what do you say to neighbors about why you are choosing private vs the local public?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's good pp. That sounds nice.

I live in DC and the schools suck near me. I was surprised when a very wealthy group of Jewish women asked me about why I sent my kid to a very elite private. They acted like my kid must be SN or something. I have had the experience that a lot of Jewish folks don't want to pay for school if it can be had for free. Even though they are super rich they don't want to pay for elementary school and high school. I don't get that.

I told them I hated public schools and that is why I sent my kid to private. And, then they asked me if my kid had a learning disability. It was so weird.

Haha - good one troll. Since at least 2 of the 3 elite private schools have heavy Jewish populations it would be impossible to believe this was true if you were really there. Even STA/NCS has Jewish families and has for a long time.

[Anonymous]

Not a troll pp. It really happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's good pp. That sounds nice.

I live in DC and the schools suck near me. I was surprised when a very wealthy group of Jewish women asked me about why I sent my kid to a very elite private. They acted like my kid must be SN or something. I have had the experience that a lot of Jewish folks don't want to pay for school if it can be had for free. Even though they are super rich they don't want to pay for elementary school and high school. I don't get that.

I told them I hated public schools and that is why I sent my kid to private. And, then they asked me if my kid had a learning disability. It was so weird.

Haha - good one troll. Since at least 2 of the 3 elite private schools have heavy Jewish populations it would be impossible to believe this was true if you were really there. Even STA/NCS has Jewish families and has for a long time.

Yup. Back under the bridge with her.

[Anonymous]

I am Jewish and most of my friends spend their money on summer camps and not school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I admit I have not read through all the posts. BUT...why in the hell would I ever need to justify our family choice to my neighbors?! Sorry, that is my business.

FWIW, I have one in public and one in private, so I do have a dog in this fight. It's still nobodies business.

But the question is what do you say. Do you say "it's none of your business?" The more I think about it the more it seems this is a very tough question to answer without insulting the parent who asked it, if they are a neighbor whose kids attend the public school. The fairest thing may be to say "we just really like it," because that's subjective. You get in trouble where you start saying "we like it for the smaller class sizes" (how do you know your local public's class sizes are big? those in our area aren't that big) or "we like that it is warm and welcoming (how do you know the other school isn't, etc.?).

13:38 here. You say it's none of their business. Or a less bitchy response. It was the right choice for us.

[Anonymous]

How about that you care about safety, a positive learning environment, and an administration that is transparent? My experience with DCPS is that I'd be negligent or even reckless to send DC to our IB school.

[Anonymous]

yep, what they are saying about the jewish people is true...but then again who doesn't love a bargain. I'd be all over public school if I thought it was good. I too have had to defend my choice to my co-workers who like me make good money but have chosen to go the public route. I just tell them that everyone wants the best for their child and that our school is a good fit for mine. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about that you care about safety, a positive learning environment, and an administration that is transparent? My experience with DCPS is that I'd be negligent or even reckless to send DC to our IB school.

Well if you want your neighbors to hate you, this would be a good way to go about it. Have fun standing around by yourself at the next neighborhood potluck.

"It's a good fit for my family" is kind, mature, and everything your statement is not.

[baltimoreguy]

Anonymous wrote:

baltimoreguy wrote:It doesn't matter what kind of school it is. Just say: "Private School X was the best fit for my child's needs."

How hard is that?

because it begs the question: why isn't the local public good enough for you like it is for the rest of us?

I've never had a person ask any kind of follow-up question like that. Would someone really respond to that by asking "Which of her needs aren't being meet at Local Public HS?"

Then again, I live in Baltimore now, so maybe people are that direct in Washington.

[Anonymous]

Did not read all the response. For us it is easy - "DH and I both went to a private school and that is just where our comfort zone is."

[Anonymous]

If you guys can't figure out how to be polite and preserve everybody's dignity, then you don't deserve the name "adults."

This is a very strange thread, "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful" or something. I find it hard to believe that you're being besieged by angry public school parents, and I say that as a private school parent myself.

It's not rocket science: you do owe them courtesy but you don't owe them lots of personal information. Same rules apply to everybody else in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:.

But the question is what do you say. Do you say "it's none of your business?" The more I think about it the more it seems this is a very tough question to answer without insulting the parent who asked it, if they are a neighbor whose kids attend the public school. The fairest thing may be to say "we just really like it," because that's subjective. You get in trouble where you start saying "we like it for the smaller class sizes" (how do you know your local public's class sizes are big? those in our area aren't that big) or "we like that it is warm and welcoming (how do you know the other school isn't, etc.?).

I also have kids in public and in private. In the summer people often ask me if I'm moving my kids to public but very few people ask why I choose private. Thing is, if people are interested in talking about it then I don't see a problem with giving an honest answer. If you don't want to hear the answer, which is likely to be that private offers something that public doesn't for your Che, the. You shouldn't ask the question. Also it's not like either choice is perfect. One of my kids is SN and no way could private do for him what public offers to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

In addition, there are some 2nd and 3rd rate private schools that offer inferior academics to those offered at top area publics.

None of this means there is anything wrong with choosing private. You just shouldn't fool yourself into believing that just because someone chooses it and pays for it, it's automatically better.

I was in agreement but you lost me at "top area publics". We are in one such "top area public" school and the fact is that the limitations built in by the state curriculum is the reason we choose to leave and go private next year. Top or not, there is a limit at the top. Now, some kids do test into special treatment, and some kids have the stamina to do additional work after school. I simply have a bright child -- not a genius -- who is not getting the right challenge, and who is learning to limit herself because nobody would allow her to stretch. I'm not even talking about encouragement. When everything is governed to the millimeter, the notion of a TOP public school refers to: community, after-school private enrichment, and how well the school implements a mediocre curriculum. None of these dimensions would enter my measure of what a good school is. So as long as a school is safe, it's just as good as a top school. And that's the point, I guess, in this state.

I could have written the OP's original message, as we're gearing up to tell close neighbors that one of our children will not attend their school anymore. unlike other posters, we do have a warm relationship with our neighbors, and issues of school come up with regularity in our conversations. Finding that community in the private school we're heading to will remain a challenge. I'm certain both me and my child will miss them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In addition, there are some 2nd and 3rd rate private schools that offer inferior academics to those offered at top area publics.

None of this means there is anything wrong with choosing private. You just shouldn't fool yourself into believing that just because someone chooses it and pays for it, it's automatically better.

I was in agreement but you lost me at "top area publics". We are in one such "top area public" school and the fact is that the limitations built in by the state curriculum is the reason we choose to leave and go private next year. Top or not, there is a limit at the top. Now, some kids do test into special treatment, and some kids have the stamina to do additional work after school. I simply have a bright child -- not a genius -- who is not getting the right challenge, and who is learning to limit herself because nobody would allow her to stretch. I'm not even talking about encouragement. When everything is governed to the millimeter, the notion of a TOP public school refers to: community, after-school private enrichment, and how well the school implements a mediocre curriculum. None of these dimensions would enter my measure of what a good school is. So as long as a school is safe, it's just as good as a top school. And that's the point, I guess, in this state.


I could have written the OP's original message, as we're gearing up to tell close neighbors that one of our children will not attend their school anymore. unlike other posters, we do have a warm relationship with our neighbors, and issues of school come up with regularity in our conversations. Finding that community in the private school we're heading to will remain a challenge. I'm certain both me and my child will miss them.

Bravo, PP. I agree. You should cross-post to what is a top public school. There are many bright kids, bound for great colleges - the best - who do well in MCPS. But there are also many bright, "quirkier" ones who will not jump through the hoops and then begin to stagnate. I've got one of those, and we're off to private too this year.

[Anonymous]

I tell them about the cases I see in court involving students from top public schools.