Keeping DH from feeling like a babymaking service?
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Anonymous
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We miscarried (for the third time) last fall and this is the first month we're trying again. My trusty monitor told me this morning that I'm about to ovulate -- so, once more into the breach we go. I have two requests for you all:
1) DCUM was so supportive during this last horrific miscarriage -- I don't know what I would have done without you all. So keep your fingers crossed for us, would you please? 2) Any advice on how to avoid DH feeling like a babymaking service? At first when we were trying to conceive, it was beautiful and romantic and tender -- "Oh darling, let's make a baby." Ha. Remember those days? Now, after all the miscarriages and tests and tears and monitoring and temping and all that crap -- it's more like, "OK, come on, let's get this thing done." I hate the feeling that I'm having to basically tell DH to perform. He, delightful and patient man that he is, has never said a word about it, but I can just sense the difference. Add to that the fact that I've been sick and had a UTI last week -- so there hasn't been a lot of romance lately. And I don't want him to feel that the only time I want him is when I'm fertile -- that is definitely not the case. But I'm feeling sheepish about going to him tonight and saying, "Um, yeah, it's time, wanna get it on?" Ugh. I know we can't be the only ones who've been through this! Anyone care to weigh in with advice? Thanks in advance... |
Anonymous
| Oral sex goes a long way. |
Anonymous
This. |
Anonymous
Ditto. I was on it last night to get the machine ready for the weekend. |
Anonymous
Ha! I love it! Like you OP, I don't know what I would do without the outlet I get here. Good luck to you all! |
Anonymous
And so does humor/laughter and so does wine and lingerie. |
Anonymous
Careful, saliva is not good for sperm - it's a mild spermicide. That's why we never did oral while TTC |
Anonymous
I sympathize, OP. After 8 months of TTC, sex felt like work and there was zero spontaneity in our sex life. Toys helped. We bought some pre-seed (supposedly sperm safe lube. I'm pregnant now so maybe our regular lube was bad for TTC) and got some toys. He has a cock ring that he likes and we bought a We Vibe too. It made sex fun. Also, making a point to have sex NOT on one of the days you need to do it to TTC. That let my DH know that I wasn't just using him as a babymaking machine. 
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Anonymous
| You can't. It is what it is. He just needs to strap on his helmet and get in the game. |
Anonymous
| I second the suggestion for sex toys. Trust me, it will take your mind off of what you're trying to accomplish- for a little while, anyway. |
Anonymous
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17:29 - I agree!!!!! My doctor always said there is lingerie sex (for fun) and then there is t-shirt sex (for conceiving). Unfortunately some of us are not as lucky as our counterparts to be able to have lingerie sex whenever and be guaranteed a baby. My husband and I just try to have a good sense of humor about it.
Also, a big fat NO to oral sex. Saliva is terrible for sperm!!!! A big no-no. |
Anonymous
| I've gotten pregnant several times with lingerie sex that was very planned! It does take some extra effort and I don't do it all the time, but I think going the extra mile on that second or third day in a row can really help. Open a bottle of wine, put on something sexy and try to make it more enjoyable for both of you. There have been days when I've told him the monitor says we have to, so lets go, but we both get more out of it when there's some flirting/sexiness before. And OP, I'm with you on the 3 miscarraiges. It makes everything more tense and difficult. Fingers crossed for both of us. |