how responsible should we be for parent's weekend companionship?

[Anonymous]

I would think SIL wants your DH to take more responsibility in general, and she thinks he will motivate for this because it's a weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think your husband has to have a conversation with his sister about this. If the sister doesn’t want her mom there every weekend, she needs to address that with her mom. That isn’t your or your DH’s problem.

Then, your husband can decide how much he wants to see his mom. And you can participate (or not) as you see fit.

I agree with most this. These are two separate things: SIL expecting someone to entertain MIL every weekend, and the genuine well being of MIL.

But what I disagree with is that the husband DOES need to have a conversation with his sister to explicitly state that the two families (because this is OP and her husband as a team here) disagree on how much planning needs to be done for their mother. SIL thinks that it's everyone's responsibility to make sure their mother has a place to go on weekends. OP and husband think that their mother is independent and able to make her own plans. She expressed she is happy staying home and doing her own thing. She is active and has friends.

SIL should have MIL over as much as she is happy and willing to do. Husband should visit as much as he is willing to do. OP should support her husband.

Sorry people were jumping down your throat OP. I thought your post was reasonable. Chalk it up to typical DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think your husband has to have a conversation with his sister about this. If the sister doesn’t want her mom there every weekend, she needs to address that with her mom. That isn’t your or your DH’s problem.

Then, your husband can decide how much he wants to see his mom. And you can participate (or not) as you see fit.

I agree with most this. These are two separate things: SIL expecting someone to entertain MIL every weekend, and the genuine well being of MIL.

But what I disagree with is that the husband DOES need to have a conversation with his sister to explicitly state that the two families (because this is OP and her husband as a team here) disagree on how much planning needs to be done for their mother. SIL thinks that it's everyone's responsibility to make sure their mother has a place to go on weekends. OP and husband think that their mother is independent and able to make her own plans. She expressed she is happy staying home and doing her own thing. She is active and has friends.

SIL should have MIL over as much as she is happy and willing to do. Husband should visit as much as he is willing to do. OP should support her husband.

Sorry people were jumping down your throat OP. I thought your post was reasonable. Chalk it up to typical DCUM.

I kind of agree with this. Since you're able to meet MIL for lunch and it doesn't sound like you have a difficult relationship with her, I would do it, and not worry about talking to SIL. It's nice that SIL has her over once a week, almost every week. It's nice that you took her on vacation, and see her when you can. Just keep on keepin' on, as they say, as long as she is decent or even just "unproblematic" company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think your husband has to have a conversation with his sister about this. If the sister doesn’t want her mom there every weekend, she needs to address that with her mom. That isn’t your or your DH’s problem.

Then, your husband can decide how much he wants to see his mom. And you can participate (or not) as you see fit.

I agree with most this. These are two separate things: SIL expecting someone to entertain MIL every weekend, and the genuine well being of MIL.

But what I disagree with is that the husband DOES need to have a conversation with his sister to explicitly state that the two families (because this is OP and her husband as a team here) disagree on how much planning needs to be done for their mother. SIL thinks that it's everyone's responsibility to make sure their mother has a place to go on weekends. OP and husband think that their mother is independent and able to make her own plans. She expressed she is happy staying home and doing her own thing. She is active and has friends.

SIL should have MIL over as much as she is happy and willing to do. Husband should visit as much as he is willing to do. OP should support her husband.

Sorry people were jumping down your throat OP. I thought your post was reasonable. Chalk it up to typical DCUM.

I kind of agree with this. Since you're able to meet MIL for lunch and it doesn't sound like you have a difficult relationship with her, I would do it, and not worry about talking to SIL. It's nice that SIL has her over once a week, almost every week. It's nice that you took her on vacation, and see her when you can. Just keep on keepin' on, as they say, as long as she is decent or even just "unproblematic" company.

OP here. Thanks to you both for the supportive words. I ignored the haters and soaked in the wisdom of folks like you who have opinions worth hearing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think your husband has to have a conversation with his sister about this. If the sister doesn’t want her mom there every weekend, she needs to address that with her mom. That isn’t your or your DH’s problem.

Then, your husband can decide how much he wants to see his mom. And you can participate (or not) as you see fit.

I agree with most this. These are two separate things: SIL expecting someone to entertain MIL every weekend, and the genuine well being of MIL.

But what I disagree with is that the husband DOES need to have a conversation with his sister to explicitly state that the two families (because this is OP and her husband as a team here) disagree on how much planning needs to be done for their mother. SIL thinks that it's everyone's responsibility to make sure their mother has a place to go on weekends. OP and husband think that their mother is independent and able to make her own plans. She expressed she is happy staying home and doing her own thing. She is active and has friends.

SIL should have MIL over as much as she is happy and willing to do. Husband should visit as much as he is willing to do. OP should support her husband.

Sorry people were jumping down your throat OP. I thought your post was reasonable. Chalk it up to typical DCUM.

I kind of agree with this. Since you're able to meet MIL for lunch and it doesn't sound like you have a difficult relationship with her, I would do it, and not worry about talking to SIL. It's nice that SIL has her over once a week, almost every week. It's nice that you took her on vacation, and see her when you can. Just keep on keepin' on, as they say, as long as she is decent or even just "unproblematic" company.

OP here. Thanks to you both for the supportive words. I ignored the haters and soaked in the wisdom of folks like you who have opinions worth hearing.

You asked for advice but only wanted validation. People that gave you advice you didn’t like aren’t haters.

[Anonymous]

Your SIL is enabling her, but that's her choice. It's better for her brain health to be exercising her social skills with peers who won't coddle her.