Raising a child in a non-religious household

[Anonymous]

I am raising my daughter in keeping with my own agnosticism. She hears a lot about god from others (including my extremely religious parents) and asks me what god is. How do other agnostics and atheists respond?

Please don't turn this into a discussion of whether it's evil to raise a child without an organized religion; that decision has been made. I would simply like a vocabulary and advice from others who have done it.

[Anonymous]

That is a very good question. One which I don't have an answer for. But I would definitely stress to her the need for tolerence of other's belief in God because you don't want her running around the playground telling other kids that God doesn't exist. Its like the Santa Claus or Tooth Fairy problem taken to a whole other level!

[Anonymous]

I would just tell her that people have different beliefs and explain to her the general concept of God and Religion as you understand it or get a book. We are not raising our child religiously but we plan to spend time teaching him about religions of the world, different systems of belief, and philosophy. I'd like him to be able to decide what, if anything, is right for him to believe in when he gets older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am raising my daughter in keeping with my own agnosticism. She hears a lot about god from others (including my extremely religious parents) and asks me what god is. How do other agnostics and atheists respond?

Please don't turn this into a discussion of whether it's evil to raise a child without an organized religion; that decision has been made. I would simply like a vocabulary and advice from others who have done it.

I address it as a Mother Nature-type thing. We are all a part of something greater than ourselves. Mommy thinks this is what holds us together. Some place a name on it as God or Jesus or Mohammed. Then I tell her that the bottom line is that we're all a part of society and need to work together and respect each other's points of view. Be good people, whether that's in a church or a temple or just in your own thoughts. Ask her where she thinks people come from and where she thinks she fits in (when older, of course). We all have a purpose and whether that purpose comes from a "god" or a religion or a "goddess" - what have you, we're all in it together.

[Anonymous]

I was raised as an agnostic child and when questioned about religion, god, etc.., my parents always told me what the word "God" means to most of people, and as I got older, the pros and cons of having a faith and religion.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't really have an answer for you as my DD is still a baby, but just wanted to say that we are in the same boat. DH is an almost non-observant Jew and I'm an almost non-observant Methodist. Most years we attend Rosh Hoshanah(sp?)/Yom Kippur and Christmas Eve/Easter and that's it.

Neither of us really miss religion in our lives, I think because it was never that strong to begin with (I think both of our parents were just going through the motions...) but for some reason when it comes to our daughter, I feel guilty for not teaching her SOMETHING! But I feel like a hypocrite when I don't know what I believe myself.

Sounds like you are more comfortable in your beliefs than me, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone!

[Anonymous]

We're not there yet because my child is also just a baby, but I like what the PP 17:41 suggests. 17:40's approach is definitely not for me! It just goes to show that there are a lot of different ways to be an atheist or agnostic, too!

[Anonymous]

My daughter started asking last year at the age of 5. I have always added comments like "that is what some people believe". She asked me what I believe and I gave a 5 y/o overview of atheism and humanism. She asked about Grandma's beliefs and church and we discussed that. Then she asked me how to know who is right about whether or not there is a heaven. I told her no one really knows for sure and they pick what they were taught, what makes them happy, etc. I explain that there is really no one "right" answer and everyone has to sort out what they believe.

[Anonymous]

count me in the same boat. i was raised as a conservative jew; my husband in the congregationist church but both of us are pretty hardcore agnostic. my son is only a year, but we plan to teach him to be a good person w/o bringing god into it. the hard part for me will be to get my husband to stop calling religion "hocus pocus" so that our son won't piss people off at school when he's that age.

we plan to celebrate any holiday that involves presents and/or good food, though.

[Anonymous]

How do agnostic people celebrate the holidays? I've struggled with this: I have two children, and I've repeated many of the things to them that have already been mentioned by previous posters about different people's beliefs, respect for them, and humanism.

However, I am really ideologically conflicted about Christmas and Easter. These are religious holidays--in the United States they are also cultural holidays where a whole set of very kid focused events occur in tandem (cookie making, christmas caroling, decorating a tree, favorite movies (aka the Grinch), etc. If I'm not religious, why celebrate these, especially the materialistic aspects of them?

It seems silly to celebrate these holidays if I don't believe they have greater meaning than a random date on the calender and an opportunity to give gifts or candy.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are both agnostic and we tend toward the mother nature/scientific energy force approach. However, we have always loved Christmas because of the festiveness and pageantry. I don't believe the way most Americans celebrate Christmas and Easter nowadays has any religious significance whatsoever. When DD is old enough, we plan to tell her that Christmas is a time to spend time with family, to have a happy fun break from the dreary winter - kind of like the winter solstice thing (which is actually where the custom of Christmas trees comes from). We will tell her that some people believe that the holiday has religious significance but for us it is just about fun and festivity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do agnostic people celebrate the holidays? I've struggled with this: I have two children, and I've repeated many of the things to them that have already been mentioned by previous posters about different people's beliefs, respect for them, and humanism.

However, I am really ideologically conflicted about Christmas and Easter. These are religious holidays--in the United States they are also cultural holidays where a whole set of very kid focused events occur in tandem (cookie making, christmas caroling, decorating a tree, favorite movies (aka the Grinch), etc. If I'm not religious, why celebrate these, especially the materialistic aspects of them?

It seems silly to celebrate these holidays if I don't believe they have greater meaning than a random date on the calender and an opportunity to give gifts or candy.

I grew up in a non-religious household. I hated the time around Christmas because everyone around me was having fun and I felt totally left out. As my brother and I got a little older, we became more insistent that we do some present exchanging and have some decoration, which my parents went along with grudgingly. With two small children now, I have no problem engaging in some level of celebration, e.g., a Christmas tree and presents in a very non-religious way. Close family in the area are on the same page, so the holidays now are a lot of fun. Among the holidays, Christmas is so pervasive that a little "end of year" gift giving makes life more bearable around that time. That said, where I grew up, Christmas was the only thing going on. We're in a much more diverse area now, which also helps.

[Anonymous]

I think it's been helping to get my son to ask lots of questions and be a skeptic in general. When he read the story of the creation of the world in Genesis (you know, the 7 days), I asked him -- "is that actually how the universe came to be." He knew enough to say no, and we talked a bit about how stars and galaxies and planets are made. Then, I asked him, "why do you think someone made up that story about God separating dark from light...?" He wasn't sure, so then we talked about how people are curious and really want to know how things happen, but sometimes they don't have the tools to find out (telescopes, books). We talked about how there are all different creation stories from all over the world, and that people make up stories about things that are important to them.

I'm sure we'll have these conversations over and over and over as the years go on. I see it as lessons in skepticism rather than agnosticism -- I don't want him to be taken in by conspiracy theories or Nigerian email scams either.

[Anonymous]

I am an athiest. I tell my 6 yr old that some people believe in god/gods and some don't. I tell her that "god" is what some people believe in to explain where we came from and to explain how the world was created. She then asks me "do you believe in God" and I say "No, I don't, but you can believe in whatever you want, and this is something you have to decide for yourself when you grow up. No one should force you - it's your decision when you are an adult, but it is not something you need to worry about now. What's most important is that you are kind to others, treat them as you want to be treated, etc..." I teach DD to respect other people's opinons/beliefs, just as they should respect hers, and that it is ok to have an opinion different from others, and that people from around the world believe in all different things and different gods.

[Anonymous]

However, I am really ideologically conflicted about Christmas and Easter. These are religious holidays--in the United States they are also cultural holidays where a whole set of very kid focused events occur in tandem (cookie making, christmas caroling, decorating a tree, favorite movies (aka the Grinch), etc. If I'm not religious, why celebrate these, especially the materialistic aspects of them?

treat them the same way you'd treat halloween, or valentine's day, or st. paddy's day. it's just a festive time of year. what's the big deal? i mean, what do the easter bunny and santa have to do with jesus?