FTM trans student starting college: housing situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of the FTMs I know are just “one of the guys”. That’s wishful thinking.
Many do not have any cis het male friends at all. This does not seem like a good idea.

Really? That’s sad. I know of two FTMs in my cis sons’ social circles and they are absolutely treated as one of the guys and room with cis male roommates on school trips.

They still bleed 3-5 days every month.

You know menstruating is completely optional for women and trans men, right?

I'm a cis woman who hasn't had a period in years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of the FTMs I know are just “one of the guys”. That’s wishful thinking.
Many do not have any cis het male friends at all. This does not seem like a good idea.

Really? That’s sad. I know of two FTMs in my cis sons’ social circles and they are absolutely treated as one of the guys and room with cis male roommates on school trips.

They still bleed 3-5 days every month.

The FTM people I know take either continual birth control with no placebo days, or puberty blockers or testosterone. They do not bleed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no idea what my college roommates’ genitals looked like and if anyone here did, that is kind of messed up.

You can be sure that SS knows that there are people who will not like their being trans. But on average, the kids are less bigoted than you expect. This is a you problem.

While I never saw my roommate’s genitalia, most male students have seen their roommates chest.

[Anonymous]

Has your kid thought at all about his prospective roommates? How they may feel about being deceived?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has your kid thought at all about his prospective roommates? How they may feel about being deceived?

Not sharing information about your body with a roommate isn’t deceiving someone. People are entitled to keep information about their bodies private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is trans and indicated in the housing app that he would prefer a trans roommate that was like him female to male. It worked out perfectly freshman year with the two. After freshman year and establishing more friends he is now rooming with guys. He has been using men’s bathrooms and restrooms since 12 th grade. No one says anything to him and he feels perfectly safe. I would recommend honestly and openeness. The younger generations are a lot more accepting than older generations.

This makes me happy to hear. I'm so glad for the younger generation that they can live with more acceptance from parents and peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would recommend he look for gender inclusive housing. I know that’s not his preference but it exists for a lot of reasons including his own safety.

This. He cannot just live with 3 random dudes and become one of the guys and expect all of them to be ok with it. It's just not reality and not safe for him.

[Anonymous]

I think there is no way any advice here (and I think you make some good, fair points) is going to be taken well from mom and dad.

Does he have any trans mentors? Older trans folks that he knows? Is he in a support group or would he join one?

This is an issue best discussed between him and another trans man who is a smidge older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there is no way any advice here (and I think you make some good, fair points) is going to be taken well from mom and dad.

Does he have any trans mentors? Older trans folks that he knows? Is he in a support group or would he join one?

This is an issue best discussed between him and another trans man who is a smidge older.

And I will add - a misunderstanding, being outed, a roommate that hates him, these are things that suck, but the real risk here is rape. Trans men are at very high risk for sexual violence.

But again - you and your husband are not the best messengers for this, especially at this age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has your kid thought at all about his prospective roommates? How they may feel about being deceived?

Read the OP. It’s not their kid. But your post is a good example of the kinds of concerns the OP raised in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Unless your SS has legally changed his gender he may not be able to identify himself as male in student housing. It depends on the state and school.