Monitoring your college student's Twitter/Facebook postings

[Anonymous]

Sorry, 12:27, Facebook and twitter don't make adults act like idiots. They do that themselves.

[Anonymous]

Actually, they often do things they'd never do anywhere else in public, with people around, on Facebook and Twitter, which are public but the people aren't right there, but they are there. I think the medium is contributing to the behavior. You don't have to agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's great, that's your call. However, I'm sure you've noticed, but Facebook and Twitter make adults act like idiots, with disastrous results (lost jobs, etc.). I truly think many people just don't get social media, its reach and its consequences. These posts you are letting slide by could hurt your college student down the road, work against him with an internship or a job. If a parent actively checks their college age's social media, especially a young freshman, why not? That's their call. Your certain point might not be my certain point, and you should respect that.

I am the PP you are addressing and I certainly respect your right to parent any way you see fit. But in arguing your point, the rationale that you use plays into my point. I bolded your point that I 100% agree with. Many people do not get it. What you and I are debating is the best approach. My approach was to discuss and educate my kids about the consequences and hazards of social media BEFORE such posts are made so that they understand the consequences. Once I feel they are sufficiently educated, there is only so much I can do. IMO, monitoring does not get you where you want to go. After all, monitoring involves looking at their page for something that they have already posted....AFTER the fact.

But like I said, parents should do waht they are comfortable with.

[Anonymous]

And they can take it down.

You'd not say a word if you saw something on one of your children's social media acounts that you thought went against all their training and your counsel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And they can take it down.

You'd not say a word if you saw something on one of your children's social media acounts that you thought went against all their training and your counsel?

I think you are so entrenched in your argument that you do not see that we agree in concept. But I will indulge you for a couple more sentences.

Yes, they can take it down after it has been posted. However, if other people have been tagged and the pic has already been shared, it would not matter - it is still out there. I much prefer my approach of trying to do what I can to make sure the pic is never posted in the first place. By trying to shape that college student's judgment before the incident happens.

Of course I would say something...if I saw it. But that is not the point you were making. You were saying that you would actively monitor your college student's social media accounts. I am saying that I educated them about the consequences before I shipped them off to college and, therefore, do not feel a need to actively monitor. To each is own.

Ok. I'm done. Nice talking to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have five children. Three in college. Two still at home - A high school junior and a 4th grader.

I monitor facebook, twitter, texts, cell messages...... for my children living at home. I don't check obsessively. I spot check every week or so. If I have concerns, I'll check more carefully.

I would never in a million years monitor my COLLEGE students' accounts. They are adults. We are friends on facebook, so I see some of their updates. But I certainty don't monitor their postings. And I could. I have all of their passwords because they haven't changed them since high school. Every once in a while one of them will ask me to log on to an account and check something for them. That's how implicitly they trust me.

College students are adults. You don't have the right to monitor their accounts anymore.

I just wanted to say that this is fantastic, and I hope I have as good of a relationship with my children when they're that age.

[Anonymous]

15:12 A Facebook account holder can absolutely have a photo removed entirely from Faceobook. That means it disappears entirely. Why was this function added? Because people are not using Facebook responsibly. So, FYI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:15:12 A Facebook account holder can absolutely have a photo removed entirely from Faceobook. That means it disappears entirely. Why was this function added? Because people are not using Facebook responsibly. So, FYI.

Not sure how that undercuts my point of trying to PREVENT the pic form being posted in the first place....but ok. But you are right, you can remove photos that you posted. Uh huh...and how many college students do YOU know that currently use Facebook as their primary social media app? I do not know very many and you know why? Because they say that it is the hardest app to exchange pictures on. So why you are trolling your kids' Facebook accounts, make sure that you check their Cinemagram, Twitter, Flickr, Snapchat and Instagram accounts too. LOL! Me? I am not going to check 4-5 accounts for 4 different 18-20YOs on a daily basis. But knock yourself out.

[Anonymous]

With good Facebook monitoring sofwtare is needed http://www.qqmonitor.com/lan-spy-monitor.htm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:College students are legally adults but psychologically and physiologically they are not adults, the male brain doesn't fully mature until 25. OP, your son just turned 18. That's young for college and presumably to be living along for the first time.

OP, are you paying for tuition and living expenses? Either way, I'd continue monitoring. Facebook is a public space. Twitter, too. You're not tapping his phone!

This is nonsense, why do you keep posting it? There are millions of highly competent, responsible men under the age of twenty five. There are men under 25 who run companies, who are single parents who manage households, who manage large sums of money, who have immense responsibility that they handle like a competent adult. There is no such thing as a fully mature brain, your brain will change throughout your life. Brain growth and development is partly influenced by environment, by experience, by genetics and by a host of factors. Yes their brains are adult brains, but given the factors involved all adult brains are not the same. Not all adult brains make good decisions, and someone who has been over protected or not given a lot of responsibility is going to have some catching up to do. Executive functioning (organization, planning, memory) actually peaks in the twenties. That doesn't men someone before or after the peak can't competently organize, plan or memorize. In the majority of the world, youth take on adult responsibilities far younger than here and manage them much better. Irresponsibility and immaturity has far more to do with our culture and society - overindulgence, no survival stress, disposable time, cash and energy due to all basic needs being met, upbringing, social context and peer influences, less life experience or adversity, less responsibilities and independence in the preceding years etc... In the American college culture, drinking is part of that culture.

[Anonymous]

Yes, college students can get into trouble. So can people at any age. The point is that you really have to stop trying to control them, and that means monitoring their behavior. If you play the helicopter mom role you will either (1) drive them away, so that if and when they really need your help they won't communicate with you. if they are doing something thats very unhealthy, such as addictive behaviors, they won't be posting that on twitter but if you pounce on every time they reference drinking, they will never come to you if they are having a problem. In other words, if you try to control their behavior at this age, you will fail. Or (2) Maybe you will succeed and will therefore infantalize them. Seriously, picture a college student saying "no, I can't do X because my mom will punish me." Do you want to be that mom and do you want to have that kid?