I think I’m going to have to contact my husband’s affair partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I confronted DH's affair partner at her work. It was fantastic! Nothing else would have worked for me.

You know yourself. OP. Do what works for you.

How embarrassing for you.

[Anonymous]

My best friend confronted her long-time boyfriend's affair partner. They had a curt, civil conversation. The AP said they were in fact getting married, and they did.

A year later the new wife called my best friend. She found our her new husband had cheated on her, even the day after their wedding. The wife and my bestie became good friends. They still are these 10ish years later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]I confronted DH's affair partner at her work. It was fantastic! Nothing else would have worked for me. [/b]

You know yourself. OP. Do what works for you.

How embarrassing for you.

I did the same thing. Loved it. My new husband and i are reading this tread. He just said "good for her!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I confronted DH's affair partner at her work. It was fantastic! Nothing else would have worked for me.

You know yourself. OP. Do what works for you.

How embarrassing for you.

You're just angry you didn't have the bravery to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know of one person who confronted the other woman - but the OW didn’t know he was married and was really young. My friend wanted to hear her side of the story and it helped her heal. She also became friendly with the other OW and that always bothered her husband. Since the girl didn’t realize he was married at the time, it was a different situation and she was embarrassed and regretful for her part (even unknowing).

So knowing that her husband was the only sleezeball in the story helped her heal, huh?

Interesting!

They had a sexless marriage and it’s mostly sexless years later so she seemed understanding of the affair (she doesn’t like sex while he does) and forgave him. They are both very religious and poor - staying together seemed the best option with two young kids.

You posted that the contact helped her heal. How could it possibly have? She found out her DH is an even bigger liar than she thought. He was lying about the existence if their marriage. How does that help her heal?

It's one thing to decide to stay for various reasons. It's one to go looking for healing in a third party who would usually make wives realize just how self centered their spouse is.

I don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I confronted DH's affair partner at her work. It was fantastic! Nothing else would have worked for me.

You know yourself. OP. Do what works for you.

How embarrassing for you.

You're just angry you didn't have the bravery to do it.

So stalking someone at their workplace us bravery? That's madness!

This thread reminds me of when my mom slapped the heck out if my dad's AP. My dad got a jot slap too. His eye was swollen shut. Different country, different times. We laugh and make jokes about it. It was the craziest thing.

Of course he still cheated with someone else after that!

[Anonymous]

Pp- exactly the point . The fault lies in the husband not the other woman . He is the one who broke his vow to you . She is replaceable , with any woman . Don’t bother and move on with your life , hopefully without him !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I confronted DH's affair partner at her work. It was fantastic! Nothing else would have worked for me.

You know yourself. OP. Do what works for you.

I went to her house. I figured it was only right that her husband knew too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I confronted DH's affair partner at her work. It was fantastic! Nothing else would have worked for me.

You know yourself. OP. Do what works for you.

Classless.

Anonymous contact with her husband if there is one, telling him she's a cheater and he should get tested ASAP. Proof included, if you have evidence you can enclose.

Going to workplaces, meeting the OW in person, etc. all just let her know she provoked you and you matter to her. However good it felt to out her at her workplace -- you were giving her attention galore and some people thrive even on negative attention and on drama. Better to deprive her attention-seeking self of all oxygen and instead tell her DH then drop it all like she doesn't exist.

[Anonymous]

+1

So many of you are just gross. Showing up at strangers’ homes and businesses to rant and rave about how the dipshit YOU married played you like a fool? How you can’t keep a man satisfied?

This is what happens when an entire generation grows up on Jerry Springer reruns and the mantra that “not giving a f!ck” is like the highest state of being.

I long for the days when we rarely had to interact with you all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll chime in, because OP I don’t want you to get hurt. These things may not go the way you hope they will. I was the OW when I was in my mid 20s. (I’m a very different person now, so please don’t judge).

I broke up with the guy when his wife found out. She confronted me about a month later. I told her point blank “your husband told me that I gave him the single best sexual experience of his life. What do you imagine we did together?” She started to tear up and just walked away. Looking back on it, I feel horrible for what I did. So just please be careful OP. A confrontation may not go the way you want.

She was probably shocked and saddened and her husband’s horrible taste in ap, not aghast at your weird sexual dominance display, fyi.

Exactly. And, btw, men always say that. My husband and I didn’t leave the bed except to get water and whatever was in the cabinets for 3 days. We were insane. He could go several (4 times on our wedding night) times a night. There’s nothing we haven’t done in 20 years.

But, hey, a new body is just that: variety. A guy will always go on about that was the best blah blah blah. Fwiw, the only thing the AP said to me is “I was always so jealous of you”.

Yeah that would be a lie to make you feel better. Not sure why someone would be jealous of someone whose husband cheats on them. Nice that you had sex multiple x a night when you first met though.

Still did during the affair and still can do it even now. Sex life was always very good. He was a mess briefly in midlife- good friend died, dissatisfied with himself, and drinking too much. And, no, she wasn’t the type to say something to be nice. She had a mean steak and was angry at him for “using her” and treated her like a prostitute (her words). She was married too- she just wanted it to be with my husband, be her exit.

I think this is common, and that APs want to believe that they are "different" or "better" than the wife - when in fact, they will never be, because of all they do not have. Women need to know a man is not a plan, if their own mother did not love them enough to tell them so.

NP. I think the roots of the bold (with which I agree) are--for some women, at least--in the "soulmate" fantasy. I see posts on DCUM with women wondering if they should wait for a soulmate, or thinking they've found their soulmate, or asking if they should leave their BF or DH because it doesn't feel like he's their true soulmate, etc. etc. For women who have that inclination, the craving for a totally mythical, perfectly matched soulmate, it would be easy to fall into being an AP to a man who made them feel he was The One.

I'm not saying this is the case for all APs by any means. Just noting that when I read posts about women wanting soulmates, feeling dissatisfaction that's nebulous and not specific, etc., I get a feeling they might easily end up justifying to themselves that they are not merely APs or OWs at all--they are true romantics who simply must be with their soulmates, even if those men are already married or in relationships.

It’s the triumph of hope over experience. There is a certain pathos in these misguided Emma Bovaries, which is more than I can say for their jaded opportunist partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, is nobody here going to comment on the fact that she wants to like, stuff a camera or recorder in the certified mail she sends to the AP to watch her response?

This is a troll folks, or someone who belongs in a hospital.

Yes, Op is a troll as are all her supporters.

Op here that wasn’t me! That was a different poster

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know of one person who confronted the other woman - but the OW didn’t know he was married and was really young. My friend wanted to hear her side of the story and it helped her heal. She also became friendly with the other OW and that always bothered her husband. Since the girl didn’t realize he was married at the time, it was a different situation and she was embarrassed and regretful for her part (even unknowing).

And she stayed with her husband?

This happened to me. In college, I briefly dated a guy who apparently was engaged. His fiancé called to confront me. She was polite, but the bitterness and desperation in her voice left such an impression on me that I vowed to never forgive a cheater if I ever found myself in that situation. He was cheating with someone else 3 months later, the fiancé was still around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I confronted DH's affair partner at her work. It was fantastic! Nothing else would have worked for me.

You know yourself. OP. Do what works for you.

How embarrassing for you.

Lol you wish, these poor OW are so afraid of being confronted they create this false "you're crazy", "you're embarrassing" etc false narrative. Nice try gaslighting.

The pathetic need of OW grasping at straw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:+1

So many of you are just gross. Showing up at strangers’ homes and businesses to rant and rave about how the dipshit YOU married played you like a fool? How you can’t keep a man satisfied?

This is what happens when an entire generation grows up on Jerry Springer reruns and the mantra that “not giving a f!ck” is like the highest state of being.

I long for the days when we rarely had to interact with you all.

another pathetic OW.