Wife is not a good sham

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s get down to the real reason. You’re not getting enough sex or none at all, and you’re taking it out in other ways.

OP here. No. We resumed sexual activity after my vasectomy clearance. We have sex multiple times a week.

You found time for a vasectomy within months of your wife having a baby, and you're having sex several times a week when there's a six month old.

Don't you have homework to do? Or pizza boxes to bring up from the basement?

OP here. We knew we were two and done and I scheduled the vasectomy soon after my wife had our second. We both wanted it to happen so no possibility of pregnancy. My wife did not want to go back on birth control.

Sex multiple times a week with two kids who sleep very well isn’t that hard to achieve. You act like having 6 month old makes you disabled or something.

Says the man whose body hasn't undergone the trauma of birth, and the crazy (for many) hormone trip post birth. You're having sex "multiple times" per week with a baby and young child? I'd take the win and STFU.

Seriously, if this is actually true then just stop complaining about the other stuff. I remember talking to some other moms 6 months post-partum and almost no one was having sex, or only occasionally.

Let’s see if I’ve got this right - it’s ok for the DW to be checked out but as long as she keeps having s*x with him frequently, the marriage is great?

She’s not “checked out.” She has three mornings a week to herself (after just having gotten done nursing an infant) that per OP, she spends on household chores - doing errands, attending to admin stuff, making baby food, and sometimes spending time with baby/nanny. And oh yeah, she gets to take a shower in the evenings and a few hours off on Saturday.

OP is mad that she doesn’t ALSO have the house constantly tidy and a fresh, hot dinner on the table for him at 6pm. He’s mad because she’s not as good a SAHW as the one his friends have.

OP is intolerably entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But is she a good pillowcase

OP here. I don’t even know that this means..

I think someone is referring to the pillowcase that would go inside the SHAM which you wrote in the title which I am to assume you really meant to write > SAHM.
Lol. 🤣🤣🤣

Anyway, it sounds to me like having a Nanny is a useless expense for you.
If both you + your wife are cautious and do not trust anyone around your children - then why are you paying someone to watch them?
Especially if your wife does not leave the Nanny around the kids by herself??
And why have hidden Nanny Cams around when the Nanny is never on her own w/your children?
Isn’t that overkill??!

[Anonymous]

She has a husband who can't spell, call it even, and move on.

[Anonymous]

I think the wife stopped cooking for OP because she kind of hates him.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I talked to my wife after all the encouragement on this thread. She’s going back to work. End of thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:End of thread.

So says the dictator

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I talked to my wife after all the encouragement on this thread. She’s going back to work. End of thread.

okay troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I talked to my wife after all the encouragement on this thread. She’s going back to work. End of thread.

So wait who is going to make dinner?

[Anonymous]

What happened, OP?

[Anonymous]

I took what people said on here and decided to talk to my wife. Not because I'm in the wrong, but because I needed to see if there was a deeper issue going on. We went out to breakfast solo and talked about it. My wife opened up that she doesn't enjoy being a SAHM as much as she thought she would. She misses working and interacting with adults. She said she feels jealous when going out with friends and hearing their work stories and having nothing to share. She told me she feels like she has lost part of herself and her identity. She said her not cooking is because she feels like she is always in " mom mode" and that she just doesn't have the mental capacity to cook meals. She is unhappy and feels like going back to work PT will give her that balance she needs. She said she feels like she isn't a contributing member of society and needs to feel like she has more purpose than just being a mother and wife.

She also said she has been feeling inadequate with the nanny there. She feels like the nanny can handle our two kids but she can't manage it. She had been feeling like this since for months but didn't want to feel like she was a failure by verbalizing it to anyone.

She is going to look for a new job that's PT. We will keep our nanny until our youngest is old enough for daycare. We will be looking for a housekeeper who will work weekly and help out more with meals, etc. to make life easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s get down to the real reason. You’re not getting enough sex or none at all, and you’re taking it out in other ways.

OP here. No. We resumed sexual activity after my vasectomy clearance. We have sex multiple times a week.

You found time for a vasectomy within months of your wife having a baby, and you're having sex several times a week when there's a six month old.

Don't you have homework to do? Or pizza boxes to bring up from the basement?

OP here. We knew we were two and done and I scheduled the vasectomy soon after my wife had our second. We both wanted it to happen so no possibility of pregnancy. My wife did not want to go back on birth control.

Sex multiple times a week with two kids who sleep very well isn’t that hard to achieve. You act like having 6 month old makes you disabled or something.

Says the man whose body hasn't undergone the trauma of birth, and the crazy (for many) hormone trip post birth. You're having sex "multiple times" per week with a baby and young child? I'd take the win and STFU.

Seriously, if this is actually true then just stop complaining about the other stuff. I remember talking to some other moms 6 months post-partum and almost no one was having sex, or only occasionally.

Let’s see if I’ve got this right - it’s ok for the DW to be checked out but as long as she keeps having s*x with him frequently, the marriage is great?

She’s not “checked out.” She has three mornings a week to herself (after just having gotten done nursing an infant) that per OP, she spends on household chores - doing errands, attending to admin stuff, making baby food, and sometimes spending time with baby/nanny. And oh yeah, she gets to take a shower in the evenings and a few hours off on Saturday.

OP is mad that she doesn’t ALSO have the house constantly tidy and a fresh, hot dinner on the table for him at 6pm. He’s mad because she’s not as good a SAHW as the one his friends have.

OP is intolerably entitled.

op is not entitled, you're just a sahm and defensive.
most breadwinners feel this way. it's just not convenient for you that they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I took what people said on here and decided to talk to my wife. Not because I'm in the wrong, but because I needed to see if there was a deeper issue going on. We went out to breakfast solo and talked about it. My wife opened up that she doesn't enjoy being a SAHM as much as she thought she would. She misses working and interacting with adults. She said she feels jealous when going out with friends and hearing their work stories and having nothing to share. She told me she feels like she has lost part of herself and her identity. She said her not cooking is because she feels like she is always in " mom mode" and that she just doesn't have the mental capacity to cook meals. She is unhappy and feels like going back to work PT will give her that balance she needs. She said she feels like she isn't a contributing member of society and needs to feel like she has more purpose than just being a mother and wife.

She also said she has been feeling inadequate with the nanny there. She feels like the nanny can handle our two kids but she can't manage it. She had been feeling like this since for months but didn't want to feel like she was a failure by verbalizing it to anyone.

She is going to look for a new job that's PT. We will keep our nanny until our youngest is old enough for daycare. We will be looking for a housekeeper who will work weekly and help out more with meals, etc. to make life easier.

good job op! #adulting.

I totally get it. I tried sah for a while and was so depressed I felt like a different person. I was like why don't i want to just make the lives of these tiny people perfect all day and delight in their dribbling cuteness?? what's wrong with me? but i didn't. I missed adults. I felt lonely. and inadequate.
I think both me and your wife might just reach our peak 'mom' at an older age. doesn't mean we're not good moms to tiny kids, but it may mean we are GREAT moms to older kids.
and dont let anyone on this board make you feel bad. dcum is a lot of VERY defensive sahms whose life view is that someone should slave away at work for 60 hours a week while they play tennis and post about 'iykyk' jewelry. ofc none of their spouses are thrilled about that, but if you actually say that to them it erodes the entire foundation of their lives and purpose and all choices. So take all the advice on here through that lens and you'll get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I took what people said on here and decided to talk to my wife. Not because I'm in the wrong, but because I needed to see if there was a deeper issue going on. We went out to breakfast solo and talked about it. My wife opened up that she doesn't enjoy being a SAHM as much as she thought she would. She misses working and interacting with adults. She said she feels jealous when going out with friends and hearing their work stories and having nothing to share. She told me she feels like she has lost part of herself and her identity. She said her not cooking is because she feels like she is always in " mom mode" and that she just doesn't have the mental capacity to cook meals. She is unhappy and feels like going back to work PT will give her that balance she needs. She said she feels like she isn't a contributing member of society and needs to feel like she has more purpose than just being a mother and wife.

She also said she has been feeling inadequate with the nanny there. She feels like the nanny can handle our two kids but she can't manage it. She had been feeling like this since for months but didn't want to feel like she was a failure by verbalizing it to anyone.

She is going to look for a new job that's PT. We will keep our nanny until our youngest is old enough for daycare. We will be looking for a housekeeper who will work weekly and help out more with meals, etc. to make life easier.

OP just outed themselves as a total anti-SAHM troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I took what people said on here and decided to talk to my wife. Not because I'm in the wrong, but because I needed to see if there was a deeper issue going on. We went out to breakfast solo and talked about it. My wife opened up that she doesn't enjoy being a SAHM as much as she thought she would. She misses working and interacting with adults. She said she feels jealous when going out with friends and hearing their work stories and having nothing to share. She told me she feels like she has lost part of herself and her identity. She said her not cooking is because she feels like she is always in " mom mode" and that she just doesn't have the mental capacity to cook meals. She is unhappy and feels like going back to work PT will give her that balance she needs. She said she feels like she isn't a contributing member of society and needs to feel like she has more purpose than just being a mother and wife.

She also said she has been feeling inadequate with the nanny there. She feels like the nanny can handle our two kids but she can't manage it. She had been feeling like this since for months but didn't want to feel like she was a failure by verbalizing it to anyone.

She is going to look for a new job that's PT. We will keep our nanny until our youngest is old enough for daycare. We will be looking for a housekeeper who will work weekly and help out more with meals, etc. to make life easier.

OP just outed themselves as a total anti-SAHM troll.

I think most of us knew OP was a troll on the first page.

[Anonymous]

I inly read the first 2 pages so idk if my opinion is still beyond the unpopular opinion past page 2 but I can’t believe all the anti men posters siding with your wife and saying things like “let the house go” and marginalizing your concerns. I’m a sahm to 3 very close together in age, one with special needs, 2 current toddlers and one elementary age with endless acitivities, and if all of the info you provided is true then agree with you!! If the kids sleep through the night, they are in school full time 3 days a week PLUS a nanny PLUS housekeeper, and you are working AND doing the laundry, the house being a disaster and not having a dinner prepared is unacceptable. What is she doing with her time when the kids are away at school or with nanny? She deserves some time herself, but she also needs to give back more to the family and a couple days/hours a week alone with her own kids is literally the bare minimum and not enough to run a functioning household. At the very least the house should be picked up each night.

You can address this with her without making her feel like she’s a bad mom/wife. Approach it gently and not accusatory and make sure her mental health is okay and this is still what she wants to do. Then come up with solutions and goals together for her.