DD dealing with bulimia

[Anonymous]

This could have been my exact story in high school. I was in swimming and also suffered from bulimia because I wanted to stay thin for the sport. My advice to you is not to make her quit, it will not fix the problem and only make her resent you. My mother made me do a large amount a reading on the subject and really educated me on how it was in no way going to help my performance. We could not afford a therapist but in the end I was able to convince myself to stop for my health. Now 5 years later I still very occasionally binge but I have not purged for 4.5 years. Either read the information together or make sure she reads it because after educating myself all of the negative effects it can have on your health scared the crap out of me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Swimming is a muscle-driven sport. Muscle weighs more than fat. If you look at Shaun Johnson, an Olympic gymnast, she *looks* fat - she's not slim at all. But it's ALL muscle. If your DD looks at all the girls from this past summer's Olympic swim team, she'll see broad shoulders, swimmers backs, etc. If her body is performing in peak swimming condition, her body will not be this thin wisp of a body like a ballerina.

I would give your DD an ultimatum - either I will call her swim coach, or she and I can approach him together about it. Good people can make bad mistakes, and maybe that's the case here. But males in role-model positions to pre-teen or teenage girls really need to be very careful about what they say about weight, food, and bodies to girls and it seems like he needs a reminder. Perhaps you should talk to DD's guidance counselor or the school shrink and that person can help you approach the swim coach.

I would not put your DD in this position, she is already struggling with a great deal. You need professional advice not only for treating your DD but for approaching the whole issue of the coach and swimming. Much of this is going to be specific to your DD and I wouldn't take advice from strangers on the internet. The most important thing for you to do ASAP is find a specialist to treat your DD.

[Anonymous]

You will find a wealth of information and good counsel from parents who have dealt with this at: www.feast-ed.org

The parents forum within the website is very useful. www.aroundthedinnertable.org

[Anonymous]

Find a good counselor for DD. Counselor can ideally guide you on how to handle coach.

Get a referral from Ped and your PCP - sometimes I find the peds are out of their league with the teen issues.

[Anonymous]

Where do you and DD live? I have experience with a therapist who does a lot of eating disorder work in NoVA with teens.... I can pass along info if you want...

[Anonymous]

Please see a specialist who treats EDs. Bulimia is rarely just about weight. For many of us there are underlying issues like perfectionism, fear of failure, suppressed anger, etc., that lead a girl to become bulimic. For me, it wasn't my sport (figure skating) that caused my bulimia but rather the underlying personality traits (perfectionism, the ability to ignore physical pain) that led me to choose and excel in that sport and that were then exacerbated by the weight pressures of the sport.

[Anonymous]

OP, it cannot be your child's choice whether you speak to the coach. If you found marks on your daughter's body from this coach, would you leave it up to her? Why would you leave it up to her when you found this kind of abuse then.

Your child's life is in danger. You need to schedule a meeting with the principal and the coach, immediately.

Just stopping the weigh-ins won't stop the vomiting, unfortunately. It becomes a compulsion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell the coach off. I admire your restraint. My daughter would be off that swim team and I would report that coach to a supervisor, the school district supervisor, and maybe the school board. I would be ape sh*t crazy over that bs.

+1. Someone needs to be all over this coach.

For the love of all that is holy, WTF?

[Anonymous]

Why not send an anonymous email to the head of the school saying that you're disturbed about the practice and send it from a library so they can't trace your IP so as to protect your DD's privacy.

[Anonymous]

8:38 PP here. +1 for talking to the coach. (1) He should know better; (2) while bulimia can be less outwardly scary than anorexia (in that people who are bulimic can remain normal weight), it can cause severe electrolyte imbalances and heart problems; and (3) if you think he will retaliate against her if you express your concerns, do you really want him coaching her?

[Anonymous]

pp I don't think she is worried about what the coach will do, I think she is worried about the effect it would have on her daughter if the other kids found out.