Has anyone had to terminate for chromosomal reasons?

[Anonymous]

We're waiting for test results to confirm, but things aren't looking good -- likely a fatal trisomy. If you terminated in a similar situation (and if you did, my own broken heart goes out to you -- this is such a horribly unfair situation), did your regular OB do it, or did you have to go elsewhere? What should I expect? We did misoprostol earlier this year, but it was for a missed miscarriage at 8 weeks; this is a different story altogether.

We're just entering the second trimester, if that makes a difference.

And please, for those of you (I'm sure you're out there) who would like to tell me not to terminate -- please don't even start. There is no way I would ever, EVER put this desperately-wanted child through the suffering of being born with such terrible birth defects.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you the one who posted on the expectant moms board? I am the "not sure if I'll be back" poster. You can email me offline at [e-mail].

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, OP. All fatal trisomies in my situation were discovered after miscarriage. I don't have any recommendations, but am sending good thoughts your way.

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to say I am so sorry and I am pulling for you.

[Anonymous]

There's many people who have had to go through this. In terms of termination, Washington Hospital Center is a great place, as long as you don't have federal employee insurance. If you do, there's several other clinics in the area, Potomac Family Planning in Rockville being a good one. Also, your genetic counselor (if your office has one) should hopefully have some information for you for support groups in the area. And if you feel like crying your eyes out, there's a book called "a time to decide, a time to heal," that is very depressing, but has stories from women who have terminated for a medical indication.

If you end up terminating, it's not very different from having to do a d&c for an early miscarriage. You can have general anesthesia and the physical recovery is very minor.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm hoping the test results are good, but I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

My sister has been through something similar (not in DC), and in general I think it depends on whether your OB does the procedure (not all of them do). Presumably s/he will be able to recommend someone who does if they can't. At your stage, there are also a couple different types of procedures, one of which has a quicker recovery than the other (I don't know the details or even what they are called, but it's worth looking into).

Also, and I am in no way questioning your decision to terminate, it might be worth figuring out how much time you have to make your decision (e.g. how long before you'd need to go to a specialized clinic). I recently did a d&c for a missed miscarriage, and though I made the decision immediately, scheduling and insurance (both nightmares, BTW) caused a little bit of a delay. The extra time turned out to be a much needed opportunity to come to terms with things and say goodbye. I know your situation is different and much more difficult/painful, but all the more reason that I think it's important you give yourself the time you need.

[Anonymous]

I had a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks and I would imagine the process is fairly similar. My doc gave me misoprotosol to get things started. It was excruciating and probably comes about as close to labor as I can currently imagine. Apparently, she was supposed to give me pain meds with the misoprotosol but forgot. So, make sure you ask for these if your doctor follows this protocol.

After I took the pills we went and checked into the hospital. I labored there and passed a lot of tissue while I was waiting for the doctor to free up for the surgery. That sucked. Second lesson, make sure you talk to your doctor about how long it will be between when you check into the hospital and when you go into the operating room. You want to roll in if you can.

After the drugs have kind of loosened things up you'll go in for a D&C. They will put you under, mercifully. The bleeding after wasn't so bad but I cried a lot.

If you have any choice in the matter see if you can get into Inova Fairfax because their nursing staff are so compassionate. I had my 11 week miscarriage at a hospital in SF and the nurses were awful. I had an 8 week miscarriage at Inova Fairfax and they were sooooo kind. (I've had eight miscarriages. All for the kind of trisomies you are talking about.) Anyway, Inova Fairfax is a top 50 hospital for women and I could totally see why. In SF they made me walk into the operating room. In Inova, they put me in a bed and DH stayed with me while they put me under.

I'd plan on resting for a day or two after. Get your favorite chick flicks and a boatload of Ben and Jerry's. Your friends and family will want to do something for you - let them. Everyone is different on how long it takes for the bleeding to stop and to get your period. Mine usually comes between four and six weeks after. Do not exercise as that stimulates blood flow to the uterus and it can take longer to go back to normal. The emotional stuff takes longer and all I can say there is to be honest with yourself about how you feel and just experience the feelings as they come. Don't fake like things are great and you'll get over it faster, oddly.

Peace and comfort to you during this difficult time, OP.

[Anonymous]

Lots of love to the OP and all of you who have gone through this terribly painful experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of love to the OP and all of you who have gone through this terribly painful experience.

Yes. Well said. Lots of love to all of you from me, as well.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you all very much, this intel is really helpful, and your words of comfort are deeply appreciated.

I wonder if anyone has terminated at GW, and if so, any advice on making the experience there as smooth as possible. I do better with these kinds of things when I know what to expect. (And oddly enough, no one seems to have written "What To Expect When You're No Longer Expecting". ...sorry, gallows humor.)

I look and feel like I've been hit by a Mack truck. All I want to do is crawl under the covers and stay there. Unfortunately (or maybe it's for the best) I just can't miss work today. So here I am. In full grief but unable to tell anyone.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you can have a termination at GW. Dr. Larsen does them

[Anonymous]

I was you 10 years ago. To the point of not missing a day at work. It gets a lot better...eventually. But you really do go through a grieving process and that just sucks. I got a lot of help & support from the online group "a heartbreaking choice." Suspect they are still around, for better or worse.

I did not terminate @GW, but suspect that you will get a lot of good info from your genetics counselor. I saw the ones in Pinckert's office in Rockville (maternal & fetal medicine of greater washington or something like that) and they were awesome and took care of everything for me. I just had to show up. Mine was more complicated and it was harder to find someone to take me --I was further along than you--so I don't know if they do this for everyone, but they are a good place to start.

good luck to you & take care..

[Anonymous]

Yes - we terminated at GW hospital, but insurance did not cover it (MDIPA). It would have been less expensive to see a recommended doc at a clinic (our genetic counselor knew one). I chose not to so I'd be in a hospital setting, but the bill came to thousands of dollars. Everyone was very caring and compassionate and it was nice to have so many medical professionals confirming our decision to terminate for a painful and terminal disorder.

[Anonymous]

I had a D&C at GW for a missed miscarriage (baby measured 10 weeks, 1 day). The staff was really nice. I appreciated their sensitivity. I was put under completely (ventilator included, no idea why.) Before the procedure, when I was second-guessing myself, still unsure of what to do, they gave me another ultrasound so I could see for sure the baby had died. And when I still wasn't comfortable with that one (it was external, and I'm heavy), they gave me a vaginal one so that I could be at peace with our decision. It was a hard day made more bearable by the staff there.

I'm very very sorry for that you're going through OP. From my perspective, a strong Mama who saves her child from suffering is to be praised. I'm sure there will be haters; please keep your focus on your child and your family and doing what's right by them, and nobody else. Sending you my best.

[Anonymous]

I cannot even begin to imagine how hard it is for you OP. I suffered a miscarriage in my first pregnancy and my doctor spent a lot of time talking to me and said "this too shall pass". I held my tears but I was thinking what the hell are you talking about, I just lost my first ever child. Then we got in the car and DH and I cried our eyes out. But yes, the doctor was right and as time went on, I got pregnant again and now have a healthy toddler. I guess it is my way of coping but I just kept telling myself that my baby is going to come back to me and the child I now have is the same child.

Do what you need to do to cope. I am sorry I cannot answer your specific questions but I just want to give you a hug. Take care of yourself.