Ex-lowered child support

[Anonymous]

Ex-Husband and I just moved to DC. Child support order($433 a month) was for VA based on the income he had there ($65K). When he moved his pay increased to $95K. Mine is $77K. When we lived in VA our daughter stayed with her father 3 days out of each week. When we moved to DC she was with me most of the time because her father was working a second job. Her father increased the child support to $700. Our daughter goes to private school which cost about $800 a month. My ex quit his second job and now has our daughter about 3 days a week again. He lowered the child support ($500 a month) stating that because he has her half the time he shouldn't pay all that $.

My question is should I go to court to have this new amount documented so he can not just lower when he wants to or just leave it alone. Is this a fair amount of money that he lowered it to based on our income and how much time he has with her? We both don't have other children. Our child is 4.

[Anonymous]

http://csgc.oag.dc.gov/application/main/intro.aspx

Do the math. What is going to be better for your DC down the road.

[Anonymous]

So he voluntarily increased child support when he could? But reduced it when he couldn't afford it? Yet it's still more than was ordered by the court? And he apparently quit a second job so that he could have more time with his daughter?

He sounds like he's really trying, OP. Do you both feel strongly about the private school?

I'd do the math. But I'd also try to work together so that your child gets to see both parents regularly AND gets to stay in that private school if it's important to you all. It's HARD to co-parent when divorced. Heck, it's hard to coparent when you are married. But it sounds like he's trying to be responsible about things.

Good luck. I know it's hard.

[Anonymous]

He quit the second job and now gets to see her more again. This seems way more beneficial to her than the extra $300 a month you were getting when he was working two jobs. IMO, $500 a month for one child when he sees quite a bit during the week is a fair amount. You can take him to court for this if you really want, but it sounds to me like he's doing a decent job and I think it wouldn't do you any favors to go to court over it.

[Anonymous]

If I were you, I'd calculate the total cost of raising your daughter and see if you're each paying a proportional share, based on your income. Include:

School tuition
Before and after care, if applicable
Extracurricular activities (soccer, ballet, etc.)
Summer camp (which can be more than school - at least $300/week, I've noticed)
Health insurance
Other health expense - copays, medicines, etc.
Clothing
Food

My income and my ex's are almost exactly the same. So the calculation for us was pretty straight-forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So he voluntarily increased child support when he could? But reduced it when he couldn't afford it? Yet it's still more than was ordered by the court? And he apparently quit a second job so that he could have more time with his daughter?

He sounds like he's really trying, OP. Do you both feel strongly about the private school?

I'd do the math. But I'd also try to work together so that your child gets to see both parents regularly AND gets to stay in that private school if it's important to you all. It's HARD to co-parent when divorced. Heck, it's hard to coparent when you are married. But it sounds like he's trying to be responsible about things.

Good luck. I know it's hard.

He voluntarily increased it because I started complaining about it. He knew he was wrong. His income had increased $30K when we moved here and he knew how expensive it was for our child. During the summer we were paying $200 a week for daycare alone.

I'm heated that he just lowered it and didn't tell me 1st. When I deployed for a year he lived in my home rent free with our child. I asked him to pay only $200 a month towards child care. He refused to pay that and threatened to take me to court. So I paid the mortgage and the childcare fees of about $650 a month. At that time I made about $68K and he made $65.

[Anonymous]

I'm a big fan of things getting ironed out in court. Not because I want to be difficult, but because it makes things more straightforward. It prevents a lot of the animosity and resentment because the amount that they are getting is what they are supposed to get.

Since both of your situations changed (living in a different city, income changes, etc), you should probably just got to court and get an order for a certain amount.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he voluntarily increased child support when he could? But reduced it when he couldn't afford it? Yet it's still more than was ordered by the court? And he apparently quit a second job so that he could have more time with his daughter?

He sounds like he's really trying, OP. Do you both feel strongly about the private school?

I'd do the math. But I'd also try to work together so that your child gets to see both parents regularly AND gets to stay in that private school if it's important to you all. It's HARD to co-parent when divorced. Heck, it's hard to coparent when you are married. But it sounds like he's trying to be responsible about things.

Good luck. I know it's hard.

He voluntarily increased it because I started complaining about it. He knew he was wrong. His income had increased $30K when we moved here and he knew how expensive it was for our child. During the summer we were paying $200 a week for daycare alone.

I'm heated that he just lowered it and didn't tell me 1st. When I deployed for a year he lived in my home rent free with our child. I asked him to pay only $200 a month towards child care. He refused to pay that and threatened to take me to court. So I paid the mortgage and the childcare fees of about $650 a month. At that time I made about $68K and he made $65.

It's HARD. I know. But you are in this position with him for 14 more years. There will have to be compromise and the ability to manage anger, for the benefit of your kid. I don't mean you should allow yourself to get walked on. Of course not. And I'm not saying he's a saint. I just think you should think through the situation very carefully and proceed in a way that doesn't unnecessarily cause trouble in the future.

I don't know how reasonable he is, but I might try to approach him and say, "look, our living situations have changed. Our finances have changed. And maybe it's best to return back to court to get an official determination of child support based on our updated status. Can we go as divorced parents trying to work together for what's best for our kid?." Bear in mind that when your child goes to kindergarten, though, costs will likely change again.

So many men would fight to pay nothing. He may bitch and groan, but he has increased it in the past. He's not completely unreasonable. I think that will make this easier if you can find a way to approach this works for both of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:http://csgc.oag.dc.gov/application/main/intro.aspx

Do the math. What is going to be better for your DC down the road.

So just do the calculation already. This is what the Court would enforce. Your current order is for $433. Do the calculation and figure out what the number would be now with the current numbers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:http://csgc.oag.dc.gov/application/main/intro.aspx

Do the math. What is going to be better for your DC down the road.

So just do the calculation already. This is what the Court would enforce. Your current order is for $433. Do the calculation and figure out what the number would be now with the current numbers.

If I'm reading the calculation correctly. He should basically be paying $753 with us having shared custody.

[Anonymous]

Using DC's site noted here I dropped in your income of $77,000 & his of $95,000. You stated he has the kid 3 days a week-- so I put in 208 days custody for you (52 weeks x 4 days). Without any other adjustments that kicks out a child support number of $382. Be happy with the $500 & move on-- you're not going to see close to $700 if you go to court.

[Anonymous]

You're not reading the calculation correctly. You're not going to get $750/ month for 1 child; near 50/50 custody (you say he has 3 days a week); and your incomes are only $18K apart.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you ask him to purchase things - school supplies, clothing and other stuff that your child needs vs. demanding more money. Technically you were paying the mortgage with your housing allowance when you were deployed. If he was the custodial parent, then if you did not want him in your house, then he should have been able to take the child to live where he lived but instead he gave up his housing and had to move twice for your employment. You should have allowed him to take the child and rent out the house. He should not be required to give up his parenting time to work two jobs to give you more money. Your child does not need a private school so if that is a strain financially, look at public school.

[Anonymous]

Can you ask him to pay tuition half the year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you ask him to purchase things - school supplies, clothing and other stuff that your child needs vs. demanding more money. Technically you were paying the mortgage with your housing allowance when you were deployed. If he was the custodial parent, then if you did not want him in your house, then he should have been able to take the child to live where he lived but instead he gave up his housing and had to move twice for your employment. You should have allowed him to take the child and rent out the house. He should not be required to give up his parenting time to work two jobs to give you more money. Your child does not need a private school so if that is a strain financially, look at public school.

He moved 15 mins to my house. Yes, the housing allowance paid for the mortgage. I didn't have a problem with him staying there rent free because that was the agreement. It was just when he said he would not pay anything for child care that's when I got upset. But, I still paid it all anyway. Then when I asked him to move our child to a different daycare because the fees went up he said "No" and refused to pay the higher fees....I'm just tired of feeling like I'm constantly being taken of advantage by him.