Embarrassed about thoughts I had about my husbands friend and my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Baby.

It would be abnormal NOT to have such fantasies.

Everyone has them. You're late to the party.

It’s normal to fantasize about your DH and another dude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a fantasy pop into my head about my husband’s friend and the three of us. I’d had three glasses of wine at a barbecue, and we were playing a silly adults only card game with a lot of innuendo.

I woke up this morning and feel embarrassed and ashamed. The fantasy is always better than the reality, I love my husband and we have a very active intimate life.

Just wondering if anyone else had experienced the same … or had other fantasies that never came to fruition.

Tell your husband.

[Anonymous]

It's funny you said that. I am in my early 30s and had the same fantasy 2 years ago with my DH. I ended up explaining it to him and to my surprise he made it happen. It wasn't his friend but someone that looks like him and we ended up having DP and good play. we still get engaged in this from time to time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Baby.

It would be abnormal NOT to have such fantasies.

Everyone has them. You're late to the party.

The issue is that she is essentially reliving the fantasy and seeking validation for it by posting about it to internet strangers rather than discussing it with her husband or her own therapist in private.

Women who seek validation for these kinds of fantasies also tend to try to make them a reality. There is no doubt she was heavily flirting with the friend perhaps under her husband's nose and outside his awareness.. If she told her husband he would immediately shut it down and perhaps end the friendship or at least ask her to go to therapy Jer concealing it from her husband is not white cheating but it is emotional deception. He has a right to know that the son called fantasy involves a real person in her social circle that she can access to and escalate whenever she decides to.

Well you’re no fun!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is more fun if you tell us what your fantasy was.

Op here. It’s just 1,2,3.

I'm actually cringing at how weird you are about this.

Why such a jerk about this? it’s cute and charming and yes, sexy. Why not encourage OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's funny you said that. I am in my early 30s and had the same fantasy 2 years ago with my DH. I ended up explaining it to him and to my surprise he made it happen. It wasn't his friend but someone that looks like him and we ended up having DP and good play. we still get engaged in this from time to time.

This is awesome. I am glad you had fun.

[Anonymous]

I think EVERYONE fantasizes in one way or another about kinky stuff - no one should feel shame for having erotic thoughts at all.

Of course, never disclose these fantasies w/your hubby or worse >> act on them!

Use them when you are intimate w/him, keep them in your mind and let them excite you when you are in bed w/your man!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t need to be ashamed of fantasies, acting on them if you and your husband have agreed to be monogamous, is a serious problem.

I once had a Catholic nun tell me she was very attracted to a man she was working with, I questioned whether it was ok given her vows of celibacy. She said “I may be on a diet but I’m allowed to look at the menu.”

Op here, thank you!! I really appreciate this perspective!

I agree with the nun - I may be married but I'm not dead. Acting on it (i.e. actually hooking up with the friend) obviously isn't ok. But otherwise, you're fine. Enjoy! (But do be aware that subconsciously your brain might have picked up that this friend is into you, so just be alert in your interactions with him - while as a married woman you may think a married man would never come on to you, you could be wrong!).

[Anonymous]

Don't be embarrassed about your fantasies. Fantasies are meant to stay in our heads. And IMO, they're meant to be enjoyed.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the PP that you should ask to get Eiffel towered by both.

[Anonymous]

In my first marriage I was extremely young and dumb and let my husband convince me to live out his fantasies about threesomes with two women and two men. That marriage ended a long time ago as did the fantasy. Believe me, it’s not as exciting as you might think it is. Being with another woman wasn’t for me and sex with two men was physically demeaning. Let’s just say the men get very competitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my first marriage I was extremely young and dumb and let my husband convince me to live out his fantasies about threesomes with two women and two men. That marriage ended a long time ago as did the fantasy. Believe me, it’s not as exciting as you might think it is. Being with another woman wasn’t for me and sex with two men was physically demeaning. Let’s just say the men get very competitive.

I did some sexual experimenting in college and I feel the same way. Stick with a fantasy.