Can a workaholic be reformed?

[Anonymous]

I was just offered a new, more relaxed job. Hours, benefits, and money are better than my current job. The problem is that the job itself is not as demanding, or as interesting, as my current position. I am thinking seriously about taking the new job, but my husband thinks I won't be happy. He said to me, "You like to work. A job where the benefits are external to the actual job to be performed, i.e., fewer hours, more money, isn't for you." He's right that I do love to work, but I think I could be happy in a job that allows me more family/household time. Is there a such thing as a reformed workaholic? Any workaholics who have stepped off the fast-track and are happier as a result . . . or not?

[Anonymous]

It worked for me. It took awhile to adjust and I was a little bored at first. I just create work/projects for myself. At my old job I was a high performer with no recognition and nearly worked myself to death. At my current job, I'm a superstar and rewarded for my effort. I will warn you OP, if you take the more relaxed job just understand that things may move at a slower pace including your co-workers. As long as you can be patient with those around you, all will be fine. It's nice to be told to go home early or request a day off without getting the spanish inquisition.

[Anonymous]

I am a workholic in recovery but I only realized how much of a workaholic I was when I went to AA in order to stop drinking. Everything people said about drinking fit the way I approached working. If you're truly a workaholic and you want to recover, you have to have the courage to face what it is that you're working to avoid. When I slowed down initially, I had tremendous feelings of self-loathing. Took a long time to psychologically grasp that I was not a bad person because I was not working all the damn time.

It's hard for me to tell from your post, OP, whether you would really qualify as a workaholic. Sounds like you enjoy interesting work. You don't sound like it's hurting your life, making you sick, or something you compulsively have to do. At any rate, if you take the new job, be prepared to go through some adjustment!

[Anonymous]

As long as you have enough work to fill your day, you should be fine. If this is a position where you'll be looking around for stuff to do, don't do it. Working at a boring job is soul destroying. I'd pick being busy any day of the week over this cell-killing misery.

[Anonymous]

I am saddened by this.

[Anonymous]

Hi, my name is anonymous and I am a recovering workaholic.

Ask yourself this question, do you live to work or do you work to live? I used to do the former and now do the later. I used to have a career and I know have a job. My old position was more interesting and challenging than my current position, but it was also more demanding on my time and on me in general.

It takes a while to make the transition. The first time I arrived home at 5:30 pm instead of 8 pm, I didn't know what to do with the free time.

I now use that extra time to cook dinner, bake, exercise, spend more time with family, etc.

I used to work long hours and come home drained. I no longer have to use all of my creative energy at work. I can now use some of that energy at home.

For me, home has become a greater priority than work.

[Anonymous]

Hm. I could see being torn if the pay was better at your current job. But if the new job has both better hours AND better pay, I'd be there in a heartbeat.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for your thoughts so far. I am not *truly* a workaholic in that I don't work until I'm sick, and I don't think my family life has suffered due to work. It's more that I get so much of my identity from my work. I used to have interests outside of work like books, running races, cooking, and entertaining. Now I barely make time for minimal exercise and cooking. All of my time is taken up by work and my family, but that really doesn't seem very different from most of the working mothers I know. I definitely live to work rather than working to live.

I am really tempted by the new offer, but I guess I worry that once I downshift career-wise, it's hard to ramp back up in the future if I am unfulfilled at the new job. And as ashamed as I am to admit it, I take pride in my current job, and I worry that friends and colleagues will perceive the new position as a step down. Of course that is really stupid, but there it is.

[Anonymous]

You should slow down. No one will be proud of how many hours they worked when they are on their deathbed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should slow down. No one will be proud of how many hours they worked when they are on their deathbed.

Maybe not how many hours, but people at the end of their life do often feel proud of doing meaningful work and accomplishing professional goals.

[Anonymous]

My last job was super demanding, high stress, long hours - and even more hours on the blackberry and conference calls at night. I honesty had no time for friends/extended family, my little kids watched too much TV, my husband hated me for being on call all the time and I even worked when I was sick. I loved my job, but was going crazy trying to keep up with the job AND spend quality time with family, exercise, eat well, etc.

I started a new job with the same pay but regular hours, no overtime, no evening work. At first, I was really really bored and disappointed, but over time, I found/created enough work to keep me fully engaged - and home by 5:30 every day with the whole evening for the family. I started cooking more, exercising more, reading to my kids, talking to my DH - it was totally worth it.

That said, I am still struggling with my work identity and the fact that so many of my colleagues look down on me for "mommy tracking". I've tried to develop new friendships with other colleagues who also want work/life balance, and that has helped a lot. But I'm still tempted to go back to a high pressure job - guess that's the workaholic part, right?

Good luck - in whatever you do. Only you can decide what is most important. I finally changed because I truly thought my DH might divorce me - not a fear I'd wish on anyone.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am a reformed workaholic. I don't get as much satisfaction from my current job and I can't even say I get more satisfaction from my non work activities. But I don't live to work, and I do work 50 hours or less a week now.

[Anonymous]

You need to find new interests to fill your time. I started running, created a community organization, spent more time with my children, and planned more trips. The time is filled, I am busy, I am balanced, and I am happy. Sometimes I get a bit sad if I see my friends from my last job and the intensity with which they work, but then they go back to work while I go home or on the next event. It is amazing to have work not interfere with life anymore, as it allows you to actually have the life that you set aside.

[Anonymous]

I am debating on trying to reform myself, but I feel like currently work is the only thing I have. I am afraid that if I leave I will fall into a depression.

[Anonymous]

Hi, my name is X and I am a reformed workaholic.

Went from "industry average" pay for 80 hour weeks (also industry average) where I got to work while still dark out, and left work long after the sun set (in July).

Left for a slightly-off-the-beaten-path choice, still in the field, more specialized concentration. I work 40, maaaaaybe 42 hours/week for significantly better pay. The work is very different - not in a bad way - but the expectations are much lower, which took a while to get used to.
Now that I have a toddler I have no effin' clue how I would go back to the workaholic life.