The 11 year old and bathing suit shopping

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is she a "poor tween" if she is covered up for her own and her familiy's religious and cultural beliefs? I don't want to hijack here, but I think it's great when I see girls covered up to swim because I think it shows amazing character!

I would bet it was her parent's insistence and not her amazing "character" as a tween that made for the decision to clothe her in a full wetsuit to go swimming.

[Anonymous]

oh man, the things i have to look forward to. my daughter is only two and i am going to enjoy these days of picking out suits with good coverage.

OP - have you tried using the skin health angle with your daughter? besides the obvious that it is sad to see 11 year olds in bikinis, people should be covering up for sun protection factors. maybe give her a lesson on skin cancer, wrinkles, etc. i know it sounds slightly morbid, but its reality and might help you make a better case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a girl who looked about 13 wearing an ill fitting bikini, riding up and exposing butt cheeks. If it were just the teen boys salivating over her I wouldn't mind as much. It was the 40-50 year old dads who couldn't keep their eyes off her that was nasty.

So it's her fault that these grown men couldn't get a grip on their behavior?

Of course it's not her fault. But I got hit on by adult men when I was that age and had no idea how to handle it. I wouldn't willingly put my daughter in that situation.

You're right that a 13 year old should be taught how to deal with the situation. Requiring her to coverup is not the answer--it's not her fault. She doesn't need an itsy bitsy teeny bikini, but the ones at Target and the like are fine.

Nobody said she should "cover up," but there is a culturally acceptable line of what's considered appropriate for a 13 year old. You draw it at a Target bikini, for example. That's probably what most Americans are comfortable with. Would you let your 13 year old go topless at the pool if it were legal? Everyone and every culture has a comfort zone with this.

And IMO, age matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is she a "poor tween" if she is covered up for her own and her familiy's religious and cultural beliefs? I don't want to hijack here, but I think it's great when I see girls covered up to swim because I think it shows amazing character!

I would bet it was her parent's insistence and not her amazing "character" as a tween that made for the decision to clothe her in a full wetsuit to go swimming.

I don't think that necessarily accurate. I have teen daughters and we are Muslim. My 16 year old is naturally more modest than me, and she might choose to do something like this on her own. For example, she's considering wearing hijab when no adult women in the family do. For her at least, it has more to do with what her Muslim friends are doing.

So yes, while it might be at the parents' insistence, it's also possible her mom is sunning in a one piece a couple of chairs away. 8)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a girl who looked about 13 wearing an ill fitting bikini, riding up and exposing butt cheeks. If it were just the teen boys salivating over her I wouldn't mind as much. It was the 40-50 year old dads who couldn't keep their eyes off her that was nasty.

So it's her fault that these grown men couldn't get a grip on their behavior?

Of course it's not her fault. But I got hit on by adult men when I was that age and had no idea how to handle it. I wouldn't willingly put my daughter in that situation.

You're right that a 13 year old should be taught how to deal with the situation. Requiring her to coverup is not the answer--it's not her fault. She doesn't need an itsy bitsy teeny bikini, but the ones at Target and the like are fine.

Nobody said she should "cover up," but there is a culturally acceptable line of what's considered appropriate for a 13 year old. You draw it at a Target bikini, for example. That's probably what most Americans are comfortable with. Would you let your 13 year old go topless at the pool if it were legal? Everyone and every culture has a comfort zone with this.

And IMO, age matters.

If you're the poster complaining that the old guys couldn't keep their eyes off the 13 yo's ill-fitting suit, I don't get it. You'll feel better allowing your fully developed 16 year old (versus you're un/underdeveloped 11 yo) wear a bikini? I'm not disagreeing with you; I really don't understand what you're trying to say.

[Anonymous]

Kids need boundaries and limits. You also need things to give in to when they are older...if you give in to everything when they are tweens, then as teens you are in big trouble.

I don't care what her friends are wearing, my 10 yr old wears a modest suit - in my eyes there is no need for her to look sexy or to show extra skin or to attract boys at there age. Does she have to cover up from head to toe - nope but no little triangle bikinis or skimpy suits that move out of place when you jump in the pool. Thankfully so far my DD is cool with sport suits and her group of friends are still into having fun and not into trying to be sexy.

I see lots of tweens at the pool in suits that make me cringe. I worked at a pool as a teen and there was a lot of physical contact in the pool between tween/teen boys and girls. Pool play / games was the perfect opportunity to touch each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is she a "poor tween" if she is covered up for her own and her familiy's religious and cultural beliefs? I don't want to hijack here, but I think it's great when I see girls covered up to swim because I think it shows amazing character!

I would bet it was her parent's insistence and not her amazing "character" as a tween that made for the decision to clothe her in a full wetsuit to go swimming.

I don't think that necessarily accurate. I have teen daughters and we are Muslim. My 16 year old is naturally more modest than me, and she might choose to do something like this on her own. For example, she's considering wearing hijab when no adult women in the family do. For her at least, it has more to do with what her Muslim friends are doing.

So yes, while it might be at the parents' insistence, it's also possible her mom is sunning in a one piece a couple of chairs away. 8)

Then your daughter may be one in a million. But I hope she's not wearing a SCUBA suit as pps were discussing.

[Anonymous]

There is a difference between a cute bikini and something that is sexy and inappropriate for an 11 year old. I see nothing wrong with the cute, ruffled bikinis. Triangle topped, padded, barely there is not ok. And, frankly, looks not great on most people anyway, kid or adult.

I will also say that, aside from style, bikinis are WAY more comfortable than having all that wet fabric on you when you come out of the pool to have a snack or whatever. As someone who now cannot wear a bikini due to the extra natural padding in the mid-section, I truly miss the two piece option. I hate the feeling of a tankini or one piece.

As for the dirty old men, girls and women should not have to alter their dress b/c they cannot control themselves. The first one I see ogling my daughter in an obvious way is going have a problem on his hands. Seriously, if you're a man, I expect you would notice her but get a #$@$#% grip on yourself. You look like a pervert ogling 13 year old girls like that.

[Anonymous]

My almost 11 year old wears Hanna swimsuits. She is allowed to wear a shorter swim top when she wears the skirted bottom. When she wears regular bikini bottoms, she wears the tankini top or a rash guard. Luckily, her favorites are the one pieces. Anyway, they avoid the sexy styling that our over-sexualized culture thinks little girls should enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a difference between a cute bikini and something that is sexy and inappropriate for an 11 year old. I see nothing wrong with the cute, ruffled bikinis. Triangle topped, padded, barely there is not ok. And, frankly, looks not great on most people anyway, kid or adult.

I will also say that, aside from style, bikinis are WAY more comfortable than having all that wet fabric on you when you come out of the pool to have a snack or whatever. As someone who now cannot wear a bikini due to the extra natural padding in the mid-section, I truly miss the two piece option. I hate the feeling of a tankini or one piece.

As for the dirty old men, girls and women should not have to alter their dress b/c they cannot control themselves. The first one I see ogling my daughter in an obvious way is going have a problem on his hands. Seriously, if you're a man, I expect you would notice her but get a #$@$#% grip on yourself. You look like a pervert ogling 13 year old girls like that.

This. Exactly.

[Anonymous]

What about one of the bikinis that Arena or Speedo makes? They're not quite as revealing as a triangle bikini top, but they're more fashionable than a swim team one piece...

Like this --
http://www.amazon.com/Speedo-Girls-Scrunchy-Camikini-Swimsuit/dp/B0061IMVT8/ref=pd_sbs_a_8

or this
http://www.swimoutlet.com/product_p/25150.htm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is she a "poor tween" if she is covered up for her own and her familiy's religious and cultural beliefs? I don't want to hijack here, but I think it's great when I see girls covered up to swim because I think it shows amazing character!

Because it's 90+ degrees out and she has to be roasting. I appreciate the need for modesty, but ankle to wrist swimwear is ridiculous overkill. A pair of board shorts and a rash guard top are sufficiently modest.

Wearing ankle to wrist clothing in hot weather in the US is attention whoring. It's an in-your-face act designed to set the person apart from the rest of society and to force them to notice how special you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about one of the bikinis that Arena or Speedo makes? They're not quite as revealing as a triangle bikini top, but they're more fashionable than a swim team one piece...

Like this --
http://www.amazon.com/Speedo-Girls-Scrunchy-Camikini-Swimsuit/dp/B0061IMVT8/ref=pd_sbs_a_8

or this
http://www.swimoutlet.com/product_p/25150.htm

Totally cute.

[Anonymous]

This is so cultural. When I lived in Italy as a kid I went topless until about 11-12 (nothing to hide anyway - late bloomer) and tune the bikinis I wore we're tiny but no one really noticed or cared if they slipped off because of all the adult topless women. That said, when my 6 y/o daughter wants a bikini, I'm going with location - if we're somewhere where skimpy is not as sexual, I'll go with that flow. If we're here in the US, we'll be buying modest!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is she a "poor tween" if she is covered up for her own and her familiy's religious and cultural beliefs? I don't want to hijack here, but I think it's great when I see girls covered up to swim because I think it shows amazing character!

Because it's 90+ degrees out and she has to be roasting. I appreciate the need for modesty, but ankle to wrist swimwear is ridiculous overkill. A pair of board shorts and a rash guard top are sufficiently modest.

Wearing ankle to wrist clothing in hot weather in the US is attention whoring. It's an in-your-face act designed to set the person apart from the rest of society and to force them to notice how special you are.

Deal with it lady. You live in a country with a lot of different kinds of people. What you see as sufficiently modest not everyone else does.