s/o Do you have a queen bee and know it, and were you one too?

[Anonymous]

I have a son but just curious out of observation on the playground. It would seem that a parent would know they have a queen bee? If the mother is one too I guess that would be natural. I guess my question is that there is no way around for having queen bees that they will always dictate their whims on others. Why teachers and schools let them get away with this?

[Anonymous]

The queen bees I've ever seen tend to be very lonely.

[Anonymous]

In my experience queen bees are very good at fooling adults. They are always the girls that teachers and parents adore. That makes it hard for the adults to believe that the queen bee is brutal to other girls.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I have seen queen bees who mean to girls at the playground. Obviously, they don't see me because I am out of their sight. So, I would imagine a teacher would see this too from a window etc. I'm sure as they get older it would be harder to catch. But, since everyone "knows" who they are I find it hard to believe a teach is so oblivious unless they are passively encouraging it?

[Anonymous]

OP, the problem with disciplining queen bee behavior is that it's subtle. It's easy to discipline if someone is hitting other kids, but snide comments? Flouncing off? Not playing with one particular child? That's harder to "discipline." Yes, teachers can work at creating kinder behavior in their classrooms. And parents (if they're sensitive to it) probably have greater power to influence their kids. But it's not a problem easily solved even if it's easy to recognize.

[Anonymous]

Ah, the 80s, a simpler time when "queen bee" behavior would be "disciplined" by the short and sweet admonishment to "stop acting like a jackass or all your toys are going to Goodwill."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the problem with disciplining queen bee behavior is that it's subtle. It's easy to discipline if someone is hitting other kids, but snide comments? Flouncing off? Not playing with one particular child? That's harder to "discipline." Yes, teachers can work at creating kinder behavior in their classrooms. And parents (if they're sensitive to it) probably have greater power to influence their kids. But it's not a problem easily solved even if it's easy to recognize.

No, it's really not. All it takes is the adult to call the child out on the behavior each and every time and tell her out loud in front of everyone what she is doing, why it is wrong, and that it won't be tolerated.

[Anonymous]

20:37 - HIGH FIVE!

OP, the QBs I have seen in classrooms have been put on the teachers radar quite early, though I suspect the QB and her parent/s have no idea the teacher knows. Experienced teachers have ways of dealing with this, so I encourage any moms or dads of "victims" to speak up to the teacher and nip it in the bud. Drama queen children almost always have one or more drama queen parents! "Me, me, me!"

[Anonymous]

Volunteering in the classroom this past year, the queen bee girl in my child's class was the kind who could fool the adults - very sweet and compliant. In fact, the teacher thought that another girl was the difficult one. But it was the first girl who excluded kids and got others to do so. I do hope someone finds her out in coming years but I doubt it.

[Anonymous]

Please bring it to the teacher's attention. It often is subtle behavior, and teachers have so much on their plates. --teacher

[Anonymous]

Second the motion to bring it to the teachers attention. Some teachers have their feelers out for this information and detect and read it immediately. Others are more slow to pick up on this. I would not throw another kid under the bus for no reason; but if there is a true troublemaker, and you have proof, by all means point it out as often as you have to! [Teachers know when it is a vindictive parent being mean and that backfires rather quickly, a word to the not so wise.]

That is what every teacher I have ever had with my children has said. It is good teaching and part of the learning experience for these things to be dealt with. No teacher wants her/his class disrupted because of a trouble maker mom or child!

[Anonymous]

Can you be a queen bee if you're super popular, but not mean about it? My dd was popular by a few months into kindergarten (even kids in 3rd and 4th would say hi to her in the halls) and she just figured out that she's popular last year in 3rd grade. She's super inclusive, helpful to kids and teachers, funny as hell, and gets invited to all birthday parties that aren't all "boys only". But she's not mean.

[Anonymous]

When I think of a QB, it usually means someone who is popular and uses that to be mean to other people. I think everyone has known really popular, genuinely nice people.

What about when the teacher still doesn't see it and even gives the QB the class leadership roles and holds her up as an example to rest of the class? Or when the parents are informed but don't seem to do anything about it?

[Anonymous]

I think as long as you are not into excluding, your "reign" as QB will last. If you are mean, you are bound to fall, as the other kids will gang up on you, figure out you are not all that, etc. The other kids don't want to spend their time with the mean girl when they could be spending time drama free without her.

I have to say, some of the drama queens I have met have serious drama queen moms! Just an observation, but seems to hold true throughout the years.

[Anonymous]

I have a son but just curious out of observation on the playground. It would seem that a parent would know they have a queen bee? If the mother is one too I guess that would be natural. I guess my question is that there is no way around for having queen bees that they will always dictate their whims on others. Why teachers and schools let them get away with this?

What specifically do you expect teachers to do?