Family life sucks

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Do most women want to stay at home after having kids? I don't think they do. I personally would like to work 7 hour days after having kids (instead of 8.5). That would be ideal for me, and you could cut my salary by that same amount. I liked having 12 weeks paid maternity leave and then returning to work.

I see the stats in newspapers on maternity leave, but it doesn't mesh with what I see first hand. All of my girl friends have either had paid maternity leave through work, or paid through a work STD policy, or they used their own annual and sick leave (what I did). Career jobs do all have maternity leave or STD policies for birth.

Correct

Everyone with a professional salaried job gets 12 weeks paid by employer FMLA leave, must work there over 12 mos to qualify.

Hi. This is wrong. If your employer has fewer than 50 employees AT YOUR WORK SITE (or within 75 miles) you are not eligible for FMLA. While I get paid parental leave, I have no job protection because we have fewer than 50 employees in DC (but hundreds nationwide).

Correct. What about it? Your employees can’t hold your small business ransom.


Did they let go the last several pregnant women while they were home on (unprotected) leave?

How many weeks of (unprotected) leave did they pay or at what %?

Are these even high value, skilled roles? Because the more easily replaceable you are, the less you’re going to make at the office or on leave.


Go work somewhere else if that bothers you.

What small business? My employer has over 1,000 employees nationwide. The HQ just happens to be in a different city.

Women are severely underrepresented, particularly in leadership, in my industry.

I don’t have any job protection if I have a baby.

You mean b/c everyone is a remote worker?

Is that why FMLA doesn’t apply? Because clearly you’re over 50 FTEs.

Cut to the point PP. Are you an unskilled wage worker

Dude, I am a literal in-office biglaw attorney making over 600k/yr, but I’m sure you’ll somehow use that to disparage.

You are not eligible for FMLA unless you work in a location where your employer employs at least 50 employees within a 75 miles radius. My office is a satellite office, and we don’t meet that cut off. The HQ is New York. So no, I don’t work for a small business. I also still have no job protection if I have a baby or get seriously ill, even though my employer provides paid leave.

Don’t work there then if their paper rules bother you so much.

If you were so amazing you could negotiate whatever you want for leave. Like most adult professionals do with their boss.

This.

Lots of room to negotiate if not club Fed or big F500

How do you propose negotiating when you’re pregnant? What kind of leverage do you think the employee has there?

Same leverage a valuable employee always has.

That’s just a lie, and you know that.

A pregnant woman is at her most vulnerable if she loses her job because she needs the salary and healthcare coverage more than ever before. If visibly pregnant, she is unlikely to get hired anywhere because she’ll be seen as a liability. She will not be eligible for FMLA at her new job. And many employers preclude new employees from taking parental leave even if there is a paid parental leave program.

A pregnant employee has the least leverage, and employers capitalize on that.

You’re wrong. You don’t get it.

Get more skills and add more value so you can write your own employment contract and benefits. Certainly a 2-4 month paid leave contract.

That’s not how it works. But even so, why should someone have to “earn” parental leave when having children is for the public good? Not to mention the fact that it takes time to build skill and experience. You’re asking someone to wait to have children until they ascend to a high level. Fertility doesn’t work that way, and women are ill-advised to sit around waiting to peak in their careers.

20% of American adults are illiterate and another 20% of high school grads read below a 6th grade level so what public good are you talking about? All the welfare they need?

Do you want a growth-based economy? You can have that two ways—more immigrants or more domestic babies born. Take your pick. I’m good with either.

50% welfare state won’t work anywhere. Good luck!

You think paid parental leave = welfare state? Even though 95% of countries have it? Weird.

It can’t help their economies. America wouldn’t have innovated and created like we have if we all stayed home on parental leave.

Do you think everyone in Europe is home at the same time, dear?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Do most women want to stay at home after having kids? I don't think they do. I personally would like to work 7 hour days after having kids (instead of 8.5). That would be ideal for me, and you could cut my salary by that same amount. I liked having 12 weeks paid maternity leave and then returning to work.

I see the stats in newspapers on maternity leave, but it doesn't mesh with what I see first hand. All of my girl friends have either had paid maternity leave through work, or paid through a work STD policy, or they used their own annual and sick leave (what I did). Career jobs do all have maternity leave or STD policies for birth.

Correct

Everyone with a professional salaried job gets 12 weeks paid by employer FMLA leave, must work there over 12 mos to qualify.

Hi. This is wrong. If your employer has fewer than 50 employees AT YOUR WORK SITE (or within 75 miles) you are not eligible for FMLA. While I get paid parental leave, I have no job protection because we have fewer than 50 employees in DC (but hundreds nationwide).

Correct. What about it? Your employees can’t hold your small business ransom.


Did they let go the last several pregnant women while they were home on (unprotected) leave?

How many weeks of (unprotected) leave did they pay or at what %?

Are these even high value, skilled roles? Because the more easily replaceable you are, the less you’re going to make at the office or on leave.


Go work somewhere else if that bothers you.

What small business? My employer has over 1,000 employees nationwide. The HQ just happens to be in a different city.

Women are severely underrepresented, particularly in leadership, in my industry.

I don’t have any job protection if I have a baby.

You mean b/c everyone is a remote worker?

Is that why FMLA doesn’t apply? Because clearly you’re over 50 FTEs.

Cut to the point PP. Are you an unskilled wage worker

Dude, I am a literal in-office biglaw attorney making over 600k/yr, but I’m sure you’ll somehow use that to disparage.

You are not eligible for FMLA unless you work in a location where your employer employs at least 50 employees within a 75 miles radius. My office is a satellite office, and we don’t meet that cut off. The HQ is New York. So no, I don’t work for a small business. I also still have no job protection if I have a baby or get seriously ill, even though my employer provides paid leave.

Don’t work there then if their paper rules bother you so much.

If you were so amazing you could negotiate whatever you want for leave. Like most adult professionals do with their boss.

This.

Lots of room to negotiate if not club Fed or big F500

How do you propose negotiating when you’re pregnant? What kind of leverage do you think the employee has there?

Same leverage a valuable employee always has.

That’s just a lie, and you know that.

A pregnant woman is at her most vulnerable if she loses her job because she needs the salary and healthcare coverage more than ever before. If visibly pregnant, she is unlikely to get hired anywhere because she’ll be seen as a liability. She will not be eligible for FMLA at her new job. And many employers preclude new employees from taking parental leave even if there is a paid parental leave program.

A pregnant employee has the least leverage, and employers capitalize on that.

Women in tech, finance, fed, and consulting change jobs all the time right at the end of whatever mat leave off they have. Then use their time home for interviewing and job searching.

If there’s no hiring or training or replacement or downtime risk to your employer if you leave, then I guess you aren’t that valuable there. That’s OK. You’re on a different path.

I’m confused. You’re now suggesting women take unpaid leave to have a baby in between jobs and start interviewing post partum?

You can insult me all you’d like, but you’re now at least acknowledging that employers have an incentive to discriminate against pregnant employees and job applicants. This is precisely why we need a mandatory paid parental leave with gender parity and job opportunities protection.

Move to Norway!!

Yes you'll get lower crime rates, parental leave and beautiful scenery.

You’ll also be taking out a massive mortgage on a much lower salary than in the US. Also higher taxes. Research their amounts of personal debt.

Norway has to offer parental leave or no one there could afford to have a baby.

Doesn’t have like the highest standard of living in the world and low poverty?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Do most women want to stay at home after having kids? I don't think they do. I personally would like to work 7 hour days after having kids (instead of 8.5). That would be ideal for me, and you could cut my salary by that same amount. I liked having 12 weeks paid maternity leave and then returning to work.

I see the stats in newspapers on maternity leave, but it doesn't mesh with what I see first hand. All of my girl friends have either had paid maternity leave through work, or paid through a work STD policy, or they used their own annual and sick leave (what I did). Career jobs do all have maternity leave or STD policies for birth.

Correct

Everyone with a professional salaried job gets 12 weeks paid by employer FMLA leave, must work there over 12 mos to qualify.

Hi. This is wrong. If your employer has fewer than 50 employees AT YOUR WORK SITE (or within 75 miles) you are not eligible for FMLA. While I get paid parental leave, I have no job protection because we have fewer than 50 employees in DC (but hundreds nationwide).

Correct. What about it? Your employees can’t hold your small business ransom.


Did they let go the last several pregnant women while they were home on (unprotected) leave?

How many weeks of (unprotected) leave did they pay or at what %?

Are these even high value, skilled roles? Because the more easily replaceable you are, the less you’re going to make at the office or on leave.


Go work somewhere else if that bothers you.

What small business? My employer has over 1,000 employees nationwide. The HQ just happens to be in a different city.

Women are severely underrepresented, particularly in leadership, in my industry.

I don’t have any job protection if I have a baby.

You mean b/c everyone is a remote worker?

Is that why FMLA doesn’t apply? Because clearly you’re over 50 FTEs.

Cut to the point PP. Are you an unskilled wage worker

Dude, I am a literal in-office biglaw attorney making over 600k/yr, but I’m sure you’ll somehow use that to disparage.

You are not eligible for FMLA unless you work in a location where your employer employs at least 50 employees within a 75 miles radius. My office is a satellite office, and we don’t meet that cut off. The HQ is New York. So no, I don’t work for a small business. I also still have no job protection if I have a baby or get seriously ill, even though my employer provides paid leave.

Don’t work there then if their paper rules bother you so much.

If you were so amazing you could negotiate whatever you want for leave. Like most adult professionals do with their boss.

This.

Lots of room to negotiate if not club Fed or big F500

How do you propose negotiating when you’re pregnant? What kind of leverage do you think the employee has there?

Same leverage a valuable employee always has.

That’s just a lie, and you know that.

A pregnant woman is at her most vulnerable if she loses her job because she needs the salary and healthcare coverage more than ever before. If visibly pregnant, she is unlikely to get hired anywhere because she’ll be seen as a liability. She will not be eligible for FMLA at her new job. And many employers preclude new employees from taking parental leave even if there is a paid parental leave program.

A pregnant employee has the least leverage, and employers capitalize on that.

You’re wrong. You don’t get it.

Get more skills and add more value so you can write your own employment contract and benefits. Certainly a 2-4 month paid leave contract.

That’s not how it works. But even so, why should someone have to “earn” parental leave when having children is for the public good? Not to mention the fact that it takes time to build skill and experience. You’re asking someone to wait to have children until they ascend to a high level. Fertility doesn’t work that way, and women are ill-advised to sit around waiting to peak in their careers.

20% of American adults are illiterate and another 20% of high school grads read below a 6th grade level so what public good are you talking about? All the welfare they need?

Do you want a growth-based economy? You can have that two ways—more immigrants or more domestic babies born. Take your pick. I’m good with either.

50% welfare state won’t work anywhere. Good luck!

You think paid parental leave = welfare state? Even though 95% of countries have it? Weird.

no one said that. what is up with u?
daddy leave is on the way out given the economy and 2022 peak over-hiring talent wars.

NP.

True

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Do most women want to stay at home after having kids? I don't think they do. I personally would like to work 7 hour days after having kids (instead of 8.5). That would be ideal for me, and you could cut my salary by that same amount. I liked having 12 weeks paid maternity leave and then returning to work.

I see the stats in newspapers on maternity leave, but it doesn't mesh with what I see first hand. All of my girl friends have either had paid maternity leave through work, or paid through a work STD policy, or they used their own annual and sick leave (what I did). Career jobs do all have maternity leave or STD policies for birth.

Correct

Everyone with a professional salaried job gets 12 weeks paid by employer FMLA leave, must work there over 12 mos to qualify.

Hi. This is wrong. If your employer has fewer than 50 employees AT YOUR WORK SITE (or within 75 miles) you are not eligible for FMLA. While I get paid parental leave, I have no job protection because we have fewer than 50 employees in DC (but hundreds nationwide).

Correct. What about it? Your employees can’t hold your small business ransom.


Did they let go the last several pregnant women while they were home on (unprotected) leave?

How many weeks of (unprotected) leave did they pay or at what %?

Are these even high value, skilled roles? Because the more easily replaceable you are, the less you’re going to make at the office or on leave.


Go work somewhere else if that bothers you.

What small business? My employer has over 1,000 employees nationwide. The HQ just happens to be in a different city.

Women are severely underrepresented, particularly in leadership, in my industry.

I don’t have any job protection if I have a baby.

You mean b/c everyone is a remote worker?

Is that why FMLA doesn’t apply? Because clearly you’re over 50 FTEs.

Cut to the point PP. Are you an unskilled wage worker

Dude, I am a literal in-office biglaw attorney making over 600k/yr, but I’m sure you’ll somehow use that to disparage.

You are not eligible for FMLA unless you work in a location where your employer employs at least 50 employees within a 75 miles radius. My office is a satellite office, and we don’t meet that cut off. The HQ is New York. So no, I don’t work for a small business. I also still have no job protection if I have a baby or get seriously ill, even though my employer provides paid leave.

Don’t work there then if their paper rules bother you so much.

If you were so amazing you could negotiate whatever you want for leave. Like most adult professionals do with their boss.

This.

Lots of room to negotiate if not club Fed or big F500

How do you propose negotiating when you’re pregnant? What kind of leverage do you think the employee has there?

Same leverage a valuable employee always has.

That’s just a lie, and you know that.

A pregnant woman is at her most vulnerable if she loses her job because she needs the salary and healthcare coverage more than ever before. If visibly pregnant, she is unlikely to get hired anywhere because she’ll be seen as a liability. She will not be eligible for FMLA at her new job. And many employers preclude new employees from taking parental leave even if there is a paid parental leave program.

A pregnant employee has the least leverage, and employers capitalize on that.

You’re wrong. You don’t get it.

Get more skills and add more value so you can write your own employment contract and benefits. Certainly a 2-4 month paid leave contract.

That’s not how it works. But even so, why should someone have to “earn” parental leave when having children is for the public good? Not to mention the fact that it takes time to build skill and experience. You’re asking someone to wait to have children until they ascend to a high level. Fertility doesn’t work that way, and women are ill-advised to sit around waiting to peak in their careers.

20% of American adults are illiterate and another 20% of high school grads read below a 6th grade level so what public good are you talking about? All the welfare they need?

Do you want a growth-based economy? You can have that two ways—more immigrants or more domestic babies born. Take your pick. I’m good with either.

50% welfare state won’t work anywhere. Good luck!

You think paid parental leave = welfare state? Even though 95% of countries have it? Weird.

It can’t help their economies. America wouldn’t have innovated and created like we have if we all stayed home on parental leave.

Do you think everyone in Europe is home at the same time, dear?

That’s right, they all live in old rental apartments

[Anonymous]

It does suck. I was not planning on having kids because I knew it would be hard and stressful and not bring that much joy for the sacrifices required. I have two kids despite my ex agreeing to no kids before getting married. I love my kids, but despite being a parent just as much as I anticipated that I might. It’s like a prison sentence. I’m a woman by the way. I really don’t recommend having kids unless it’s like the only thing you want to do in life. It is absolutely not worth the sacrifice that is required, and it’s much harder now than it was in previous generations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will be a dissenter here. I love being a parent. Yes, there are always issues and problems. But that is often true in life whether you have kids or not. I'm in my 40s and literally everyone I know has dealt with heavy and stressful things in the last few years, most of which aren't even child related (and this includes many child free friends). Health issues, work issues, aging parent issues, money issues, etc. Life can be challenging.

But for me, even when my kid is having issues (frequently) or just being a pill (also frequent) or I'm annoyed with my DH for not helping enough (common), family life is the best part of my life. We'll pile into the couch for movie night or go out to dinner, and I'll just think how lucky I am to have them and how much comfort and fulfillment they bring me. I find being a parent, and raising a child with my DH, to be very fulfilling. I have zero regrets except to sometimes wonder if we should have had a second.

You feel this way because you only have one child. When my second came along, I realized I was on vacation with just having one.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do most women want to stay at home after having kids? I don't think they do. I personally would like to work 7 hour days after having kids (instead of 8.5). That would be ideal for me, and you could cut my salary by that same amount. I liked having 12 weeks paid maternity leave and then returning to work.

I see the stats in newspapers on maternity leave, but it doesn't mesh with what I see first hand. All of my girl friends have either had paid maternity leave through work, or paid through a work STD policy, or they used their own annual and sick leave (what I did). Career jobs do all have maternity leave or STD policies for birth.

Correct

Everyone with a professional salaried job gets 12 weeks paid by employer FMLA leave, must work there over 12 mos to qualify.

Hi. This is wrong. If your employer has fewer than 50 employees AT YOUR WORK SITE (or within 75 miles) you are not eligible for FMLA. While I get paid parental leave, I have no job protection because we have fewer than 50 employees in DC (but hundreds nationwide).

Correct. What about it? Your employees can’t hold your small business ransom.


Did they let go the last several pregnant women while they were home on (unprotected) leave?

How many weeks of (unprotected) leave did they pay or at what %?

Are these even high value, skilled roles? Because the more easily replaceable you are, the less you’re going to make at the office or on leave.


Go work somewhere else if that bothers you.

What small business? My employer has over 1,000 employees nationwide. The HQ just happens to be in a different city.

Women are severely underrepresented, particularly in leadership, in my industry.

I don’t have any job protection if I have a baby.

You mean b/c everyone is a remote worker?

Is that why FMLA doesn’t apply? Because clearly you’re over 50 FTEs.

Cut to the point PP. Are you an unskilled wage worker

Dude, I am a literal in-office biglaw attorney making over 600k/yr, but I’m sure you’ll somehow use that to disparage.

You are not eligible for FMLA unless you work in a location where your employer employs at least 50 employees within a 75 miles radius. My office is a satellite office, and we don’t meet that cut off. The HQ is New York. So no, I don’t work for a small business. I also still have no job protection if I have a baby or get seriously ill, even though my employer provides paid leave.

Don’t work there then if their paper rules bother you so much.

If you were so amazing you could negotiate whatever you want for leave. Like most adult professionals do with their boss.

This.

Lots of room to negotiate if not club Fed or big F500

How do you propose negotiating when you’re pregnant? What kind of leverage do you think the employee has there?

Did you get pregnant by surprise?

Sort of? It took over a year of trying, the assistance of a reproductive endocrinologist, and multiple losses. You know most people can just decide exactly when they’ll get pregnant, right?

You don't even get the irony of what you just posted, do you?

It took you over a year of trying to get pregnant, during which time you could have been negotiating for your leave package, but instead you waited until you were pregnant and then you just said welp, I can't negotiate now because I'm pregnant. I mean, some of us planned to get pregnant so we also had the foresight to save leave and negotiate what it would look like. You clearly had plenty of time...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It does suck. I was not planning on having kids because I knew it would be hard and stressful and not bring that much joy for the sacrifices required. I have two kids despite my ex agreeing to no kids before getting married. I love my kids, but despite being a parent just as much as I anticipated that I might. It’s like a prison sentence. I’m a woman by the way. I really don’t recommend having kids unless it’s like the only thing you want to do in life. It is absolutely not worth the sacrifice that is required, and it’s much harder now than it was in previous generations.

YOU CHOSE THAT. Stop acting like he forced you to get pregnant and have multiple kids. Take some agency over your life. Jeez.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Do most women want to stay at home after having kids? I don't think they do. I personally would like to work 7 hour days after having kids (instead of 8.5). That would be ideal for me, and you could cut my salary by that same amount. I liked having 12 weeks paid maternity leave and then returning to work.

I see the stats in newspapers on maternity leave, but it doesn't mesh with what I see first hand. All of my girl friends have either had paid maternity leave through work, or paid through a work STD policy, or they used their own annual and sick leave (what I did). Career jobs do all have maternity leave or STD policies for birth.

Correct

Everyone with a professional salaried job gets 12 weeks paid by employer FMLA leave, must work there over 12 mos to qualify.

Hi. This is wrong. If your employer has fewer than 50 employees AT YOUR WORK SITE (or within 75 miles) you are not eligible for FMLA. While I get paid parental leave, I have no job protection because we have fewer than 50 employees in DC (but hundreds nationwide).

Correct. What about it? Your employees can’t hold your small business ransom.


Did they let go the last several pregnant women while they were home on (unprotected) leave?

How many weeks of (unprotected) leave did they pay or at what %?

Are these even high value, skilled roles? Because the more easily replaceable you are, the less you’re going to make at the office or on leave.


Go work somewhere else if that bothers you.

What small business? My employer has over 1,000 employees nationwide. The HQ just happens to be in a different city.

Women are severely underrepresented, particularly in leadership, in my industry.

I don’t have any job protection if I have a baby.

You mean b/c everyone is a remote worker?

Is that why FMLA doesn’t apply? Because clearly you’re over 50 FTEs.

Cut to the point PP. Are you an unskilled wage worker

Dude, I am a literal in-office biglaw attorney making over 600k/yr, but I’m sure you’ll somehow use that to disparage.

You are not eligible for FMLA unless you work in a location where your employer employs at least 50 employees within a 75 miles radius. My office is a satellite office, and we don’t meet that cut off. The HQ is New York. So no, I don’t work for a small business. I also still have no job protection if I have a baby or get seriously ill, even though my employer provides paid leave.

Don’t work there then if their paper rules bother you so much.

If you were so amazing you could negotiate whatever you want for leave. Like most adult professionals do with their boss.

This.

Lots of room to negotiate if not club Fed or big F500

How do you propose negotiating when you’re pregnant? What kind of leverage do you think the employee has there?

Same leverage a valuable employee always has.

That’s just a lie, and you know that.

A pregnant woman is at her most vulnerable if she loses her job because she needs the salary and healthcare coverage more than ever before. If visibly pregnant, she is unlikely to get hired anywhere because she’ll be seen as a liability. She will not be eligible for FMLA at her new job. And many employers preclude new employees from taking parental leave even if there is a paid parental leave program.

A pregnant employee has the least leverage, and employers capitalize on that.

You’re wrong. You don’t get it.

Get more skills and add more value so you can write your own employment contract and benefits. Certainly a 2-4 month paid leave contract.

That’s not how it works. But even so, why should someone have to “earn” parental leave when having children is for the public good? Not to mention the fact that it takes time to build skill and experience. You’re asking someone to wait to have children until they ascend to a high level. Fertility doesn’t work that way, and women are ill-advised to sit around waiting to peak in their careers.

20% of American adults are illiterate and another 20% of high school grads read below a 6th grade level so what public good are you talking about? All the welfare they need?

Do you want a growth-based economy? You can have that two ways—more immigrants or more domestic babies born. Take your pick. I’m good with either.

50% welfare state won’t work anywhere. Good luck!

You think paid parental leave = welfare state? Even though 95% of countries have it? Weird.

It can’t help their economies. America wouldn’t have innovated and created like we have if we all stayed home on parental leave.

Do you think everyone in Europe is home at the same time, dear?

They are in the summer! They get all of summer off! Plus their free high quality/ no waits healthcare, $1 baguettes, no GmO foods, public transport since cars cost triple, and free govt sponsored summer houses in the mountains like Norway!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be a dissenter here. I love being a parent. Yes, there are always issues and problems. But that is often true in life whether you have kids or not. I'm in my 40s and literally everyone I know has dealt with heavy and stressful things in the last few years, most of which aren't even child related (and this includes many child free friends). Health issues, work issues, aging parent issues, money issues, etc. Life can be challenging.

But for me, even when my kid is having issues (frequently) or just being a pill (also frequent) or I'm annoyed with my DH for not helping enough (common), family life is the best part of my life. We'll pile into the couch for movie night or go out to dinner, and I'll just think how lucky I am to have them and how much comfort and fulfillment they bring me. I find being a parent, and raising a child with my DH, to be very fulfilling. I have zero regrets except to sometimes wonder if we should have had a second.

You feel this way because you only have one child. When my second came along, I realized I was on vacation with just having one.

Did you know the number of kids you have is a choice? No one made you have two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It does suck. I was not planning on having kids because I knew it would be hard and stressful and not bring that much joy for the sacrifices required. I have two kids despite my ex agreeing to no kids before getting married. I love my kids, but despite being a parent just as much as I anticipated that I might. It’s like a prison sentence. I’m a woman by the way. I really don’t recommend having kids unless it’s like the only thing you want to do in life. It is absolutely not worth the sacrifice that is required, and it’s much harder now than it was in previous generations.

YOU CHOSE THAT. Stop acting like he forced you to get pregnant and have multiple kids. Take some agency over your life. Jeez.

This. How did the PP wind up with two kids against her will? This is precisely the sort of person who shouldn't have kids.

I wanted my kids and love them and am happy. See how that works?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It does suck. I was not planning on having kids because I knew it would be hard and stressful and not bring that much joy for the sacrifices required. I have two kids despite my ex agreeing to no kids before getting married. I love my kids, but despite being a parent just as much as I anticipated that I might. It’s like a prison sentence. I’m a woman by the way. I really don’t recommend having kids unless it’s like the only thing you want to do in life. It is absolutely not worth the sacrifice that is required, and it’s much harder now than it was in previous generations.

YOU CHOSE THAT. Stop acting like he forced you to get pregnant and have multiple kids. Take some agency over your life. Jeez.

I said “no, I do not want to get pregnant” for the first that day; I had 103° fever and have been sick for a week and was off the pill for two days and he knew exactly what he was doing. Feel better? It is called sexual coercion bordering on marital rape. I was trapped geographically and could not leave until I got back to the DC area where my job is and that took eight years of waiting; the second happened only one other time years later that we had sex. He would not use protection. We had not had sex in years. He killed the marriage with forcing me with the first. Why do you think I got divorced? 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be a dissenter here. I love being a parent. Yes, there are always issues and problems. But that is often true in life whether you have kids or not. I'm in my 40s and literally everyone I know has dealt with heavy and stressful things in the last few years, most of which aren't even child related (and this includes many child free friends). Health issues, work issues, aging parent issues, money issues, etc. Life can be challenging.

But for me, even when my kid is having issues (frequently) or just being a pill (also frequent) or I'm annoyed with my DH for not helping enough (common), family life is the best part of my life. We'll pile into the couch for movie night or go out to dinner, and I'll just think how lucky I am to have them and how much comfort and fulfillment they bring me. I find being a parent, and raising a child with my DH, to be very fulfilling. I have zero regrets except to sometimes wonder if we should have had a second.

You feel this way because you only have one child. When my second came along, I realized I was on vacation with just having one.

Did you know the number of kids you have is a choice? No one made you have two.

1. Near marital rape (I did not choose that)
2. No sex in years. It was one time. I did not think I was ovulating. I was 37. Who would’ve thought the odds of sex one time in years and 37 would be 100% chance of getting pregnant like sex one time in a year at 34. Um, no one.

It’s not like I was having sex like a normal person on regular basis. I literally had sex twice in about seven year and both resulted in kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It does suck. I was not planning on having kids because I knew it would be hard and stressful and not bring that much joy for the sacrifices required. I have two kids despite my ex agreeing to no kids before getting married. I love my kids, but despite being a parent just as much as I anticipated that I might. It’s like a prison sentence. I’m a woman by the way. I really don’t recommend having kids unless it’s like the only thing you want to do in life. It is absolutely not worth the sacrifice that is required, and it’s much harder now than it was in previous generations.

YOU CHOSE THAT. Stop acting like he forced you to get pregnant and have multiple kids. Take some agency over your life. Jeez.

This. How did the PP wind up with two kids against her will? This is precisely the sort of person who shouldn't have kids.

I wanted my kids and love them and am happy. See how that works?

See my comments. No kids was a condition of my marriage. He broke the terms. Hence, divorce. My kids are very happy want for nothing and have a great life at my expense. I am completely miserable because I did not sign up for this. So I could tense in family life. It really does suck. It sucks the life out of you and it’s not worth it so no one should have kids or be forced to have kids by a partner who “changed their mind” and no one should settle for somebody on the fence. I no uncertain terms made it a condition and said it was a dealbreaker before getting married. He should’ve been honest. All of them are happy while I pay the price emotionally and in time and money because I also do most of the child raising. Not what I signed up for. At all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be a dissenter here. I love being a parent. Yes, there are always issues and problems. But that is often true in life whether you have kids or not. I'm in my 40s and literally everyone I know has dealt with heavy and stressful things in the last few years, most of which aren't even child related (and this includes many child free friends). Health issues, work issues, aging parent issues, money issues, etc. Life can be challenging.

But for me, even when my kid is having issues (frequently) or just being a pill (also frequent) or I'm annoyed with my DH for not helping enough (common), family life is the best part of my life. We'll pile into the couch for movie night or go out to dinner, and I'll just think how lucky I am to have them and how much comfort and fulfillment they bring me. I find being a parent, and raising a child with my DH, to be very fulfilling. I have zero regrets except to sometimes wonder if we should have had a second.

You feel this way because you only have one child. When my second came along, I realized I was on vacation with just having one.

Did you know the number of kids you have is a choice? No one made you have two.

1. Near marital rape (I did not choose that)
2. No sex in years. It was one time. I did not think I was ovulating. I was 37. Who would’ve thought the odds of sex one time in years and 37 would be 100% chance of getting pregnant like sex one time in a year at 34. Um, no one.

It’s not like I was having sex like a normal person on regular basis. I literally had sex twice in about seven year and both resulted in kids.

I am fifty and I still use condoms so that I won't get pregnant. 37 year olds can absolutely get pregnant after one time of unprotected sex. I'm not sure who taught you that you can't get pregnant if you only have sex once.