DH has decided to distance himself from his sister, family drama ensues...

[Anonymous]

My SIL hates me, always has, always will. I can not do anything right by her. I tried for ten years to be kind and "turn the other cheek", but the nastiness and back stabbing just wore me down. I have not spoken to her in almost five years. All the while my DH(her brother) kept up with phone calls, birthdays and he would try to see her when he could. He would always take the kids for a visit. She has treated DH poorly since they were kids. He just turns the other cheek and says "thats just how she is." It was hard for me to understand his ability to ignore her crap. But I stayed out of it. SIL likes to call DH at dinner time, or on my birthday and she will keep him on the phone for a few hours. He never says anything, just listens, and she knows she is being a pain. Well, my DH didn't pick up the phone the last time she called, said he was not up to it. SIL called at least 10 times that evening. She left messages and texts that got more frantic as the hours went by. Finally she said it was an emergency. DH just let it go, and said he would call her the next day. Well, my ILs started calling the next morning and berating DH for not calling SIL back! DH just thanked them and said he would be in touch. That was two weeks ago, and SIL is pissed. She actually texted me and told me to make him call her. I say it is none of my business. What do you think?

[Anonymous]

Stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL hates me, always has, always will. I can not do anything right by her. I tried for ten years to be kind and "turn the other cheek", but the nastiness and back stabbing just wore me down. I have not spoken to her in almost five years. All the while my DH(her brother) kept up with phone calls, birthdays and he would try to see her when he could. He would always take the kids for a visit. She has treated DH poorly since they were kids. He just turns the other cheek and says "thats just how she is." It was hard for me to understand his ability to ignore her crap. But I stayed out of it. SIL likes to call DH at dinner time, or on my birthday and she will keep him on the phone for a few hours. He never says anything, just listens, and she knows she is being a pain. Well, my DH didn't pick up the phone the last time she called, said he was not up to it. SIL called at least 10 times that evening. She left messages and texts that got more frantic as the hours went by. Finally she said it was an emergency. DH just let it go, and said he would call her the next day. Well, my ILs started calling the next morning and berating DH for not calling SIL back! DH just thanked them and said he would be in touch. That was two weeks ago, and SIL is pissed. She actually texted me and told me to make him call her. I say it is none of my business. What do you think?

You could tell her that you'll tell him to call her. Doesn't mean that he has to... I'm dying to know what the emergency was.

[Anonymous]

Just tell her you'll let him know she called but he's busy and hard to get a hold of these days. beyond that, stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your sister-in-law is obsessive and needs some mental help. I don't blame your husband for not wanting to answer the phone and listen to her talk for hours, that would drive me crazy!

I'd maybe mention to your husband that she texted, but also make sure he knows it's okay for him not to call her. If I was your husband I would send her an email or something outlining that he loves her and would like to talk to her sometimes, but he's not at her beck and call (something along those lines).

Did you find out if it was actually an emergency? (I would think if there really was one she would of left a message on his phone)

[Anonymous]

For the PP that are wondering if there was an emergency--clearly there wasn't. Parents who called the next day would have mentioned it. They aren't mad that he did help sister during emergency. They are mad because son is finally break the family dynamic that has clearly been going on for decades, and son isn't willing to enable the princess anymore. Kudos to your DH, OP. Agree with everyone else that you should stay out of it, but be ready to support your husband if grief from his family increases.

[Anonymous]

Good for your husband for finally stopping her crap. I say stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Just tell her you will "give him the message"

[Anonymous]

OP here, never found out what the emergency was. I guess we have to call her to find out. ILs didn't even know, they said that it doesn't matter what the emergency is, she needs her little brother. lol.

[Anonymous]

OP, not exactly the same situation, but similar. My DH has had a rocky relationship with his older brother for his entire life. His older brother has been a bully, and has always spoken down to DH, treated him disrespectfully, always horsing around, teasing, but in a relentless sort of way. Finally, DH had had it, so we stopped seeing him for holidays, etc. It made us sad, as it also meant we were not having a relationship with his son, our nephew, and DH's godson (and BIL is also our oldest's godfather). BIL was in a very unhappy marriage, and in many ways, I think the reason the teasing, annoying behaviors continued was due to his jealousy of our relationship. DH sort of took an avoidance path, only speaking when necessary. Last year, DH and his brother happened to both be in our hometown, and going to a football game. DH decided to meet up with him and our nephew. They met DH where he was tailgating with friends. He proceeded to rag on DH, tease him like he is a teenager (he's 40, LOL), and then get his 12 year old son to do the same. DH blew his top, and flat out told his brother that he was sick of being his whipping post, and that he was an adult, and would like to be treated as such, and with respect. BIL was pissed. He stormed off. They proceeded to have email and phone arguments back and forth, with DH standing his ground, and BIL insisting DH was overrreacting. We did not go to the IL's for Thanksgiving, as we did not want to add to a stressful situation.

Fast forward one year. They finally hashed it out. They both explained their sides, and agreed to disagree, but with the stipulation that BIL was to treat DH with respect from now on. We just got back from our first family Thanksgiving with all 3 sibs (DH also has a sis), and it was very, very pleasant. BIL was very kind, his son is a really wonderful boy, and MIL and FIL were in heaven.

Tell your DH to stand his ground, and hash it out with his sister. When DH finally told BIL that he was done with his crap, I think BIL finally got the picture.

[Anonymous]

I agree with staying out of it. Support him, but don't text back. The first 5 or 6 sentences made me think I wrote this post.I really think the best thing you can do with drama queens is refuse to join in and refuse to give them the negative emotions they crave. Yes, she will get worse and worse like a tantrumming baby, but there will be some point where she will find something else to obsess over and she will stop trying...unless your brother keeps giving her hope that he will listen to her vitrol from time to time.

[Anonymous]

Do not feed the monster. The more you engage with her,the more she wants. This lady sounds crayyyy-zeeeeee. Just stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, not exactly the same situation, but similar. My DH has had a rocky relationship with his older brother for his entire life. His older brother has been a bully, and has always spoken down to DH, treated him disrespectfully, always horsing around, teasing, but in a relentless sort of way. Finally, DH had had it, so we stopped seeing him for holidays, etc. It made us sad, as it also meant we were not having a relationship with his son, our nephew, and DH's godson (and BIL is also our oldest's godfather). BIL was in a very unhappy marriage, and in many ways, I think the reason the teasing, annoying behaviors continued was due to his jealousy of our relationship. DH sort of took an avoidance path, only speaking when necessary. Last year, DH and his brother happened to both be in our hometown, and going to a football game. DH decided to meet up with him and our nephew. They met DH where he was tailgating with friends. He proceeded to rag on DH, tease him like he is a teenager (he's 40, LOL), and then get his 12 year old son to do the same. DH blew his top, and flat out told his brother that he was sick of being his whipping post, and that he was an adult, and would like to be treated as such, and with respect. BIL was pissed. He stormed off. They proceeded to have email and phone arguments back and forth, with DH standing his ground, and BIL insisting DH was overrreacting. We did not go to the IL's for Thanksgiving, as we did not want to add to a stressful situation.

Fast forward one year. They finally hashed it out. They both explained their sides, and agreed to disagree, but with the stipulation that BIL was to treat DH with respect from now on. We just got back from our first family Thanksgiving with all 3 sibs (DH also has a sis), and it was very, very pleasant. BIL was very kind, his son is a really wonderful boy, and MIL and FIL were in heaven.

Tell your DH to stand his ground, and hash it out with his sister. When DH finally told BIL that he was done with his crap, I think BIL finally got the picture.

OPs situation sounds a bit different since her SIL seems to be mentally ill. OP, my best advice: stay out of this family drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[...] (I would think if there really was one she would of left a message on his phone)

"... would have ..." (not "would of...").

[Anonymous]

I would be really angry with DH for staying on the phone with his sister for hours on your birthday. Sure, he can have a relationship with his sister, but he needs to learn to say, "Good to hear from you, gotta go!" I presume the not picking up was because he could not do that--a perfectly reasonable response, but he's not quite where he needs to be dealing with this.