipping point on deciding to have my sibling was the fact that my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer and my father (an only child) decided he never wanted me to have to go through that by myself, like he did.

My sibling and I get along and really love each other and I can't imagine being an only child, but I also wouldn't have another kid solely for that reason. Your kid's life is never going to be a recreation of your own experiences. But I think it's just one factor to take into account in the decision to have another kid.

This is me. Although I did want a 2nd, we had such a hard time having #1 that I wasn't sure I wanted to go through it again. But, mom had already passed away and dad was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's. My brother and I were not close, but we had to work together to manage a very difficult situation. I realized that I didn't want to burden our daughter with having to deal with us by herself without sibling support, particularly because Alzheimer's runs now 2 generations in my family. So, we went for #2 and got a bonus #3 at the same time. ? Couldn't be happier with how that part all worked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do. It's not the only reason, but it's a very important one to us. And I really don't care if others disagree with us.

Ditto. We loved having one kids and still think about how easy our lives would be if we still had just one. But we really wanted our child to have a sibling. And we love having a second so it's worked out well for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me, that's like saying "having a second child so that children have a short-tempered over-worked mother with little time and less money for either one's needs."

No thanks. I would have LOVED to be an only child. And I know I'd be a lousy mother to more than one.

Yep. +1

[Anonymous]

One of the greatest gifts you can give you child is a sibling. The world doesn't work according to only children, one isn't always the center of attention, the one that gets to pick first, the one that gets to make the decisions, the boss. For us, it was a major factor in having a second, but both of us have 3 or more siblings. It is a major life skill learning to deal with other people, people you may to necessarily like all the time and/ or have same interests. Learning to resolve conflict and compromise is important, sure you get this at school to some degree but in my kids' school the only children really stick out as the ones who have problems with this. I had a roommate in college who was an only child, she was miserable to live with, super bossy and it had to be her way all the time or she had a fit. My MIL and her own mother are BOTH only children, and now that the great-grandmother is widowed and very ill, my MIL has no siblings, cousins, aunts or uncles to help, NO ONE. It is an incredible burden on her and very heartbreaking.

I understand all the reasons to have one child, sure it can be easier, cheaper, more time, energy and resources can be given to one child than divided, but frankly for us, the pros of adding a second really outweighed them.

[Anonymous]

Wait until the siblings HATE each other, even as adults, and it completely tears the family apart. It can happen and just b/c people don't talk about it doesn't mean that it doesn't happen more often than you think. It's horrible. Don't expect it or plan for the worst, but don't have a baby because you're creating a best friend for DC.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you should have a second child if your only reason is so that your first child can have a sibling. If you otherwise think you want another child, wanting a sibling for your first child is fine as a supplemental reason.
I have one kid and adore him (he's 4). But I just have no desire to do it again. I see babies r us ads for diapers, formula, high chairs etc., and feel so happy and grateful that I don't have to do that again. It would not be fair to have another kid under these circumstances, because I really have no desire to take care of one. I genuinely like taking care of the kid I have, but don't want to add more onto it.

[Anonymous]

Love my sibling, and always knew I wanted 2 kids. But certainly didn't have baby lust for #2 - hell, I didn't have it for #1. I just knew that when I pictured my family at 60 it included more than one grown kid in it, so if I wanted to get to there I had to get knocked up first.

All joking aside, I think it's a very normal course of action to have kids for intellectual reasons even if you're not emotionally feeling a drive to have them - some of us just don't get / operate on those emotional drives. If I had waited to feel 'driven' to have kids I might still not have any (oldest is 5) or have had the second, but I'm very happy we didn't wait longer, and that our kids have one another.

And yes, we lucked out and our kids get along / play together really well (2.5 years apart.) I know some of that is pure luck, but we also work hard to foster that relationship, and I do think we have been able to encourage it.