Raising a child in a non-religious household

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks, everyone, for these thoughtful and useful responses.

W/r/t the holiday issue, my favorite holiday has always been Halloween. I'm not a Wiccan (no disrespect, but I'm not one), but I like that Halloween is all tradition, festivity, and celebration with no cultural exclusivity. I know that some people don't do it-- as my parents grew more observant (Jewish) during my childhood, they dropped it, and I missed it. We do Halloween whole-hog. Thanksgiving, too, though we're unclear about whom we're thanking, and I plan to be more balanced in my description of the settlers' interactions with native Americans.

Christmas is kind of easy. It's almost secular in some ways in this country. Hannukah too.

As for respect for other kids, I try to instill that. There is a pretty little church on our street and I've told my daughter that people go there to be together, sing, be thankful for what they have, and celebrate holidays. I think that's a good enough description for a pre-schooler.

I do believe, however, that it's okay for my daughter to assert that there's no god or Santa Claus-- just as it's okay for her friends to tell her that there is a god or a Santa Claus. I would hope that religious parents would be just as welcoming of an agnostic or atheist family as we are of religious families. As a child I was exposed to people telling me that Jesus Christ was the son of god and raised to believe that he was not. Sometimes schoolmates discussed this, especially around Christmas and Easter. I don't remember my friends at an Episopalian school being upset to hear that our family didn't celebrate Easter because we didn't believe in what Easter was about. I don't think it would be damaging for them to hear that a classmate not only doesn't believe in the new testament, she doesn't believe in the old either. It would be very difficult for me to tell my daughter that our belief system is worthy of respect but that she should be afraid to talk about it because it offends others.

[Anonymous]

Regarding the holidays: it seems to me that most cultures, throughout human history have held celebrations at about the same time of year:
-- The pagan Winter Solstice coincides pretty closely with Christmas and Hannukah, and have you noticed how important light is during these dark-season holidays?
-- Easter is a springtime festival, one of renewal (resurrection), and I hope a jewish person can weigh in, don't Jews celebrate atonement (forgiveness of sin/ renewal) at some point? In my family's culture (Persian) the new year begins on March 21st, so we celebrate with symbols of new life, like eggs and sprouted greens, giving gifts of new clothes, and of course, a great big party!
-- And there have always been harvest festivals, which we could line up with Halloween or Thanksgiving or both. Halloween also falls at almost the exact same time as the Day of the Dead and All Saints' Day.

In my view, celebrating Christmas in a non-Christian household can be a recognition of the traditions of many cultures, because for all our differences, we all value the same basic things. Let's get together with the people we love, light a bunch of candles, string a bunch of lights, eat a bunch of hearty food, and go into the new year (the lengthening days) with a new sense of community.

[Anonymous]

I don't consider Christmas very religious. The Christmas tree is a pagan idea from Germany. I've heard Christmas is a popular holiday for gift-giving in Japan and they are not that religious.

I agree with the poster who said that these holidays generally fall during the same time/season of the year. There is a commonality around the world. I've learned that there is often a practical reason for many of the rituals currently in practice.

[Anonymous]

Christmas and Easter are religious holidays. They are cultural to the United States in a very different way as well. I don't agree with the poster who said you can treat them like valentine's day or st. patricks day...


I don't consider myself religious, and am raising my kids without religion. I definitely celebrate these two holidays, but I think that it is important to ground the celebration in a description of WHY these are holidays which is based on understanding of the religious history behind them. I think it is a good for kids to learn about tradition in culture be it in Christanity, Judaism, or Islam. I have shown my kids the bible stories that accompany the birth of Jesus and the resurrection, and while I state that I believe that these are just myths, I want my kids to understand that there is symbolism (new birth, forgiveness, etc.)around these holidays that go beyond presents, days off from school, etc. I share the sentiments of other posters that we make Christmas about family togetherness, joy during the winter, and family tradition, but I just wanted to add that I think the educational component is important as well.

[Anonymous]

We're Jews, but surrounded by Christians and others. It was very important to me that my child learn to be respectful of other beliefs, but to know how to stand up for himself when faced with pressure from the more preachy faiths.

I stressed that the beliefs don't matter as long as you use them to be a better person (help others, be kind, etc). Some Christians use their faith to be better people, and we should respect that. Other folks use their beliefs to exclude or be mean. We don't have to respect that.

I do not teach him that all beliefs are equally "true". I do not insist he believe in God, and have expressed my doubts (not a problem for Jews). I do stress that it really doesn't matter what other people believe as long as their actions are good.

This works for us. We don't do the "cultural" thing for most of the Christian-based holidays. Once you take out Jesus, there isn't anything left that I would want to pass on. The materialism part is kinda gross. Bad enough that Hanukkah is expanding into a shop-fest.