Getting ready to say "fuck it"

[Anonymous]

Sorry about the cursing. I thought about typing something less abrasive, but I'm so pissed right now. I'm SICK of the attitude that's coming from my daughter. She's such a fucking drag during the college application bullshit. She seems to think she can do this without me and my input which is fine, but who the hell does she expect to pay for all of the applications?

She hounds me to pay application fees and to have SAT scores sent, but when I ask her if she's completed her essays, had her letters of recommendations and transcripts sent she gets pissy and/or cagey with her responses. She doesn't seem to get that the deadlines are HERE and unless she bucks up, she's not going to go anywhere next Fall.

I don't mind that she wants to do this without my help, but she's so lazy about fulfilling her end of things, so she's not actually accomplishing much. Hasn't done any scholarship essays...has done the bare minimum.

I'm so tempted to just say "fuck it" and if she misses the deadlines and doesn't get in to her schools of choice to just let it all fall on her head.

[Anonymous]

So say "fuck it."

Or write all the checks on one sitting and give them to her to mail.

You're not gonna be there in the Fall wherever she is, so maybe it's time for a real-life test run.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. I'm guessing we're going to be there with DS in another year. Maybe keep telling yourself that being a parent can be rough, but it's what we all have to suck up and do, and the payoff will come years later when she's self-supporting....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP. I'm guessing we're going to be there with DS in another year. Maybe keep telling yourself that being a parent can be rough, but it's what we all have to suck up and do, and the payoff will come years later when she's self-supporting....

Meant to add, so keep nagging, pitch a fit if it helps, ignore the pissy face, and think ahead to Septembet when you can ship her off to wherever if turns out to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So say "fuck it."

Or write all the checks on one sitting and give them to her to mail.

You're not gonna be there in the Fall wherever she is, so maybe it's time for a real-life test run.

I like this advice. You remind her calmly one more time of the deadlines. Or better yet write out a list of all the deadlines and give them to her with the checks. Then after that do not mention it anymore. If your DD misses a deadline(s) then she will learn a lesson hopefully.

[Anonymous]

You and my mother would have a lot to talk about. When I was 17, I was a total buttwipe and would barely talk to my mother. She hounded me to get essays done, request recommendation letters, ask for transcripts, etc. I balked every minute and probably did miss a few deadlines.

I thank God every day she didn't say "Fuck it." Because I got into my first choice school on early decision and with a near-full-ride. And that would NOT have happened without her support/nagging.

We danced together the day my acceptance arrived.

Take a deep breath and know that what are you are doing is an investment in your child's future, and hopefully someday she will thank you for it.

[Anonymous]

Are checks required anymore? When my DD applied 2 years ago it was all online and payment was by credit card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are checks required anymore? When my DD applied 2 years ago it was all online and payment was by credit card.

This may be part of the problem, for the applications at least. As I recall with my DD, the Common App makes you pay at the end, after you've finished all the essays. OP could probably do all the SAT fees electronically at one sitting, though.

[Anonymous]

Hire the OP of the other thread who just started a college consulting business? For probably just a few hundred, you can pay her to ride herd on DD.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the responses. My daughter is applying online, so she'll complete the application, then wants me to pay the fee. Meanwhile, she lets other aspects of the application fall through (recommendations, transcripts, etc).

I have a problem with paying hundreds of dollars for incomplete applications...applications that I have little confidence she'll fully complete.

I guess at this point, I just pay and wish her luck. I *hate* having to pull information out of her. Here's an example from tonight:

Me: Did you have your schools send out transcripts to the colleges?
Daughter (in a damn near dead monotone voice): I already have transcripts.
Me: Yes, but they want them sent directly from the school.
Her: I already asked the school to send them.
Me: To which schools (to make sure we're on the same page)?
Her: To the schools I asked them to send them to.

This sort of conversation pisses me off. I have to practically drag information out of her and she is still reluctant to give up any info. Why couldn't the conversation have been more like:

Me: Did you have your schools send out transcripts to the colleges?
Her: Yes, I talked with my counselors and asked them to send them to X, X and X.

I realize I'll get past this anger, but right now, I'm sick of her crap. It doesn't help that when she wants me to do things, she sends me emails instead of coming to actually talk to me.

[Anonymous]

Too much conversation.

Tell her to come get you when she is ready for you to pay the app fee. Tell her you will scan through the app to make sure every applicable field is filled in but won't edit/read. Tell her she must provide you with verification in writing the transcripts were sent - copy of the request form/email/etc whatever it takes. She doesn't do any of those, she doesn't apply.

She wants to apply late. That's fine, she can pay you in cash for any additional late fee that is incurred for doing so.

No apps done? No problem bc community college will take her. You will pay that app fee after she signs a lease signed to start the day the semester starts where she pays you some amount in rent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too much conversation.

Tell her to come get you when she is ready for you to pay the app fee. Tell her you will scan through the app to make sure every applicable field is filled in but won't edit/read. Tell her she must provide you with verification in writing the transcripts were sent - copy of the request form/email/etc whatever it takes. She doesn't do any of those, she doesn't apply.

She wants to apply late. That's fine, she can pay you in cash for any additional late fee that is incurred for doing so.

No apps done? No problem bc community college will take her. You will pay that app fee after she signs a lease signed to start the day the semester starts where she pays you some amount in rent.

I agree with this. Have her complete everything, show you it's done, then you pay the application fee.

She's lucky your paying the fee. When I was in High School I paid my own way.

[Anonymous]

I'm jealous that you're helping her. My parents paid for college and the applications (which I'm grateful for), but I did everything without them ever asking me any of those questions -- applications, transcripts, essays -- they saw none of those nor asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I realize I'll get past this anger, but right now, I'm sick of her crap. It doesn't help that when she wants me to do things, she sends me emails instead of coming to actually talk to me.

Charming. And I bet if you tell her to come ask in person, then nothing at all will get done.

[Anonymous]

OP, I gave this exact attitude to my mom, and while I wasn't thinking about it consciously at the time, it's because I was scared. There is one hell of a huge change barreling down the tracks at your DD, and the reality of what it means to be leaving home is sinking in. So, she's pushing away everything she can that relates to the reality of college. She's not just being lazy or rude (at least, not on purpose), but the idea of actually applying to college is probably really uncomfortable for her. Not that this makes her attitude ok, but it may help to know more about where this attitude is coming from.