Getting sick of babying bipolar husband

[Anonymous]

We have two wonderful children who I love beyond description. Only reason why I've stayed with my husband who goes from being healthy and kind to a total jackass. It's not healthy for the kids to see h act like this. Would have left him years ago if it weren't for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Then leave him now. Or, insist that he return to a doctor and shrink and work out a better management plan for his illness. If he refuses, leave him then. You're not responsible for managing his illness but you owe it to him to stick it out if he's making a sincere effort and working with professionals.

[Anonymous]

Stop babying him. Tell him he needs to take meds to sort things out. No excuses. You owe it to yourself and your kids.

[Anonymous]

Question, did you wedding vows read in "sickness and until I get sick of helping you?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Then leave him now. Or, insist that he return to a doctor and shrink and work out a better management plan for his illness. If he refuses, leave him then. You're not responsible for managing his illness but you owe it to him to stick it out if he's making a sincere effort and working with professionals.

+1 My DH suffers from depression and I have a pretty good idea of what you're going through. Your husband's disorder is treatable. If he refuses to make a sincere effort to manage his disorder then you should leave. It's not a healthy situation for you or for your kids. You all deserve better than this. I had to go through it with my DH and it was only when we were on the brink of divorce that he sought treatment. He realized that no matter who he was with, he'd have this issue and he really didn't want to lose us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question, did you wedding vows read in "sickness and until I get sick of helping you?"

As a matter of fact, mine did. Will you STFU now?

[Anonymous]

Agree. If he doesn't make a sincere and ONGOING effort to find a treatment that works, leave! My H made an effort and when HE thought he was better, he stopped. I left. No way did I want our children growing up with his craziness and chaos. Now divorcing and he gets to be the Disney dad one weekend a month.

[Anonymous]

We went through this too, dh finally agreed to treatment and stays on his meds.
We are working on his drinking with the help of his doc too. It can be so frustrating but now that he has leveled off I am reminded of what a great husband and father he is.
We just have to stay on top of his meds
But I made it very clear to him that I already have kids to take care of and he isn't going to be my third child

[Anonymous]

Is he in treatment? Therapy? Meds? It's a little sad how many posters are suggesting you just leave. Bipolar disorder is hard even with treatment, but your DH needs to make a commitment to improve himself for it to work. Have a serious talk with both your husband and your doctor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question, did you wedding vows read in "sickness and until I get sick of helping you?"

You sound like a freeloading spouse.

[Anonymous]

OP here. He doesn't seek regular treatment and I can't make him. He takes meds but won't get them filled or take them regularly. I try my hardest every day to be the stable parent, the reasonable one. Thank God for our church because I could not handle this alone. I could never leave my children. He said if I take the kids away even for a night to give him some space that he would call the police and have me arrested. So I'm stuck. I have to stay because I'd lose my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He doesn't seek regular treatment and I can't make him. He takes meds but won't get them filled or take them regularly. I try my hardest every day to be the stable parent, the reasonable one. Thank God for our church because I could not handle this alone. I could never leave my children. He said if I take the kids away even for a night to give him some space that he would call the police and have me arrested. So I'm stuck. I have to stay because I'd lose my children.

Have you been documenting everything? Do you keep journal detailing his behavior and when he goes off the meds? If not, start doing it NOW.

Also, make sure there's someone at your church who can testify that you are a good parent and that your husband is not.

He will NOT get custody of the children. The police will NOT arrest you. Take a deep breath. He can not threaten you like that. Document it.

Can you leave and have the church help support you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He doesn't seek regular treatment and I can't make him. He takes meds but won't get them filled or take them regularly. I try my hardest every day to be the stable parent, the reasonable one. Thank God for our church because I could not handle this alone. I could never leave my children. He said if I take the kids away even for a night to give him some space that he would call the police and have me arrested. So I'm stuck. I have to stay because I'd lose my children.

12:00 here. You're absolutely right that you can't make him seek or follow treatment. All you can do is control yourself. It sounds like you're doing a great job but, I'm sorry to say, it sounds like you need to do some more planning. His threat to call the police and have you arrested if you take the kids, is BS. The police aren't going to arrest you, especially if you do you homework first. Contact an attorney or a group like the Vienna Women's Center http://www.thewomenscenter.org/ and start developing an exit plan. You can't make your husband get treatment but that doesn't mean you and your kids have to have your lives defined by his illness - which is probably what's happening now, especially for you. Re-take control of your life. If nothing else, contact your local police substation, explain to an officer what your concerns are and what they do in this sort of case. Believe me, this isn't the first or even 100th time they've encountered this kind of situation.

I'm really sorry for your situation and I hope you continue to draw strength from your support network. Please be sure to take care of yourself so you can take good care of your kids.

[Anonymous]

Thanks so much. I'll start socratic everything. If he would only take his meds and get regular treatment then he would be fine. It used to not be an issue but clearly it is now. I will also make sure to check with the police regarding this issue. Great advice.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry for what you're going through. I am finally leaving DH after years of babying/dealing with all his issues - though none as serious as bipolar. Good luck to you and your kids.