Old wound surprise

[Anonymous]

Dh and I seperated off and on years ago. At one point we reconciled and a woman he had been dating claimed to be pregant with his child.
She contacted him immediately after birth and he told her if she wanted money she had to have a paternity test and that we wanted custody.
The baby is now 12. He was served for support last week.
I hate him.
Our youngest is 16. I'm not sure I can wait 2 more years to go.

[Anonymous]

He got someone pregnant while you were separated? It sucks sure but you've hung in for 16 years. Find something, a hobby of some sort that will give occupy majority of your time and give you something to look forward to. Time will fly, and 2 years will be up before you know it.

You could also start planning your post divorce life now, get your finances in order, look around for an apartment(if you're moving out), re-decorate, subtly, if you're keeping the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dh and I seperated off and on years ago. At one point we reconciled and a woman he had been dating claimed to be pregant with his child.
She contacted him immediately after birth and he told her if she wanted money she had to have a paternity test and that we wanted custody.
The baby is now 12. He was served for support last week.
I hate him.
Our youngest is 16. I'm not sure I can wait 2 more years to go.

I am not sure what this means. Some people agree they can date when separated, which to me is a terrible idea. Was this your agreement? Right now you are in a state of shock because your entire world has been turned upside down. But you need to think long term. Why do you hate him? Is there more to this story? Were you planning to leave in two years anyway?

[Anonymous]

By tying support to you trying to take her baby you got her to back off but it has been a ticking time bomb. Now it has exploded. You chose to live with the risk that this issue could resurface.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but you shouldn't have threatened to take her and your husband's child. That was wrong. I also don't understand how you and dh could be aware he has a child some where that he isn't fathering. An innocent child. That's actually what disturbs me about your situation. Plus, your kids had a sibling they never got to know. Very selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh and I seperated off and on years ago. At one point we reconciled and a woman he had been dating claimed to be pregant with his child.
She contacted him immediately after birth and he told her if she wanted money she had to have a paternity test and that we wanted custody.
The baby is now 12. He was served for support last week.
I hate him.
Our youngest is 16. I'm not sure I can wait 2 more years to go.

I am not sure what this means. Some people agree they can date when separated, which to me is a terrible idea. Was this your agreement? Right now you are in a state of shock because your entire world has been turned upside down. But you need to think long term. Why do you hate him? Is there more to this story? Were you planning to leave in two years anyway?

We were seperated. I moved in with my parents and the kids.
He dated people both times. I didn't not that the first time we got back together and I had our second.
He said the baby wasn't his but it looks just like her with accents him. I also saw the email where she told him she hadn't dated anybody else . She also asked him if he had told me about the other woman from our last separation and her twins. He denied dating anybody else then but admitted it in counseling.
He swears he didn't think the baby was his. When she didn't contact us again I believed him.
There is no reason for her to do this now unless he is the father and she needs help.
I hate him because he ruined our family
I hate him because he abandoned that baby
I hate him because I believed him

[Anonymous]

Okay. I wrote a previous critical email but now feel very sorry for you. I would also be angry that he disgraced your children, you, and also, hugely because he abandoned this now 12 year old. Honestly, I might consider leaving sooner if I were you...in a humane way explaining to your children why, and facilitating a relationship with them and their new sibling after a while. Food for thought. Not in your situation, so again, just a thought.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you hate yourself for being stupid? I can't really see that anyone here is in the "wrong". You know he potentially had another child. It was your job to at least speak to the woman. You choose to believe nonsense because YOU wanted to. It's as simple as that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh and I seperated off and on years ago. At one point we reconciled and a woman he had been dating claimed to be pregant with his child.
She contacted him immediately after birth and he told her if she wanted money she had to have a paternity test and that we wanted custody.
The baby is now 12. He was served for support last week.
I hate him.
Our youngest is 16. I'm not sure I can wait 2 more years to go.

I am not sure what this means. Some people agree they can date when separated, which to me is a terrible idea. Was this your agreement? Right now you are in a state of shock because your entire world has been turned upside down. But you need to think long term. Why do you hate him? Is there more to this story? Were you planning to leave in two years anyway?

We were seperated. I moved in with my parents and the kids.
He dated people both times. I didn't not that the first time we got back together and I had our second.
He said the baby wasn't his but it looks just like her with accents him. I also saw the email where she told him she hadn't dated anybody else . She also asked him if he had told me about the other woman from our last separation and her twins. He denied dating anybody else then but admitted it in counseling.
He swears he didn't think the baby was his. When she didn't contact us again I believed him.There is no reason for her to do this now unless he is the father and she needs help.
I hate him because he ruined our family
I hate him because he abandoned that baby
I hate him because I believed him

Could he legitimately have believed this? What if he had used condoms every time with her and there was no slipping off? Hate is a very strong word. Because this is such a volatile situation, you two should not be under the same roof for the short term. Also, you need to think about the kids ahead of your own feelings, even if they are valid. Your kids need you. This other child needs parents who care. I know I am not in your shoes, but try to take a deep breath and think about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh and I seperated off and on years ago. At one point we reconciled and a woman he had been dating claimed to be pregant with his child.
She contacted him immediately after birth and he told her if she wanted money she had to have a paternity test and that we wanted custody.
The baby is now 12. He was served for support last week.
I hate him.
Our youngest is 16. I'm not sure I can wait 2 more years to go.

I am not sure what this means. Some people agree they can date when separated, which to me is a terrible idea. Was this your agreement? Right now you are in a state of shock because your entire world has been turned upside down. But you need to think long term. Why do you hate him? Is there more to this story? Were you planning to leave in two years anyway?

We were seperated. I moved in with my parents and the kids.
He dated people both times. I didn't not that the first time we got back together and I had our second.
He said the baby wasn't his but it looks just like her with accents him. I also saw the email where she told him she hadn't dated anybody else . She also asked him if he had told me about the other woman from our last separation and her twins. He denied dating anybody else then but admitted it in counseling.
He swears he didn't think the baby was his. When she didn't contact us again I believed him.There is no reason for her to do this now unless he is the father and she needs help.
I hate him because he ruined our family
I hate him because he abandoned that baby
I hate him because I believed him

Could he legitimately have believed this? What if he had used condoms every time with her and there was no slipping off? Hate is a very strong word. Because this is such a volatile situation, you two should not be under the same roof for the short term. Also, you need to think about the kids ahead of your own feelings, even if they are valid. Your kids need you. This other child needs parents who care. I know I am not in your shoes, but try to take a deep breath and think about them.

According to one of her emails "you stopped using the condoms. You knew I wanted kids. You never saw me take a pill. Yes I could have made it more clear. But I never woildve gone out with you if I knew you were not entirely divorced"
Which is a lie she knew we were seperated but I think he did lie to her at first.
I don't want him touching me. I'd just like to get our youngest out before I leave
And no I don't want my kids around her kid.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry, OP. I can't imagine being in that situation.

[Anonymous]

Are there twins too? Is your DH a sex addict?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your DH a sex addict?

Oh Pluhzee

[Anonymous]

Innocent children are, indeed, punished for the sins of the parents. This is so heartbreaking. If only adults treated "I want to have sex with you" as the equivalent to "I want to have a baby with you," so much pain and suffering could be avoided.

Every child has the right to be born to her parents who love her and care for her. That fundamental right is violated ALL THE TIME. Why don't we care more about what innocent children deserve?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Innocent children are, indeed, punished for the sins of the parents. This is so heartbreaking. If only adults treated "I want to have sex with you" as the equivalent to "I want to have a baby with you," so much pain and suffering could be avoided.

Every child has the right to be born to her parents who love her and care for her. That fundamental right is violated ALL THE TIME. Why don't we care more about what innocent children deserve?

Unfortunately, people change. They deteriorate, they break down, they make horrible choices.