September Birthdays - Effect in Teen Years
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Anonymous
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My DD is a Sept bday, was accepted for early entrance in Kindergarten, but we opted to hold DD back instead of "pushing" into early acceptance so that she wouldn't be the youngest in her class for the rest of her school career. The thought was that it would help in her teenage years, not now. She would be the last to get her driver's license, graduate and start college at 17 years old while everyone else was 18, last to be able to drink legally, etc....
What experience have you had when your kids have gotten older into middle school or high school? Does this extra year help or does it not matter? I'm thinking about asking to push her into first grade now as the work is not challenging, but we knew that it wouldn't be going in. We made the decision for her for the teen years. I've heard both sides of the coin... some parents of the youngest kids in their class have had issues (both academic and social) and have even had kids fail a grade. Then I've heard of kids who do fine. But all parents of younger children have said that holding back is the thing to do. I'm wondering what parents of OLDER children now think the benefit or detriment is of that extra year. |
Anonymous
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Not sure if this is directly responsive, but I am a late December birthday and went to school when the cut-off was Janaury 1. I was always the youngest kid in my class, did not drive until mid-junior year and did not turn 18 until alf-way through my freshman year of college. I was fine. Totally fine. No negative effects at all.
Both of my children are August birthdays. I jut sent my daughter to kindergarten five days after she turned five. I have no concerns about her. We will see what happens with my son when he is ready. Honestly, the numeric age is irrelevant. |
Anonymous
| My birthday is Oct. 4. I did experience the things you are concerned about, OP. |
Anonymous
| I think I am happy that my kids will be the last to drink/drive (not together)..what is the benefit to being first. My kids are summer birthdays 10 and 12 with no issues related to age yet. |
Anonymous
+1 This could have been written by me; except that I have yet to send my July birthday DS to kindergarten right when he is five----that'll be next year. Seriously, no ill effects socially, went to my first choice college and onto professional school. |
Anonymous
| My daughter and a neighbor's daughter both have fall birthdays and will be turning 11 this year. My daughter started K at 4, neighbor's daughter waited until 5. Mine is now in middle school (6th grade) and the neighbor is still in elementary school (5th grade). Academically both girls have done well -- my daughter didn't struggle and the neighbor's daughter wasn't bored -- but socially my daughter doesn't fit in as well with her middle school peers as my neighbor's daughter does in elementary school. Neither girl has hit puberty which wouldn't be as noticeable to my daughter if she didn't have to take PE everyday (including changing clothes when "everyone is wearing a bra except for me"). There are very few girls in middle school who aren't showing any signs of puberty and some look like full-grown women especially among the 8th graders (alot of whom will be turning 14 but my daughter will only be turning 13 when she starts 8th grade). |
Anonymous
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My daughter and a neighbor's daughter both have fall birthdays and will be turning 11 this year. My daughter started K at 4, neighbor's daughter waited until 5. Mine is now in middle school (6th grade) and the neighbor is still in elementary school (5th grade). Academically both girls have done well -- my daughter didn't struggle and the neighbor's daughter wasn't bored -- but socially my daughter doesn't fit in as well with her middle school peers as my neighbor's daughter does in elementary school. Neither girl has hit puberty which wouldn't be as noticeable to my daughter if she didn't have to take PE everyday (including changing clothes when "everyone is wearing a bra except for me"). There are very few girls in middle school who aren't showing any signs of puberty and some look like full-grown women especially among the 8th graders (alot of whom will be turning 14 but my daughter will only be turning 13 when she starts 8th grade).
OP here... so, in this case, do you have any regrets? Do you think things are tougher for your daughter who is on the younger side, while the other girl is doing better socially? We made our decision for these exact social reasons. It sounds like this is a case justifying holding back?? |
Anonymous
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My sister had the "youngest in her class" experience b/c she went early. All in all, things turned out fine, however for her many physical development issues were hard. She developed breasts late and got her period late at age 14, which was on the late side in those days when 12 or 13 was the average. (Thanks to hormones in our food menses start for many girls at age 9 or 10.) She didn't have much practice driving b/f she left for college and didn't have a car at school, so those skills took a while to catch up.
She's happy, healthy working mom today, but when she reflects back, "It's hard to believe I left for college at 17!" If you have doubts, I would hold back on sending her to school early. |
Anonymous
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My husband has a late Sept. b-day. The cut-off for them was October 1. He was 4 when he started K. He has said several times that his age wasn't an issue when he was younger, but it was huge when he was in middle/high school, esp. for the "comparison to peer" type issues you cited (the last to get a driver's license was huge). Compounded to the social issues were that he was late in hitting puberty (just based on his age alone) plus being 6+ months younger than many of his peers, which is an eternity for a young teen.
I have a June b-day and was one of the younger ones in my class, but not THE youngest (like my husband). While I would have liked to have been a bit older in comparison to the other kids (I always wanted a March birthday), I feel like I was okay b/c my 2 BFFs had June birthdays, as well. But there is a BIG difference in June and September. |
Anonymous
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Depends on the kid. My bro was one of the youngest in his grade, and had no trouble going to an Ivy at 17. In the same situation, I took an extra year of HS as an exchange student in Europe, going to an Ivy at 18. My niece took a gap year after HS, during which she volunteered as an English teacher in Asia and traveled around South America with a friend, to begin Harvard at 19.
Both of my little girls are young for their grades - we plan to find them an extra year in HS, probably as exchange students in Hong Kong or China (we speak Chinese at home). We're not planning to hold them back in elementary school because, frankly, we don't want them to get unwanted attention from boys by being among the first girls in a class to develop in upper elementary school, or middle school. No reason for a kid to go straight through HS and on to college young, particularly if parents can afford one year of private school or the cost of sending a kid abroad as an exchange student. Some boarding schools, in this country and international schools abroad, will take kids for one extra year of HS, usually between 11th and 12th grade, or for "13th grade: (5th year). Good luck. |
Anonymous
I don't regret the choice because she was ready for K and also was ready for middle school. To be sure, she feels weird about her lack of development but probably no weirder than an early bloomer feels in elementary school. If I knew 6 years ago that she'd feel this way, I wouldn't have changed my decision about starting K at 4, particularly since she may very well start 7th grade with the same body she has now -- she hasn't even gotten the "blueberries" that almost all of the girls in her class had by the end of 5th grade. I also don't think things are any tougher socially for my daughter than it is for the 6th grader who is already 11 or getting ready to turn 12 -- the transition from elementary to middle school is tough, period); however, because she's on the younger side, I do think she'll stand-out as a late-bloomer longer than would've been the case if we'd delayed K until she turned 5 -- which, BTW, is why my neighbor also has no regrets about delaying K for her prepubescent daughter (and also delaying or possibly avoiding the awkwardness my daughter is feeling). |
Anonymous
| This is my family's story. My sister and I went to school when the cutoff was December 1. Both of us had late Fall Birthdays (two years apart). My mother did not hold my sister back but she did hold me back a year. My sister struggled throughout her entire school career both academically and socially. She started college at 17 and was not ready. On the other hand - I did very well academically. My sister and I are very different people - so I am not sure you can say that holding me back made all the difference, but my mother swears that holding me back was the best decision she made and she wishes she had held my sister back too. |
Anonymous
| Which one of you is older? Typically I think the older one should be held back and the younger one able to start on time. |
Anonymous
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Had 4 kids that fell with fall birthdays. All 4 are on the oldest side of the coin because we did not push them forward during a time Montgomery County was adjusting the start date for Kindergarten from age 5 by Dec. 31st to age 5 by Sept. 1st. As a parent, I never regretted having them be the oldest. My children also do not regret being the oldest and a lot of parents made the same decision we did so they don't stick out as being odd in any way.
My oldest is now in high school at a top ranked school in MCPS. She is doing well socially and is good at academics. However, she does know kids that have shown up drunk or high at school and seen kids in her grade smoke off school grounds. Not the peer group she hangs out with but she has to navigate the hallways and classrooms with kids that have these problems. I'm glad she is on the older side when dealing with the social stratusphere in high school. |
Anonymous
2 kids, identical point of view. My boys are 15 and 13, October and September birthdays, and we red-shirted them (at the time the cutoff was moving back a month per year), mostly because they were both pretty socially immature at the time. They are doing well now in school now, at magnet programs, and are comfortable socially with their peers (many of whom are close to their age, a few older). My older son in particular was quite immature at 5, and frankly, he is now as well. I cannot imagine him being a grade ahead of where he is - he would drown. |