Grandparents insist on taking my kids’ first class seats

[Anonymous]

Boomer entitlement is astounding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my (southern but pretty modern in most ways) family, we're taught to show deference to our parents.

I think it's really weird that you'd give your kids priority over your own parents. My kids know that grandparents are honored for the many sacrifices they made for their families in the past and for the role they continue to play. We always try to make them comfortable and do for them.

Your parents aren't emotionally blackmailing you. They're making a statement about how screwed up your values are in the best way that they can. I can easily imagine my mother doing the same and I wouldn't blame her. I would feel horribly guilty about flying first class with my parents stuck in coach. Really, what a weird thing to do.

And in my (actually modern) culture, we’re taught that resources flow downward. Parents take care of their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't the grandparents booked their own first class tickets? Was first class sold out or did they just not want to spend the money?

I would be so pissed. My FIL tries stuff like this all the time. We stopped vacationing with him many years ago because he was always doing these shakedowns.

OP here. My dad sounds just like your FIL. He is super controlling, demands respect, and throws a temper tantrum anytime he doesn’t get what he wants. He has alienated dozens of family members over the years. He is a textbook narcissist.

And you think this trip will be magical why exactly? He sounds dreadful.

Kids keep the seats. Your dad is a nightmare. I wouldn't be traveling with them, but you are, and now you have a great out. Call his bluff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these people talking about the elderly grandparents. I am 37 and my grandparents are in their 80’s. These people have teen grandkids. They could be 50.

People in your family must have been very young when they had their kids. When my kids were in their early 20s, their grandparents were in their 90s.

I can’t even imagine being in my 50s and having teenage grandchildren.

No, you were just really old, as are many DC parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whose parents are this kind of weak financially? As noted by the poster above, my parents killed it as equity and real estate investors riding their generational wave. They would be ashamed to put a hand out. They both know how well things broke for them and how much harder they are now.

I'm a WASP. Like an actual one, not a generic DCUM white person from Ohio and my parents would cut off their toes before making a blackmail like request like this. The money flows down, always and forever. In terms of good graces, I would have accounted for the points matter and probably upgraded my parents (we do things like this on occasion as a surprise) but that's not expected. The parental entitlement is killing me. If they wanted to fly business, pay for business.

What do you mean?

White
Anglo Saxon
Protestant

What does this have to do with Ohio?

Some of you are kind of gross people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these people talking about the elderly grandparents. I am 37 and my grandparents are in their 80’s. These people have teen grandkids. They could be 50.

People in your family must have been very young when they had their kids. When my kids were in their early 20s, their grandparents were in their 90s.

I can’t even imagine being in my 50s and having teenage grandchildren.

No, you were just really old, as are many DC parents.

If the kid is 20 and the grandparent 50, the parents must be around 35. Having kids at 15 for 2 generations is not good.

[Anonymous]

I would let them cancel and not come. They are ruining your vacation.

I would plan a separate trip with them.

Everyone sucks in this scenario. I would not even want to go at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whose parents are this kind of weak financially? As noted by the poster above, my parents killed it as equity and real estate investors riding their generational wave. They would be ashamed to put a hand out. They both know how well things broke for them and how much harder they are now.

I'm a WASP. Like an actual one, not a generic DCUM white person from Ohio and my parents would cut off their toes before making a blackmail like request like this. The money flows down, always and forever. In terms of good graces, I would have accounted for the points matter and probably upgraded my parents (we do things like this on occasion as a surprise) but that's not expected. The parental entitlement is killing me. If they wanted to fly business, pay for business.

What do you mean?

White
Anglo Saxon
Protestant

What does this have to do with Ohio?

Some of you are kind of gross people.

PP isn't gross. WASP means more than just what the acronym stands for. I'd ever call myself a WASP, especially since my parents are from California.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids. My oldest would gladly give his seat to his grandfather. My middle and youngest would give it up very unhappily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only thing I don’t understand is why OP thinks it’s magical to all travel together…. The rest all makes sense.

We run all our small business expenses through mileage credit cards just so we can book business class on long flights. Running our business about kills us, so the idea of giving away those hard earned miles, including to entitled parents would be tougher for me.

Heinous confession - i once flew to Asia in first class to meet my parents (using miles, last minute flight) and found out my dad was joining me at my Chicago connection in a coach seat. I did not offer to switch.

Are you Asian?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whose parents are this kind of weak financially? As noted by the poster above, my parents killed it as equity and real estate investors riding their generational wave. They would be ashamed to put a hand out. They both know how well things broke for them and how much harder they are now.

Life is a panoply. Many people don't have opportunities, or don't take advantage of those available. We are comfortable financially (public schools, good government managerial type jobs now) and have one of our parents living in senior affordable housing, with no more than a few thousand in the bank.

Your parents don’t sound like they are making claims on your resources.
But it’s simple, there are rules, you move it to the next generation. You don’t ask for resources from those younger than you. Period.

Ha yeah actually another parent probably (not totally sure because of the age when it happened) stole several thousands of dollars in babysitting money from a childhood bank account at the age of 17. Went to get money out and it was gone- and that parent was the only one with access but said "don't know what happened".

Some of us have to be very careful with our boundaries with parents!

My dad did this to me and my sibling when he divorced my mom. H when I asked what happened to my account, he said my money was his money (not true since it came from my earned money and bday gifts from relatives other than my parents — incl relatives who set up the accounts for us). He refused joint custody of us, didn’t pay child support as agreed and didn’t pay a red cent toward college. Yet, he claimed he paid for my college to his family — but really, he left us poor enough that it was me, scholarships and financial aid. Fortunately his sister and brother in law were the Friends of the Court and knew the true story. But yeah, some of us have crummy parents who really don’t deserve support.

[Anonymous]

I would be mortified at the thought of the conversation the grandparents might have in coach with adjacent passengers: “So where are your grandkids?” “Up in business class.” It’s horrifying and unacceptable, and it seems the grandparents might feel the same way.

So maybe the solution is to get a refund on your kids’ seats and downgrade them to coach, where the grandparents can have some quality time with them (each kid can sit next to a grandparent).

I would just tell an elaborate white lie to my kids and parents that the airline made a mistake and bumped two seats for revenue passengers but that you were being compensated on some future trip. Then I would actually be happy that A: grandparents weren’t being rewarded for blackmail, B: spoiled kids weren’t getting more spoiled, and C: grandparents were getting hour upon hour of one-on-one time with the grandkids. Ta-da.

It’s not the parents being in business class that’s the issue: it’s the grandkids. And kids these days are spoiled…especially the ones sitting in business class that I walk by on my way to my economy seat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree that you should be giving the first class seats to your parents, but it also rude for them to demand it.

+ 1000

This would be the last trip I invite them on.

+1

so rude

Agree. It’s the demanding before you can even offer that really rubs me the wrong way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only thing I don’t understand is why OP thinks it’s magical to all travel together…. The rest all makes sense.

We run all our small business expenses through mileage credit cards just so we can book business class on long flights. Running our business about kills us, so the idea of giving away those hard earned miles, including to entitled parents would be tougher for me.

Heinous confession - i once flew to Asia in first class to meet my parents (using miles, last minute flight) and found out my dad was joining me at my Chicago connection in a coach seat. I did not offer to switch.

Are you Asian?

It goes both ways. Perhaps OP’s parents didn’t pay for the things many Asian parents pay for their kids growing up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my (southern but pretty modern in most ways) family, we're taught to show deference to our parents.

I think it's really weird that you'd give your kids priority over your own parents. My kids know that grandparents are honored for the many sacrifices they made for their families in the past and for the role they continue to play. We always try to make them comfortable and do for them.

Your parents aren't emotionally blackmailing you. They're making a statement about how screwed up your values are in the best way that they can. I can easily imagine my mother doing the same and I wouldn't blame her. I would feel horribly guilty about flying first class with my parents stuck in coach. Really, what a weird thing to do.

. They should t have been invited.