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Parenting -- Special Concerns
Explaining what "gay" is to my DC. Advice?
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Anonymous
| Straight, gay-friendly family trying to figure out how to explain to DS the reason that he can't be a cub scout like his friends (b/c of the scouts exclusionary policies.) How do I best explain what "gay" is? It's hard when they don't even get the whole straight birds and bees thing yet anyway. I tried talking about "loving" the same sex but we all love people of the same sex but that doesn't necessarily mean we're gay and I don't think he's quite there yet to hear the more graphic physical explanations. I'm leaning toward talking about "marrying" people since he understands that and it is a good example of how exclusion from institutions hurts people. I'm stuck here, any advice? |
Anonymous
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If your brother were getting married to a woman would you make it about sex or would you tell your child that "Uncle Bob & Nancy" love each other and want they want to be a family?" All a small child needs to know or can understand is that people fall in love or choose to be a family. "Daddy & I love each other so we got married and we became a family. Sue & Mary are in love and they are a family too." There are so many different types of families out there that letting your child it's not always just "a mommy & a daddy" is a good thing to establish early on. When he/she meets a class mate with a single parent or a class mate that's being raised by their grandparents, they won't judge that as strange. I applaud you for thinking openly enough to be there for your children and give them tools they need to navigate in this world.
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Anonymous
| Is it totally right to exclude your child from activities that he would enjoy because of your political views? |
AngryNanny
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| You are complicating this too much. Just tell your kid that there are lots of types of families which can include famillies with one mommy and one daddy, single parents, grandparents, foster parents, as well as families with 2 mommies or 2 daddies. Then tell him that you and your spouse think that peope in all families should be treated the same, but the rules of the Boy Scouts do not agree with that and you don't believe that they treat everyone fairly. Explain that because you don't think that the Boy Scouts are fair to everyone, you and your spouse would prefer that he does not participate. I would also point out that these rules are made by many of the grown-ups who run the Boy Scouts, but it isn't necessarily a view shared by everyone in the organization - you don't want him to start thinking that his little friends are necessarily against gays. |
Anonymous
Yes. Yes it is. I have no intention of signing my kids up for the Young Nazis either. Why would anyone send their child to a program that teaches values they don't believe in? |
Anonymous
I think it's disingenuous to couch this as merely a "political" issue. Discriminating against gays is an ethical problem, not just a political one, and I definitely think it's appropriate to prevent your young children from participating in groups with which you disagree on fundamental moral issues. Signed, Another Straight Mom Who Won't Let Her Son Participate in the Homophobic Boy Scouts |
Anonymous
OP here. If you - PP - just substitute "black" for "gay" regarding who is being excluded (loudly and publicly) I think you'll answer your own question. Wrong is wrong and I want my son to grow up knowing that. Thanks for all the input. I'm beginning to see it isn't that complicated. We have gay friends and family so he probably already gets it even if he hasn't thought about it, and he can understand more than I'm giving him credit for. Thanks. |
Anonymous
| Gay dad here. Not only do they discriminate against us but they won't let kids who are atheist be members either. I basically look at the Cub/Boy Scouts at this point as an auxillary of the Religious Right on so many levels. |
Anonymous
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Last time I've checked this was a free country.
They have their right to "chose" their members and freedom to say whatever they want. You have the choice to join their group or not. |
Anonymous
Black isn't a lifestyle choice. Blacks don't control the level of their blackness. Blacks don't hurt others through the selfish actions of their blackness. Being black can't be looked at as a sin. If people want to keep their children away from many of the implications of homosexuality, that is their right. |
Anonymous
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Kids have their rights. From the moment a gay couple is adopting a child, he or she is forced to live in an homosexual environment, meaning they are not giving the right to live with a mom and a dad.
Gays don't bother me. What does bother me is when they put someone else in their lifes who doesn't have an option. |
Anonymous
Great! We're in agreement then since being gay isn't a choice or selfish and doesn't hurt anyone! Happy to see you on board! |
Anonymous
Having gay feelings may not be a choice, but acting on them is. I'm not saying that it is the right choice or the wrong choice, but it is a choice. And as such, it is a choice that other people have the right to look upon favorably or unfavorably. The color of one's skin, on the other hand, is in no way a choice. You cannot compare the two. And you are very wrong that homosexuality doesn't hurt anyone and that it can't lead to selfish behaviours. I do not think that the rights of homosexuals should be limited. However, I cannot agree that a man going on a date with another man is not a choice. |
Anonymous
And additionally, it is very frustrating that people can't accept that there are benefits to having a male parent and a single parent. I'm not saying that there aren't great and loving gay families out there, but it makes me really frustrated when if I express the belief that the *best* situation for a child is benefitting from the natural balances and differences of both males and females, that i must suddenly be a hateful person. I am not so much against adoption, since I think that there are so many kids in need of homes and love. But I am torn about the morality of homosexuals having their own children. |
Anonymous
Oh, I see what you're saying. You mean that it's ok to BE black but ACTING black is crossing the line. Now I think I follow you. |