Monitoring your college student's Twitter/Facebook postings

[Anonymous]

Even though my college son's Twitter account is locked, I can still see his postings. I would like your comments regarding my daily checking on him and his account of "party at Bents" and other none-too-wholesome activities that I see him referring to. Is it better not to know? He's 18 so maybe I shouldn't obssess over it.

[Anonymous]

Do you really think your college age child isn't drinking? Mine, who was a goody two shoes in high school, is quite up front with us on this. Unless you think he's doing something dangerous I wouldn't worry about it. I don't look at my DCs twitter postings at all.

[Anonymous]

Chop chop chop go the helicopter blades.

[Anonymous]

We have five children. Three in college. Two still at home - A high school junior and a 4th grader.

I monitor facebook, twitter, texts, cell messages...... for my children living at home. I don't check obsessively. I spot check every week or so. If I have concerns, I'll check more carefully.

I would never in a million years monitor my COLLEGE students' accounts. They are adults. We are friends on facebook, so I see some of their updates. But I certainty don't monitor their postings. And I could. I have all of their passwords because they haven't changed them since high school. Every once in a while one of them will ask me to log on to an account and check something for them. That's how implicitly they trust me.

College students are adults. You don't have the right to monitor their accounts anymore.

[Anonymous]

Have to agree with 10:24 - from a mom who got on Facebook and Twitter just to keep an eye on her teenaged daughter. Now I use Twitter more than she does and we are Facebook friends.

However, I should note that dd got into a lot of trouble in college freshman year but she knew what I would think about that so that was never posted for me to see. We were lucky in that she realized she was in trouble and then came to us for help. But we were very very lucky about that.

If you think your son has a problem with addictive behavior, you need to do something about that. But monitoring their online accounts obsessively won't necessarily help you find out what your son is doing, regardless of whether he has a problem. Good luck! I understand your worry and I wish it was as easy as monitoring kids' accounts but it gets a lot more complicated once they're 18.

[Anonymous]

OP: Thank you so much. I appreciate your comments, and I'm moving on. No more checking on my adult son (still hard to think of him that way since he just turned 18 a few weeks ago).

[Anonymous]

College students are legally adults but psychologically and physiologically they are not adults, the male brain doesn't fully mature until 25. OP, your son just turned 18. That's young for college and presumably to be living along for the first time.

OP, are you paying for tuition and living expenses? Either way, I'd continue monitoring. Facebook is a public space. Twitter, too. You're not tapping his phone!

[Anonymous]

P.S. I'm not going to get into specifics but my child is 16 and I thought was handling social media maturely but I checked and found out otherwise. This can happen in college, too, especially freshman year.

[Anonymous]

Do you also call him every morning to make sure he's up and teeth brushed before going to class, OP?

[Anonymous]

10:56 Not the same. A professor or prospective employer isn't going to know if he flossed or not.

People do not get the reach of Facebook and Twitter. Folks can repost/retweet photos, comments, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10:56 Not the same. A professor or prospective employer isn't going to know if he flossed or not.

People do not get the reach of Facebook and Twitter. Folks can repost/retweet photos, comments, etc.

Yea ok....but don't you think that talking to them about the consequences of irresponsible use of social media is a lot better than monitoring what a college student posts? And how can you even demand that they give you access? Bear in mind that you cannot even see your college student's grades or medical records at school UNLESS that student signs a form allowing it.

[Anonymous]

I agree with 10:24. when your kids are in college, they will make plenty of choices, good and bad. They have left the nest. As to what any kid posts, that shit is out there. Permanently. Fast forward to possibly applying for a job - if your potential boss sees you win the wet t-shirt contest, well, that may not help her get the job. WTF am I saying - she'll get hired on the spot!

[Anonymous]

11:21 Facebook: There is lots that's visible to anyone who's signed into Facebook, you don't have to be their friend. Twitter is public, too, unless the account holder has a closed account.

People do not get that Facebook and Twitter are effectively public places. Not only that, an account holder has no control of who sends their tweet or their photo or their post anywhere.

I do not get how people can be opposed to checking Facebook and Twitter. What is the point of avoiding it? It's not an invasion of privacy because these are not private places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:11:21 Facebook: There is lots that's visible to anyone who's signed into Facebook, you don't have to be their friend. Twitter is public, too, unless the account holder has a closed account.

People do not get that Facebook and Twitter are effectively public places. Not only that, an account holder has no control of who sends their tweet or their photo or their post anywhere.

I do not get how people can be opposed to checking Facebook and Twitter. What is the point of avoiding it? It's not an invasion of privacy because these are not private places.

PP here. "Avoiding it" is not my point. I am "friends" with my college age kids on Facebook. Sure, I see things that they post to the world as part of my News Feed and there are even some things that I am not crazy about seeing. But in my mind, the concept of "monitoring" has a diffrent connotation. I am not actively checking to make sure that my college sophmore is only posting stuff that I feel is appropriate. We have talked to all of the kids about responsible social media use and the consequences of it. The oldest two have attended mandatory seminars put on by their colleges that address it. So....the message has been conveyed to them multiple times. At a certain point, we have to trust that we have raised them to be responsible and accountable.

[Anonymous]

That's great, that's your call. However, I'm sure you've noticed, but Facebook and Twitter make adults act like idiots, with disastrous results (lost jobs, etc.). I truly think many people just don't get social media, its reach and its consequences. These posts you are letting slide by could hurt your college student down the road, work against him with an internship or a job. If a parent actively checks their college age's social media, especially a young freshman, why not? That's their call. Your certain point might not be my certain point, and you should respect that.