DD dealing with bulimia

[Anonymous]

I just discovered that my DD has been throwing up on a daily basis. When I found out, I did some research and then sat down and had a talk with her. I gave her some reading material and ask her what made her feel like she had to do this. After a lot of tears she said her swim coach has been doing weekly weigh ins in front of everyone and she didn't want to be singled out for gaining weight. She is a very good swimmer and her times make her eligible for scholarships. I understand that gaining weight can really slow you down, but aren't the weigh ins taking it way to far. I was understandably very upset and was planning on telling the coach off but my daughter became even more upset and begged me not to. She said she would stop immediately and see any doctors I wanted her to see. My DD isn't even overweight, I mean she isn't skin and bones but I think she looks fine. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

Tell the coach off. I admire your restraint. My daughter would be off that swim team and I would report that coach to a supervisor, the school district supervisor, and maybe the school board. I would be ape sh*t crazy over that bs.

[Anonymous]

I have been bulimic on and off for 20 years. Tell her doctor now. Or maybe talk to a therapist independently first to deal with this in a way that doesn't violate her trust in you. She will probably not stop on her own. Nip this in the bud now.

That swim coach should be freaking fired.

[Anonymous]

I was a swimmer through college and can tell you that eating disorders are pretty common with girls in the sport. There is probably more to it than the weigh ins though. My guess is that she feels a ridiculous amount of pressure and cannot handle it, or something along those lines. Please get her some help and forget about the scholarship. I could be wrong but the fact that you mentioned the scholarship leads me to believe that you may be pressuring her about it or she may be pressuring herself about it. Trust me, it's not worth it because, as I'm sure you already know, this could do serious harm and it's likely to continue if she swims in college. As for the coach, I cannot believe they are still doing weigh ins, it's disgusting. I think he should be fired for it but if I were you I would be more concerned about getting help for my daughter.

[Anonymous]

Please have her see a therapist. If left untreated, bulimia can have long-lasting repercussions. Try to find someone who specializes in teens + eating disorders.

[Anonymous]

Op here and thank you for the comments. I already made her an appointment with the family doctor and I'm planning to find a therapist. I have never pushed her in swimming, she is just extremely driven. She even complained about taking a week off during the summer when I made her go on vacation with me. I plan to do something about the coach but I'm not sure what at this point, I'm more worried about her. The coach has been there for almost 30 years and is very respected. Up until now I even thought he has been a good father figure to her (her father is no longer in the picture). I just hate seeing her in so much pain. I did try to get her to quit swimming but does not want to. Should I make her quit?

[Anonymous]

Does your family doctor treat ED's? Get a referral to someone who does.

[Anonymous]

When I made the appointment I was told that they did.

[Anonymous]

That they did treat it or that they refer people out?

As someone with ED's lasting over thirty years, bad help is probably worse than no help.

Please find a specialist.

[Anonymous]

You need a specialist. The family doc may say he does, but it would be better to take her to someone who has expertise in this area.

[Anonymous]

This is 20:50 posting again. Would anyone care to list the experienced coaches and leaders who have abused their positions and harmed children? OP, it doesn't matter if it the coach has 60 years of experience and everyone thinks they are amazing. If your kid is being harmed, the end.

[Anonymous]

OP, EDs are a complex thing to treat. There's an obvious physical component, however the underlying behavior and emotional issues respond best to a trained therapist -- a psychologist, psychiatrist or clinical social worker. My advice is that you ask your doctor for referrals. Agree with the earlier poster who suggested a therapist who specializes in adolescents and eating disorders.

FWIW, I've known several young women who struggled with bulimia but were able to overcome the binging/purging and are now healthy. There's every reason to be optimistic, but it's important that you get her help now.

Good luck to you and your DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here and thank you for the comments. I already made her an appointment with the family doctor and I'm planning to find a therapist. I have never pushed her in swimming, she is just extremely driven. She even complained about taking a week off during the summer when I made her go on vacation with me. I plan to do something about the coach but I'm not sure what at this point, I'm more worried about her. The coach has been there for almost 30 years and is very respected. Up until now I even thought he has been a good father figure to her (her father is no longer in the picture). I just hate seeing her in so much pain. I did try to get her to quit swimming but does not want to. Should I make her quit?

Oh dear. He certainly could be a good father figure to her in other ways, and maybe means well even with this weighing thing. But there's nothing worse than a father who critiques a girl's weight (or appearance or attractiveness).

I would speak to him privately. He's probably just clueless rather than sadistic, and in any event, her coach needs to know about this health development.

Good for you for involving health care professionals ASAP. Very best wishes.

[Anonymous]

Just adding that my parents believed that quitting ballet would be the answer for me, but it didn't help my eating disorders or stop other self-destructive behaviors. I wouldn't necessarily suggest that swimming should be stopped, but you should address unhealthy aspects of the activity.

[Anonymous]

Swimming is a muscle-driven sport. Muscle weighs more than fat. If you look at Shaun Johnson, an Olympic gymnast, she *looks* fat - she's not slim at all. But it's ALL muscle. If your DD looks at all the girls from this past summer's Olympic swim team, she'll see broad shoulders, swimmers backs, etc. If her body is performing in peak swimming condition, her body will not be this thin wisp of a body like a ballerina.

I would give your DD an ultimatum - either I will call her swim coach, or she and I can approach him together about it. Good people can make bad mistakes, and maybe that's the case here. But males in role-model positions to pre-teen or teenage girls really need to be very careful about what they say about weight, food, and bodies to girls and it seems like he needs a reminder. Perhaps you should talk to DD's guidance counselor or the school shrink and that person can help you approach the swim coach.