September Birthdays - Effect in Teen Years

[Anonymous]

My 13 year old DD is the youngest (Sept birthday) She does fine and fits in well socially but I just wish things were easier for her. There is so much pressure for good grades, good experiences, good opportunities and she often says "Things would be better if I was in 7th grade instead." I think things would come more easily and that in turn would boost her confidence.

I am already planning to encourage her to take a gap year before college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter and a neighbor's daughter both have fall birthdays and will be turning 11 this year. My daughter started K at 4, neighbor's daughter waited until 5. Mine is now in middle school (6th grade) and the neighbor is still in elementary school (5th grade). Academically both girls have done well -- my daughter didn't struggle and the neighbor's daughter wasn't bored -- but socially my daughter doesn't fit in as well with her middle school peers as my neighbor's daughter does in elementary school. Neither girl has hit puberty which wouldn't be as noticeable to my daughter if she didn't have to take PE everyday (including changing clothes when "everyone is wearing a bra except for me"). There are very few girls in middle school who aren't showing any signs of puberty and some look like full-grown women especially among the 8th graders (alot of whom will be turning 14 but my daughter will only be turning 13 when she starts 8th grade).

OP here... so, in this case, do you have any regrets? Do you think things are tougher for your daughter who is on the younger side, while the other girl is doing better socially? We made our decision for these exact social reasons. It sounds like this is a case justifying holding back??

I don't regret the choice because she was ready for K and also was ready for middle school. To be sure, she feels weird about her lack of development but probably no weirder than an early bloomer feels in elementary school. If I knew 6 years ago that she'd feel this way, I wouldn't have changed my decision about starting K at 4, particularly since she may very well start 7th grade with the same body she has now -- she hasn't even gotten the "blueberries" that almost all of the girls in her class had by the end of 5th grade. I also don't think things are any tougher socially for my daughter than it is for the 6th grader who is already 11 or getting ready to turn 12 -- the transition from elementary to middle school is tough, period); however, because she's on the younger side, I do think she'll stand-out as a late-bloomer longer than would've been the case if we'd delayed K until she turned 5 -- which, BTW, is why my neighbor also has no regrets about delaying K for her prepubescent daughter (and also delaying or possibly avoiding the awkwardness my daughter is feeling).

NP here- a bit off topic but why don't you just buy her a starter bra even if she doesn't have much to put in it?. If my mother had waited for me to develop I would have been wearing nothing until I was 18. I remember having to buy a training bra for a school trip to another city because I didn't want to stick out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if this is directly responsive, but I am a late December birthday and went to school when the cut-off was Janaury 1. I was always the youngest kid in my class, did not drive until mid-junior year and did not turn 18 until half-way through my freshman year of college. I was fine. Totally fine. No negative effects at all.

Both of my children are August birthdays. I jut sent my daughter to kindergarten five days after she turned five. I have no concerns about her. We will see what happens with my son when he is ready. Honestly, the numeric age is irrelevant.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if this is directly responsive, but I am a late December birthday and went to school when the cut-off was Janaury 1. I was always the youngest kid in my class, did not drive until mid-junior year and did not turn 18 until half-way through my freshman year of college. I was fine. Totally fine. No negative effects at all.

Both of my children are August birthdays. I jut sent my daughter to kindergarten five days after she turned five. I have no concerns about her. We will see what happens with my son when he is ready. Honestly, the numeric age is irrelevant.

+1

very similar experience - November birthday and started K at age 4. for me, there were no negative academic or social effects at any age - elementary or teen years. you know your DD best - but if she is generally confident and not immature for her age, I'd move her up. Esp. if she's bored - you don't want her to associate school with being bored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my family's story. My sister and I went to school when the cutoff was December 1. Both of us had late Fall Birthdays (two years apart). My mother did not hold my sister back but she did hold me back a year. My sister struggled throughout her entire school career both academically and socially. She started college at 17 and was not ready. On the other hand - I did very well academically. My sister and I are very different people - so I am not sure you can say that holding me back made all the difference, but my mother swears that holding me back was the best decision she made and she wishes she had held my sister back too.

This is a concern that I have for my 3rd grader whose birthday is at the end of November. He started in Montessori and the cutoff was 12/31. Now he seems a little less mature than his peers. He seems to fit in a lot more with 2nd graders and he's struggled academically since 1st grade. He works so hard but he just doesn't seem to "get it." I really regret not holding him back in 1st grade. If things don't improve by the end of the year, I may have him repeat 3rd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my family's story. My sister and I went to school when the cutoff was December 1. Both of us had late Fall Birthdays (two years apart). My mother did not hold my sister back but she did hold me back a year. My sister struggled throughout her entire school career both academically and socially. She started college at 17 and was not ready. On the other hand - I did very well academically. My sister and I are very different people - so I am not sure you can say that holding me back made all the difference, but my mother swears that holding me back was the best decision she made and she wishes she had held my sister back too.

This is a concern that I have for my 3rd grader whose birthday is at the end of November. He started in Montessori and the cutoff was 12/31. Now he seems a little less mature than his peers. He seems to fit in a lot more with 2nd graders and he's struggled academically since 1st grade. He works so hard but he just doesn't seem to "get it." I really regret not holding him back in 1st grade. If things don't improve by the end of the year, I may have him repeat 3rd.

If you are in public school, you may not have that option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 13 year old DD is the youngest (Sept birthday) She does fine and fits in well socially but I just wish things were easier for her. There is so much pressure for good grades, good experiences, good opportunities and she often says "Things would be better if I was in 7th grade instead." I think things would come more easily and that in turn would boost her confidence.

I am already planning to encourage her to take a gap year before college.

So did she start school a year early, then? Or was Sept. 1 not the cutoff date then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 13 year old DD is the youngest (Sept birthday) She does fine and fits in well socially but I just wish things were easier for her. There is so much pressure for good grades, good experiences, good opportunities and she often says "Things would be better if I was in 7th grade instead." I think things would come more easily and that in turn would boost her confidence.

I am already planning to encourage her to take a gap year before college.

So did she start school a year early, then? Or was Sept. 1 not the cutoff date then?

Sept 1 is a recent MCPS cutoff. When my 14yo started kindergarten, IIRC the cutoff was 12/31. Each year after that MCPS moved the cutoff back by one month, until it landed on 9/1.

FWIW, my second DS was K-eligible the year the cutoff was 9/31. His birthday is in late September and we waited. No regrets; he is now in sixth grade and doing great - we are 99% sure that things would not have gone so well had we sent him "on time" (which, a year later, would have been "early").

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 13 year old DD is the youngest (Sept birthday) She does fine and fits in well socially but I just wish things were easier for her. There is so much pressure for good grades, good experiences, good opportunities and she often says "Things would be better if I was in 7th grade instead." I think things would come more easily and that in turn would boost her confidence.

I am already planning to encourage her to take a gap year before college.

Another with a DD on the young end, November. I think it was absolutely the right thing for her to start early. Academically she was there. Socially, so far, you can't tell the difference between her and the older kids but we are upper elementary now. My dd does have mothering tendencies with younger kids and in a way, I didn't want her to be the oldest because she would want to be in mother hen mode, while kids in her grade would want her to treat them as peers, I think it would have made friendships harder.

I will encourage her to take a year off before college. I think some18 year olds aren't ready for college and being on their own. Since dd is on the younger end, I think she would get more out of taking off a year before college and studying abroad, traveling or working rather than repeating kindergarten so to speak. Actually dd brought it up herself, at 7 years old, that she may want to wait a year for college and do something else since she will be on the young end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my family's story. My sister and I went to school when the cutoff was December 1. Both of us had late Fall Birthdays (two years apart). My mother did not hold my sister back but she did hold me back a year. My sister struggled throughout her entire school career both academically and socially. She started college at 17 and was not ready. On the other hand - I did very well academically. My sister and I are very different people - so I am not sure you can say that holding me back made all the difference, but my mother swears that holding me back was the best decision she made and she wishes she had held my sister back too.

This is a concern that I have for my 3rd grader whose birthday is at the end of November. He started in Montessori and the cutoff was 12/31. Now he seems a little less mature than his peers. He seems to fit in a lot more with 2nd graders and he's struggled academically since 1st grade. He works so hard but he just doesn't seem to "get it." I really regret not holding him back in 1st grade. If things don't improve by the end of the year, I may have him repeat 3rd.

If you are in public school, you may not have that option.

Really? Why not?

[Anonymous]

I was young for my grade because of a transition from public to private with different age cutoffs. So I was more than a year younger than some of my classmates and 17 until part way through freshman year in college. It was fine but I think an extra year might have helped.

I do think some of the milestones you name aren't that big a deal. My DCs are in high school and there is a big range of when kids start driving, even once they reach the age. A decent number of kids are well past the age and just haven't gotten around to it. Plus, even in a large public school, my DCs have friends across grades so there is already an age range. And the longer they can't legally drink, the better. And most kids are going to drink in college regardless of age anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my family's story. My sister and I went to school when the cutoff was December 1. Both of us had late Fall Birthdays (two years apart). My mother did not hold my sister back but she did hold me back a year. My sister struggled throughout her entire school career both academically and socially. She started college at 17 and was not ready. On the other hand - I did very well academically. My sister and I are very different people - so I am not sure you can say that holding me back made all the difference, but my mother swears that holding me back was the best decision she made and she wishes she had held my sister back too.

This is a concern that I have for my 3rd grader whose birthday is at the end of November. He started in Montessori and the cutoff was 12/31. Now he seems a little less mature than his peers. He seems to fit in a lot more with 2nd graders and he's struggled academically since 1st grade. He works so hard but he just doesn't seem to "get it." I really regret not holding him back in 1st grade. If things don't improve by the end of the year, I may have him repeat 3rd.

If you are in public school, you may not have that option.

Really? Why not?

Because ultimately it is up to the school to have the student repeat, or not. If the child is on-grade level, it is unlikely they will let him repeat. It will cost them an extra year's worth of per-student cost to do so.

This is why the decision really needs to be made at the time the student will enter kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my family's story. My sister and I went to school when the cutoff was December 1. Both of us had late Fall Birthdays (two years apart). My mother did not hold my sister back but she did hold me back a year. My sister struggled throughout her entire school career both academically and socially. She started college at 17 and was not ready. On the other hand - I did very well academically. My sister and I are very different people - so I am not sure you can say that holding me back made all the difference, but my mother swears that holding me back was the best decision she made and she wishes she had held my sister back too.

This is a concern that I have for my 3rd grader whose birthday is at the end of November. He started in Montessori and the cutoff was 12/31. Now he seems a little less mature than his peers. He seems to fit in a lot more with 2nd graders and he's struggled academically since 1st grade. He works so hard but he just doesn't seem to "get it." I really regret not holding him back in 1st grade. If things don't improve by the end of the year, I may have him repeat 3rd.

If you are in public school, you may not have that option.

Really? Why not?

Because ultimately it is up to the school to have the student repeat, or not. If the child is on-grade level, it is unlikely they will let him repeat. It will cost them an extra year's worth of per-student cost to do so.

This is why the decision really needs to be made at the time the student will enter kindergarten.

Understood, thanks!

[Anonymous]

My son, who is now a college freshman, has a July birthday and started K when he was 5. We consulted his preschool teachers and pediatrician, who all felt he was ready to start school. He is very bright, a good athlete and generally, quite confident. He is now attending a highly selective college and playing a varsity sport, so he did just fine in the long haul, but he went through a very rough patch in middle school. His lack of organizational skills caused a steep slide in his grades and his social immaturity made life tough for him as well.

I know that the middle school years are challenging for most kids, but I think the problems our son experienced were made worse by the fact that he was one of the youngest boys in his grade. Kids change a lot during those early adolescent years and my husband and I felt that an additional year of maturity would have made a big difference for him. As a result, we waited a year to send our younger daughter, who also have a summer birthday, to K. Interestingly, our son has said he wishes we had done the same thing with him. Our daughter is now in middle school and we can see that the additional year of maturity has made her a stronger student and has helped her enormously as she deals with the social challenges of this age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if this is directly responsive, but I am a late December birthday and went to school when the cut-off was Janaury 1. I was always the youngest kid in my class, did not drive until mid-junior year and did not turn 18 until half-way through my freshman year of college. I was fine. Totally fine. No negative effects at all.

Both of my children are August birthdays. I jut sent my daughter to kindergarten five days after she turned five. I have no concerns about her. We will see what happens with my son when he is ready. Honestly, the numeric age is irrelevant.

+1

very similar experience - November birthday and started K at age 4. for me, there were no negative academic or social effects at any age - elementary or teen years. you know your DD best - but if she is generally confident and not immature for her age, I'd move her up. Esp. if she's bored - you don't want her to associate school with being bored.

This was me as well. Late November birthday, started kindergarten at 4, went off to college at 17, excelled academically, no negative academic or social effects at any age. My best friend in middle school and high school had an early January birthday so was nearly a year older. I rode around with her so not having a license wasn't a big deal. I agree with the PP that it depends on your DD, her level of maturity, skill set, etc.