Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but this is so stupid and out of touch.
Not really. It’s good insight into what an upper middle class life in NYC looks like and the decisions that demographic has to make. I found a lot of it edifying.
Upper middle class! This is also stupid and out of touch.
This is in NYC...they can't afford an above average sized condo on that income
In a decent neighborhood, no she cannot. Carroll Gardens is already far from the action and not that expensive per square foot. She'd have to go to Bed-Stuy or Astoria to get the cost down and those are non-starters for most people in her position.
Please. there are countless 3 bedroom apartments she can afford.
Anonymous wrote:Main Line and Westchester are not much comparison. Philadelphia is a very poor city. It has so much history and good food but the people are so provincial and often don't leave the state ever. The politics of the state are ridiculous and stuck in the 1800s.
yep. Not at all the density of high-powered legal jobs as NYC. so it’s not really a comparison for most NYC partners, except in that if they believe they are “poor” in NYC then yes, maybe they need to trade some of the prestige and money of NYC for something slower paced. I went to law school in NYC and practiced in Philly at the beginning of my career and the cool thing is that most of my cohort went on to do a broad variety of interesting stuff in/around Philly (small firms, legal aid, DA, AG, opened own non-law businesses) specifically because Philly is so much more affordable and you are not locked into the law firm track the way you are in NYC.
Exactly. No one is arguing Philly is more exciting or even overall better. But it is better not to live in a shoebox and shoehorning three kids into a tiny space so you can brag about being a New Yorker. Go look at Rittenhouse if you want an urban neighborhood in Philly.
+10000. The people who insist on doing this are insufferable.
They also are typically lifelong renters.
Yep. You need to have family money, be in finance, or be an entrepreneur to live the life the redditor wants. Being a non-rainmaker partner doesn’t cut it and their NW will be a fraction of what it would be if they lived in the suburbs or a lower cost of living metro.
Again - the density of law and finance jobs cannot be paralleled in other cities. People move to NYC because they want the NYC lifestyle- which yes, includes less square footage but much much more to do outside of the home and higher power work. If you don’t want that then don’t move there, but don’t delude yourself into thinking New Yorkers are crying themselves to sleep over your McMansion.
This is debatable, especially when you have kids. Whenever I’m in NYC visiting family/friends I’m struck by how the only thing to do is go out to eat or to a playground. If you’re actually wealthy with multiple nannies then maybe you’re living a fabulous NY lifestyle. But the average $800k lawyer is hardly living it up. They aren’t doing anything you can’t do in any metro area in the US. They are just doing it with less square footage and less disposable income.
Correct. They have 2-3 regular neighborhood restaurants (not Le Bernadin) like they would in Scarsdale or Bethesda and they take advantage of NYC's artistic offerings to a similar degree (almost never).
No one is jealous of or impressed by your living in NYC, unless you have a 30+mm net worth, big apartment, weekend house, and place in Florida or Aspen for the winter. Then yes, lord it over us.
+1000. For all but the impossibly wealthy, living in NYC with children is exhausting.
Did you live in NYC with children? I’m not so sure what’s exhausting about having your kids’ elementary school two blocks away; multiple playgrounds, parks, libraries and museums within walking distance; delicious (affordable and fast) food options on every block; then when they turn 13 they can get themselves wherever they need to go on the subway?
Totally fine if that is not for you but you just sound like a rube when you make those kinds of statements.
Yes I did, and life was much easier when we moved to a major US city where we could still walk to all those things (well, not museums, but those are an easy subway ride away) and kids were using good public transit without adult supervision by 13, but we also could afford a home with a little room to spread out (although still not large) and a yard so that they could play outside without constant supervision, and we could use the car easily when we needed to and get out of the city easily when we wanted to, and so much less traffic noise--I didn't realize how stressful the noise was until I moved to a city with less traffic. (To be clear, traffic where I live is very bad. It's just not NYC bad.)
I love NYC, but I didn't love it with kids.
Great you made a good choice for yourself instead of whining that you are poor in NYC. Unlike the dumb*ss OP.
Anyone making 850k and has their children splitting a bedroom fits the dumb*ss description. Also thinking you’re doing well with 850k a year in NYC is idiotic.
Since when is having children share a bedroom a negative? I shared a room with two sisters and turned out pretty damn great
The issue isn't sharing a room. It's parents choosing themselves over their kids. OP's kids don't share a room out of necessity, nor because OP thinks it's a good formative experience. They are sharing a room because OP made a series of short-sighted and selfish choices and now she's blaming the situation on her apparently recent discovery that NYC is super expensive.
We're your parents selfish idiots too, or....?
Curious, what did your parents refuse to buy you? An American girl doll? Nike sneakers? Anyway, whatever it was, that’s not why your life turned out the way it did.
Nope. I'm speaking as a parent who understands that you don't have THREE KIDS before for firing it out where you will live and where they will go to school. It's one think to have one kid before you have this figured out, but three? And then to blame circumstances that you knew to be the case before you had any kids?
If OP were living in poverty or lacked education, I'd be empathetic because it can be hard to make good choices if you haven't been given many opportunities in life and are in survival mode. But she's a lawyer. A partner! She made the CHOICE to ignore her kid's needs and refuse to plan for their future. They will resent her for this later.
You sound unhinged. I’m pretty sure the redditor is giving her kids a great upbringing with more advantages than the vast majority of the planet. Geez. Why are you so angry about where a complete stranger is making a life?
Making 850k and forcing children to live in shared bedrooms all to live in Carrolll Gardens (lol) is not a recipe for a great upbringing. The Red Hook projects are 2-3 blocks away too.
Agreed- sharing a bedroom and living within a few blocks of poor people is basically child abuse.
I disagree the proximity of housing projects matter. But the Redditor's kids aren't merely sharing a room. It's three kids sharing one room in a two-bedroom Brooklyn apartment. That's *tight.* It's not child abuse but it's super weird. The Redditor is highly educated and makes a lot of money. Just... why? It's not necessary, and the Redditor has admitted that the reason for it is that she just doesn't like the housing stock available for 1.5m in Westchester. Also she's being disingenuous about her finances. She could move them to a slightly larger apartment (at least 3 bedrooms) for 8-10k/mo and they would be financially fine -- saving a bit less but not wanting for anything.
None of this is child abuse but it just doesn't make sense given the Redditor's resources. And again -- she's the one complaining. She's unhappy with their current set up but acting like it's totally outside her power to change it. Her kids are going to cotton on to her ridiculous victim mentality over stuff that is totally within her control (just requires making some grown up choices and planning a bit) and eventually they will be resentful. Especially when they realize their parents are actually rich. Eventually these kids are going to find out what she does for a living, how much she makes, and they are going to be so confused as to why they lived like this.
I think it’s because the truth is being a law partner with young kids is a crappy, crappy job where you are effectively selling your life for money, and she’s realized the money just makes her merely rich and not super rich.
It's this. None of the responders get it. For the quality of life that she has, which is objectively crappy because she probably works all the time while having 3 kids in a "tiny" (but large for NYC standards apartment), making $850K sucks. This is on her though - she could totally rent a 3 bedroom in Carroll Gardens for $10K a month instead of buying, and I imagine that is what she will do, but its just a matter of a few years before she starts feeling the school crunch so its always in the back of her mind like, am I throwing money away on just 2 more years in BK when i should buy now. She also probably hates her job but lacks the creativity to find another job that will pay that much. Commuting from westchester or NJ or LI sucks. I'm guessing she is in transactional law or she would move to DC to do litigation and have a much easier financial time.
Correct on all accounts. She cannot go in-house without a large paycut. She cannot transition to finance or medicine or tech or some career that would give a comparable comp package. The commute to NYC from the suburbs is so much worse than Boston or Philly. It is a tough pill to swallow for the Redditor, a lot of professionals wind up in this position based on some hazy notions of quality of life when they were 22 and making big decisions.
But the problem isn’t the money - she’s making multiples more than plenty of families. The problem is she chose a career with insane hours. That’s not going to change no matter what she does.
There is no other viable career for her that will pay $850K with better hours. Most $850K jobs are not "chill".
Anonymous wrote:Main Line and Westchester are not much comparison. Philadelphia is a very poor city. It has so much history and good food but the people are so provincial and often don't leave the state ever. The politics of the state are ridiculous and stuck in the 1800s.
yep. Not at all the density of high-powered legal jobs as NYC. so it’s not really a comparison for most NYC partners, except in that if they believe they are “poor” in NYC then yes, maybe they need to trade some of the prestige and money of NYC for something slower paced. I went to law school in NYC and practiced in Philly at the beginning of my career and the cool thing is that most of my cohort went on to do a broad variety of interesting stuff in/around Philly (small firms, legal aid, DA, AG, opened own non-law businesses) specifically because Philly is so much more affordable and you are not locked into the law firm track the way you are in NYC.
Exactly. No one is arguing Philly is more exciting or even overall better. But it is better not to live in a shoebox and shoehorning three kids into a tiny space so you can brag about being a New Yorker. Go look at Rittenhouse if you want an urban neighborhood in Philly.
+10000. The people who insist on doing this are insufferable.
They also are typically lifelong renters.
Yep. You need to have family money, be in finance, or be an entrepreneur to live the life the redditor wants. Being a non-rainmaker partner doesn’t cut it and their NW will be a fraction of what it would be if they lived in the suburbs or a lower cost of living metro.
Again - the density of law and finance jobs cannot be paralleled in other cities. People move to NYC because they want the NYC lifestyle- which yes, includes less square footage but much much more to do outside of the home and higher power work. If you don’t want that then don’t move there, but don’t delude yourself into thinking New Yorkers are crying themselves to sleep over your McMansion.
This is debatable, especially when you have kids. Whenever I’m in NYC visiting family/friends I’m struck by how the only thing to do is go out to eat or to a playground. If you’re actually wealthy with multiple nannies then maybe you’re living a fabulous NY lifestyle. But the average $800k lawyer is hardly living it up. They aren’t doing anything you can’t do in any metro area in the US. They are just doing it with less square footage and less disposable income.
Correct. They have 2-3 regular neighborhood restaurants (not Le Bernadin) like they would in Scarsdale or Bethesda and they take advantage of NYC's artistic offerings to a similar degree (almost never).
No one is jealous of or impressed by your living in NYC, unless you have a 30+mm net worth, big apartment, weekend house, and place in Florida or Aspen for the winter. Then yes, lord it over us.
+1000. For all but the impossibly wealthy, living in NYC with children is exhausting.
Did you live in NYC with children? I’m not so sure what’s exhausting about having your kids’ elementary school two blocks away; multiple playgrounds, parks, libraries and museums within walking distance; delicious (affordable and fast) food options on every block; then when they turn 13 they can get themselves wherever they need to go on the subway?
Totally fine if that is not for you but you just sound like a rube when you make those kinds of statements.
Yes I did, and life was much easier when we moved to a major US city where we could still walk to all those things (well, not museums, but those are an easy subway ride away) and kids were using good public transit without adult supervision by 13, but we also could afford a home with a little room to spread out (although still not large) and a yard so that they could play outside without constant supervision, and we could use the car easily when we needed to and get out of the city easily when we wanted to, and so much less traffic noise--I didn't realize how stressful the noise was until I moved to a city with less traffic. (To be clear, traffic where I live is very bad. It's just not NYC bad.)
I love NYC, but I didn't love it with kids.
Great you made a good choice for yourself instead of whining that you are poor in NYC. Unlike the dumb*ss OP.
Anyone making 850k and has their children splitting a bedroom fits the dumb*ss description. Also thinking you’re doing well with 850k a year in NYC is idiotic.
Since when is having children share a bedroom a negative? I shared a room with two sisters and turned out pretty damn great
The issue isn't sharing a room. It's parents choosing themselves over their kids. OP's kids don't share a room out of necessity, nor because OP thinks it's a good formative experience. They are sharing a room because OP made a series of short-sighted and selfish choices and now she's blaming the situation on her apparently recent discovery that NYC is super expensive.
We're your parents selfish idiots too, or....?
Curious, what did your parents refuse to buy you? An American girl doll? Nike sneakers? Anyway, whatever it was, that’s not why your life turned out the way it did.
Nope. I'm speaking as a parent who understands that you don't have THREE KIDS before for firing it out where you will live and where they will go to school. It's one think to have one kid before you have this figured out, but three? And then to blame circumstances that you knew to be the case before you had any kids?
If OP were living in poverty or lacked education, I'd be empathetic because it can be hard to make good choices if you haven't been given many opportunities in life and are in survival mode. But she's a lawyer. A partner! She made the CHOICE to ignore her kid's needs and refuse to plan for their future. They will resent her for this later.
You sound unhinged. I’m pretty sure the redditor is giving her kids a great upbringing with more advantages than the vast majority of the planet. Geez. Why are you so angry about where a complete stranger is making a life?
Making 850k and forcing children to live in shared bedrooms all to live in Carrolll Gardens (lol) is not a recipe for a great upbringing. The Red Hook projects are 2-3 blocks away too.
Agreed- sharing a bedroom and living within a few blocks of poor people is basically child abuse.
I disagree the proximity of housing projects matter. But the Redditor's kids aren't merely sharing a room. It's three kids sharing one room in a two-bedroom Brooklyn apartment. That's *tight.* It's not child abuse but it's super weird. The Redditor is highly educated and makes a lot of money. Just... why? It's not necessary, and the Redditor has admitted that the reason for it is that she just doesn't like the housing stock available for 1.5m in Westchester. Also she's being disingenuous about her finances. She could move them to a slightly larger apartment (at least 3 bedrooms) for 8-10k/mo and they would be financially fine -- saving a bit less but not wanting for anything.
None of this is child abuse but it just doesn't make sense given the Redditor's resources. And again -- she's the one complaining. She's unhappy with their current set up but acting like it's totally outside her power to change it. Her kids are going to cotton on to her ridiculous victim mentality over stuff that is totally within her control (just requires making some grown up choices and planning a bit) and eventually they will be resentful. Especially when they realize their parents are actually rich. Eventually these kids are going to find out what she does for a living, how much she makes, and they are going to be so confused as to why they lived like this.
I think it’s because the truth is being a law partner with young kids is a crappy, crappy job where you are effectively selling your life for money, and she’s realized the money just makes her merely rich and not super rich.
It's this. None of the responders get it. For the quality of life that she has, which is objectively crappy because she probably works all the time while having 3 kids in a "tiny" (but large for NYC standards apartment), making $850K sucks. This is on her though - she could totally rent a 3 bedroom in Carroll Gardens for $10K a month instead of buying, and I imagine that is what she will do, but its just a matter of a few years before she starts feeling the school crunch so its always in the back of her mind like, am I throwing money away on just 2 more years in BK when i should buy now. She also probably hates her job but lacks the creativity to find another job that will pay that much. Commuting from westchester or NJ or LI sucks. I'm guessing she is in transactional law or she would move to DC to do litigation and have a much easier financial time.
Correct on all accounts. She cannot go in-house without a large paycut. She cannot transition to finance or medicine or tech or some career that would give a comparable comp package. The commute to NYC from the suburbs is so much worse than Boston or Philly. It is a tough pill to swallow for the Redditor, a lot of professionals wind up in this position based on some hazy notions of quality of life when they were 22 and making big decisions.
But the problem isn’t the money - she’s making multiples more than plenty of families. The problem is she chose a career with insane hours. That’s not going to change no matter what she does.
There is no other viable career for her that will pay $850K with better hours. Most $850K jobs are not "chill".
Ummm the point is that you do not need to earn $850k!!
Anonymous wrote:Main Line and Westchester are not much comparison. Philadelphia is a very poor city. It has so much history and good food but the people are so provincial and often don't leave the state ever. The politics of the state are ridiculous and stuck in the 1800s.
yep. Not at all the density of high-powered legal jobs as NYC. so it’s not really a comparison for most NYC partners, except in that if they believe they are “poor” in NYC then yes, maybe they need to trade some of the prestige and money of NYC for something slower paced. I went to law school in NYC and practiced in Philly at the beginning of my career and the cool thing is that most of my cohort went on to do a broad variety of interesting stuff in/around Philly (small firms, legal aid, DA, AG, opened own non-law businesses) specifically because Philly is so much more affordable and you are not locked into the law firm track the way you are in NYC.
Exactly. No one is arguing Philly is more exciting or even overall better. But it is better not to live in a shoebox and shoehorning three kids into a tiny space so you can brag about being a New Yorker. Go look at Rittenhouse if you want an urban neighborhood in Philly.
+10000. The people who insist on doing this are insufferable.
They also are typically lifelong renters.
Yep. You need to have family money, be in finance, or be an entrepreneur to live the life the redditor wants. Being a non-rainmaker partner doesn’t cut it and their NW will be a fraction of what it would be if they lived in the suburbs or a lower cost of living metro.
Again - the density of law and finance jobs cannot be paralleled in other cities. People move to NYC because they want the NYC lifestyle- which yes, includes less square footage but much much more to do outside of the home and higher power work. If you don’t want that then don’t move there, but don’t delude yourself into thinking New Yorkers are crying themselves to sleep over your McMansion.
This is debatable, especially when you have kids. Whenever I’m in NYC visiting family/friends I’m struck by how the only thing to do is go out to eat or to a playground. If you’re actually wealthy with multiple nannies then maybe you’re living a fabulous NY lifestyle. But the average $800k lawyer is hardly living it up. They aren’t doing anything you can’t do in any metro area in the US. They are just doing it with less square footage and less disposable income.
Correct. They have 2-3 regular neighborhood restaurants (not Le Bernadin) like they would in Scarsdale or Bethesda and they take advantage of NYC's artistic offerings to a similar degree (almost never).
No one is jealous of or impressed by your living in NYC, unless you have a 30+mm net worth, big apartment, weekend house, and place in Florida or Aspen for the winter. Then yes, lord it over us.
+1000. For all but the impossibly wealthy, living in NYC with children is exhausting.
Did you live in NYC with children? I’m not so sure what’s exhausting about having your kids’ elementary school two blocks away; multiple playgrounds, parks, libraries and museums within walking distance; delicious (affordable and fast) food options on every block; then when they turn 13 they can get themselves wherever they need to go on the subway?
Totally fine if that is not for you but you just sound like a rube when you make those kinds of statements.
Yes I did, and life was much easier when we moved to a major US city where we could still walk to all those things (well, not museums, but those are an easy subway ride away) and kids were using good public transit without adult supervision by 13, but we also could afford a home with a little room to spread out (although still not large) and a yard so that they could play outside without constant supervision, and we could use the car easily when we needed to and get out of the city easily when we wanted to, and so much less traffic noise--I didn't realize how stressful the noise was until I moved to a city with less traffic. (To be clear, traffic where I live is very bad. It's just not NYC bad.)
I love NYC, but I didn't love it with kids.
Great you made a good choice for yourself instead of whining that you are poor in NYC. Unlike the dumb*ss OP.
Anyone making 850k and has their children splitting a bedroom fits the dumb*ss description. Also thinking you’re doing well with 850k a year in NYC is idiotic.
Since when is having children share a bedroom a negative? I shared a room with two sisters and turned out pretty damn great
The issue isn't sharing a room. It's parents choosing themselves over their kids. OP's kids don't share a room out of necessity, nor because OP thinks it's a good formative experience. They are sharing a room because OP made a series of short-sighted and selfish choices and now she's blaming the situation on her apparently recent discovery that NYC is super expensive.
We're your parents selfish idiots too, or....?
Curious, what did your parents refuse to buy you? An American girl doll? Nike sneakers? Anyway, whatever it was, that’s not why your life turned out the way it did.
Nope. I'm speaking as a parent who understands that you don't have THREE KIDS before for firing it out where you will live and where they will go to school. It's one think to have one kid before you have this figured out, but three? And then to blame circumstances that you knew to be the case before you had any kids?
If OP were living in poverty or lacked education, I'd be empathetic because it can be hard to make good choices if you haven't been given many opportunities in life and are in survival mode. But she's a lawyer. A partner! She made the CHOICE to ignore her kid's needs and refuse to plan for their future. They will resent her for this later.
You sound unhinged. I’m pretty sure the redditor is giving her kids a great upbringing with more advantages than the vast majority of the planet. Geez. Why are you so angry about where a complete stranger is making a life?
Making 850k and forcing children to live in shared bedrooms all to live in Carrolll Gardens (lol) is not a recipe for a great upbringing. The Red Hook projects are 2-3 blocks away too.
Agreed- sharing a bedroom and living within a few blocks of poor people is basically child abuse.
I disagree the proximity of housing projects matter. But the Redditor's kids aren't merely sharing a room. It's three kids sharing one room in a two-bedroom Brooklyn apartment. That's *tight.* It's not child abuse but it's super weird. The Redditor is highly educated and makes a lot of money. Just... why? It's not necessary, and the Redditor has admitted that the reason for it is that she just doesn't like the housing stock available for 1.5m in Westchester. Also she's being disingenuous about her finances. She could move them to a slightly larger apartment (at least 3 bedrooms) for 8-10k/mo and they would be financially fine -- saving a bit less but not wanting for anything.
None of this is child abuse but it just doesn't make sense given the Redditor's resources. And again -- she's the one complaining. She's unhappy with their current set up but acting like it's totally outside her power to change it. Her kids are going to cotton on to her ridiculous victim mentality over stuff that is totally within her control (just requires making some grown up choices and planning a bit) and eventually they will be resentful. Especially when they realize their parents are actually rich. Eventually these kids are going to find out what she does for a living, how much she makes, and they are going to be so confused as to why they lived like this.
I think it’s because the truth is being a law partner with young kids is a crappy, crappy job where you are effectively selling your life for money, and she’s realized the money just makes her merely rich and not super rich.
It's this. None of the responders get it. For the quality of life that she has, which is objectively crappy because she probably works all the time while having 3 kids in a "tiny" (but large for NYC standards apartment), making $850K sucks. This is on her though - she could totally rent a 3 bedroom in Carroll Gardens for $10K a month instead of buying, and I imagine that is what she will do, but its just a matter of a few years before she starts feeling the school crunch so its always in the back of her mind like, am I throwing money away on just 2 more years in BK when i should buy now. She also probably hates her job but lacks the creativity to find another job that will pay that much. Commuting from westchester or NJ or LI sucks. I'm guessing she is in transactional law or she would move to DC to do litigation and have a much easier financial time.
Correct on all accounts. She cannot go in-house without a large paycut. She cannot transition to finance or medicine or tech or some career that would give a comparable comp package. The commute to NYC from the suburbs is so much worse than Boston or Philly. It is a tough pill to swallow for the Redditor, a lot of professionals wind up in this position based on some hazy notions of quality of life when they were 22 and making big decisions.
But the problem isn’t the money - she’s making multiples more than plenty of families. The problem is she chose a career with insane hours. That’s not going to change no matter what she does.
Thing is, a starving artist is fulfilled working from a warehouse in outer Queens or deep Brooklyn. Living out of a shoebox and not going out to eat every night under those circumstances can be okay. A big law partner does not derive the same satisfaction and needs opulence to justify the sacrifices made, people who take that route want more than what the Redditor has now.
Anonymous wrote:Main Line and Westchester are not much comparison. Philadelphia is a very poor city. It has so much history and good food but the people are so provincial and often don't leave the state ever. The politics of the state are ridiculous and stuck in the 1800s.
yep. Not at all the density of high-powered legal jobs as NYC. so it’s not really a comparison for most NYC partners, except in that if they believe they are “poor” in NYC then yes, maybe they need to trade some of the prestige and money of NYC for something slower paced. I went to law school in NYC and practiced in Philly at the beginning of my career and the cool thing is that most of my cohort went on to do a broad variety of interesting stuff in/around Philly (small firms, legal aid, DA, AG, opened own non-law businesses) specifically because Philly is so much more affordable and you are not locked into the law firm track the way you are in NYC.
Exactly. No one is arguing Philly is more exciting or even overall better. But it is better not to live in a shoebox and shoehorning three kids into a tiny space so you can brag about being a New Yorker. Go look at Rittenhouse if you want an urban neighborhood in Philly.
+10000. The people who insist on doing this are insufferable.
They also are typically lifelong renters.
Yep. You need to have family money, be in finance, or be an entrepreneur to live the life the redditor wants. Being a non-rainmaker partner doesn’t cut it and their NW will be a fraction of what it would be if they lived in the suburbs or a lower cost of living metro.
Again - the density of law and finance jobs cannot be paralleled in other cities. People move to NYC because they want the NYC lifestyle- which yes, includes less square footage but much much more to do outside of the home and higher power work. If you don’t want that then don’t move there, but don’t delude yourself into thinking New Yorkers are crying themselves to sleep over your McMansion.
This is debatable, especially when you have kids. Whenever I’m in NYC visiting family/friends I’m struck by how the only thing to do is go out to eat or to a playground. If you’re actually wealthy with multiple nannies then maybe you’re living a fabulous NY lifestyle. But the average $800k lawyer is hardly living it up. They aren’t doing anything you can’t do in any metro area in the US. They are just doing it with less square footage and less disposable income.
Correct. They have 2-3 regular neighborhood restaurants (not Le Bernadin) like they would in Scarsdale or Bethesda and they take advantage of NYC's artistic offerings to a similar degree (almost never).
No one is jealous of or impressed by your living in NYC, unless you have a 30+mm net worth, big apartment, weekend house, and place in Florida or Aspen for the winter. Then yes, lord it over us.
+1000. For all but the impossibly wealthy, living in NYC with children is exhausting.
Did you live in NYC with children? I’m not so sure what’s exhausting about having your kids’ elementary school two blocks away; multiple playgrounds, parks, libraries and museums within walking distance; delicious (affordable and fast) food options on every block; then when they turn 13 they can get themselves wherever they need to go on the subway?
Totally fine if that is not for you but you just sound like a rube when you make those kinds of statements.
Yes I did, and life was much easier when we moved to a major US city where we could still walk to all those things (well, not museums, but those are an easy subway ride away) and kids were using good public transit without adult supervision by 13, but we also could afford a home with a little room to spread out (although still not large) and a yard so that they could play outside without constant supervision, and we could use the car easily when we needed to and get out of the city easily when we wanted to, and so much less traffic noise--I didn't realize how stressful the noise was until I moved to a city with less traffic. (To be clear, traffic where I live is very bad. It's just not NYC bad.)
I love NYC, but I didn't love it with kids.
Great you made a good choice for yourself instead of whining that you are poor in NYC. Unlike the dumb*ss OP.
Anyone making 850k and has their children splitting a bedroom fits the dumb*ss description. Also thinking you’re doing well with 850k a year in NYC is idiotic.
Since when is having children share a bedroom a negative? I shared a room with two sisters and turned out pretty damn great
The issue isn't sharing a room. It's parents choosing themselves over their kids. OP's kids don't share a room out of necessity, nor because OP thinks it's a good formative experience. They are sharing a room because OP made a series of short-sighted and selfish choices and now she's blaming the situation on her apparently recent discovery that NYC is super expensive.
We're your parents selfish idiots too, or....?
Curious, what did your parents refuse to buy you? An American girl doll? Nike sneakers? Anyway, whatever it was, that’s not why your life turned out the way it did.
Nope. I'm speaking as a parent who understands that you don't have THREE KIDS before for firing it out where you will live and where they will go to school. It's one think to have one kid before you have this figured out, but three? And then to blame circumstances that you knew to be the case before you had any kids?
If OP were living in poverty or lacked education, I'd be empathetic because it can be hard to make good choices if you haven't been given many opportunities in life and are in survival mode. But she's a lawyer. A partner! She made the CHOICE to ignore her kid's needs and refuse to plan for their future. They will resent her for this later.
You sound unhinged. I’m pretty sure the redditor is giving her kids a great upbringing with more advantages than the vast majority of the planet. Geez. Why are you so angry about where a complete stranger is making a life?
Making 850k and forcing children to live in shared bedrooms all to live in Carrolll Gardens (lol) is not a recipe for a great upbringing. The Red Hook projects are 2-3 blocks away too.
Agreed- sharing a bedroom and living within a few blocks of poor people is basically child abuse.
I disagree the proximity of housing projects matter. But the Redditor's kids aren't merely sharing a room. It's three kids sharing one room in a two-bedroom Brooklyn apartment. That's *tight.* It's not child abuse but it's super weird. The Redditor is highly educated and makes a lot of money. Just... why? It's not necessary, and the Redditor has admitted that the reason for it is that she just doesn't like the housing stock available for 1.5m in Westchester. Also she's being disingenuous about her finances. She could move them to a slightly larger apartment (at least 3 bedrooms) for 8-10k/mo and they would be financially fine -- saving a bit less but not wanting for anything.
None of this is child abuse but it just doesn't make sense given the Redditor's resources. And again -- she's the one complaining. She's unhappy with their current set up but acting like it's totally outside her power to change it. Her kids are going to cotton on to her ridiculous victim mentality over stuff that is totally within her control (just requires making some grown up choices and planning a bit) and eventually they will be resentful. Especially when they realize their parents are actually rich. Eventually these kids are going to find out what she does for a living, how much she makes, and they are going to be so confused as to why they lived like this.
I think it’s because the truth is being a law partner with young kids is a crappy, crappy job where you are effectively selling your life for money, and she’s realized the money just makes her merely rich and not super rich.
It's this. None of the responders get it. For the quality of life that she has, which is objectively crappy because she probably works all the time while having 3 kids in a "tiny" (but large for NYC standards apartment), making $850K sucks. This is on her though - she could totally rent a 3 bedroom in Carroll Gardens for $10K a month instead of buying, and I imagine that is what she will do, but its just a matter of a few years before she starts feeling the school crunch so its always in the back of her mind like, am I throwing money away on just 2 more years in BK when i should buy now. She also probably hates her job but lacks the creativity to find another job that will pay that much. Commuting from westchester or NJ or LI sucks. I'm guessing she is in transactional law or she would move to DC to do litigation and have a much easier financial time.
Correct on all accounts. She cannot go in-house without a large paycut. She cannot transition to finance or medicine or tech or some career that would give a comparable comp package. The commute to NYC from the suburbs is so much worse than Boston or Philly. It is a tough pill to swallow for the Redditor, a lot of professionals wind up in this position based on some hazy notions of quality of life when they were 22 and making big decisions.
But the problem isn’t the money - she’s making multiples more than plenty of families. The problem is she chose a career with insane hours. That’s not going to change no matter what she does.
There is no other viable career for her that will pay $850K with better hours. Most $850K jobs are not "chill".
Hedge fund analysts (midlevel) and PMs (senior) do not work the hours big law partners do, they have many weekends and protected dates. Even better with corporate development and strat roles. Please review below for an accurate take on what corporate law is like.
Redditor chose to have 3 kids. She is choosing this lifestyle. I agree that QOL isn't as great as it should be in NYC for $850K, but womp womp, there are a lot of rich people in NY and at some point, she will have to trade off on something. And yes, it is frustrating that someone earning $850K has to trade off, but that is the reality of NYC (which is Manhattan and nice BK).
Everyone I know living this lifestyle either a) Works in finance with a double income b) Hit it big on a startup c) Is a super high paid engineer in AI or the most common D) Has very rich parents. Usually its a combo of both.
Anonymous wrote:Main Line and Westchester are not much comparison. Philadelphia is a very poor city. It has so much history and good food but the people are so provincial and often don't leave the state ever. The politics of the state are ridiculous and stuck in the 1800s.
yep. Not at all the density of high-powered legal jobs as NYC. so it’s not really a comparison for most NYC partners, except in that if they believe they are “poor” in NYC then yes, maybe they need to trade some of the prestige and money of NYC for something slower paced. I went to law school in NYC and practiced in Philly at the beginning of my career and the cool thing is that most of my cohort went on to do a broad variety of interesting stuff in/around Philly (small firms, legal aid, DA, AG, opened own non-law businesses) specifically because Philly is so much more affordable and you are not locked into the law firm track the way you are in NYC.
Exactly. No one is arguing Philly is more exciting or even overall better. But it is better not to live in a shoebox and shoehorning three kids into a tiny space so you can brag about being a New Yorker. Go look at Rittenhouse if you want an urban neighborhood in Philly.
+10000. The people who insist on doing this are insufferable.
They also are typically lifelong renters.
Yep. You need to have family money, be in finance, or be an entrepreneur to live the life the redditor wants. Being a non-rainmaker partner doesn’t cut it and their NW will be a fraction of what it would be if they lived in the suburbs or a lower cost of living metro.
Again - the density of law and finance jobs cannot be paralleled in other cities. People move to NYC because they want the NYC lifestyle- which yes, includes less square footage but much much more to do outside of the home and higher power work. If you don’t want that then don’t move there, but don’t delude yourself into thinking New Yorkers are crying themselves to sleep over your McMansion.
This is debatable, especially when you have kids. Whenever I’m in NYC visiting family/friends I’m struck by how the only thing to do is go out to eat or to a playground. If you’re actually wealthy with multiple nannies then maybe you’re living a fabulous NY lifestyle. But the average $800k lawyer is hardly living it up. They aren’t doing anything you can’t do in any metro area in the US. They are just doing it with less square footage and less disposable income.
Correct. They have 2-3 regular neighborhood restaurants (not Le Bernadin) like they would in Scarsdale or Bethesda and they take advantage of NYC's artistic offerings to a similar degree (almost never).
No one is jealous of or impressed by your living in NYC, unless you have a 30+mm net worth, big apartment, weekend house, and place in Florida or Aspen for the winter. Then yes, lord it over us.
+1000. For all but the impossibly wealthy, living in NYC with children is exhausting.
Did you live in NYC with children? I’m not so sure what’s exhausting about having your kids’ elementary school two blocks away; multiple playgrounds, parks, libraries and museums within walking distance; delicious (affordable and fast) food options on every block; then when they turn 13 they can get themselves wherever they need to go on the subway?
Totally fine if that is not for you but you just sound like a rube when you make those kinds of statements.
Yes I did, and life was much easier when we moved to a major US city where we could still walk to all those things (well, not museums, but those are an easy subway ride away) and kids were using good public transit without adult supervision by 13, but we also could afford a home with a little room to spread out (although still not large) and a yard so that they could play outside without constant supervision, and we could use the car easily when we needed to and get out of the city easily when we wanted to, and so much less traffic noise--I didn't realize how stressful the noise was until I moved to a city with less traffic. (To be clear, traffic where I live is very bad. It's just not NYC bad.)
I love NYC, but I didn't love it with kids.
Great you made a good choice for yourself instead of whining that you are poor in NYC. Unlike the dumb*ss OP.
Anyone making 850k and has their children splitting a bedroom fits the dumb*ss description. Also thinking you’re doing well with 850k a year in NYC is idiotic.
Since when is having children share a bedroom a negative? I shared a room with two sisters and turned out pretty damn great
The issue isn't sharing a room. It's parents choosing themselves over their kids. OP's kids don't share a room out of necessity, nor because OP thinks it's a good formative experience. They are sharing a room because OP made a series of short-sighted and selfish choices and now she's blaming the situation on her apparently recent discovery that NYC is super expensive.
We're your parents selfish idiots too, or....?
Curious, what did your parents refuse to buy you? An American girl doll? Nike sneakers? Anyway, whatever it was, that’s not why your life turned out the way it did.
Nope. I'm speaking as a parent who understands that you don't have THREE KIDS before for firing it out where you will live and where they will go to school. It's one think to have one kid before you have this figured out, but three? And then to blame circumstances that you knew to be the case before you had any kids?
If OP were living in poverty or lacked education, I'd be empathetic because it can be hard to make good choices if you haven't been given many opportunities in life and are in survival mode. But she's a lawyer. A partner! She made the CHOICE to ignore her kid's needs and refuse to plan for their future. They will resent her for this later.
You sound unhinged. I’m pretty sure the redditor is giving her kids a great upbringing with more advantages than the vast majority of the planet. Geez. Why are you so angry about where a complete stranger is making a life?
Making 850k and forcing children to live in shared bedrooms all to live in Carrolll Gardens (lol) is not a recipe for a great upbringing. The Red Hook projects are 2-3 blocks away too.
Agreed- sharing a bedroom and living within a few blocks of poor people is basically child abuse.
I disagree the proximity of housing projects matter. But the Redditor's kids aren't merely sharing a room. It's three kids sharing one room in a two-bedroom Brooklyn apartment. That's *tight.* It's not child abuse but it's super weird. The Redditor is highly educated and makes a lot of money. Just... why? It's not necessary, and the Redditor has admitted that the reason for it is that she just doesn't like the housing stock available for 1.5m in Westchester. Also she's being disingenuous about her finances. She could move them to a slightly larger apartment (at least 3 bedrooms) for 8-10k/mo and they would be financially fine -- saving a bit less but not wanting for anything.
None of this is child abuse but it just doesn't make sense given the Redditor's resources. And again -- she's the one complaining. She's unhappy with their current set up but acting like it's totally outside her power to change it. Her kids are going to cotton on to her ridiculous victim mentality over stuff that is totally within her control (just requires making some grown up choices and planning a bit) and eventually they will be resentful. Especially when they realize their parents are actually rich. Eventually these kids are going to find out what she does for a living, how much she makes, and they are going to be so confused as to why they lived like this.
I think it’s because the truth is being a law partner with young kids is a crappy, crappy job where you are effectively selling your life for money, and she’s realized the money just makes her merely rich and not super rich.
It's this. None of the responders get it. For the quality of life that she has, which is objectively crappy because she probably works all the time while having 3 kids in a "tiny" (but large for NYC standards apartment), making $850K sucks. This is on her though - she could totally rent a 3 bedroom in Carroll Gardens for $10K a month instead of buying, and I imagine that is what she will do, but its just a matter of a few years before she starts feeling the school crunch so its always in the back of her mind like, am I throwing money away on just 2 more years in BK when i should buy now. She also probably hates her job but lacks the creativity to find another job that will pay that much. Commuting from westchester or NJ or LI sucks. I'm guessing she is in transactional law or she would move to DC to do litigation and have a much easier financial time.
Correct on all accounts. She cannot go in-house without a large paycut. She cannot transition to finance or medicine or tech or some career that would give a comparable comp package. The commute to NYC from the suburbs is so much worse than Boston or Philly. It is a tough pill to swallow for the Redditor, a lot of professionals wind up in this position based on some hazy notions of quality of life when they were 22 and making big decisions.
But the problem isn’t the money - she’s making multiples more than plenty of families. The problem is she chose a career with insane hours. That’s not going to change no matter what she does.
There is no other viable career for her that will pay $850K with better hours. Most $850K jobs are not "chill".
Hedge fund analysts (midlevel) and PMs (senior) do not work the hours big law partners do, they have many weekends and protected dates. Even better with corporate development and strat roles. Please review below for an accurate take on what corporate law is like.
Anonymous wrote:Main Line and Westchester are not much comparison. Philadelphia is a very poor city. It has so much history and good food but the people are so provincial and often don't leave the state ever. The politics of the state are ridiculous and stuck in the 1800s.
yep. Not at all the density of high-powered legal jobs as NYC. so it’s not really a comparison for most NYC partners, except in that if they believe they are “poor” in NYC then yes, maybe they need to trade some of the prestige and money of NYC for something slower paced. I went to law school in NYC and practiced in Philly at the beginning of my career and the cool thing is that most of my cohort went on to do a broad variety of interesting stuff in/around Philly (small firms, legal aid, DA, AG, opened own non-law businesses) specifically because Philly is so much more affordable and you are not locked into the law firm track the way you are in NYC.
Exactly. No one is arguing Philly is more exciting or even overall better. But it is better not to live in a shoebox and shoehorning three kids into a tiny space so you can brag about being a New Yorker. Go look at Rittenhouse if you want an urban neighborhood in Philly.
+10000. The people who insist on doing this are insufferable.
They also are typically lifelong renters.
Yep. You need to have family money, be in finance, or be an entrepreneur to live the life the redditor wants. Being a non-rainmaker partner doesn’t cut it and their NW will be a fraction of what it would be if they lived in the suburbs or a lower cost of living metro.
Again - the density of law and finance jobs cannot be paralleled in other cities. People move to NYC because they want the NYC lifestyle- which yes, includes less square footage but much much more to do outside of the home and higher power work. If you don’t want that then don’t move there, but don’t delude yourself into thinking New Yorkers are crying themselves to sleep over your McMansion.
This is debatable, especially when you have kids. Whenever I’m in NYC visiting family/friends I’m struck by how the only thing to do is go out to eat or to a playground. If you’re actually wealthy with multiple nannies then maybe you’re living a fabulous NY lifestyle. But the average $800k lawyer is hardly living it up. They aren’t doing anything you can’t do in any metro area in the US. They are just doing it with less square footage and less disposable income.
Correct. They have 2-3 regular neighborhood restaurants (not Le Bernadin) like they would in Scarsdale or Bethesda and they take advantage of NYC's artistic offerings to a similar degree (almost never).
No one is jealous of or impressed by your living in NYC, unless you have a 30+mm net worth, big apartment, weekend house, and place in Florida or Aspen for the winter. Then yes, lord it over us.
+1000. For all but the impossibly wealthy, living in NYC with children is exhausting.
Did you live in NYC with children? I’m not so sure what’s exhausting about having your kids’ elementary school two blocks away; multiple playgrounds, parks, libraries and museums within walking distance; delicious (affordable and fast) food options on every block; then when they turn 13 they can get themselves wherever they need to go on the subway?
Totally fine if that is not for you but you just sound like a rube when you make those kinds of statements.
Yes I did, and life was much easier when we moved to a major US city where we could still walk to all those things (well, not museums, but those are an easy subway ride away) and kids were using good public transit without adult supervision by 13, but we also could afford a home with a little room to spread out (although still not large) and a yard so that they could play outside without constant supervision, and we could use the car easily when we needed to and get out of the city easily when we wanted to, and so much less traffic noise--I didn't realize how stressful the noise was until I moved to a city with less traffic. (To be clear, traffic where I live is very bad. It's just not NYC bad.)
I love NYC, but I didn't love it with kids.
Great you made a good choice for yourself instead of whining that you are poor in NYC. Unlike the dumb*ss OP.
Anyone making 850k and has their children splitting a bedroom fits the dumb*ss description. Also thinking you’re doing well with 850k a year in NYC is idiotic.
Since when is having children share a bedroom a negative? I shared a room with two sisters and turned out pretty damn great
The issue isn't sharing a room. It's parents choosing themselves over their kids. OP's kids don't share a room out of necessity, nor because OP thinks it's a good formative experience. They are sharing a room because OP made a series of short-sighted and selfish choices and now she's blaming the situation on her apparently recent discovery that NYC is super expensive.
We're your parents selfish idiots too, or....?
Curious, what did your parents refuse to buy you? An American girl doll? Nike sneakers? Anyway, whatever it was, that’s not why your life turned out the way it did.
Nope. I'm speaking as a parent who understands that you don't have THREE KIDS before for firing it out where you will live and where they will go to school. It's one think to have one kid before you have this figured out, but three? And then to blame circumstances that you knew to be the case before you had any kids?
If OP were living in poverty or lacked education, I'd be empathetic because it can be hard to make good choices if you haven't been given many opportunities in life and are in survival mode. But she's a lawyer. A partner! She made the CHOICE to ignore her kid's needs and refuse to plan for their future. They will resent her for this later.
You sound unhinged. I’m pretty sure the redditor is giving her kids a great upbringing with more advantages than the vast majority of the planet. Geez. Why are you so angry about where a complete stranger is making a life?
Making 850k and forcing children to live in shared bedrooms all to live in Carrolll Gardens (lol) is not a recipe for a great upbringing. The Red Hook projects are 2-3 blocks away too.
Agreed- sharing a bedroom and living within a few blocks of poor people is basically child abuse.
I disagree the proximity of housing projects matter. But the Redditor's kids aren't merely sharing a room. It's three kids sharing one room in a two-bedroom Brooklyn apartment. That's *tight.* It's not child abuse but it's super weird. The Redditor is highly educated and makes a lot of money. Just... why? It's not necessary, and the Redditor has admitted that the reason for it is that she just doesn't like the housing stock available for 1.5m in Westchester. Also she's being disingenuous about her finances. She could move them to a slightly larger apartment (at least 3 bedrooms) for 8-10k/mo and they would be financially fine -- saving a bit less but not wanting for anything.
None of this is child abuse but it just doesn't make sense given the Redditor's resources. And again -- she's the one complaining. She's unhappy with their current set up but acting like it's totally outside her power to change it. Her kids are going to cotton on to her ridiculous victim mentality over stuff that is totally within her control (just requires making some grown up choices and planning a bit) and eventually they will be resentful. Especially when they realize their parents are actually rich. Eventually these kids are going to find out what she does for a living, how much she makes, and they are going to be so confused as to why they lived like this.
I think it’s because the truth is being a law partner with young kids is a crappy, crappy job where you are effectively selling your life for money, and she’s realized the money just makes her merely rich and not super rich.
It's this. None of the responders get it. For the quality of life that she has, which is objectively crappy because she probably works all the time while having 3 kids in a "tiny" (but large for NYC standards apartment), making $850K sucks. This is on her though - she could totally rent a 3 bedroom in Carroll Gardens for $10K a month instead of buying, and I imagine that is what she will do, but its just a matter of a few years before she starts feeling the school crunch so its always in the back of her mind like, am I throwing money away on just 2 more years in BK when i should buy now. She also probably hates her job but lacks the creativity to find another job that will pay that much. Commuting from westchester or NJ or LI sucks. I'm guessing she is in transactional law or she would move to DC to do litigation and have a much easier financial time.
Correct on all accounts. She cannot go in-house without a large paycut. She cannot transition to finance or medicine or tech or some career that would give a comparable comp package. The commute to NYC from the suburbs is so much worse than Boston or Philly. It is a tough pill to swallow for the Redditor, a lot of professionals wind up in this position based on some hazy notions of quality of life when they were 22 and making big decisions.
But the problem isn’t the money - she’s making multiples more than plenty of families. The problem is she chose a career with insane hours. That’s not going to change no matter what she does.
There is no other viable career for her that will pay $850K with better hours. Most $850K jobs are not "chill".
Ummm the point is that you do not need to earn $850k!!
Disagree completely. Unless you are overwhelmed by work easily and have a job you didn't really earn. The legal field is full of people who were simply good at law school and don't do well in the work environment. I worked in NYC at a top 10 firm and now in DC at very good firm but not top 10. I earn 1.7 and I'm on auto pilot. There are tons of jurisdictions that pay AT LEAST $850 and it would be way easier. $850 is nothing these days.
Anonymous wrote:Main Line and Westchester are not much comparison. Philadelphia is a very poor city. It has so much history and good food but the people are so provincial and often don't leave the state ever. The politics of the state are ridiculous and stuck in the 1800s.
yep. Not at all the density of high-powered legal jobs as NYC. so it’s not really a comparison for most NYC partners, except in that if they believe they are “poor” in NYC then yes, maybe they need to trade some of the prestige and money of NYC for something slower paced. I went to law school in NYC and practiced in Philly at the beginning of my career and the cool thing is that most of my cohort went on to do a broad variety of interesting stuff in/around Philly (small firms, legal aid, DA, AG, opened own non-law businesses) specifically because Philly is so much more affordable and you are not locked into the law firm track the way you are in NYC.
Exactly. No one is arguing Philly is more exciting or even overall better. But it is better not to live in a shoebox and shoehorning three kids into a tiny space so you can brag about being a New Yorker. Go look at Rittenhouse if you want an urban neighborhood in Philly.
+10000. The people who insist on doing this are insufferable.
They also are typically lifelong renters.
Yep. You need to have family money, be in finance, or be an entrepreneur to live the life the redditor wants. Being a non-rainmaker partner doesn’t cut it and their NW will be a fraction of what it would be if they lived in the suburbs or a lower cost of living metro.
Again - the density of law and finance jobs cannot be paralleled in other cities. People move to NYC because they want the NYC lifestyle- which yes, includes less square footage but much much more to do outside of the home and higher power work. If you don’t want that then don’t move there, but don’t delude yourself into thinking New Yorkers are crying themselves to sleep over your McMansion.
This is debatable, especially when you have kids. Whenever I’m in NYC visiting family/friends I’m struck by how the only thing to do is go out to eat or to a playground. If you’re actually wealthy with multiple nannies then maybe you’re living a fabulous NY lifestyle. But the average $800k lawyer is hardly living it up. They aren’t doing anything you can’t do in any metro area in the US. They are just doing it with less square footage and less disposable income.
Correct. They have 2-3 regular neighborhood restaurants (not Le Bernadin) like they would in Scarsdale or Bethesda and they take advantage of NYC's artistic offerings to a similar degree (almost never).
No one is jealous of or impressed by your living in NYC, unless you have a 30+mm net worth, big apartment, weekend house, and place in Florida or Aspen for the winter. Then yes, lord it over us.
+1000. For all but the impossibly wealthy, living in NYC with children is exhausting.
Did you live in NYC with children? I’m not so sure what’s exhausting about having your kids’ elementary school two blocks away; multiple playgrounds, parks, libraries and museums within walking distance; delicious (affordable and fast) food options on every block; then when they turn 13 they can get themselves wherever they need to go on the subway?
Totally fine if that is not for you but you just sound like a rube when you make those kinds of statements.
Yes I did, and life was much easier when we moved to a major US city where we could still walk to all those things (well, not museums, but those are an easy subway ride away) and kids were using good public transit without adult supervision by 13, but we also could afford a home with a little room to spread out (although still not large) and a yard so that they could play outside without constant supervision, and we could use the car easily when we needed to and get out of the city easily when we wanted to, and so much less traffic noise--I didn't realize how stressful the noise was until I moved to a city with less traffic. (To be clear, traffic where I live is very bad. It's just not NYC bad.)
I love NYC, but I didn't love it with kids.
Great you made a good choice for yourself instead of whining that you are poor in NYC. Unlike the dumb*ss OP.
Anyone making 850k and has their children splitting a bedroom fits the dumb*ss description. Also thinking you’re doing well with 850k a year in NYC is idiotic.
Since when is having children share a bedroom a negative? I shared a room with two sisters and turned out pretty damn great
The issue isn't sharing a room. It's parents choosing themselves over their kids. OP's kids don't share a room out of necessity, nor because OP thinks it's a good formative experience. They are sharing a room because OP made a series of short-sighted and selfish choices and now she's blaming the situation on her apparently recent discovery that NYC is super expensive.
We're your parents selfish idiots too, or....?
Curious, what did your parents refuse to buy you? An American girl doll? Nike sneakers? Anyway, whatever it was, that’s not why your life turned out the way it did.
Nope. I'm speaking as a parent who understands that you don't have THREE KIDS before for firing it out where you will live and where they will go to school. It's one think to have one kid before you have this figured out, but three? And then to blame circumstances that you knew to be the case before you had any kids?
If OP were living in poverty or lacked education, I'd be empathetic because it can be hard to make good choices if you haven't been given many opportunities in life and are in survival mode. But she's a lawyer. A partner! She made the CHOICE to ignore her kid's needs and refuse to plan for their future. They will resent her for this later.
You sound unhinged. I’m pretty sure the redditor is giving her kids a great upbringing with more advantages than the vast majority of the planet. Geez. Why are you so angry about where a complete stranger is making a life?
Making 850k and forcing children to live in shared bedrooms all to live in Carrolll Gardens (lol) is not a recipe for a great upbringing. The Red Hook projects are 2-3 blocks away too.
Agreed- sharing a bedroom and living within a few blocks of poor people is basically child abuse.
I disagree the proximity of housing projects matter. But the Redditor's kids aren't merely sharing a room. It's three kids sharing one room in a two-bedroom Brooklyn apartment. That's *tight.* It's not child abuse but it's super weird. The Redditor is highly educated and makes a lot of money. Just... why? It's not necessary, and the Redditor has admitted that the reason for it is that she just doesn't like the housing stock available for 1.5m in Westchester. Also she's being disingenuous about her finances. She could move them to a slightly larger apartment (at least 3 bedrooms) for 8-10k/mo and they would be financially fine -- saving a bit less but not wanting for anything.
None of this is child abuse but it just doesn't make sense given the Redditor's resources. And again -- she's the one complaining. She's unhappy with their current set up but acting like it's totally outside her power to change it. Her kids are going to cotton on to her ridiculous victim mentality over stuff that is totally within her control (just requires making some grown up choices and planning a bit) and eventually they will be resentful. Especially when they realize their parents are actually rich. Eventually these kids are going to find out what she does for a living, how much she makes, and they are going to be so confused as to why they lived like this.
I think it’s because the truth is being a law partner with young kids is a crappy, crappy job where you are effectively selling your life for money, and she’s realized the money just makes her merely rich and not super rich.
It's this. None of the responders get it. For the quality of life that she has, which is objectively crappy because she probably works all the time while having 3 kids in a "tiny" (but large for NYC standards apartment), making $850K sucks. This is on her though - she could totally rent a 3 bedroom in Carroll Gardens for $10K a month instead of buying, and I imagine that is what she will do, but its just a matter of a few years before she starts feeling the school crunch so its always in the back of her mind like, am I throwing money away on just 2 more years in BK when i should buy now. She also probably hates her job but lacks the creativity to find another job that will pay that much. Commuting from westchester or NJ or LI sucks. I'm guessing she is in transactional law or she would move to DC to do litigation and have a much easier financial time.
Correct on all accounts. She cannot go in-house without a large paycut. She cannot transition to finance or medicine or tech or some career that would give a comparable comp package. The commute to NYC from the suburbs is so much worse than Boston or Philly. It is a tough pill to swallow for the Redditor, a lot of professionals wind up in this position based on some hazy notions of quality of life when they were 22 and making big decisions.
But the problem isn’t the money - she’s making multiples more than plenty of families. The problem is she chose a career with insane hours. That’s not going to change no matter what she does.
There is no other viable career for her that will pay $850K with better hours. Most $850K jobs are not "chill".
Hedge fund analysts (midlevel) and PMs (senior) do not work the hours big law partners do, they have many weekends and protected dates. Even better with corporate development and strat roles. Please review below for an accurate take on what corporate law is like.
They aren't going to hire this lady. She can't pivot from being a lawyer to being a hedge fund analyst or tech PM.
Everyone knows this. The hedge fund roles were provided as examples of lucrative jobs with better hours. Becoming an asset manager is much more competitive than big law but doable with planning.
Anonymous wrote:Main Line and Westchester are not much comparison. Philadelphia is a very poor city. It has so much history and good food but the people are so provincial and often don't leave the state ever. The politics of the state are ridiculous and stuck in the 1800s.
yep. Not at all the density of high-powered legal jobs as NYC. so it’s not really a comparison for most NYC partners, except in that if they believe they are “poor” in NYC then yes, maybe they need to trade some of the prestige and money of NYC for something slower paced. I went to law school in NYC and practiced in Philly at the beginning of my career and the cool thing is that most of my cohort went on to do a broad variety of interesting stuff in/around Philly (small firms, legal aid, DA, AG, opened own non-law businesses) specifically because Philly is so much more affordable and you are not locked into the law firm track the way you are in NYC.
Exactly. No one is arguing Philly is more exciting or even overall better. But it is better not to live in a shoebox and shoehorning three kids into a tiny space so you can brag about being a New Yorker. Go look at Rittenhouse if you want an urban neighborhood in Philly.
+10000. The people who insist on doing this are insufferable.
They also are typically lifelong renters.
Yep. You need to have family money, be in finance, or be an entrepreneur to live the life the redditor wants. Being a non-rainmaker partner doesn’t cut it and their NW will be a fraction of what it would be if they lived in the suburbs or a lower cost of living metro.
Again - the density of law and finance jobs cannot be paralleled in other cities. People move to NYC because they want the NYC lifestyle- which yes, includes less square footage but much much more to do outside of the home and higher power work. If you don’t want that then don’t move there, but don’t delude yourself into thinking New Yorkers are crying themselves to sleep over your McMansion.
This is debatable, especially when you have kids. Whenever I’m in NYC visiting family/friends I’m struck by how the only thing to do is go out to eat or to a playground. If you’re actually wealthy with multiple nannies then maybe you’re living a fabulous NY lifestyle. But the average $800k lawyer is hardly living it up. They aren’t doing anything you can’t do in any metro area in the US. They are just doing it with less square footage and less disposable income.
Correct. They have 2-3 regular neighborhood restaurants (not Le Bernadin) like they would in Scarsdale or Bethesda and they take advantage of NYC's artistic offerings to a similar degree (almost never).
No one is jealous of or impressed by your living in NYC, unless you have a 30+mm net worth, big apartment, weekend house, and place in Florida or Aspen for the winter. Then yes, lord it over us.
+1000. For all but the impossibly wealthy, living in NYC with children is exhausting.
Did you live in NYC with children? I’m not so sure what’s exhausting about having your kids’ elementary school two blocks away; multiple playgrounds, parks, libraries and museums within walking distance; delicious (affordable and fast) food options on every block; then when they turn 13 they can get themselves wherever they need to go on the subway?
Totally fine if that is not for you but you just sound like a rube when you make those kinds of statements.
Yes I did, and life was much easier when we moved to a major US city where we could still walk to all those things (well, not museums, but those are an easy subway ride away) and kids were using good public transit without adult supervision by 13, but we also could afford a home with a little room to spread out (although still not large) and a yard so that they could play outside without constant supervision, and we could use the car easily when we needed to and get out of the city easily when we wanted to, and so much less traffic noise--I didn't realize how stressful the noise was until I moved to a city with less traffic. (To be clear, traffic where I live is very bad. It's just not NYC bad.)
I love NYC, but I didn't love it with kids.
Great you made a good choice for yourself instead of whining that you are poor in NYC. Unlike the dumb*ss OP.
Anyone making 850k and has their children splitting a bedroom fits the dumb*ss description. Also thinking you’re doing well with 850k a year in NYC is idiotic.
Since when is having children share a bedroom a negative? I shared a room with two sisters and turned out pretty damn great
The issue isn't sharing a room. It's parents choosing themselves over their kids. OP's kids don't share a room out of necessity, nor because OP thinks it's a good formative experience. They are sharing a room because OP made a series of short-sighted and selfish choices and now she's blaming the situation on her apparently recent discovery that NYC is super expensive.
We're your parents selfish idiots too, or....?
Curious, what did your parents refuse to buy you? An American girl doll? Nike sneakers? Anyway, whatever it was, that’s not why your life turned out the way it did.
Nope. I'm speaking as a parent who understands that you don't have THREE KIDS before for firing it out where you will live and where they will go to school. It's one think to have one kid before you have this figured out, but three? And then to blame circumstances that you knew to be the case before you had any kids?
If OP were living in poverty or lacked education, I'd be empathetic because it can be hard to make good choices if you haven't been given many opportunities in life and are in survival mode. But she's a lawyer. A partner! She made the CHOICE to ignore her kid's needs and refuse to plan for their future. They will resent her for this later.
You sound unhinged. I’m pretty sure the redditor is giving her kids a great upbringing with more advantages than the vast majority of the planet. Geez. Why are you so angry about where a complete stranger is making a life?
Making 850k and forcing children to live in shared bedrooms all to live in Carrolll Gardens (lol) is not a recipe for a great upbringing. The Red Hook projects are 2-3 blocks away too.
Go look at the map, the Red Hook projects are a good 15-20 minutes hike with a highway in the middle of it. Besides, there is no place in the walkable areas of NYC that is not within 15 minutes from some “undesirable” housing.
It’s a seven minute walk from Red Hook East to the Dunkin in Carroll Gardens. There’s an army of criminals and sex offenders in that housing projects. Also keep in mind Carroll Gardens is a big step down from Brooklyn Heights and even Cobble Hill.
The Dunkin on Hamilton under the highway? Come on, this is like the super outer edge of Carroll Gardens. When you hear about rich people living on the Upper East Side, do you also assume they are on 96th next to the projects?
Anonymous wrote:If the reddit poster lived in Chicago she would be in a city with 90% of NYC's cultural offerings and could have a great house in the city (or in the burbs on public transit) and be able to afford private school (or send her kids to some of the best public schools in the country). The winters are bad, but NYC winters are no picnic either.
Please keep in mind she is in Carroll Gardens, not the West Village or UES. It’s not some art and culinary mecca. It’s pretty mid and far from the action. If anything she may be in a hipper area in Chicago.
Caroll Gardens is so much nicer and more livable than the UES (which is honestly kind of disgusting and boring as hell east of Park) and West Village (overrun with influencers).
Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but this is so stupid and out of touch.
Not really. It’s good insight into what an upper middle class life in NYC looks like and the decisions that demographic has to make. I found a lot of it edifying.
Upper middle class! This is also stupid and out of touch.
This is in NYC...they can't afford an above average sized condo on that income
In a decent neighborhood, no she cannot. Carroll Gardens is already far from the action and not that expensive per square foot. She'd have to go to Bed-Stuy or Astoria to get the cost down and those are non-starters for most people in her position.
Curious, what “action” do you think a family with three small kids is looking for? They live in a safe and convenient family neighborhood with a very easy commute to downtown Manhattan.
Anonymous wrote:Main Line and Westchester are not much comparison. Philadelphia is a very poor city. It has so much history and good food but the people are so provincial and often don't leave the state ever. The politics of the state are ridiculous and stuck in the 1800s.
yep. Not at all the density of high-powered legal jobs as NYC. so it’s not really a comparison for most NYC partners, except in that if they believe they are “poor” in NYC then yes, maybe they need to trade some of the prestige and money of NYC for something slower paced. I went to law school in NYC and practiced in Philly at the beginning of my career and the cool thing is that most of my cohort went on to do a broad variety of interesting stuff in/around Philly (small firms, legal aid, DA, AG, opened own non-law businesses) specifically because Philly is so much more affordable and you are not locked into the law firm track the way you are in NYC.
Exactly. No one is arguing Philly is more exciting or even overall better. But it is better not to live in a shoebox and shoehorning three kids into a tiny space so you can brag about being a New Yorker. Go look at Rittenhouse if you want an urban neighborhood in Philly.
+10000. The people who insist on doing this are insufferable.
They also are typically lifelong renters.
Yep. You need to have family money, be in finance, or be an entrepreneur to live the life the redditor wants. Being a non-rainmaker partner doesn’t cut it and their NW will be a fraction of what it would be if they lived in the suburbs or a lower cost of living metro.
Again - the density of law and finance jobs cannot be paralleled in other cities. People move to NYC because they want the NYC lifestyle- which yes, includes less square footage but much much more to do outside of the home and higher power work. If you don’t want that then don’t move there, but don’t delude yourself into thinking New Yorkers are crying themselves to sleep over your McMansion.
This is debatable, especially when you have kids. Whenever I’m in NYC visiting family/friends I’m struck by how the only thing to do is go out to eat or to a playground. If you’re actually wealthy with multiple nannies then maybe you’re living a fabulous NY lifestyle. But the average $800k lawyer is hardly living it up. They aren’t doing anything you can’t do in any metro area in the US. They are just doing it with less square footage and less disposable income.
Correct. They have 2-3 regular neighborhood restaurants (not Le Bernadin) like they would in Scarsdale or Bethesda and they take advantage of NYC's artistic offerings to a similar degree (almost never).
No one is jealous of or impressed by your living in NYC, unless you have a 30+mm net worth, big apartment, weekend house, and place in Florida or Aspen for the winter. Then yes, lord it over us.
+1000. For all but the impossibly wealthy, living in NYC with children is exhausting.
Did you live in NYC with children? I’m not so sure what’s exhausting about having your kids’ elementary school two blocks away; multiple playgrounds, parks, libraries and museums within walking distance; delicious (affordable and fast) food options on every block; then when they turn 13 they can get themselves wherever they need to go on the subway?
Totally fine if that is not for you but you just sound like a rube when you make those kinds of statements.
Yes I did, and life was much easier when we moved to a major US city where we could still walk to all those things (well, not museums, but those are an easy subway ride away) and kids were using good public transit without adult supervision by 13, but we also could afford a home with a little room to spread out (although still not large) and a yard so that they could play outside without constant supervision, and we could use the car easily when we needed to and get out of the city easily when we wanted to, and so much less traffic noise--I didn't realize how stressful the noise was until I moved to a city with less traffic. (To be clear, traffic where I live is very bad. It's just not NYC bad.)
I love NYC, but I didn't love it with kids.
Great you made a good choice for yourself instead of whining that you are poor in NYC. Unlike the dumb*ss OP.
Anyone making 850k and has their children splitting a bedroom fits the dumb*ss description. Also thinking you’re doing well with 850k a year in NYC is idiotic.
Since when is having children share a bedroom a negative? I shared a room with two sisters and turned out pretty damn great
The issue isn't sharing a room. It's parents choosing themselves over their kids. OP's kids don't share a room out of necessity, nor because OP thinks it's a good formative experience. They are sharing a room because OP made a series of short-sighted and selfish choices and now she's blaming the situation on her apparently recent discovery that NYC is super expensive.
We're your parents selfish idiots too, or....?
Curious, what did your parents refuse to buy you? An American girl doll? Nike sneakers? Anyway, whatever it was, that’s not why your life turned out the way it did.
Nope. I'm speaking as a parent who understands that you don't have THREE KIDS before for firing it out where you will live and where they will go to school. It's one think to have one kid before you have this figured out, but three? And then to blame circumstances that you knew to be the case before you had any kids?
If OP were living in poverty or lacked education, I'd be empathetic because it can be hard to make good choices if you haven't been given many opportunities in life and are in survival mode. But she's a lawyer. A partner! She made the CHOICE to ignore her kid's needs and refuse to plan for their future. They will resent her for this later.
You sound unhinged. I’m pretty sure the redditor is giving her kids a great upbringing with more advantages than the vast majority of the planet. Geez. Why are you so angry about where a complete stranger is making a life?
Making 850k and forcing children to live in shared bedrooms all to live in Carrolll Gardens (lol) is not a recipe for a great upbringing. The Red Hook projects are 2-3 blocks away too.
Agreed- sharing a bedroom and living within a few blocks of poor people is basically child abuse.
I disagree the proximity of housing projects matter. But the Redditor's kids aren't merely sharing a room. It's three kids sharing one room in a two-bedroom Brooklyn apartment. That's *tight.* It's not child abuse but it's super weird. The Redditor is highly educated and makes a lot of money. Just... why? It's not necessary, and the Redditor has admitted that the reason for it is that she just doesn't like the housing stock available for 1.5m in Westchester. Also she's being disingenuous about her finances. She could move them to a slightly larger apartment (at least 3 bedrooms) for 8-10k/mo and they would be financially fine -- saving a bit less but not wanting for anything.
None of this is child abuse but it just doesn't make sense given the Redditor's resources. And again -- she's the one complaining. She's unhappy with their current set up but acting like it's totally outside her power to change it. Her kids are going to cotton on to her ridiculous victim mentality over stuff that is totally within her control (just requires making some grown up choices and planning a bit) and eventually they will be resentful. Especially when they realize their parents are actually rich. Eventually these kids are going to find out what she does for a living, how much she makes, and they are going to be so confused as to why they lived like this.
I think it’s because the truth is being a law partner with young kids is a crappy, crappy job where you are effectively selling your life for money, and she’s realized the money just makes her merely rich and not super rich.
It's this. None of the responders get it. For the quality of life that she has, which is objectively crappy because she probably works all the time while having 3 kids in a "tiny" (but large for NYC standards apartment), making $850K sucks. This is on her though - she could totally rent a 3 bedroom in Carroll Gardens for $10K a month instead of buying, and I imagine that is what she will do, but its just a matter of a few years before she starts feeling the school crunch so its always in the back of her mind like, am I throwing money away on just 2 more years in BK when i should buy now. She also probably hates her job but lacks the creativity to find another job that will pay that much. Commuting from westchester or NJ or LI sucks. I'm guessing she is in transactional law or she would move to DC to do litigation and have a much easier financial time.
Correct on all accounts. She cannot go in-house without a large paycut. She cannot transition to finance or medicine or tech or some career that would give a comparable comp package. The commute to NYC from the suburbs is so much worse than Boston or Philly. It is a tough pill to swallow for the Redditor, a lot of professionals wind up in this position based on some hazy notions of quality of life when they were 22 and making big decisions.
But the problem isn’t the money - she’s making multiples more than plenty of families. The problem is she chose a career with insane hours. That’s not going to change no matter what she does.
Thing is, a starving artist is fulfilled working from a warehouse in outer Queens or deep Brooklyn. Living out of a shoebox and not going out to eat every night under those circumstances can be okay. A big law partner does not derive the same satisfaction and needs opulence to justify the sacrifices made, people who take that route want more than what the Redditor has now.
Anonymous wrote:Redditor chose to have 3 kids. She is choosing this lifestyle. I agree that QOL isn't as great as it should be in NYC for $850K, but womp womp, there are a lot of rich people in NY and at some point, she will have to trade off on something. And yes, it is frustrating that someone earning $850K has to trade off, but that is the reality of NYC (which is Manhattan and nice BK).
Everyone I know living this lifestyle either a) Works in finance with a double income b) Hit it big on a startup c) Is a super high paid engineer in AI or the most common D) Has very rich parents. Usually its a combo of both.
Unless you are a billionaire, people always feel like they have to make tradeoffs. It is called the hedonic treadmill.
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}