NCS Parents - "I wish I had known x" type advice.

[Anonymous]

I think what I am beginning to feel is that the message being sent is "you're not good enough..."
Of course, it is a lie. Worried....hope they will put out survey soon so I can vent. So far, have been greeted with head shakes and denial when expressing a concern. An unwillingness to look in the mirror is a big problem. Such a shame when I see so many wonderful girls with incredible gifts to bring to the table...as for mean girls, I see more friendships being formed over being "in it" together...DD has strong personality ,muddling through....wondering if anyone "thrives". I do not feel we are....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a Beauvoir parent, but haven't had kids at StA or NCS. What I hear from the other parents is that NCS is right for only certain girls: those who are self-motivated, socially confident, assertive, and organized. StA is more forgiving and can be the right envorinment for a wider range of boys.

I have a DD at NCS and a DS at STA. I agree that the kind of girl you described thrives at NCS because she can handle the high academic and social demands their. However, I do not know whether that is the only kind of girl who does well there. I think a boys' school may have many more kinds of boys thriving there,. not because STA is more forgiving than NCS but rather because our society recognizes more ways for boys and men to be recognized as excellent than for girls and women to be. We reward girls and women who fit just one mold: beautiful, thin, and owning the best clothes and accessories. At NCS a new girl can become verypopular very quickly with all three of the foregoing attributes. And this is true for girls' popularity at all schools, single-sex or coed.

You've got to be kidding. What about intelligence and kindness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think what I am beginning to feel is that the message being sent is "you're not good enough..."
Of course, it is a lie. Worried....hope they will put out survey soon so I can vent. So far, have been greeted with head shakes and denial when expressing a concern. An unwillingness to look in the mirror is a big problem. Such a shame when I see so many wonderful girls with incredible gifts to bring to the table...as for mean girls, I see more friendships being formed over being "in it" together...DD has strong personality ,muddling through....wondering if anyone "thrives". I do not feel we are....

Leave. Seriously. We did and I wish we had sooner because DD is so much happier elsewhere. And so many girls she left behind are grinding their way through when I know they don't have to be that unhappy. If your DD is happy, stay. But if she isn't, more time won't make it better.

Great way to describe the friendships at NCS. Dead on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think what I am beginning to feel is that the message being sent is "you're not good enough..."
Of course, it is a lie. Worried....hope they will put out survey soon so I can vent. So far, have been greeted with head shakes and denial when expressing a concern. An unwillingness to look in the mirror is a big problem. Such a shame when I see so many wonderful girls with incredible gifts to bring to the table...as for mean girls, I see more friendships being formed over being "in it" together...DD has strong personality ,muddling through....wondering if anyone "thrives". I do not feel we are....

Just wondering what grade your DD is in and/or how many years you've been there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what I am beginning to feel is that the message being sent is "you're not good enough..."
Of course, it is a lie. Worried....hope they will put out survey soon so I can vent. So far, have been greeted with head shakes and denial when expressing a concern. An unwillingness to look in the mirror is a big problem. Such a shame when I see so many wonderful girls with incredible gifts to bring to the table...as for mean girls, I see more friendships being formed over being "in it" together...DD has strong personality ,muddling through....wondering if anyone "thrives". I do not feel we are....

Leave. Seriously. We did and I wish we had sooner because DD is so much happier elsewhere. And so many girls she left behind are grinding their way through when I know they don't have to be that unhappy. If your DD is happy, stay. But if she isn't, more time won't make it better.

Great way to describe the friendships at NCS. Dead on.

PP, really consider what PP just said about being much happier elsewhere. And I hope there is still enough time to transition elsewhere if she chooses to leave. My DD didn't have a problem with the academics, socially she always felt on the outside and not good enough because she wasn't the epitome of a "NCS Girl." Over time that did something to her self-esteem. We tried applying out several times, the timing wasn't right or we were talked into giving it another year. During the college admissions process she was incredibly successful because of her test scores, personality, ECs, and transcript. Fortunately, she had one teacher who loved her and I'm sure gave her a glowing recommendation.

[Anonymous]

pp- what's the "epitome of an NCS girl?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a Beauvoir parent, but haven't had kids at StA or NCS. What I hear from the other parents is that NCS is right for only certain girls: those who are self-motivated, socially confident, assertive, and organized. StA is more forgiving and can be the right envorinment for a wider range of boys.

I have a DD at NCS and a DS at STA. I agree that the kind of girl you described thrives at NCS because she can handle the high academic and social demands their. However, I do not know whether that is the only kind of girl who does well there. I think a boys' school may have many more kinds of boys thriving there,. not because STA is more forgiving than NCS but rather because our society recognizes more ways for boys and men to be recognized as excellent than for girls and women to be. We reward girls and women who fit just one mold: beautiful, thin, and owning the best clothes and accessories. At NCS a new girl can become verypopular very quickly with all three of the foregoing attributes. And this is true for girls' popularity at all schools, single-sex or coed.

You've got to be kidding. What about intelligence and kindness?

Tell me about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what I am beginning to feel is that the message being sent is "you're not good enough..."
Of course, it is a lie. Worried....hope they will put out survey soon so I can vent. So far, have been greeted with head shakes and denial when expressing a concern. An unwillingness to look in the mirror is a big problem. Such a shame when I see so many wonderful girls with incredible gifts to bring to the table...as for mean girls, I see more friendships being formed over being "in it" together...DD has strong personality ,muddling through....wondering if anyone "thrives". I do not feel we are....

Leave. Seriously. We did and I wish we had sooner because DD is so much happier elsewhere. And so many girls she left behind are grinding their way through when I know they don't have to be that unhappy. If your DD is happy, stay. But if she isn't, more time won't make it better.

Great way to describe the friendships at NCS. Dead on.

PP, really consider what PP just said about being much happier elsewhere. And I hope there is still enough time to transition elsewhere if she chooses to leave. My DD didn't have a problem with the academics, socially she always felt on the outside and not good enough because she wasn't the epitome of a "NCS Girl." Over time that did something to her self-esteem. We tried applying out several times, the timing wasn't right or we were talked into giving it another year. During the college admissions process she was incredibly successful because of her test scores, personality, ECs, and transcript. Fortunately, she had one teacher who loved her and I'm sure gave her a glowing recommendation.

I'm 14:41 and this describes my DD as well, although she left. I regret sending her there in the first place.

I used to defend NCS on these boards because my daughter was not a typical "NCS Girl" and she was doing well there, although now I realize we defined "doing well" too narrowly and she was unhappy. Great grades are not a reason to stay.

[Anonymous]

Can a not so rich by NCS standards girl still make it socially at NCS?

[Anonymous]

Yep, she just needs to be aggressive and worship the other aggressive girls. Happens all the time.

[Anonymous]

Does athletic prowess count for anything in the NCS social hierarchy like it does at STA? Or is it all about whether you are pretty and wearing the "right" clothes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does athletic prowess count for anything in the NCS social hierarchy like it does at STA? Or is it all about whether you are pretty and wearing the "right" clothes?

Think what it's like for women, and realize that NCS is a microcosm of our world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does athletic prowess count for anything in the NCS social hierarchy like it does at STA? Or is it all about whether you are pretty and wearing the "right" clothes?

Think what it's like for women, and realize that NCS is a microcosm of our world.

NCS is by no means a microcosm of the real world. That's part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does athletic prowess count for anything in the NCS social hierarchy like it does at STA? Or is it all about whether you are pretty and wearing the "right" clothes?

Think what it's like for women, and realize that NCS is a microcosm of our world.

NCS is by no means a microcosm of the real world. That's part of the problem.

So true. They're not the rock stars that they are led to believe. College is a total culture shock for most when they start meeting a broader range of girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does athletic prowess count for anything in the NCS social hierarchy like it does at STA? Or is it all about whether you are pretty and wearing the "right" clothes?

Yes, athletic prowess is admired. If you read the NCS threads, parents/alums generally have good things to say about playing sports at NCS -- the level is pretty good but lots of opportunities for meaningful participation as well and being on a team helps give kids a social anchor (as is frequently the case for girls' sports, I would say).