DH has decided to distance himself from his sister, family drama ensues...

[Anonymous]

My mom used to do this. Something about the need to control the other person... She has mental health issues and we no longer talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be really angry with DH for staying on the phone with his sister for hours on your birthday. Sure, he can have a relationship with his sister, but he needs to learn to say, "Good to hear from you, gotta go!" I presume the not picking up was because he could not do that--a perfectly reasonable response, but he's not quite where he needs to be dealing with this.

OP here, you have no idea how angry I get when she does this. I think she is calling to wish me happy birthday, instead she just keeps him on the phone yacking about her "issues". It is hard because I don't want anyone to accuse me of turning him against her, so I just stay out of it. I have told him that is hurts my feelings. I saw a lot of red flags when I married into this family, I chose to ignore them, so I can't really whine too much. My DH has been maturing little by little over the years, and I think he just now is starting to see how wrong it all is. If she calls on my bday this year I know he won't talk to her.

[Anonymous]

SIL is bat shit crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, not exactly the same situation, but similar. My DH has had a rocky relationship with his older brother for his entire life. His older brother has been a bully, and has always spoken down to DH, treated him disrespectfully, always horsing around, teasing, but in a relentless sort of way. Finally, DH had had it, so we stopped seeing him for holidays, etc. It made us sad, as it also meant we were not having a relationship with his son, our nephew, and DH's godson (and BIL is also our oldest's godfather). BIL was in a very unhappy marriage, and in many ways, I think the reason the teasing, annoying behaviors continued was due to his jealousy of our relationship. DH sort of took an avoidance path, only speaking when necessary. Last year, DH and his brother happened to both be in our hometown, and going to a football game. DH decided to meet up with him and our nephew. They met DH where he was tailgating with friends. He proceeded to rag on DH, tease him like he is a teenager (he's 40, LOL), and then get his 12 year old son to do the same. DH blew his top, and flat out told his brother that he was sick of being his whipping post, and that he was an adult, and would like to be treated as such, and with respect. BIL was pissed. He stormed off. They proceeded to have email and phone arguments back and forth, with DH standing his ground, and BIL insisting DH was overrreacting. We did not go to the IL's for Thanksgiving, as we did not want to add to a stressful situation.

Fast forward one year. They finally hashed it out. They both explained their sides, and agreed to disagree, but with the stipulation that BIL was to treat DH with respect from now on. We just got back from our first family Thanksgiving with all 3 sibs (DH also has a sis), and it was very, very pleasant. BIL was very kind, his son is a really wonderful boy, and MIL and FIL were in heaven.

Tell your DH to stand his ground, and hash it out with his sister. When DH finally told BIL that he was done with his crap, I think BIL finally got the picture.

I have a similar story, but no happy ending. My brother and I no longer speak because I told him he had to stop his crap and treat me with respect, after decades of unwarranted nastiness. His choice was to have no relationship with me. OP, if your DH's sister won't treat him properly, he has to risk that she won't have a relationship with him. I'm very sad to lose my brother (and my kids are very sad to lose their cousins), but that's the choice my brother has made, and I can't change it. I won't take any more crap. If your DH has had it, he has to be prepared for the consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SIL is bat shit crazy.

What does that mean "bat shit crazy"? I hear it all the time, but I have no idea where it came from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her you will "give him the message"

Not the OP or PPs, but why? Why engage at all? That just gives her what she wants. I say stay the heck out of it and ignore her. She can't get to him through his wife. Totally inappropriate. If it were really an emergency she would have left a message on his phone with info the first time she called and maybe even left the same message on email or text or both to make sure he got it. This is about drama and control. Ignore her and don't play her game.

[Anonymous]

Haahaha. An email explaining that he's not at her "beck and call"...that should be well received...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good for your husband for finally stopping her crap. I say stay out of it.

I agree with this. Good for your husband. OP, make sure to not slam the SIL to him - if he's spent years putting up with her even though he's finally not, it's still an internal battle.